Divorced Women keeping the "ex" last name

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  • donnaflakes
    donnaflakes Posts: 2
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    I am a divorced woman and I have chosen to keep my ex husbands last name because it's such a pain in the *kitten* to change it back! If there was a simple way to legally go back to my maiden name, I would. Between the social security office, the DMV, my health insurance, mortgage loan, passport etc.....I'm tired just thinking about all that paperwork!
    My current boyfriend doesn't mind at all because he's sure (I am too) that I am VERY over my ex husband :-) Also, I should say that my ex husband and I never had children so that's definitely not the reason I'm keeping the name.
  • Yes2HealthyAriel
    Yes2HealthyAriel Posts: 453 Member
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    I kept my ex's last name which is Keeley. It is also the last name of my 2 sons. I kept it because 1) it would be easier and 2) because I had always disliked my maiden name which is Pruner. My sister and brother *****ed at me about it saying how I am disrespecting my family by not switching back to my family's name.
  • Xstitcher74
    Xstitcher74 Posts: 124 Member
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    After being married for 17 years and having ALL of my adult life with that name, it seemed like more of a hassle at the time to change it. Some things have changed enough over the last few years that it seems like I have found my own identity again and have just recently considered going back to my maiden name. :happy:
  • amunet07
    amunet07 Posts: 1,245 Member
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    I think it is confusing for new guys. I went through the hassel to get my maiden name back because I liked the anonymity of having a common name, our names were too similar, and I didn't like who I was when I was married. I'd rather respect my father's name then my ex's.
  • Huskeryogi
    Huskeryogi Posts: 578 Member
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    Bit of a different situation but this reminded me of an argument me and my boyfriend had about names. He said that he would be really hurt if his future wife didn't take his last name, however I am pretty adamant on keeping my name if I get married. For a few reasons:

    1. I absolutely love it. It's simple, it's different, it goes well with my first name and it's part of my identity. I am pretty upset that when I have kids they won't have my last name because I love it so much, but I also love my family and want to be associated with them for the rest of my life.

    2. Unless my husband had an AWESOME last name, like Batman or something, I would not change my name for something common like Smith or Thompson for example (sorry any Smiths or Thompsons! No hard feelings).

    3. If it's such a big deal that we have the same last name (I do agree it would be a lot easier in terms of documents and children), why can't he take my name? My boyfriend argued that it's like losing your identity without realising the same applies to the woman!

    4. In terms of the ex-last-name scenario, I would imagine it would be a huge pain in the butt with legal documents, cards etc. especially if you intend on re-marrying anyway - and in the case of children, I really don't think the guys have a right to complain.

    Love this - #3 especially. If my future husband makes the argument that we need to have a "family" name then I'm suggesting we create a new name with letters from each of our last names and both change. Otherwise I'm keeping mine.
  • MissLuana
    MissLuana Posts: 356
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    Also, guys, if you want a woman to go through the trouble of changing her name for you, then give her yours. Otherwise, why do you deserve the effort? The ex is an ex for a reason, no threat to you.

    Booyow!!!
  • erikapereira
    erikapereira Posts: 196
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    I will never change my name no matter what. Im nobody's property.....
  • BeautyDoll
    BeautyDoll Posts: 86 Member
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    I divorced and wanted my own name and my own identity back. I woudn't keep someone else's name if I wasn't tied to them. I won't ever change my name again! Born with it, die with it! :laugh:
  • sweetsarahj
    sweetsarahj Posts: 701 Member
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    My ex was a cheating lying SOB so I was thrilled that I never bothered to take his name. If I had, I would've changed it back in a heartbeat. I'd never want to be associated with him in any way shape or form.
  • Fannyannefeisty
    Fannyannefeisty Posts: 53
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    I never changed my name when I got married. :noway: Still have my maiden name and I dont' see why I need to change it, its been ten years so it ain't gonna happen. I am not chattel, I am not 'his' in that sense. I am still ME. If he didn't like it he didn't have to marry me.

