Food rules for your kids?
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But she's 3 and we're talking about peanut butter :indifferent:
I think you should focus on teaching her to make healthy choices and not her possibly becoming fat....and hell at that age, you control what she eats anyway....0 -
*avoiding the direction this thread has taken and attempting a redirect*
Rules at my house....
1. No one eats in the bedrooms
2. Clean up after yourself
3. One bowl of cereal a day (they love it, they would eat it all day)
4. Everyone TRIES every food at meal times
5. Afternoon snack is, or includes fresh fruit
6. Food goes in a dish( my reason, a bowl of chips is better than the whole bag)
7. Share. No one needs a whole bag of popcorn!0 -
So, at three years of age, your daughter is already being fed that fat people are "bad" and thin people are "good".
Wow....someone's going to have some serious self love issues.
Where did you get that idea? She loves her mom, and her mom is fat. My mother commented on this girl, that she already knows how to wrap mom and dad around her fingers. This child is super smart and talented (plays 2 songs on piano, knows alphabet, phonics, count to twenty, use computer, etc.). She's always smiling. Self esteem is definitely not her issue, but it would be if I turned a blind eye to eating pb out the jar. When she was a baby, I would get comments: she certainly hasn't missed any meals! All my kids were huge babies, but once they started running around got slim. If I didn't train her to not eat pb out the jar, and never used the word fat, guess what would happen? That's right, people at the playground would say it, with a mean or indifferent attitude, and they would be hurt. Better not to play semantic games and be truthful and loving with your kids.0 -
My mom used a similar analogy with me when i was about eight: I was complaining about weighing 70 lbs. She said, "Well, just be careful, or 70 lbs will become 80 and 80lbs will become 90..."
That's where my fear of neverending, unstoppable weight gain came from. That story was told to me nearly twenty years ago.
Please, please please be careful with what you're telling your kids... about their bodies, about food... These kinds of things leave scars.0 -
No food is banned (within reason of course) and we have everything in moderation.0
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That makes me kind of sad that you told her she didn't want to be fat.
BUT, parenting doesn't come with a manual and you just do the best you can by trying to do the next right thing for your child.
Nobody is a perfect parent (expect the people who don't have any kids and in their mind they have all the answers).
Does she? Do you? Want to be fat?
Thanks for understanding! I like that while you didn't agree, you can see both sides to the issue. If only politicians... :-)0 -
“It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely.”
I have a niece who went to the Dr. when she was 6 for her physical. It was about 4 months after she’d started gymnastics, and she’d packed on a shocking amount of muscle on her legs.
The Dr told her and her mother (before even checking her out, just based on her scale weight), that she was over weight for her age, and they’d better be careful wither diet so she doesn’t get any more fat.
My niece has had a self-image issue and food complex from that day on- and she’s only just turned 10.
She’s even lying about eating now- skips meals entirely but will say she ate. (To be clear- she’s skinny, with much less muscle and she still thinks she’s fat).
When I asked her about it, she said she’s just so scared of being/staying fat, and she thinks this is the only way she will stay “skinny”.
At this point- no one can tell her otherwise. She’s already internalized what that ridiculous Dr said, and nothing else really matters. Now we’re all just trying to keep an eye on her, and we’re trying to help her work around this so that it doesn’t get any worse.
My point in this story:
Though you mean well, and you are just trying to make sure your daughter doesn’t go through what you went through ( I understand- I was the same as you growing up), be very careful at the words you choose to use. You never know what will stick, and you would feel awful later on in life if she did develop destructive eating habits, and it started with a few ill-chosen words that were meant to help, not hurt.
She’s 3- so what sticks is really up in the air. IJust stay supportive, and positive!
As far as "kid food" goes- no fast food, extremely limited soda, and limited sugar in all forms but fruit.0 -
Why can't she even reach the PB jar? My son is 6 and if he wants something to eat or snack he asks first, even with juice. We all love our kids but boundries should be set and it should be an all around rule not just with PB or sodas. My rules is simple...I don't want him to eat something I don't buy it and don't keep it in the house ... or not where he can access it ... I'm in control not the 6 year old.0
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when my daughter was 3 she would sneak reese cups 15 at a time into her room and eat them. I would find the wrappers hidden under teddy bears and such.
she's almost 8 now and her teeth are not in great shape, the dental work has cost a fortune. I would never have told her her teeth would be ugly either, I would say "sugar bugs in those reese cups and if you eat too many the sugar bugs will get your teeth" (advice from a pediatric dentist)
As far as her health and something to say opposed to the "you'll get fat", a nicer way to put it: "you cannot eat this many reese cups all day. It will make your belly hurt and it's not good for your body. Your body needs foods that are healthy so your body can grow."
