Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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Replies

  • CoachMaritova
    CoachMaritova Posts: 409 Member
    Also, guys, if you want a woman to go through the trouble of changing her name for you, then give her yours. Otherwise, why do you deserve the effort? The ex is an ex for a reason, no threat to you.

    I totally agree with this!!

    I have never heard that it was disrespectful to anyone to keep the ex's last name. This is new to me. I decided to keep it only because we have three school-aged children and I want to be identified as their mother. If that offends a guy, then he's not worth my time to date. Period.
  • OnWisconsin84
    OnWisconsin84 Posts: 409 Member
    My in-laws sucked balls, as did my ex, so I was very excited to change my name back. Plus we were only married 4 years with no kids, so never had a second thought about it. Decree was signed off on 2 weeks ago & taking the afternoon off to hit the DMV & Social Security office to get everything switched over today. Seriously can't wait. Maybe if I'd been married for like 80 years with kids I'd reconsider. Buuuuut nope.
  • LizHowerton
    LizHowerton Posts: 329 Member
    I kept my exes last name for many years.

    When we divorced our children were 4, 3 and 1. I felt it would be easier for our kids if we all had the same last name. Then over the years, it seemed like it would be a pain in the @ss to change it since my car, my house, bank accounts etc etc were all in that name so I kept it.

    I recently remarried, and now use my current husbands name. My kids are 22, 21 and 19.
  • MindyBlack
    MindyBlack Posts: 954 Member
    I have been married and divorced twice. Each time I took my maiden name back. That decision had zero, zip, zilch, nada to do with my ex or any future relationships. Only what felt right for me. I think if I ever, heaven forbid, remarry I will keep my name, or hyphenate. I have no issues against women taking their husbands name but I think it would just feel right to me after all I have been through. Not sure really. Kind of a moot point anyway.

    But my advice in a nutshell is to do whatever is right for you without any consideration for your ex husband or a future boyfriend/husband. It is your life after all.

    ETA: My oldest son had his name legally changed to mine after all these years. His father has never been a father to him. He made this decision on his own, it really surprised me.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    Ahhhh this hits home.
    My exwife kept my last name, we have kids together.
    Well she got remarried but didn't change her last name to his, then they had a kid together and the last name of that child is my last name hyphenated with his.

    My oldest daughter called (young at the time) confused because she saw a prescription bottle with the last name combinaton and thought when I picked them up her new little sister was coming also.

    True story

    Buncha looney toons in that house. Yikes.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I'm single, but I probably won't change my name in the first place. I've spent 30 years with this name why would I change it?

    I wish I had never changed mine when I got married, tbh.
  • recriger
    recriger Posts: 245 Member
    Also, guys, if you want a woman to go through the trouble of changing her name for you, then give her yours. Otherwise, why do you deserve the effort? The ex is an ex for a reason, no threat to you.

    I know you asked for responses from women, but I have to agree with this statement. I think it' s disrespectful to be offended by an Ex's last name. As said above, he's an ex for a reason. If you marry her she will probably take your last name, but I find it a bit arrogant to expect her to go through all the hassle to change her name simply to date you. That strikes me as "Looking" for something to be offended by.
  • jennifox63
    jennifox63 Posts: 44 Member
    I kept the married name because it was an easier name and I was too lazy to go through all the paperwork again. I am in NO WAY still obsessed with my ex - haven't seen him in over 7 years and when I do occasionally think of him, it's only to wonder WHAT WAS I THINKING when I married him? LOL
  • Ephena
    Ephena Posts: 610 Member
    I debated very heavily on whether or not to go back to my maiden name when I went through my divorce. There were a few factors for me...

    1) I work at the same company as my dad and he holds a management position, I didn't want people to see the same last name and assume I got my job because of him. I wanted to be treated as my own person.
    2) We had kids so my children carry that last name and I didn't want my kids to feel there was any negativity attached to the last name or that I somehow loved them differently.
    3) It's a pain to deal with all the paperwork.

    If I ever re-marry then yeah, I'd change my name but until then it's my choice and if a guy gets upset about it and thinks it's disrespectful then he doesn't know me very well and will likely be a constant source of drama and childish antics that I don't want in my life. If I sound rude sorry but we're adults and my reasons are my own. I will not bend over backwards to soothe a wounded male ego over something so trivial.
  • Lleldiranne
    Lleldiranne Posts: 5,516 Member
    It's not too hard to change a name, once one has the divorce papers finalized. However, some women hate their maiden last name and may want to keep something else. And some just want to avoid the hassle. I know some married women who take a while to change over everything to their married name, legally (SSN, driver's license, checking account, etc) too.

    More common, I think, is when there are kids involved. There are many moms who keep their ex0s name so that they have the same last name as their children. My mom did, until she was actually married again (and then it was a pain for us kids to deal with not having the same last name as our mom)

    ETA: it sounds like changing a name is harder than I thought (or maybe it varies state-to-state). I haven't changed mine since I got married and it was much easier then.
  • BrazenHarpy
    BrazenHarpy Posts: 81 Member
    I kept my last name to annoy my ex-husband. Petty, yes, but I didn't have any emotional attachment to my maiden name or my married name. When he demanded that I change my last name so that I would no longer be affiliated with his family, I pointed him to the law that stated I was not under any legal obligation to change my name back.

