Food rules for your kids?
Replies
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I have never given my girls soda. Period. I haven't told them it will make them fat. I simply told them the house rule that was in place while I was growing up:
You must be 21 years old to drink alcoholic drinks and 13 to drink soda drinks.
It's about developing good tastes and habits. By the time they finally do drink it, it will seem to sweet and gross them out. My sister found this out when she tried to give them some sweet tea she had made. My little one spat it out in shock. We drink tea a lot at home but it's always either unsweetened (berry teas), or we use a bit of honey.
My girls are 6 and 8. They consider root beer a big kid drink and don't bother asking for it. They are more than happy with chocolate milk (which is a treat).
I don't buy into the notion of 'kid food'. I cannot afford to buy for two different palates and I want them to grow up enjoying good food. My little one LOVES balsamic vinegar with fresh mozzarella and basil. She loves most soft white cheeses. My oldest not so much. She's a cheddar girl, all the way.
Both like dark chocolate as they've not been introduced to milk chocolate. My little one likes spicy chocolate (cayenne) or salted with a high cacao count. My oldest prefers dark with berry tones. They both love vegetables, preferably fresh.
The only foods I cannot get them to like are mushrooms (I hate them, too), bell peppers, and cooked spinach although they will devour spinach raw in a salad (I think it's a texture thing).
How will child ever miss a food if they've never had it? Our problem isn't healthy foods, it's healthy portions.0 -
I can't believe you told her that she would get FAT.
What an awful word to use around children. Is that all you care about? Fat and skinny? Skinny and fat? Why couldn't you have stressed the important things? Food is good for you; peanut butter is healthy, but those habits are not.
Um, did you not read the OP??0 -
Wtf? I am not even going to comment on what you said.
To answer your question, I do have some rules for food. She can't have too much sugar, she is VERY sensitive to sugar. No one wants a severe blood sugar crash or watch their child have one. She also can't eat straight from the PB jar... but thats because its rude to eat all of the peanut butter. (She will also run off to her room with a jar of pb) She pretty much can't eat all of anything that is supposed to be for the whole family. That's just common courtesy though...
I think it's not unreasonable to say to her that food shouldn't be eaten in her room and that pb straight from the jar is a no (I say to my 9 yr old he can't have food in his room because he leaves bits around and bowls etc rather than bringing them out for washing and I would rather he sit to the table and eat as he is asd and needs to have good social interaction reinforced)
The only thing I would say is at three I think it's better to focus on the positives (ie It's nice when you eat food that will make you grow up strong and healthy , if you're hungry can you come with mummy to the kitchen and help find something really healthy to eat . I'll be really happy to see what a clever girl you are making good food choices)
I wouldn't bring up the issue of getting fat because her understanding of what you've said may not be what you intended (three year olds can still have some 'magic thinking' which is things like 'I can't see you so you cant see me)
Another thing that may be worth trying because we've always had it in communication lectures (I'm a student social worker) is that people and especially children don't take on board the first word of sentences so when you say to her 'Don't take the pb jar to your room' what her brain is hearing is 'take the pb jar to your room'
It's not easy being a parent and you can only do the best you can with the best intentions in which case you're doing fine x x0 -
I would have gone with "you aren't allowed to take the PB jar up to your room because we don't bring food out of the kitchen." I would have paired it with "it's rude to eat out of containers" and "next time you want a snack, you need to ask permission first."
I would have left any discussion of health, fat, or habits out of it. We're talking about a 3 year old, here.0 -
I'd have just told her that it's the same principle as double dipping veggies or chips into dip - saliva gets on the spoon, and goes back into the jar and makes it unsanitary. My daughter is 4, but she understands germs, and why if she wants to double dip something, she has her own bowl of it. That's just me though, to each his own. *shrug*
Here's my rules:
1) My kids aren't allowed to eat unless it's at the table - and that's special snacks if we eat away from the table (movie night, for instance).
2) They're allowed to have fruit any time of day, meal-time or not, but are only allowed to have certain snacks between meals (I choose those snacks for them and they're allowed to pick between 2-3 different options, which depends on how much dairy, fruit, etc., they've had so far that day - I might offer them a cheese stick or a yogurt (my son has a dairy allergy, so not him), some whole grain crackers, some cut up veggies, or more fruit.
3) They MUST try one bite of each food on their plate - if they don't like it, they don't have to eat it, but they must at least try it.
4) They do not have to clean their plates, but if they are hungry after not eating dinner, they're limited to a snack (of my choice, again, depending on what they've eaten that day so far) or their dinner reheated, but I will not cook a separate meal.
