Food rules for your kids?
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I don't know why you posted. You seem fairly set in your ways, wrong or right *Ps the general consensus is 'wrong'* Do what you're going to do, you're clearly going to do it anyway. I'm out.0
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Fat is not a bad word!!!!!!!!!
You know better. All of us know better. That's why it's stirring a reaction.0 -
Unconditional love does more for a child's self esteem than semantics.
I was not overweight until I was in my late 20s, and then it was only for a short time. My parents loved me unconditionally and I knew that. My mother never said a word about my weight. I was allowed treats in moderation and had to eat my healthy dinner, all of that. She never hounded me about appearance or told me anything negative about food. She had that done to her by HER mother and guess what? She and her sister have both battled food issues their whole lives because of it.
But in my 20s, when I started getting a little bigger than I had been (we're talking 130 pounds at 5'3"), she started making comments about it. Just the passing, "You've put on a little weight." And 10-15 years later, even though I was an adult already at the time, I still remember and it still hurts like hell that she said that to me.
So think about what you say to your growing, impressionable little girl and consider what she's also hearing from society about her appearance. You were wrong. And you can't take it back.0 -
I think it would have been a lot more beneficial to say ... Eating a jar of peanut butter isn't healthy. You want to be big, strong and healthy right? So you have to watch what you eat because if you eat too much of some things, it's not healthy for you.
I understand where you are coming from. I don't know that my daughter would. I know she knows what fat and thin means - dr Seuss one fish red fish blue fish two fish book, but what does healthy mean to her? I try to explain germs and healthy, but she still wants to put things in her mouth that was on the floor. So I say yuck! She gets that something is yucky, she understands fat and thin. And saying healthy vs fat, isn't it truly the same thing? When you say healthy, you mean not overweight or not fat.
You can be unhealthy and thin, so no that's not truly the same thing. That's like saying anorexia is healthy, sure they're not fat or overweight but... Are they healthy? I would just be worried about eating disorders talking like that.0 -
As parents we all make mistakes with our children.
You have made one and were wrong!
You have put it out here for all to see....0 -
As parents we all make mistakes with our children.
You have made one and were wrong!
You have put it out here for all to see....
wait! unless we are all the wrong ones...she is ridiculous0 -
This morning my 3yr old tried to take the peanut butter in her room. She likes to eat pb out of the jar but she isn't allowed. Today, I told her why:
"You have to watch what you do - if you eat pb out the jar 2 times, you might do it 3 times and if you do it enough, it will become a habit, where you do it without thinking. If you eat pb out the jar by habit you'll get fat, and you don't want to get fat - you want to be strong and healthy, right?"
Only one of three likes fruit and vegetables, but they are all a normal weight even though I'm fat. They drink milk, tea, water. If we have juice or soda, we only keep enough to last for one serving then its back to milk. My son had issues with hyperactivity, and after cutting juice from his diet, I noticed a big change in attention span. I'm not strict - I know some parents are strict about gluten, meat, sugar, and basically don't want their kids to enjoy eating anything. What about you? Do you have limits for your children? What are they and why?
This is what I told my three year old about his smoking habit, and I think it works for your three year old and the pb habit.
" If your going to do it anyway I would rather you do it in front of me"0 -
I absolutely have limits on what my kids can and cannot eat. While my goal is to have them avoid weight issues later on, my primary goal is keeping them healthy. I also want to have them develop a healthy relationship with food. We have treats in the house just about all the time. We have snacks. But, our kids generally know that they are "sometimes" foods. Nothing is really off limits in our house. We want to teach our kids about moderation and proper portion sizes so that they know how to eat properly once they're making their own decisions.0
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I was a nanny for the past year. My charge was a little girl-- three when I started, but she turned four while I was her nanny. She was super tall for her age and always growing. So she was always hungry. Her mom used to try to explain eating the same way to her, and to explain the difference in "skinny," fat," and "chubby." Let me tell you, it did not go well. The little girl starting either calling herself fat when her stomach was full, calling me fat and asking if I were pregnant (and my stomach doesn't even stick out), calling her mom fat if she ate a lot, etc.
I think when kids are that young, to introduce certain words and ideas to them is only asking for trouble. The little girl I watched would even point at people in public and say they were fat or pregnant, despite disciplining her to do otherwise. Words, especially labels are dangerous at that age.
Instead, I suggest you keep the peanut butter where she can't reach it.
