Food rules for your kids?
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I'm not a parent but I liked this article.
Things Parents And Grandparents Say That Can Cause Eating & Weight Problems
Article Date: 12 May 2011 - 8:00 PDT
Parents can sometimes forget that they are raising adults, not children. The goal is to equip kids with the skills and increasing responsibility for managing their lives without constant vigilance, according to Michelle May, M.D., author, board-certified family physician, and expert for TOPS Club, Inc. (Take Off Pounds Sensibly), the nonprofit weight-loss support organization.
One key life skill is the ability to navigate an abundant food environment while maintaining optimal health. Here are seven things that well-meaning parents commonly say that may have unintended consequences - and what to say instead:
1. You are such a good eater! - Children want nothing more than to please their parents. While mealtime should be a pleasant time to connect with your children, eating should remain intrinsically driven to meet your child's fuel needs, NOT to earn your praise.
What you could say instead: You must have been really hungry today! Or, I love spending time with you while we have dinner.
2. You are such a picky eater! - All children (and adults) have some foods that they just don't like. Some children are highly taste and/or texture sensitive, but most will outgrow it. Picky eating becomes an entrenched behavior when we berate, beg, bribe - or worse, feed kids only what they say they'll eat.
What you could say instead: I know you didn't like it last time; tell me what you think about it today after you have one polite bite. Or, Did you know your taste buds grow up just like you do? I wonder if you like this big kid food yet?
3. Clean your plate; there are starving children in . - Avoid teaching children scarcity eating behaviors in our plentiful food environment.
What you could say instead: It's important to not be wasteful, so please only take as much as you think you need. Or, If you're full, we can save the rest for later.
4. You have to eat all your vegetables or there will be no dessert. - Kids are smart. When you bribe them for eating certain foods, they quickly realize that those foods must be yucky and that dessert is the reward. They also learn to hold out until a reward is offered.
What you could say instead: I love all kinds of different foods - some that make me healthy and strong and some that are just for fun. What kinds of foods do you like? Or, Enjoy your dinner. We'll be having dessert in a couple hours.
5. Eat all your dinner or you don't get dessert. - This variation on the threat above translates to "you must overeat and I will reward you by giving you more to eat!" Children naturally love sweet foods, so they can learn to override their fullness signals. As an adult, they might be temped to order a 1,200-calorie salad to "earn" a 1,200-calorie piece of cheesecake.
What you could say instead: Save room for dessert tonight!
6. I was so bad at lunch today! Now I have to spend an extra hour on the treadmill. - Children are born to move. They naturally love exploring their environment, challenging themselves, and playing actively. Unfortunately, the messages they get from adults teach them that exercise is punishment for eating.
What you could say instead: I ate more than I needed and now I feel too full and uncomfortable. I think a walk would make me feel better. Want to join me? Or, anybody up for a bike ride?
7. I am so gross and fat! Or, I can't believe has let herself go! - Kids learn from us even when we think they aren't listening. Statements like this teach kids that it's okay to put yourself and others down and judge people for their weight or other physical attributes. Perhaps they also secretly wonder what you really think about them.
What you could say instead: I'm not perfect, but I do my best to make healthy choices.
And whatever else you say, remember to say often... I love you just the way you are.
Source:
TOPS Club Inc. (Take Off Pounds Sensibly)0 -
You told your child she'll get fat and she doesn't want to be fat?...
Yikes.
I was a thin child, a fat kid, a thin teenager, and a fat adult. From personal experience, I am telling her that habits matter. There are too many kids with obesity related illnesses in the US right now. My sister has diabetes, after years of eating peanut butter from the jar. We tell our kids they can't have unlimited candy because it rots teeth - if I said, you can't have anymore candy because you don't want to have an ugly smile - you want to have a healthy mouth, right? No one would be saying yikes about that. I am supposed to train my child in the way that they should go. Allowing her to go through a jar of peanut. Utter in one fell swoop with my genetic history would be ignoring my duty to her as her mother.