5) We only drink water at dinner unless we're eating out, and then they're allowed to have juice or lemonade as a treat (my daughter doesn't like milk, and my son can only have almond milk, so no restaurants around here offer that as an option), but pop and iced tea are "grown up drinks" and they're not allowed to have that (I let them try a sip here or there, but they never get their own).
My daughter isn't picky at all - she'll eat anything except raw onion. My son has a lot of allergies, and is picky on top of that because he has texture/sensory issues, so his dinners are pretty limited and aren't as healthy as I'd like, but we're working on it. I try to involve both kids in choosing what we're having for dinner (I offer two or three options off of my weekly meal plan, and they get to pick what I make). They are also allowed to choose their food at restaurants - and I don't insist they get a vegetable instead of fries, because it's a treat for us, and we eat vegetables at home, daily. My daughter will 9/10 pick a salad at a restaurant, but I don't force her to do so.
My daughter loves to grocery shop with me, and also loves to help in the kitchen, so I feel like I'm (hopefully) setting her up for healthy habits down the line. We eat healthy as a family for the most part, and while we do bring in treats and I try to explain how and why we eat things in moderation. I try to teach the physical reasons WHY we want to be healthy, rather than putting an emphasis on wanting to look a certain way, just because I have my own issues with my body and appearance, and I don't want my kids to suffer the way I do.0 -
You couldn't have said, "unlimited peanut butter is not good for you"?
exactly, or even something like "that's enought, we have to save some to have another time."0 -
I can't believe you told her that she would get FAT.
What an awful word to use around children. Is that all you care about? Fat and skinny? Skinny and fat? Why couldn't you have stressed the important things? Food is good for you; peanut butter is healthy, but those habits are not.
Um, did you not read the OP??
I did.
All I saw was 'fat', and I'll bet that's all her 3yo daughter heard too.0 -
Oh and the main rule in our house is that there are some foods that small knows he can't have because he knows they will make him high and the explanation has always been that he's lovely when he's not high so we want him to stay like that.
We also have the three mouthfuls rule , if it's something new , he has to try three mouthfuls and if he doesn't like it then he can leave it not just refuse because its new . He isn't a picky eater and has always helped me in the garden/allotment so he knows which plants are safe to eat.
Other than that , nice table manners and that goes for everyone in the house0 -
You told your child she'll get fat and she doesn't want to be fat?...
Yikes.
I was a thin child, a fat kid, a thin teenager, and a fat adult. From personal experience, I am telling her that habits matter. There are too many kids with obesity related illnesses in the US right now. My sister has diabetes, after years of eating peanut butter from the jar. We tell our kids they can't have unlimited candy because it rots teeth - if I said, you can't have anymore candy because you don't want to have an ugly smile - you want to have a healthy mouth, right? No one would be saying yikes about that. I am supposed to train my child in the way that they should go. Allowing her to go through a jar of peanut. Utter in one fell swoop with my genetic history would be ignoring my duty to her as her mother.
I wouldn't tell a child "you don't want an ugly smile" either.0 -
Man, just tell her it's unsanitary. Don't tell your kid she's gonna get fat. Quite honestly, I'd be more concerned the whole family was eating her spit.0
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I think one of the bigger issues is letting the kid grab food out of the fridge whenever she wants. What the heck? How about set meal times and certain allowed snacks? Getting into the fridge whenever she wants is probably a good way to get fat.0
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We call our 4 year old daughter our "little refugee" We can never get her to just sit and eat. She will take a few bites then she's off doing something until a while later and she'll take another bite. I'm never going to force her to eat. Right now, she's a little wisp of a thing and if I can keep her like that I will. I had my first period in 3rd grade and my weight has been a battle ever since. I hope and pray things are different for her.0
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Our rules:
-Eat at the table
-Snack on fruits and veggies first; if you're hungry, there's apples, bananas, broccoli, etc ready for you
-Drink water through the day
-Stop and think: make sure you're hungry before eat, not just bored
-Try everything I serve, at least 1 or 2 bites
-Don't gobble your food. Eat slowly and stop when you are done, even if there is food on your plate. Of course, you don't get to come ask for treats an hour later if you didn't eat a reasonable amount of dinner.
I don't make anything completely off-limits. Cookies are okay, 1 or 2 in a day. Soda is okay, once a day when it's in the house (which isn't always) - even Coke (caffeine) once in a while. This is on the advice of our pediatrician who said that if something is forbidden it makes it more desirable. (This doesn't apply to tobacco/alcohol/drugs - the key there is education, not forbiddance)
ETA: I guess I better add, my kids aren't little any more. They are older school age to teen (with one exception). We've been working on this for years and it's taking hold, mostly.