BTW, I used to eat peanut-butter out of the jar as a little kid, too, and now I hate it. I grew out of it. And I was a VERY skinny kid with a fast metabolism my whole childhood. So maybe you should stress healthy snacks rather than fattening ones, but I wouldn't worry so much about "fat" and "skinny" yet.0 -
Yikes, rough thing to say to a kid. How about telling her it's not sanitary to eat out of the jar? Or put some pb in a little bowl if she likes to eat it plain.
I take care of my nephews and they pretty much only drink water and they love it. Very rarely they get some juice, and on special occasions they get caffeine free and/or diet pop. They love veggies, when they were little I told them broccoli was little trees. My oldest nephew almost had a temper tantrum in Applebee's one time because he saw that another little boy had broccoli and we didn't order them any. They are constantly stealing my veggies, can never decide if I'm mad about it or happy they're eating them
I make them eat a fruit or veggie with their lunch or dinner before they get anything like chips or dessert. Their treats are either sugar free popsicles that I buy or popsicles that I make that have 15 calories (so about 4 g sugar) each.0 -
This morning my 3yr old tried to take the peanut butter in her room. She likes to eat pb out of the jar but she isn't allowed. Today, I told her why:
"You have to watch what you do - if you eat pb out the jar 2 times, you might do it 3 times and if you do it enough, it will become a habit, where you do it without thinking. If you eat pb out the jar by habit you'll get fat, and you don't want to get fat - you want to be strong and healthy, right?"
Only one of three likes fruit and vegetables, but they are all a normal weight even though I'm fat. They drink milk, tea, water. If we have juice or soda, we only keep enough to last for one serving then its back to milk. My son had issues with hyperactivity, and after cutting juice from his diet, I noticed a big change in attention span. I'm not strict - I know some parents are strict about gluten, meat, sugar, and basically don't want their kids to enjoy eating anything. What about you? Do you have limits for your children? What are they and why?
You're giving your kids food issues.0 -
I think you geniunely meant well. Fat isn't a bad word, but it sounds as though that fat is bad to HER, and you. Which makes it unappealing and ugly. Which leads me to believe that your words were poorly chosen.
Its never to early teach good/bad, healthy/unhealthy etc. But it needs to be taught in a healthy manner. We exercise because it makes your heart and muscles strong. You eat to feed your body. Your body needs the right amounts of food and exercise to work its best. Its like watering flowers, you water to much or not enough and they dont grow the way they were meant to.
Food Rules? We eat at the dining room/ kitchen table, never in our rooms. We dont eat out of jars because other people don't want our double-dipped, spitty-spoon, eaten out of stuff. Sorry, but yuck. :noway: We eat what we want in moderation. We cant have as many candy bars as we can carrots. But we can still have the candy bar, sometimes.0 -
You should have simply said "You don't want to be like mommy, darling."0
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My children are grown now but I can't imagine having raised them without rules They had rules for most everything, food included. Mine were pretty basic. You can't eat junk all the time. No dessert if you don't eat dinner. What I prepare for dinner is what you get for dinner.0
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It is about positive versus negative. You can teach them to have a positive relationship with food(for better health). Or you can teach them to have a negative relationship(that will make you fat).
My youngest is in love with peanut butter. It is a good source of protein and she could be eating a lot worse. I just put some pb on a plate with an apple cut up for dipping.
If I had that same situation #1) She would be in huge trouble for taking food without asking. #2) I would tell her NO she could not have more peanut butter. #3) If she asked why, I would tell her that she has had enough. End of story, she is 3.0 -
I figure lead by example....thats my strategy. I am very particular about what my son eats. I do let him have some cookies now and then and I do give his watered down juice a day, but at meals I make sure he always has at least fruit and or a veggie. He generally eats what I do and since having him I have changed my diet to lose weight and be a good role model for him. I am lucky he is not picky (yet) and he eats all fruits/veggies/food that we give him. Thats my motivation. If he decided he wanted more pb I would let him have a little more bc its protein and he wont do it all the time. As long as he eats all the good stuff I am okay giving him a bad thing here and there bc its life. There are bad things he will have later in life when he goes to parties at friends and when he is in school so I teach him moderation 0
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^^This^^It is about positive versus negative. You can teach them to have a positive relationship with food(for better health). Or you can teach them to have a negative relationship(that will make you fat).