I am still just baffled you said "you'll get fat" ...
I am also baffled you find this a healthy way of teaching your child.
But, who am I to tell anyone how to parent....0 -
I think it would have been a lot more beneficial to say ... Eating a jar of peanut butter isn't healthy. You want to be big, strong and healthy right? So you have to watch what you eat because if you eat too much of some things, it's not healthy for you.
I understand where you are coming from. I don't know that my daughter would. I know she knows what fat and thin means - dr Seuss one fish red fish blue fish two fish book, but what does healthy mean to her? I try to explain germs and healthy, but she still wants to put things in her mouth that was on the floor. So I say yuck! She gets that something is yucky, she understands fat and thin. And saying healthy vs fat, isn't it truly the same thing? When you say healthy, you mean not overweight or not fat.0 -
Why can't she even reach the PB jar? My son is 6 and if he wants something to eat or snack he asks first, even with juice. We all love our kids but boundries should be set and it should be an all around rule not just with PB or sodas. My rules is simple...I don't want him to eat something I don't buy it and don't keep it in the house ... or not where he can access it ... I'm in control not the 6 year old.
I like that comment about control. In my house, if I've given the kids a special treat of chocolate or something, my daughter will always ask for more, regardless. I don't enjoy the sugar rush and crash, so I keep the serving to something appropriate for them. When I say no and she pitches a fit, the answer is always, "Because I'm the boss, that's why!" LOL0 -
YES you have to have food rules but not buying and eating *kitten* food yourself is the best way to ensure your family don't do it. I have two stepkids, we don't eat sweets, we don't drink soda and consequently they don't want that muck. They're much more inclined to reach for healthy alternatives. Your kid is 3, don't give her fear of being FAT. She's still so little... if you're afraid she'll be overweight get her into sport!
ETA: None of us has ever been overweight.0 -
*********typing all of this while dd sat next to me nibbling a slice of salami*******
PS I didn't say anything to her about it, but I would if she tried to eat the whole pack, ha ha!0 -
I think it would have been a lot more beneficial to say ... Eating a jar of peanut butter isn't healthy. You want to be big, strong and healthy right? So you have to watch what you eat because if you eat too much of some things, it's not healthy for you.
I understand where you are coming from. I don't know that my daughter would. I know she knows what fat and thin means - dr Seuss one fish red fish blue fish two fish book, but what does healthy mean to her? I try to explain germs and healthy, but she still wants to put things in her mouth that was on the floor. So I say yuck! She gets that something is yucky, she understands fat and thin. And saying healthy vs fat, isn't it truly the same thing? When you say healthy, you mean not overweight or not fat.
I think the point some people are trying to make is that an alternative to FAT and THIN would be HEALTHY or NOT HEALTHY. There are plenty of healthy overweight people and unhealthy underweight people.
If a person ate 1500 calories a day of straight peanut butter, they would not get fat. They would get unhealthy.0 -
Food rules in our house (my kids are 4 and 7):
- food stays in the kitchen (the only exception is popcorn in the living room for movie night)
- you have to try 1 bite of everything on your plate.
- you can't tell me you don't like it until you've tried it
- no soda. period. They have never had it. I know someday they will try it, and it will be beyond my control, but for now - no soda.
We talk about how variety in foods will help them grow strong and healthy. I never talk to them about me losing weight. I have talked them about how I didn't take good care of my body for many years, so now I have to work harder to get my body healthy again. I don't let my daughter see me on the scale (I don't want her to think it's that important).0 -
Rules at my house....