No, you're not telling her that habits matter, you're telling her that she'll be fat if she eats peanut butter out of the jar. You, ma'am, are setting the foundation for eating disorders EARLY. It is not your job as her mother to tell her she's fat, it is your job as her mother to teach her that an active lifestyle and a balanced diet lead to a healthy life through actions, positive words and reinforcement and the encouragement of good choices and decision making. I don't hand my son a bowl full of candy and then tell him not to let his teeth rot, I hand my son the agreed upon number of treats for whatever reason he's getting candy and then brush his teeth when it's time to brush his teeth to promote good oral hygiene. Your sister doesn't have diabetes because she ate peanut butter from a jar, that is unequivocally one of the greatest examples of correlation does not equal causation that I have ever seen in my life. Your whole sense of progression and causation is completely ****ed. Your sister has diabetes due to any number of things including genetics and/or poor over all diet possibly paired with a sedentary life. I guide my son and assist him in making the right decision by limiting his access to things he I don’t want him to have in abundance, giving him unlimited access to what he should have, ensuring he gets plenty of activities and active play, letting him have choices and then limiting the amount of that food he has set in front of him to encourage appropriate portioning. I assure you that my 3 year old does not have a concept of any of these things, but he certainly does know when he’s being attacked and discouraged. The last thing I would want is for my son to not only have a poor self image, but then to have eating disorders stemming from that, and further more judging others based on a hatred for people based on appearance due to some crazy foundation. You ma’am, need to reset your meter and take a serious look at what your teaching your kids and how you’re doing it.
I am disgusted.0 -
So, at three years of age, your daughter is already being fed that fat people are "bad" and thin people are "good".
Wow....someone's going to have some serious self love issues.
Not to mention this behavior can lead the child to disordered eating.... you make her fear getting fat, she is so young and impressionable, these things can stick in her sub conscious for years and rear its ugly head when the rough peer-pressured, society's image obsessed influencing her to just stop eating to be thin....
Really really really think about the things you say to your child. Telling her things like "You don't want to be fat, do you?" Has an insane amount of potential harm. Work on being positive and helping her develop a healthy body image with a healthy view on food.
A 3yr old doesn't need an explanation of why she cant have an entire jar of PB, just serve her the correct amount and focus on teaching her 'healthy eating' in a positive way.0 -
Yikes!0
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You told your child she'll get fat and she doesn't want to be fat?...
Yikes.
I was a thin child, a fat kid, a thin teenager, and a fat adult. From personal experience, I am telling her that habits matter. There are too many kids with obesity related illnesses in the US right now. My sister has diabetes, after years of eating peanut butter from the jar. We tell our kids they can't have unlimited candy because it rots teeth - if I said, you can't have anymore candy because you don't want to have an ugly smile - you want to have a healthy mouth, right? No one would be saying yikes about that. I am supposed to train my child in the way that they should go. Allowing her to go through a jar of peanut. Utter in one fell swoop with my genetic history would be ignoring my duty to her as her mother.
No, you're not telling her that habits matter, you're telling her that she'll be fat if she eats peanut butter out of the jar. You, ma'am, are setting the foundation for eating disorders EARLY. It is not your job as her mother to tell her she's fat, it is your job as her mother to teach her that an active lifestyle and a balanced diet lead to a healthy life through actions, positive words and reinforcement and the encouragement of good choices and decision making. I don't hand my son a bowl full of candy and then tell him not to let his teeth rot, I hand my son the agreed upon number of treats for whatever reason he's getting candy and then brush his teeth when it's time to brush his teeth to promote good oral hygiene. Your sister doesn't have diabetes because she ate peanut butter from a jar, that is unequivocally one of the greatest examples of correlation does not equal causation that I have ever seen in my life. Your whole sense of progression and causation is completely ****ed. Your sister has diabetes due to any number of things including genetics and/or poor over all diet possibly paired with a sedentary life. I guide my son and assist him in making the right decision by limiting his access to things he I don’t want him to have in abundance, giving him unlimited access to what he should have, ensuring he gets plenty of activities and active play, letting him have choices and then limiting the amount of that food he has set in front of him to encourage appropriate portioning. I assure you that my 3 year old does not have a concept of any of these things, but he certainly does know when he’s being attacked and discouraged. The last thing I would want is for my son to not only have a poor self image, but then to have eating disorders stemming from that, and further more judging others based on a hatred for people based on appearance due to some crazy foundation. You ma’am, need to reset your meter and take a serious look at what your teaching your kids and how you’re doing it.