    I ended up getting remarried anyway, so I don't have that last name anymore...
  • nikkijoshua
    nikkijoshua Posts: 85 Member
    I kept it so that I'd continue to have that same last name as my children. It was important to them.
  • aliciagetshealthy
    aliciagetshealthy Posts: 946 Member
    I kept my last name both times...because I have kids, and because it's a royal pain in the butt to do all the document changing. Maybe I would have gone back if I'd had no kids, but after 10 years I really don't see much point <shrug> ...I certainly never considered it in terms of "feelings" for the ex. Meh...it's just a name.
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    I kept my ex husbands last name.
  • usmcmp
    usmcmp Posts: 21,219 Member
    I kept his last name because it's easier when taking the kids to the doctor or getting them registered for school. It's just a name to me. It doesn't define who I am, it's a way of labeling me for the government or businesses.
  • april1lowe
    april1lowe Posts: 202 Member
    I kept my ex husbands last name and trust me, by NO means am i still hung up on him. We were together 5 years and after 2 weeks of marriage, yes weeks, he cheated and continued to for the next two months before I threw in the towel. He made his choice. My point is I had JUST got my name legally changed which anyone who has been married knows all the stuff you have to change! I personally chose to keep his bc I honestly just didn't feel like going back through that process. I was also slightly embarrassed to call and be like, yeah, let's switch this back. I also never knew my biological father whose last name I had till I married. I shared a name with a stranger for 22 years. That too played a role in not changing my name back.
  • caraiselite
    caraiselite Posts: 2,631 Member
    for some people its easier not to change it... and cheaper haha.

    i never officially changed my last name... but i've used both.
  • EmCarroll1990
    EmCarroll1990 Posts: 2,832 Member
    My co-worker is not technically "divorced" so she has kept his name. For one simple reason, she can't afford the divorce.
  • Sharyn913
    Sharyn913 Posts: 777 Member
    I have the opposite problem. I've been married almost six years and never took my husbands last name. We were young and he was in the military and I didn't want the hassle. I still don't, but it bothers me whenever I think about it that we don't.
  • Janet9906
    Janet9906 Posts: 546 Member
    If we ever got divorced I'm keeping his last name....I'm not changing all my ID again.
  • cmeade20
    cmeade20 Posts: 1,238 Member
    My brother's girlfriend is divorced. They started dating before her divorce was finalized. She still has her ex's last name, because my brother made it clear to her that he would be willing to get married someday. She didn't want to change her last name to her maiden name only to have to turn around and change it again a few years later when she marries my brother. When you think about all the bank accounts,credit cards etc your name is attached to I don't blame her sounds like a hassle.
  • doogie52
    doogie52 Posts: 53
    Completely a woman's choice and should not bother any new guy. Whether she changes her name back or not probably depends of the marital experience.
  • TaintedVampyre
    TaintedVampyre Posts: 1,428 Member
    Here's a different but related-ish comment:
    When my aunt became a widow after my uncle's death, she later remarried took his last name but when they divorced she retook my uncle's last name. This is something I found interesting even if she is no longer my aunt per-se she is still strongly regarded as my family.
  • itsDorian7
    itsDorian7 Posts: 105 Member
    I kept it cause I liked it better than my maiden name. Everyone calls me by my last name anyway, it wouldn't make sense to change it now.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    I'm single, but I probably won't change my name in the first place. I've spent 30 years with this name why would I change it?

    I wish I had never changed mine when I got married, tbh.

    I hate my last name. People can never pronounce it and everyone calls me "Lisa" all the time. (Those of you who know my last name know why.)

    I want to get married just so I CAN change it! lol I would never go back. My only child is about to start college and will probably get married and change hers someday, so no reason not to for me.
  • lmbame905
    lmbame905 Posts: 83 Member
    I almost didn't change my name when I GOT married. My husband wasn't fond of this idea, and didn't even really like the idea of hyphenating. I have 2 children without my husband and told him I was gonig to wait until the little one was married before changing my name. I'm also 36 and LIKE my old name much better than my maiden name. it was a hassle to change, but I did it for him. If we ever decide to divorce? depending on where I am in my career, and whether or not I want to go through the hassle of explaining to people I only have an email relationship with at work why my name changed, I may change it back. But I don't count on that. :)

    A man who feels keeping her ex husband's last name is disrespectful to the new man is clearly immature and shouldn't be involved with her in the first place. When you are married, you take on the last name as a symbol of your new existance. when you divorce, you still have to live your life. Especially when you have children together.
  • alerica1
    alerica1 Posts: 310 Member
    I kept my ex's last name "for the sake of the kids" but now that my youngest has graduated from high school I'm considering going back to my maiden name.....which I like so much better because its really cool.
  • bradday86
    bradday86 Posts: 4
    I think alot of this also comes down to whether or not you have kids, When me and my wife got seperated she actually asked me if I minded if she kept my last name, because of my daughters last name being Day. Of course I had no objections and thankfully I was blessed enough to reconcile everything and we are going strong.

    On the other end of the spectrum when my brother got divorced, he straight up told the Judge, he would agree to everything as far as custody, child support whatever as long as she gave up her name as he felt she "didnt deserve to be a Day"

    So i guess there are many ways to look at this.
  • dpwellman
    dpwellman Posts: 3,271 Member
    I'd keep whichever name is more awesome!

    Also, I might be too lazy to go through all that paperwork.
    This. I have yet to change mine. Back.
  • twistofcain
    twistofcain Posts: 190
    My mom kept my dad's last name mainly because I was still in grade school when they divorced and most people knew her by that last name as they were married for 12 years. She re-married a few years later and when they divorced she went back to my dad's last name, mainly because that is what everyone knows her by.



    And my dad is awesome.

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