1. No one eats in the bedrooms
2. Clean up after yourself
3. One bowl of cereal a day (they love it, they would eat it all day)
4. Everyone TRIES every food at meal times
5. Afternoon snack is, or includes fresh fruit
6. Food goes in a dish( my reason, a bowl of chips is better than the whole bag)
7. Share. No one needs a whole bag of popcorn!
These are pretty much the "rules" at my house, too! Except for the cereal thing - don't need a rule there. My kids will eat cereal but are not crazy about it. My kids are 2 and 4 years old right now and I don't believe I've ever used the word "fat" around them, certainly not in context of talking about people. We don't ban any foods; they do have sugar and juice at times but we just limit the amounts of those things. For my 4 year old who can reason pretty well, I've never said that any food would make her "fat" or even talked about how foods might make you "look." It's more about how you feel. I talk about food using the analogy of putting gas in our car to make it go. Food is like fuel that we put in our bodies to make them "go," just like we have to put gas in the car. There are no "good" or "bad" foods, but some foods are better fuel for your body than others. If we eat too much of the foods that are not good for fuel (candy, chips, etc.) and not enough of the foods that ARE good fuel (fruits, veggies, protein, whole grains) then our bodies won't work as well as they should.
I should note, though, that while I struggled a bit with losing the baby weight after my son, I've never technically been at an unhealthy BMI. My husband is working on losing a few pounds right now but we don't have a pervasive history of obesity in our family, and right now my daughter is between 10-25th%tile for weight and like 95th%tile for height (she's a tall, skinny thing) and my son is smack at 50%tile for everything. So I don't have any worries about their weights right now, just generally trying to foster an idea of food as something we put into our bodies for energy, and not identify or demonize some foods as "bad" and others as "good," if that makes sense.0 -
“It's easier to build up a child than it is to repair an adult. Choose your words wisely.”
I have a niece who went to the Dr. when she was 6 for her physical. It was about 4 months after she’d started gymnastics, and she’d packed on a shocking amount of muscle on her legs.
The Dr told her and her mother (before even checking her out, just based on her scale weight), that she was over weight for her age, and they’d better be careful wither diet so she doesn’t get any more fat.
My niece has had a self-image issue and food complex from that day on- and she’s only just turned 10.
She’s even lying about eating now- skips meals entirely but will say she ate. (To be clear- she’s skinny, with much less muscle and she still thinks she’s fat).
When I asked her about it, she said she’s just so scared of being/staying fat, and she thinks this is the only way she will stay “skinny”.
At this point- no one can tell her otherwise. She’s already internalized what that ridiculous Dr said, and nothing else really matters. Now we’re all just trying to keep an eye on her, and we’re trying to help her work around this so that it doesn’t get any worse.
My point in this story:
Though you mean well, and you are just trying to make sure your daughter doesn’t go through what you went through ( I understand- I was the same as you growing up), be very careful at the words you choose to use. You never know what will stick, and you would feel awful later on in life if she did develop destructive eating habits, and it started with a few ill-chosen words that were meant to help, not hurt.
She’s 3- so what sticks is really up in the air. IJust stay supportive, and positive!
As far as "kid food" goes- no fast food, extremely limited soda, and limited sugar in all forms but fruit.
Thanks for the advise and the analogy. Don't blame it soley on the doctor, though. Gymnastics is...notorious for this. Even at six, they might have been discussing this at her classes, and the dr's comments might have scared her about her chances in gymnastics. Ballet also, because in both you need to stay lean to perform the moves.0 -
If she doesn't know what healthy means but she knows what fat means then maybe you should try explaining it to her. Three is not too young to understand "good for you" and "bad for you". And there is a big difference between "healthy" and "not fat". When you talk about getting fat, you are focusing on looks, not health.I think it would have been a lot more beneficial to say ... Eating a jar of peanut butter isn't healthy. You want to be big, strong and healthy right? So you have to watch what you eat because if you eat too much of some things, it's not healthy for you.
I understand where you are coming from. I don't know that my daughter would. I know she knows what fat and thin means - dr Seuss one fish red fish blue fish two fish book, but what does healthy mean to her? I try to explain germs and healthy, but she still wants to put things in her mouth that was on the floor. So I say yuck! She gets that something is yucky, she understands fat and thin. And saying healthy vs fat, isn't it truly the same thing? When you say healthy, you mean not overweight or not fat.0 -
And FWIW, my number one reason for no peanut butter in your bedroom would be "because you'll make a mess!" LOL! At least my kids would.