I also have rules about activity level. They need to do 30 minutes or more of activity (bikes, basketball, etc) before they turn on any screen-based items. I follow this rule myself, most days
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Don't have kids but when I do they will be raised eating whole foods. I believe if they aren't growing up introduced to sweets and junk food then they will more likely freach for fruits and such for snacks rather than junk when a bit older. I'm not going to ban them from having junk when they are a bit older and going out to school, with friends and such. It just won't be in my house much.
You can try this...trust me we did. But there will come a time, at about age 3 or 4, when they go to birthday parties or treats are brought to day care and school and they are exposed to it. Then they start asking why they can't have it. Then you have to explain to them healthy vs. unhealthy, etc. You can try to keep the world out, but it has a way of sneaking past you....
Yes my full intention was not to let my daughter have certain things, and then grandparents, birthday parties, other peoples houses.. there is no way to fully keep them in the dark!0 -
I would have gone with "you aren't allowed to take the PB jar up to your room because we don't bring food out of the kitchen." I would have paired it with "it's rude to eat out of containers" and "next time you want a snack, you need to ask permission first."
I would have left any discussion of health, fat, or habits out of it. We're talking about a 3 year old, here.
Exactly.
And I think it bears repeating that healthy, normal 3-year-olds do not overeat. She was probably hungry, so after the explanation, I would have made her a PB sandwich and sat her at the table to eat it.0 -
Also if it is really a problem, just stop buying whatever it is. Peanut Butter isn't a necessity. I have done this at times, I actually stopped buying peanut butter, not only to get my daughter to stop begging for it, but to not let myself take the easy route and just give her peanut butter sandwiches every day for lunch! And it worked, eventually she stopped asking for it and now will eat many different kinds of sandwiches not just peanut butter and jelly.0
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Teach healthy habits, don't tell her she will get fat. For pity's sake! Give her a plate with celery or apples and peanut butter. Peanut butter is not poison! At least she didn't have a jar of icing, right??
I am teaching healthy habits - MODERATION. Someone said my sister in no way got diabetes from eating peanut butter from the jar. There are 2,880 calories in a jar of peanut butter. If you get into a HABIT of eating a whole jar, no matter how active you are, you will get fat and potentially have blood sugar problems.
Obesity has caused havoc. My mil has has quad bypass, neck fracture, reduced eyesight, heart attack, diabetes, kidney failure - from fat. She can no longer get out of bed without being supported. She's 60. What about these kids that are getting diabetes at 9 and 10? It's horrible, I feel bad for them, because of the unnecessary suffering.0 -
Also if it is really a problem, just stop buying whatever it is. Peanut Butter isn't a necessity. I have done this at times, I actually stopped buying peanut butter, not only to get my daughter to stop begging for it, but to not let myself take the easy route and just give her peanut butter sandwiches every day for lunch! And it worked, eventually she stopped asking for it and now will eat many different kinds of sandwiches not just peanut butter and jelly.
That's great advice. Thanks!0 -
Don't have kids but when I do they will be raised eating whole foods. I believe if they aren't growing up introduced to sweets and junk food then they will more likely freach for fruits and such for snacks rather than junk when a bit older. I'm not going to ban them from having junk when they are a bit older and going out to school, with friends and such. It just won't be in my house much.
You can try this...trust me we did. But there will come a time, at about age 3 or 4, when they go to birthday parties or treats are brought to day care and school and they are exposed to it. Then they start asking why they can't have it. Then you have to explain to them healthy vs. unhealthy, etc. You can try to keep the world out, but it has a way of sneaking past you....
Yes my full intention was not to let my daughter have certain things, and then grandparents, birthday parties, other peoples houses.. there is no way to fully keep them in the dark!
Ahhh, grandmothers! She goes grocery shopping for kid food when they visit, which is often. She mentioned she goes through a box of ice cream when they are there. What! Grandparents like to pamper (spoil), and my husband, who is skinny, is also indulgent. I feel like someone has to put the brakes because childhood obesity is no joke. Adult obesity isn't either!0 -
You told your child she'll get fat and she doesn't want to be fat?...
Yikes.
I was a thin child, a fat kid, a thin teenager, and a fat adult. From personal experience, I am telling her that habits matter. There are too many kids with obesity related illnesses in the US right now. My sister has diabetes, after years of eating peanut butter from the jar. We tell our kids they can't have unlimited candy because it rots teeth - if I said, you can't have anymore candy because you don't want to have an ugly smile - you want to have a healthy mouth, right? No one would be saying yikes about that. I am supposed to train my child in the way that they should go. Allowing her to go through a jar of peanut. Utter in one fell swoop with my genetic history would be ignoring my duty to her as her mother.