I am disgusted.
:flowerforyou:
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Wow, there sure are a lot of people bashing the OP. But I don't see that what she did or said was wrong. Letting a toddler eat out of the pb jar is not bad parenting. Not letting them eat too much peanut butter is good parenting.
To me, if anything it sounded like a bit of overexplaining for a 3 yo. I would simply have said something along the lines of "too much of anything is not good" and left it at that. But what the OP did and said was nothing horrible.
Using the word "fat" is not a bad thing in every instance. Being fat is a bad thing. The kid will learn that sooner or later as we all have, and it's incredibly unlikely that this incident will scar her view of pb forever.0 -
Wow, there sure are a lot of people bashing the OP. But I don't see that what she did or said was wrong. Letting a toddler eat out of the pb jar is not bad parenting. Not letting them eat too much peanut butter is good parenting.
To me, if anything it sounded like a bit of overexplaining for a 3 yo. I would simply have said something along the lines of "too much of anything is not good" and left it at that. But what the OP did and said was nothing horrible.
Using the word "fat" is not a bad thing in every instance. Being fat is a bad thing. The kid will learn that sooner or later as we all have, and it's incredibly unlikely that this incident will scar her view of pb forever.
But then again, the child may grow up and kill people because of it.0 -
Fat? Really? Great way to give your daughter body issues. How about we don't eat out of any container of food. You know because of germs. I assume other people eat that peanut butter too.0
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it's more about moderation, than it is about telling her she will become fat.
my mother imposed ALL of her food issues on me. ALL of them, even though i didn't have any of the issues she had!!!!! so, i grew up with an extremely unhealthy relationship with food. it's been an uphill battle since january to retrain my thinking and thought processes and even though i do well most days i still have bad days. i still refuse to eat in front of my mom.
she is the one who was like you telling me i couldn't eat this that or the other because it would make me fat. and i never was fat as a kid. when i got married she told me i was going to be a fat bride because i wasn't a size 4. we didn't speak for 9 months after that.
she told me that my husband was going to cheat on my after my first child was born because i didn't lose the baby weight within 3 months.
she still makes comments about my food, diet, intake, size, etc. my mother has been "on a diet" my entire life. i'm 36. i've never known her to NOT be "on a diet." she's not a small woman by any stretch of the imagination. she made so many comments about my waist line while i was pregnant. she told me that other friends and family members " couldn't believe i didn't have a flat belly anymore" after my first was 1 yr old and i was pg with number two already.
she made comments about my own 11 year old just last week. about how much she ate. that she was a bottomless pit and already had a treat and therefore didn't need any cake for her birthday. needless to say i ignored her and gave my daughter a slice of her cake. my daughter is 11. she isn't tall, she wears a size 9 or 10. she is a small girl. most kids tower over her. she has an adorable body and i would never in a million years tell her that she can't have something because it might "make her fat."
my oldest three girls are 11, 9, and 7 and they are very much aware of body image and looks now. make up, being skinny and not fat are in their vocabulary due to public school....... i hate it!!!! they don't see my "diet" because diets are dumb and don't work.