That's more of a cleaning rule than a diet rule at our house. We eat (snacks included) either at the table or sometimes on the couch in the family room (hardwood floor) but not in bedrooms and not in the more formal living / carpeted areas. Mama already has enough to do; I don't want to clean extra messes! 0 -
"You have to watch what you do - if you eat pb out the jar 2 times, you might do it 3 times and if you do it enough, it will become a habit, where you do it without thinking. If you eat pb out the jar by habit you'll get fat, and you don't want to get fat - you want to be strong and healthy, right?"
I may not have used the word 'fat' personally... being only 3... she may think that 'fat' people are bad, make fun of them etc, and not fully understand about healthy vs fat, etc... But for everyone who is bashing her for it... I think she did the right thing as a parent... You learn your eating habits from a very young age... I wish my mom would have lovingly set stronger limits with me... if she had, perhaps I wouldn't have 120lbs to lose now...
Thank you so much, for knowing that I am loving her when breaking bad habits before they become a problem.0 -
You couldn't have said, "unlimited peanut butter is not good for you"?
Tell a smoker smoking is not good for them. See where I'm going with this? Once things becomes a habit...0 -
You told your child she'll get fat and she doesn't want to be fat?...
Yikes.
I was a thin child, a fat kid, a thin teenager, and a fat adult. From personal experience, I am telling her that habits matter. There are too many kids with obesity related illnesses in the US right now. My sister has diabetes, after years of eating peanut butter from the jar. We tell our kids they can't have unlimited candy because it rots teeth - if I said, you can't have anymore candy because you don't want to have an ugly smile - you want to have a healthy mouth, right? No one would be saying yikes about that. I am supposed to train my child in the way that they should go. Allowing her to go through a jar of peanut. Utter in one fell swoop with my genetic history would be ignoring my duty to her as her mother.
No one is suggesting you say nothing and let her eat the whole jar of PB. She's 3! You serve her the correct serving size and serve it along side nutritionally balanced foods. That's what she gets to eat. She shouldn't have the option of getting the PB jar out of the fridge and taking a spoon to it at 3 years old.
As far as things like rotting teeth out or getting fat... I chose to not use those types of "threats" with my kids. Instead I encourage them to eat balanced so they have happy and healthy bodies.
That's funny, you see it as threats. I see them as a natural consequence. If you brush your teeth after meals, you'll prevent cavities - that's a natural consequence. Since when did truth become perceived as threats?0 -
You may not want to use the word "fat". My daughter has used the word and we have had to have long discussions about it, and the fact it's not a word we use in our household.
As juliecat said, make it about boundaries and having a healthy relationship with food.
Ugh. using the word fat. Just disturbing. Don't do it again.
You want me to say obese?
How about just saying it's not healthy?
I would have said no and if they would ask why, "because I said so" usually does the trick.0 -
You told your child she'll get fat and she doesn't want to be fat?...
Yikes.
I was a thin child, a fat kid, a thin teenager, and a fat adult. From personal experience, I am telling her that habits matter. There are too many kids with obesity related illnesses in the US right now. My sister has diabetes, after years of eating peanut butter from the jar. We tell our kids they can't have unlimited candy because it rots teeth - if I said, you can't have anymore candy because you don't want to have an ugly smile - you want to have a healthy mouth, right? No one would be saying yikes about that. I am supposed to train my child in the way that they should go. Allowing her to go through a jar of peanut. Utter in one fell swoop with my genetic history would be ignoring my duty to her as her mother.
No one is suggesting you say nothing and let her eat the whole jar of PB. She's 3! You serve her the correct serving size and serve it along side nutritionally balanced foods. That's what she gets to eat. She shouldn't have the option of getting the PB jar out of the fridge and taking a spoon to it at 3 years old.
As far as things like rotting teeth out or getting fat... I chose to not use those types of "threats" with my kids. Instead I encourage them to eat balanced so they have happy and healthy bodies.
Also, my sister also commented on this freedom with the fridge. She shares your point on not being allowed to do that. But, I want them to have a healthy relationship with food, that they can eat when they are hungry. They also have total fridge freedom at grandmas too.0 -
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'No one is suggesting you say nothing and let her eat the whole jar of PB. She's 3! You serve her the correct serving size and serve it along side nutritionally balanced foods. That's what she gets to eat. She shouldn't have the option of getting the PB jar out of the fridge and taking a spoon to it at 3 years old.
As far as things like rotting teeth out or getting fat... I chose to not use those types of "threats" with my kids. Instead I encourage them to eat balanced so they have happy and healthy bodies.'
