Food rules for your kids?
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It may SEEM unlikely that those words will scar her forever, but kids DO listen and DO remember. I was NEVER overweight as a child or teen, but I remember my dad saying my brother was the only one in the house who could have whole milk, because he (my brother) was so skinny. I am 23 now and I STILL remember that and other little things that were said to me about food. And I DID have major insecurities, even though I exercised every day and always liked veggies and things. In fact, as a kid, I would go online and look at pro-ana websites and things simply because one little phrase made me paranoid. Sure, every kid won't do that, but you have to be CAREFUL.
But the OP didn't compare her children and rate one higher than the other. That's a whole other issue.0 -
I don't have kids, but if I did, I wouldn't tell them what the OP did. Also, how can a fat mom warn her kids about getting fat and developing good habits if she doesn't have those habits herself?
Lead by example. Teach your children by showing them the right thing to do. Every kid loves to eat things that taste good. Every PERSON does. It's not abnormal behavior for a child, but the fact that she went and hid to eat the peanut butter says a lot... It says that she's already learned to be ashamed of indulging in something "bad" for her that will make her "fat."0 -
This morning my 3yr old tried to take the peanut butter in her room. She likes to eat pb out of the jar but she isn't allowed. Today, I told her why:
"You have to watch what you do - if you eat pb out the jar 2 times, you might do it 3 times and if you do it enough, it will become a habit, where you do it without thinking. If you eat pb out the jar by habit you'll get fat, and you don't want to get fat - you want to be strong and healthy, right?"
Only one of three likes fruit and vegetables, but they are all a normal weight even though I'm fat. They drink milk, tea, water. If we have juice or soda, we only keep enough to last for one serving then its back to milk. My son had issues with hyperactivity, and after cutting juice from his diet, I noticed a big change in attention span. I'm not strict - I know some parents are strict about gluten, meat, sugar, and basically don't want their kids to enjoy eating anything. What about you? Do you have limits for your children? What are they and why?
You're giving your kids food issues.
Did everyone miss the "you want to be strong and healthy, right?" part of her story? just wondering because ive read A LOT of "why didnt you tell her healthy/unhealthy" comments.0 -
LMFAO!!!!!!!!0 -
This morning my 3yr old tried to take the peanut butter in her room. She likes to eat pb out of the jar but she isn't allowed. Today, I told her why:
"You have to watch what you do - if you eat pb out the jar 2 times, you might do it 3 times and if you do it enough, it will become a habit, where you do it without thinking. If you eat pb out the jar by habit you'll get fat, and you don't want to get fat - you want to be strong and healthy, right?"
Only one of three likes fruit and vegetables, but they are all a normal weight even though I'm fat. They drink milk, tea, water. If we have juice or soda, we only keep enough to last for one serving then its back to milk. My son had issues with hyperactivity, and after cutting juice from his diet, I noticed a big change in attention span. I'm not strict - I know some parents are strict about gluten, meat, sugar, and basically don't want their kids to enjoy eating anything. What about you? Do you have limits for your children? What are they and why?
You're giving your kids food issues.
Did everyone miss the "you want to be strong and healthy, right?" part of her story? just wondering because ive read A LOT of "why didnt you tell her healthy/unhealthy" comments.
First of all, peanut butter isn't unhealthy, unless it's loaded with sugar. And asking a child not to crave something they know tastes good is like telling your dog to not scratch when fleas are biting them. It's just not fair. If she wants to eat something, maybe she should be told to ask mom first and the mom can decide if that's on the menu for today. Shaming her when she's already hiding the eating behavior just reinforces the habit. Watch... she'll continue to do it and get better at hiding it.0 -
Wow, there sure are a lot of people bashing the OP. But I don't see that what she did or said was wrong. Letting a toddler eat out of the pb jar is not bad parenting. Not letting them eat too much peanut butter is good parenting.
To me, if anything it sounded like a bit of overexplaining for a 3 yo. I would simply have said something along the lines of "too much of anything is not good" and left it at that. But what the OP did and said was nothing horrible.
Using the word "fat" is not a bad thing in every instance. Being fat is a bad thing. The kid will learn that sooner or later as we all have, and it's incredibly unlikely that this incident will scar her view of pb forever.
this0 -
Don't keep junk it the house and it won't be a problem.
You said the other's don't like fruits and veggies-- well too bad.
My daughter used to sit in her chair for what seemed to be hours finishing her veggies. Or she protest that she wasn't hungry-- and when she came around that plate was there waiting for her, eventually she was so hungry she ate her veggies. Now she's 5 and cleans off her plate. If they don't want to eat your food you made too bad no food then! They'll get hungry and eventually eat it.