My youngest is in love with peanut butter. It is a good source of protein and she could be eating a lot worse. I just put some pb on a plate with an apple cut up for dipping.
If I had that same situation #1) She would be in huge trouble for taking food without asking. #2) I would tell her NO she could not have more peanut butter. #3) If she asked why, I would tell her that she has had enough. End of story, she is 3.0 -
If my son ate peanut butter out of the jar I think I would give him a high five.........If it was chunky I'd probably buy him a new ninjago/skylanders/pokemon toy as well.......I am missing the issue.0
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I'm not a parent but I liked this article.Things Parents And Grandparents Say That Can Cause Eating & Weight Problems
Article Date: 12 May 2011 - 8:00 PDT
Parents can sometimes forget that they are raising adults, not children. The goal is to equip kids with the skills and increasing responsibility for managing their lives without constant vigilance, according to Michelle May, M.D., author, board-certified family physician, and expert for TOPS Club, Inc. (Take Off Pounds Sensibly), the nonprofit weight-loss support organization.
One key life skill is the ability to navigate an abundant food environment while maintaining optimal health. Here are seven things that well-meaning parents commonly say that may have unintended consequences - and what to say instead:
1. You are such a good eater! - Children want nothing more than to please their parents. While mealtime should be a pleasant time to connect with your children, eating should remain intrinsically driven to meet your child's fuel needs, NOT to earn your praise.
What you could say instead: You must have been really hungry today! Or, I love spending time with you while we have dinner.
2. You are such a picky eater! - All children (and adults) have some foods that they just don't like. Some children are highly taste and/or texture sensitive, but most will outgrow it. Picky eating becomes an entrenched behavior when we berate, beg, bribe - or worse, feed kids only what they say they'll eat.
What you could say instead: I know you didn't like it last time; tell me what you think about it today after you have one polite bite. Or, Did you know your taste buds grow up just like you do? I wonder if you like this big kid food yet?
3. Clean your plate; there are starving children in . - Avoid teaching children scarcity eating behaviors in our plentiful food environment.
What you could say instead: It's important to not be wasteful, so please only take as much as you think you need. Or, If you're full, we can save the rest for later.
4. You have to eat all your vegetables or there will be no dessert. - Kids are smart. When you bribe them for eating certain foods, they quickly realize that those foods must be yucky and that dessert is the reward. They also learn to hold out until a reward is offered.
What you could say instead: I love all kinds of different foods - some that make me healthy and strong and some that are just for fun. What kinds of foods do you like? Or, Enjoy your dinner. We'll be having dessert in a couple hours.
5. Eat all your dinner or you don't get dessert. - This variation on the threat above translates to "you must overeat and I will reward you by giving you more to eat!" Children naturally love sweet foods, so they can learn to override their fullness signals. As an adult, they might be temped to order a 1,200-calorie salad to "earn" a 1,200-calorie piece of cheesecake.
What you could say instead: Save room for dessert tonight!
6. I was so bad at lunch today! Now I have to spend an extra hour on the treadmill. - Children are born to move. They naturally love exploring their environment, challenging themselves, and playing actively. Unfortunately, the messages they get from adults teach them that exercise is punishment for eating.
What you could say instead: I ate more than I needed and now I feel too full and uncomfortable. I think a walk would make me feel better. Want to join me? Or, anybody up for a bike ride?
7. I am so gross and fat! Or, I can't believe has let herself go! - Kids learn from us even when we think they aren't listening. Statements like this teach kids that it's okay to put yourself and others down and judge people for their weight or other physical attributes. Perhaps they also secretly wonder what you really think about them.
What you could say instead: I'm not perfect, but I do my best to make healthy choices.
And whatever else you say, remember to say often... I love you just the way you are.
Source:
TOPS Club Inc. (Take Off Pounds Sensibly)0 -
You told your child she'll get fat and she doesn't want to be fat?...
Yikes.
I was a thin child, a fat kid, a thin teenager, and a fat adult. From personal experience, I am telling her that habits matter. There are too many kids with obesity related illnesses in the US right now. My sister has diabetes, after years of eating peanut butter from the jar. We tell our kids they can't have unlimited candy because it rots teeth - if I said, you can't have anymore candy because you don't want to have an ugly smile - you want to have a healthy mouth, right? No one would be saying yikes about that. I am supposed to train my child in the way that they should go. Allowing her to go through a jar of peanut. Utter in one fell swoop with my genetic history would be ignoring my duty to her as her mother.