they see me eat healthy, and eat well. i don't starve myself and i don't deprive myself. they see me work out and take care of my body. i don't talk about fat vs skinny. THEY might, but they don't hear it from me. i strive every single day to make sure they understand that "fat vs skinny" doesn't mean anything. that they want to have a healthy and well cared for body and that is all that matters!!!!
as for a solution to your pb out of the jar. we have a rule that we don't eat out of the container. you get a bowl. so, take a spoonful of pb, and put it in your bowl :-)0 -
you don't get fat from eating peanut butter. your "fatness" is an average off ALL the things you do in your life. i have a 3 yr old, a very bright one I might add, and that explanation is WAY over her head. I *hope* she didn't even comprehend the "fat" part in that whole shpeel. for me everything in moderation with DD. i just refer to things as healthy options, and things that are good for our body to help us grow. i don't use words like fat or bad, etc.
you are projecting yourself onto her....
you should see a therapist to help you with your own issues....or they will passed to your DD (some already have). I'm not being snarky, but serious...i talk from experience...0 -
I foresee LOTS of therapy for food and self image issues in your kids life.0
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If my son ate peanut butter out of the jar I think I would give him a high five.........If it was chunky I'd probably buy him a new ninjago/skylanders/pokemon toy as well.......I am missing the issue.
I think i'd do the same. My kid never eats!0 -
oh geez, OP.......0
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She's 3. There is no need to use that kind of verbage.
The word fat is just not a word a 3 year old, or any child for that matter, needs to hear. Replace fat with unhealthy and explain why she wants to be healthy - at a 3 year old's level, not an adult level.0 -
I foresee LOTS of therapy for food and self image issues in your kids life.
The mob mentality is in full force in this thread I see.0 -
This morning my 3yr old tried to take the peanut butter in her room. She likes to eat pb out of the jar but she isn't allowed. Today, I told her why:
"You have to watch what you do - if you eat pb out the jar 2 times, you might do it 3 times and if you do it enough, it will become a habit, where you do it without thinking. If you eat pb out the jar by habit you'll get fat, and you don't want to get fat - you want to be strong and healthy, right?"
Only one of three likes fruit and vegetables, but they are all a normal weight even though I'm fat. They drink milk, tea, water. If we have juice or soda, we only keep enough to last for one serving then its back to milk. My son had issues with hyperactivity, and after cutting juice from his diet, I noticed a big change in attention span. I'm not strict - I know some parents are strict about gluten, meat, sugar, and basically don't want their kids to enjoy eating anything. What about you? Do you have limits for your children? What are they and why?
no im happie when they EAT ALL THE FRIGGIN FOOD I MADE FOR THEM
grats tho on telling your kid they'll get fat
see the last part is sarcazim0 -
Don't have kids but when I do they will be raised eating whole foods. I believe if they aren't growing up introduced to sweets and junk food then they will more likely freach for fruits and such for snacks rather than junk when a bit older. I'm not going to ban them from having junk when they are a bit older and going out to school, with friends and such. It just won't be in my house much.
Same ^^
I was never taught as a child what foods were good or bad and what to eat more of and to exercise. I will make sure my ids have all this and I also believe that if they arent introduced to it then they are less likely to always want it or reach for that over a veggie or fruit.0 -
Our most important food rule is to eat ice cream on weekends. We are allowed to eat ice cream during the week, but we get so busy that sometimes we forget. On the weekends it's mandatory.0
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It may SEEM unlikely that those words will scar her forever, but kids DO listen and DO remember. I was NEVER overweight as a child or teen, but I remember my dad saying my brother was the only one in the house who could have whole milk, because he (my brother) was so skinny. I am 23 now and I STILL remember that and other little things that were said to me about food. And I DID have major insecurities, even though I exercised every day and always liked veggies and things. In fact, as a kid, I would go online and look at pro-ana websites and things simply because one little phrase made me paranoid. Sure, every kid won't do that, but you have to be CAREFUL.0
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let them eat whatever the they want.0
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