And common' don't let them eat in their room in definitely promotes future bad habits.
Be the parent!0 -
Did everyone miss the "you want to be strong and healthy, right?" part of her story? just wondering because ive read A LOT of "why didnt you tell her healthy/unhealthy" comments.
She also said the child was not allowed to eat out of the jar, but there are posts saying she shouldn't allow the child to eat from the jar. Reading comprehension is not real strong on this thread.0 -
^^This^^It is about positive versus negative. You can teach them to have a positive relationship with food(for better health). Or you can teach them to have a negative relationship(that will make you fat).
My youngest is in love with peanut butter. It is a good source of protein and she could be eating a lot worse. I just put some pb on a plate with an apple cut up for dipping.
If I had that same situation #1) She would be in huge trouble for taking food without asking. #2) I would tell her NO she could not have more peanut butter. #3) If she asked why, I would tell her that she has had enough. End of story, she is 3.
Absolutely agree with this. Parent isn't condoning or condemning the child's desire to eat peanut butter nor labeling it as healthy or unhealthy. Child simply gets in trouble for not asking permission, NOT for desiring the food. Very important distinction to make here.0 -
^^This^^It is about positive versus negative. You can teach them to have a positive relationship with food(for better health). Or you can teach them to have a negative relationship(that will make you fat).
My youngest is in love with peanut butter. It is a good source of protein and she could be eating a lot worse. I just put some pb on a plate with an apple cut up for dipping.
If I had that same situation #1) She would be in huge trouble for taking food without asking. #2) I would tell her NO she could not have more peanut butter. #3) If she asked why, I would tell her that she has had enough. End of story, she is 3.
Absolutely agree with this. Parent isn't condoning or condemning the child's desire to eat peanut butter nor labeling it as healthy or unhealthy. Child simply gets in trouble for not asking permission, NOT for desiring the food. Very important distinction to make here.
Says the non-parent.
The OP didn't label peanut butter unhealthy nor did she say the child was "in trouble". (seriously, can't anyone read anymore!).0 -
Did everyone miss the "you want to be strong and healthy, right?" part of her story? just wondering because ive read A LOT of "why didnt you tell her healthy/unhealthy" comments.
She also said the child was not allowed to eat out of the jar, but there are posts saying she shouldn't allow the child to eat from the jar. Reading comprehension is not real strong on this thread.
*nods*0 -
Did everyone miss the "you want to be strong and healthy, right?" part of her story? just wondering because ive read A LOT of "why didnt you tell her healthy/unhealthy" comments.
She also said the child was not allowed to eat out of the jar, but there are posts saying she shouldn't allow the child to eat from the jar. Reading comprehension is not real strong on this thread.
*nods*
I think everyone picked up on the part about "you don't want to be fat" because it is such a negative and possibly damaging thing to say to a child. This is the overwhelming majority on this thread. When my child is being naughty I don't say "You don't want to be an *kitten* do you?" or something to that effect. Words are very powerful. The way a mother sees herself is also very powerful especially to daughters because they tend to mirror their mother.
I am not judging OP. My kids will have enough things to blame me for someday.
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^^This^^It is about positive versus negative. You can teach them to have a positive relationship with food(for better health). Or you can teach them to have a negative relationship(that will make you fat).
My youngest is in love with peanut butter. It is a good source of protein and she could be eating a lot worse. I just put some pb on a plate with an apple cut up for dipping.
If I had that same situation #1) She would be in huge trouble for taking food without asking. #2) I would tell her NO she could not have more peanut butter. #3) If she asked why, I would tell her that she has had enough. End of story, she is 3.
Absolutely agree with this. Parent isn't condoning or condemning the child's desire to eat peanut butter nor labeling it as healthy or unhealthy. Child simply gets in trouble for not asking permission, NOT for desiring the food. Very important distinction to make here.
Says the non-parent.
The OP didn't label peanut butter unhealthy nor did she say the child was "in trouble". (seriously, can't anyone read anymore!).
The OP CAUGHT her child. It implies catching them doing something wrong. You don't usually go around 'catching' kids doing things right. I'm a teacher. I work with kids all the time. Parents do this dumb crap more often than not, although, not because they are bad parents. They just made a mistake.0 -
Background:
My ex husband is a VERY big guy. Like 400, 500, or more pounds. 6'3", size 8x (at least) and 62" waist in pants (which, of course, went around the smallest part of his stomach.) He was a skinny little kid until a certain age and then BAM. So as a result, I watch our two kids for a similar issue.