No, you're not telling her that habits matter, you're telling her that she'll be fat if she eats peanut butter out of the jar. You, ma'am, are setting the foundation for eating disorders EARLY. It is not your job as her mother to tell her she's fat, it is your job as her mother to teach her that an active lifestyle and a balanced diet lead to a healthy life through actions, positive words and reinforcement and the encouragement of good choices and decision making. I don't hand my son a bowl full of candy and then tell him not to let his teeth rot, I hand my son the agreed upon number of treats for whatever reason he's getting candy and then brush his teeth when it's time to brush his teeth to promote good oral hygiene. Your sister doesn't have diabetes because she ate peanut butter from a jar, that is unequivocally one of the greatest examples of correlation does not equal causation that I have ever seen in my life. Your whole sense of progression and causation is completely ****ed. Your sister has diabetes due to any number of things including genetics and/or poor over all diet possibly paired with a sedentary life. I guide my son and assist him in making the right decision by limiting his access to things he I don’t want him to have in abundance, giving him unlimited access to what he should have, ensuring he gets plenty of activities and active play, letting him have choices and then limiting the amount of that food he has set in front of him to encourage appropriate portioning. I assure you that my 3 year old does not have a concept of any of these things, but he certainly does know when he’s being attacked and discouraged. The last thing I would want is for my son to not only have a poor self image, but then to have eating disorders stemming from that, and further more judging others based on a hatred for people based on appearance due to some crazy foundation. You ma’am, need to reset your meter and take a serious look at what your teaching your kids and how you’re doing it.
I am disgusted.0 -
So, at three years of age, your daughter is already being fed that fat people are "bad" and thin people are "good".
Wow....someone's going to have some serious self love issues.
Not to mention this behavior can lead the child to disordered eating.... you make her fear getting fat, she is so young and impressionable, these things can stick in her sub conscious for years and rear its ugly head when the rough peer-pressured, society's image obsessed influencing her to just stop eating to be thin....
Really really really think about the things you say to your child. Telling her things like "You don't want to be fat, do you?" Has an insane amount of potential harm. Work on being positive and helping her develop a healthy body image with a healthy view on food.
A 3yr old doesn't need an explanation of why she cant have an entire jar of PB, just serve her the correct amount and focus on teaching her 'healthy eating' in a positive way.0 -
Yikes!0
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You told your child she'll get fat and she doesn't want to be fat?...
Yikes.
I was a thin child, a fat kid, a thin teenager, and a fat adult. From personal experience, I am telling her that habits matter. There are too many kids with obesity related illnesses in the US right now. My sister has diabetes, after years of eating peanut butter from the jar. We tell our kids they can't have unlimited candy because it rots teeth - if I said, you can't have anymore candy because you don't want to have an ugly smile - you want to have a healthy mouth, right? No one would be saying yikes about that. I am supposed to train my child in the way that they should go. Allowing her to go through a jar of peanut. Utter in one fell swoop with my genetic history would be ignoring my duty to her as her mother.
No, you're not telling her that habits matter, you're telling her that she'll be fat if she eats peanut butter out of the jar. You, ma'am, are setting the foundation for eating disorders EARLY. It is not your job as her mother to tell her she's fat, it is your job as her mother to teach her that an active lifestyle and a balanced diet lead to a healthy life through actions, positive words and reinforcement and the encouragement of good choices and decision making. I don't hand my son a bowl full of candy and then tell him not to let his teeth rot, I hand my son the agreed upon number of treats for whatever reason he's getting candy and then brush his teeth when it's time to brush his teeth to promote good oral hygiene. Your sister doesn't have diabetes because she ate peanut butter from a jar, that is unequivocally one of the greatest examples of correlation does not equal causation that I have ever seen in my life. Your whole sense of progression and causation is completely ****ed. Your sister has diabetes due to any number of things including genetics and/or poor over all diet possibly paired with a sedentary life. I guide my son and assist him in making the right decision by limiting his access to things he I don’t want him to have in abundance, giving him unlimited access to what he should have, ensuring he gets plenty of activities and active play, letting him have choices and then limiting the amount of that food he has set in front of him to encourage appropriate portioning. I assure you that my 3 year old does not have a concept of any of these things, but he certainly does know when he’s being attacked and discouraged. The last thing I would want is for my son to not only have a poor self image, but then to have eating disorders stemming from that, and further more judging others based on a hatred for people based on appearance due to some crazy foundation. You ma’am, need to reset your meter and take a serious look at what your teaching your kids and how you’re doing it.