Well, since you chose to single out my response which was one of the shorter, vague responses, I'll respond to you.
The stigma on being FAT in this society is damaging to a child. They know, because they learn at school, that being fat means being different. She needs to be taught in a subtle, kid friendly approach that eating healthy is the way to go. Exercise is fun. Not "You don't want to overeat the PB because you don't want to be fat. You don't want to be fat, do you?" I have a 10 year old sister who is, by all accounts, fat. Her mother TORTURED her as a small child. "Don't eat that! You'll get fat! You don't want to me fat like your older sister(me), do you??" Now, I HIGHLY doubt that you're commenting on her eating to that extent, so don't get your panties in a twist. But telling her that eating certain foods will make her fat, shame.
She needs to be taught moderation. Not that foods are off limits.
^^^^ This...
(In general) Instead of taking away the peanut butter, just give her a smaller amount... it's parents that berate their children into thinking they are fat (regardless of whether or not they are) when they eat or do certain things that give children, even as young as three, disordered eating and make it worse. I highly doubt eating strictly peanut butter from a jar gave anyone diabetes... More and more girls as young as 3 are now calling themselves fat, weighing themselves, and are anxious about their looks... THREE. Not 5, not 10, not 15, but THREE... the age of the OP's daughter.
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/11/091124103615.htm
As much as this article hypes up the influence of Disney Movies on young girls body issues... I believe more of their body issues stems from the real people around them even more so.
I will not make food off limits, but I will teach my child how to eat right and in right proportions.... and to get out and exercise... THAT is more important that putting things off limits and berating the child.0 -
I would have gone with "you aren't allowed to take the PB jar up to your room because we don't bring food out of the kitchen." I would have paired it with "it's rude to eat out of containers" and "next time you want a snack, you need to ask permission first."
I would have left any discussion of health, fat, or habits out of it. We're talking about a 3 year old, here.
Exactly! In our house a 3 year old is going to be hard pressed to be able to reach the snacks... even with a chair or a step ladder she wouldn't be able to reach... I can't even reach some of it without a step ladder... :laugh:0 -
Teach healthy habits, don't tell her she will get fat. For pity's sake! Give her a plate with celery or apples and peanut butter. Peanut butter is not poison! At least she didn't have a jar of icing, right??
I am teaching healthy habits - MODERATION. Someone said my sister in no way got diabetes from eating peanut butter from the jar. There are 2,880 calories in a jar of peanut butter. If you get into a HABIT of eating a whole jar, no matter how active you are, you will get fat and potentially have blood sugar problems.
Obesity has caused havoc. My mil has has quad bypass, neck fracture, reduced eyesight, heart attack, diabetes, kidney failure - from fat. She can no longer get out of bed without being supported. She's 60. What about these kids that are getting diabetes at 9 and 10? It's horrible, I feel bad for them, because of the unnecessary suffering.
"You will get fat, you will get fat, you will get fat." SHUT UP.
BEING FAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM.
BEING FAT DOES NOT NECESSARILY EQUAL THE OPPOSITE OF HEALTHY.
BEING FAT SHOULD NEVER BE USED AS A THREAT TO A CHILD.
Yes, you're right: the habit is what you should avoid. But who's to say that would turn in a habit? Who's to say that would lead to obesity and heart attack and diabetes? SHE'S THREE YEARS OLD. None of this would be an issue if you would just accept what people were saying -- YOU'RE WRONG. You have the control; you can decide what your 3yo eats. You decide when and how and where. Keep the peanut butter out of reach. And if she asks for a spoonful? Give her a spoonful and a sliced apple. And if she asks for more even if she's not hungry? Tell her to save it for another time!
Fat (or dieting) never, ever has to be included in a conversation with a child.0 -
I would have gone with "you aren't allowed to take the PB jar up to your room because we don't bring food out of the kitchen." I would have paired it with "it's rude to eat out of containers" and "next time you want a snack, you need to ask permission first."
I would have left any discussion of health, fat, or habits out of it. We're talking about a 3 year old, here.
Exactly! In our house a 3 year old is going to be hard pressed to be able to reach the snacks... even with a chair or a step ladder she wouldn't be able to reach... I can't even reach some of it without a step ladder... :laugh:
Seriously - I can't begin to explain this. The one year old hangs on the monkey bars and climbs the climbing wall at the park easy peasy- I can only explain this by saying she might be trying to keep up with her older siblings.