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Agree strongly with this, a three year old shouldn't be able to just reach for a PB Jar and eat out of it. If she can access that what else can she access, get some childproofing in your kitchen/pantry.0 -
In my house, we use the term "healthy". Staying healthy, getting healthy, etc. My kids don't think of extra weight as "fat", or that a bigger person is a bad person or an unattractive person. But my kids do know that extra weight causes stress on your heart and other body parts. They know grandparents that have had heart attacks and diabetes (me as their own mother has high blood pressure), and that they run the risk of having these problems genetically, so that we should do our part to help our bodies stay as healthy as possible. My kids are 10 and 11 and don't think of extra weight as a bad thing because of what it is, but that it could be a bad thing for your health.
To address the topic at hand, I don't really make any food rules because I try to keep stuff I deem junk out of the house. They have to ask me before taking something....and since they are growing like weeds I don't usually say no to a snack unless it's right before a meal. We don't keep juice in the house.....if they want something sweet, I keep my cookie jar full of Crystal Light mixes to add to water. Typical snacks here are string cheese, yogurt, pretzels, fresh fruits and veggies. I agree with teaching moderation. I also agree that maybe you didn't word it the best way, but at 3 years old it's hard to explain to her that peanut butter is healthy "in moderation". My kids are much older and it was hard for them to grasp that milk is healthy, but an entire gallon in a day? Not so much.
I would avoid the F word and just focus on what is "healthy" vs. "unhealthy". My two cents. :-)0 -
YES you have to have food rules but not buying and eating *kitten* food yourself is the best way to ensure your family don't do it. I have two stepkids, we don't eat sweets, we don't drink soda and consequently they don't want that muck. They're much more inclined to reach for healthy alternatives. Your kid is 3, don't give her fear of being FAT. She's still so little... if you're afraid she'll be overweight get her into sport!
ETA: None of us has ever been overweight.
I'm not afraid she will be overweight. The kids are very active. I'm breaking a bad habit before it becomes a problem. You did see the poster who said she would never tell her child habitual Reece's cups eating would make her smile ugly. She said the dental work cost her a fortune. I'm giving her a limit - no gorging on pb. I'm telling her why.
How this is such an issue is beyond me. Fat is not a bad word!!!!!!!!!0 -
Never tell a child they are going to be "fat" Don't let her eat the PB out of a Jar. She is 3 years old. She does not understand what "fat" means. Here is a similar thing ********* PLEASE DO NOT TAKE THIS OFFENSIVE I AM NOT TRYING TO BE OFFENSIVE******** "Wear a belt, or your going to look like the gangsters that rob people." Say that to a 3 year old, let me know how that goes. Yes, saying it to a teen is different than saying it to a child. You need to explain to her that there are healthy eating habits, which will make her stronger.0
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unless your kid was born with something that affects their metabolism I don't think you need to worry about them getting fat anyhow. Of course you're not gonna let them eat half a jar of peanut butter but you surely should not worried they will get fat...and they definitely don't need to worry about it either. It's a good way to give them a complex.0
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She gets that something is yucky, she understands fat and thin.
She has also heard the message that becoming fat is yucky.
I had a super supportive, kind father who always made me feel secure and happy and good about myself. One time, he made a comment about someone who drank Dr. Pepper with their breakfast.......he said, "UGH, can you imagine? Disgusting." I have never been able to see Dr. Pepper as anything but disgusting forevermore.
I had an uncle who was also really cool, fun to be around, taught me to play Scrabble, valued me for my intelligence. Sometime around the age of the onset of puberty, my uncle said, "you have the nicest fingers and hands. Your hands are the prettiest thing about you." I know, in retrospect, he was complimenting me. But, I've never forgotten it, and I am permanently vain about my hands, while simultaneously suspecting they are my only asset.
The words our parents/important adults choose can have deep and lasting impressions. MFP has a plethora of members who can attest to how much their emotional well-being and mood is tightly connected to their physical health. When we feel mentally well, we treat ourselves properly more often. When we have skewed ideas about being/getting fat, the good food vs. bad food dichotomy, these can be difficult to beat.
Nobody questions your motivation, to teach her that unlimited PB is too much for anyone. But the collective cringe at the terminology used should indicate that more than one of us read that and winced, and so maybe you want to rethink that kind of terminology.0
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