I am disgusted.
:flowerforyou:
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Wow, there sure are a lot of people bashing the OP. But I don't see that what she did or said was wrong. Letting a toddler eat out of the pb jar is not bad parenting. Not letting them eat too much peanut butter is good parenting.
To me, if anything it sounded like a bit of overexplaining for a 3 yo. I would simply have said something along the lines of "too much of anything is not good" and left it at that. But what the OP did and said was nothing horrible.
Using the word "fat" is not a bad thing in every instance. Being fat is a bad thing. The kid will learn that sooner or later as we all have, and it's incredibly unlikely that this incident will scar her view of pb forever.0 -
Wow, there sure are a lot of people bashing the OP. But I don't see that what she did or said was wrong. Letting a toddler eat out of the pb jar is not bad parenting. Not letting them eat too much peanut butter is good parenting.
To me, if anything it sounded like a bit of overexplaining for a 3 yo. I would simply have said something along the lines of "too much of anything is not good" and left it at that. But what the OP did and said was nothing horrible.
Using the word "fat" is not a bad thing in every instance. Being fat is a bad thing. The kid will learn that sooner or later as we all have, and it's incredibly unlikely that this incident will scar her view of pb forever.
But then again, the child may grow up and kill people because of it.0 -
Fat? Really? Great way to give your daughter body issues. How about we don't eat out of any container of food. You know because of germs. I assume other people eat that peanut butter too.0
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it's more about moderation, than it is about telling her she will become fat.
my mother imposed ALL of her food issues on me. ALL of them, even though i didn't have any of the issues she had!!!!! so, i grew up with an extremely unhealthy relationship with food. it's been an uphill battle since january to retrain my thinking and thought processes and even though i do well most days i still have bad days. i still refuse to eat in front of my mom.
she is the one who was like you telling me i couldn't eat this that or the other because it would make me fat. and i never was fat as a kid. when i got married she told me i was going to be a fat bride because i wasn't a size 4. we didn't speak for 9 months after that.
she told me that my husband was going to cheat on my after my first child was born because i didn't lose the baby weight within 3 months.
she still makes comments about my food, diet, intake, size, etc. my mother has been "on a diet" my entire life. i'm 36. i've never known her to NOT be "on a diet." she's not a small woman by any stretch of the imagination. she made so many comments about my waist line while i was pregnant. she told me that other friends and family members " couldn't believe i didn't have a flat belly anymore" after my first was 1 yr old and i was pg with number two already.
she made comments about my own 11 year old just last week. about how much she ate. that she was a bottomless pit and already had a treat and therefore didn't need any cake for her birthday. needless to say i ignored her and gave my daughter a slice of her cake. my daughter is 11. she isn't tall, she wears a size 9 or 10. she is a small girl. most kids tower over her. she has an adorable body and i would never in a million years tell her that she can't have something because it might "make her fat."
my oldest three girls are 11, 9, and 7 and they are very much aware of body image and looks now. make up, being skinny and not fat are in their vocabulary due to public school....... i hate it!!!! they don't see my "diet" because diets are dumb and don't work.
they see me eat healthy, and eat well. i don't starve myself and i don't deprive myself. they see me work out and take care of my body. i don't talk about fat vs skinny. THEY might, but they don't hear it from me. i strive every single day to make sure they understand that "fat vs skinny" doesn't mean anything. that they want to have a healthy and well cared for body and that is all that matters!!!!
as for a solution to your pb out of the jar. we have a rule that we don't eat out of the container. you get a bowl. so, take a spoonful of pb, and put it in your bowl :-)0 -
you don't get fat from eating peanut butter. your "fatness" is an average off ALL the things you do in your life. i have a 3 yr old, a very bright one I might add, and that explanation is WAY over her head. I *hope* she didn't even comprehend the "fat" part in that whole shpeel. for me everything in moderation with DD. i just refer to things as healthy options, and things that are good for our body to help us grow. i don't use words like fat or bad, etc.
you are projecting yourself onto her....
you should see a therapist to help you with your own issues....or they will passed to your DD (some already have). I'm not being snarky, but serious...i talk from experience...0
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