My son had a cabinet for teaching toys that had a childproof lock. He opened it at three. I put something he wanted on a high shelf in the closet. He stacked scoot riders up and made a ladder. So we put two locks on the closet door. He opened them. I told him no video games and hid all components in various places. He found them all, put them together, put the tv On the right channel. When it wouldn't play, he found the box and looked at the instruction manual (I watched while he did this to see his level of understanding). He's five. Three year old troubleshoots the computer! Sometimes I watch them with my jaw hanging open. Like when five year old put 48 piece floor puzzle together - on the blank side! I can't explain it, but I thank God for their abilities.0 -
I apologize.0
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Teach healthy habits, don't tell her she will get fat. For pity's sake! Give her a plate with celery or apples and peanut butter. Peanut butter is not poison! At least she didn't have a jar of icing, right??
I am teaching healthy habits - MODERATION. Someone said my sister in no way got diabetes from eating peanut butter from the jar. There are 2,880 calories in a jar of peanut butter. If you get into a HABIT of eating a whole jar, no matter how active you are, you will get fat and potentially have blood sugar problems.
Obesity has caused havoc. My mil has has quad bypass, neck fracture, reduced eyesight, heart attack, diabetes, kidney failure - from fat. She can no longer get out of bed without being supported. She's 60. What about these kids that are getting diabetes at 9 and 10? It's horrible, I feel bad for them, because of the unnecessary suffering.
No, I'm still correct, eating peanut butter right out of the jar won't cause diabetes, eating a jar of peanut butter every day on top of the other choices she probably made can cause obesity and other health issues like diabetes. So again, correlation is not causation. You've correceted nothing, just reinforced the fact that your sister was making all around poor issues, which is exactly what I said. Your not teaching moderation, your teaching food issues. You're emphasis is not on healthy eating and general habits, which I said was activity and balanced meals, your emphasis is on fear and avoidance.ike I said, I think you seriously need a shift on focus away from the negativity of fear and to positives of a healthy relationship with food and movement paired with ecnouraging wise decisions.
Edit: I hate typing on my iPod.0 -
As a three year old she might not remember that particular statement (might being the key word.) However, I would say be careful with your wording in the future. To this day something my dad said to me 10 years ago about my weight is still ingrained in my mind and it still hurts.0
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Okay there's a little but of harshness going on in here. Don't use "fat". That is a harsh word and it till create an unhealthy relationship with food, use words like "overweight". This is because the word "fat" is such a negative word used in society today that it is terrifying to someone to coming that word. Using overweight is more aimed towards health, and isn't nearly as negative. But that is only if she really asks questions. I would stick to "too much peanut butter is bad for you". That is great for such a young child, the overweight things will come in when she's older. But fat is too negative of a word, it will can cause a complex.0
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I feel like someone has to put the brakes because childhood obesity is no joke. Adult obesity isn't either!
I hear your concerns... but disordered eating like anorexia and bulimia are also a large issue in YOUNG girls... it begins YOUNG, around age six most little girls are worried about their weight!!!!!!!!!!
Please, if you care for your children, think about what potential harm you COULD be causing by telling them that eating certain foods/amounts can make them FAT... its a slippery slope... I would focus on the health aspect, they don't need to feel like their attractiveness is all of their worth. A parents words hold so much more weight than anyone else, esp in a young child. Your children will experience so much judgement and the harsh reality of society's obsession with appearance and weight, they don't need to be getting those messages from you, teach them and support them in a positive way so that they have the confidence and tools to handle the harsh realities of what is to come.0 -
This morning my 3yr old tried to take the peanut butter in her room. She likes to eat pb out of the jar but she isn't allowed. Today, I told her why:
"You have to watch what you do - if you eat pb out the jar 2 times, you might do it 3 times and if you do it enough, it will become a habit, where you do it without thinking. If you eat pb out the jar by habit you'll get fat, and you don't want to get fat - you want to be strong and healthy, right?"
Only one of three likes fruit and vegetables, but they are all a normal weight even though I'm fat. They drink milk, tea, water. If we have juice or soda, we only keep enough to last for one serving then its back to milk. My son had issues with hyperactivity, and after cutting juice from his diet, I noticed a big change in attention span. I'm not strict - I know some parents are strict about gluten, meat, sugar, and basically don't want their kids to enjoy eating anything. What about you? Do you have limits for your children? What are they and why?
Way to project onto your kid. You might want to start putting away now for the therapist0 -
i understand where you're coming from because i want to teach my future kids healthy habits, but i think maybe taking the emphasis off of the "you'll get fat" and maybe putting it on the "its an unhealthy habit which can lead to type 2 diabetes and other deadly health issues" would be mentally healthier for children. just my 2cents0
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