My son is his little spitting image but I've learned that my son has a hollow leg and can eat all day and you can still get the heebie jeebies looking at his spine. *shiver* And he's 6 and he weighs just about 70 pounds. (My kids weigh themselves on my scale about once a week or so for fun. They view it as "look how big I'm growing!")
Now my daughter, who is 4, is the opposite. She weighs over 60 pounds and although she's tall for her age, she's getting chubby. So we have little chats about how we want to pick foods that make us healthy and strong. Or foods that help us run fast. And her brother will say the same thing to her and remind her that we eat our dinner to grow up and be strong! Her issue is that she'd far prefer to drink chocolate milk than eat. As a result, I restrict chocolate milk to bedtime only and we drink water and juice during the day.
Our rules:
1. Eat a bite of everything on your plate
2. You don't have to finish dinner if you aren't hungry, but you won't get something more later
3. You can influence what we eat for dinner, within reason (ie: do you want a hamburger tonight or a hotdog?) As an adult, I enjoy picking what I eat and I feel kids should have some choice in the matter. I'd say they pick dinner about 2 out of 5 days (they spend the weekends with their dad's) but I have veto rights.
4. We don't have dessert every night
Above that, honestly the schools help a lot because they teach about healthy food, eating lots of veggies, etc. My son will talk on and on about how he wants to eat food to be strong so I simply encourage it and remind him of that when we eat!
As far as the mommy war debate, we don't use the word fat in my house. It's a word that implies bullying and we don't bully. We do, however, consistently strive to be healthy and do healthy activities.0 -
Teach healthy habits, don't tell her she will get fat. For pity's sake! Give her a plate with celery or apples and peanut butter. Peanut butter is not poison! At least she didn't have a jar of icing, right??0
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You told your child she'll get fat and she doesn't want to be fat?...
Yikes.
I agree!! Wow!!0 -
Wtf? I am not even going to comment on what you said.
To answer your question, I do have some rules for food. She can't have too much sugar, she is VERY sensitive to sugar. No one wants a severe blood sugar crash or watch their child have one. She also can't eat straight from the PB jar... but thats because its rude to eat all of the peanut butter. (She will also run off to her room with a jar of pb) She pretty much can't eat all of anything that is supposed to be for the whole family. That's just common courtesy though...0 -
Wow. You pretty much guaranteed right in that moment that you will have a child with serious food issues.0
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You told your child she'll get fat and she doesn't want to be fat?...
Yikes.
I was a thin child, a fat kid, a thin teenager, and a fat adult. From personal experience, I am telling her that habits matter. There are too many kids with obesity related illnesses in the US right now. My sister has diabetes, after years of eating peanut butter from the jar. We tell our kids they can't have unlimited candy because it rots teeth - if I said, you can't have anymore candy because you don't want to have an ugly smile - you want to have a healthy mouth, right? No one would be saying yikes about that. I am supposed to train my child in the way that they should go. Allowing her to go through a jar of peanut. Utter in one fell swoop with my genetic history would be ignoring my duty to her as her mother.
Well, since you chose to single out my response which was one of the shorter, vague responses, I'll respond to you.
The stigma on being FAT in this society is damaging to a child. They know, because they learn at school, that being fat means being different. She needs to be taught in a subtle, kid friendly approach that eating healthy is the way to go. Exercise is fun. Not "You don't want to overeat the PB because you don't want to be fat. You don't want to be fat, do you?" I have a 10 year old sister who is, by all accounts, fat. Her mother TORTURED her as a small child. "Don't eat that! You'll get fat! You don't want to me fat like your older sister(me), do you??" Now, I HIGHLY doubt that you're commenting on her eating to that extent, so don't get your panties in a twist. But telling her that eating certain foods will make her fat, shame.
She needs to be taught moderation. Not that foods are off limits.
Please note I am teaching moderation. Pb sandwich, ok. Entire jar of pb, not ok. As for the use of the word fat - it is what it is. My children are highly prized by me as gifts from God. Sometimes it's not what you say, but how you say it. It's called telling the truth, in love. Unconditional love does more for a child's self esteem than semantics.
For what it's worth, I think you did the right thing. It is what it is. Being fat IS bad. If it wasn't then it wouldn't be a problem. It doesn't make a person bad or worth any less than anyone else, which I'm sure you can teach her. However, it is a problem she can avoid.
I wish my mother would have taught me about healthy eating and moderation as a child.0 -
I can't believe you told her that she would get FAT.
What an awful word to use around children. Is that all you care about? Fat and skinny? Skinny and fat? Why couldn't you have stressed the important things? Food is good for you; peanut butter is healthy, but those habits are not.
I agree with a few others: I wouldn't be surprised if she grows up with disordered eating if you continue using your skinny/fat logic.0
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