    So bollox to tradition. :laugh:
  • rcalvert1
    rcalvert1 Posts: 117 Member
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    Alot of people do this is they have children, so they keep the same last name as the children. If no kids, I think you should go back to your maiden name. I did.
    This is why I kept my ex's last name.
  • DJDeMo_Oo
    DJDeMo_Oo Posts: 5
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    It wouldn't bother me at all if a new girlfriend still had her former married name. I suppose it's a maturity issue. However, if I were female and got divorced then I would definitely change my name back to my maiden name.

    My wife's take on it has always been, change your name back if you have no children, keep the last name if you do have children. Hopefully my wife never has to make that decision. :) We have 4 little ones.
  • twistygirl
    twistygirl Posts: 517 Member
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    I never understood why women do this, If you got the name through the marriage and the marriage is over give the man back everything that is his (except for money) You can always go to court and change your last name to anything you like why hold on to the past get a fresh start. DUH! I am divorced and took my name back first thing on the list I ask the judge for was my last name.
  • BeautyDoll
    BeautyDoll Posts: 86 Member
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    One more thing... the paperwork and hassle to change your name back isn't a big deal. If you're using that as an excuse just know it's not that much of hassle. Good luck!
  • saragato
    saragato Posts: 1,154
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    My mother kept my father's last name because she didn't want to have a different last name than I did.

    That aside, I don't see how it's disrespectful to the new boyfriend. It's just a name that's attached to your first and you can always change it again if you marry the new guy. It's only disrespectful if you don't shut up about your ex, therefore reminding the guy that you had a ring on your finger once with that man.
  • mariposa224
    mariposa224 Posts: 1,269 Member
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    I'll take my fiancee's lase name when we marry but until then its my exes. We share children and he gets it. A name doesn't show commitment. actions do!

    ^ This! My last name is my son's last name. When I remarry, it will be my new husband's name. I think that the guys who think this is "disrespectful" are ridiculous. Seriously.
  • dolfn1972
    dolfn1972 Posts: 84 Member
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    I have 4 children with my ex. I kept his last name as it was easier on all of us. However, when I remarried I took my Husbands name. It is the right thing to do.

    I think it depends on the situation. Some change their name because they want nothing to do with the person they were married. Ugly divorces and all that. Others keep the last name for business reasons. Some just cause they dont want the hassle of changing it. Also, what if you were married for 30 years...got married at 20....thats your last name most of your life ...keep it.

    If the woman cheated or did something disgraceful to the man....change it. If the man screwed up and caused the divorce..well maybe he shouldnt have a say in anything she does.

    If the new guy thinks its disrespectful to him....really....that only counts after you marry him...not when you are just dating him. Bigggggg difference.
  • Matt_Wild
    Matt_Wild Posts: 2,673 Member
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    If I was a woman I'd keep my last name - who wouldn't want "Wild" as a last name?

    (genuine too!).
  • jkandktmom
    jkandktmom Posts: 1,010 Member
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    I went back to my maiden name. I had a bad marriage and didn't want to be tied to him in that way. However, before I did this I asked my kids how they would feel if I had a different last name than them. Response was "Mommy, a lot of kids don't have the same last name as their parents". Also, if I remarry, my name will be different at that point anyway.

    ^^ This almost to a T.
  • rcalvert1
    rcalvert1 Posts: 117 Member
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    My mom kept hers because we were minors but her divorce agreement stated she could change it when we turned 18. Because it was part of her divorce, it was the same as if she had done it years earlier - just take the agreement to all the government offices.

    I hyphenated my name when I got married. VERY easy to change back when I got divorced. In hindsight I probably hyphenated it because I wasn't committed to him or to the marriage. Now that I'm getting married again, I'm dropping my maiden name completely. And yes, it's a pain to change everything at my age.

    My sweetie's ex wife kept his name. Their kids are grown but they were married for 31 years. It was her last name for more than half her life so it's really her name too. Plus, all her professional licenses and credentials are in her married name. I get it and I'm not bitter. Neither is my sweetie.

    My personal opinion - anyone who is bitter or thinks keeping your ex's last name is disrespectful is likely insecure in the new relationship and may need to look inside to find out why.
    I wish they had a 'like' button on here ... I enjoyed your comment and agree totally

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