Need to Vent!!! I THINK I LOVE MY HUSBAND

patroleumjam

I will honestly never understand what is so magical about sex to the point people just feel like they're about to DIE without it. maybe it's because I'm a virgin, I don't know. I get it's important to a relationship and it apparently feels good but jesus...

yes, it's because you're a virgin. when you find the one you're meant to be with, you'll discover it's the most wonderful physical expression of your love.

to the point where I insult my SO because they're not in the mood? yeah ok. SOUNDS LIKE LOVE.

gogojodee

Haha - hearing this makes me not want to get married! haha

Assassins_Angel

I have to admit I am in a similar situation with my Fiancé, Until a year ago we were in a long distance relationship and we'd only spend a max of 2 weeks together twice a year and in those 2 weeks we'd have sex at every opportunity! But now that we are living together we don't feel the need to bone every 5 minutes and instead enjoy eachother in other ways such as cuddling and talking in bed, Of course we still make love on a regular basis but sometimes it's nice just to hold one another.

Though sometimes when I'm in the mood and he rejects me it hurts my feelings a little as until I moved in with him he's never said no to making love, but I know it's got nothing to do with me and it's because he's tired and had a hard day at work, so I'd give him a massage and have cuddles with him instead

GypsysBloodRose26

I will honestly never understand what is so magical about sex to the point people just feel like they're about to DIE without it. maybe it's because I'm a virgin, I don't know. I get it's important to a relationship and it apparently feels good but jesus...

yes, it's because you're a virgin. when you find the one you're meant to be with, you'll discover it's the most wonderful physical expression of your love.

to the point where I insult my SO because they're not in the mood? yeah ok. SOUNDS LIKE LOVE.

So, I assume you have never been so frustrated with a person and needed to vent about it. For whatever reason. If you had, you would understand that the anonymity of the internet on a site designed to support our peers is the perfect place to vent. Especially if there is no one else you are able or willing to talk to about it.

manda1002

While he was in, was he sent over seas, or did anything happen that could have caused PTSD? If so, maybe after the incident, and then getting out of the army and not really having anything to do, it's just hit him. The sitting around not doing anything and the weight gain would be more cause of worry to me than the sex, honestly. He's not happy. Or like others have said, his testosterone. I think at this point, the sexiest thing you could do for him is help him. Make an appointment to see his Dr by yourself, or with him if he's willing to go as well. This is one of those points in a womans life when she needs to realize it's not about her, and her husband really needs her, on a very emotional level. Be his rock, help him.

Glassjaw01

Girl, if he doesn't pay attention to you, you need to start leaving the house all dressed up and looking good. Even if it's going out to the store, let other men compliment you and make you feel good. You can let him know about it when you get home. Start going out without him and make him wonder what you're up to. It might take some time, so yeah, maybe you'll need some of what the others suggested.... In fact, that might get him interested. Stop doing the things you do for him on an every day basis (whether it be cooking dinner or washing his clothes, etc.) and let him know if he's not gonna take care of your needs, you're not going to take care of his. In fact, (thank God my husband doesn't like sports) but I'd go stand in front of him with a pair of scissors, walk over to the TV cord, and threaten to make sure he won't have the choice to pick the tv over you anymore. You probably need to tell him what you told us, and tell him seriously. Let him know exactly how he's making you feel.

Wow, such great advice. Are you in high school??? Very immature advice.

I agree. Thank god Im not married to this girl. I feel sorry for her husband.

Kym1610

Everyone is different of couse and I usually wear pants work, or jeans on the weekend so what gets my hubby going is when I dress a little more femine, a skirt or dress and stockings will pretty much do it for him every time.

What does your husband like?

deadgirl81

Wait til the football is on - lie in front of the tv, nekkid!! And maybe try some of the things from this adamandeve website - maybe that'll change his mind - or lay on the dining room table, and cover yourself in potato chips, see if that'd get a reaction!?

(Don't worry, I'm going through the same sort of thing, my other half doesnt have a high sex drive, in reality I don't either but it'd still be nice to have it now and again, think its been about 4-5 months for me now - ah well :indifferent: )

Good luck with it all :happy:

kaybillie

yep same here! mind you mine has always been that way!!! Thought it was me!! maybe low testosterone?!
You keep going with the healthy though. best wishes.

scruffykaz

Ok seriously what guy in the world turns down sex when there wife is basically begging for it! WTF I understand "sex" is not what makes a marriage, BUT since I dropped the 10 lbs Still have a ways to go (45) and been working out 5x a week its all that is on my mind. All my husband wants to do is sit on the damn couch be boring and eat chips. I do not get it in any way, been married to the man since I was 17 WTF. He has just gotten so damn lazy since he got out of the ARMY i mean god I think he has gained atleast 40lbs I have pointed it out to him! Like everyone already knows until he wants to change it, its not gonna change!


Anyways sorry just had to get it out GRRR. Please no negativity its not like that at all.
Anyone feel free to add me!

How long has he been out of the Army? If this is a long term problem maybe you could encourage him to exercise with you, even if it is just light exercise like walking.

Unfortunately, even though he wants to lose weight, you have to wait for him to be ready to do. WANTING to lose weight and being willing to do something about it are two different things.

You have both changed by the sounds of it. You have lost weight and he has become a couch potato. You need to find a happy medium...

MellowGa

Does he have depression? taking medication, this could be an issue, Depression for vets is at a all time high currently.

If so that will kill his libido.

silico

Ok seriously what guy in the world turns down sex when there wife is basically begging for it! WTF I understand "sex" is not what makes a marriage, BUT since I dropped the 10 lbs Still have a ways to go (45) and been working out 5x a week its all that is on my mind. All my husband wants to do is sit on the damn couch be boring and eat chips. I do not get it in any way, been married to the man since I was 17 WTF. He has just gotten so damn lazy since he got out of the ARMY i mean god I think he has gained atleast 40lbs I have pointed it out to him! Like everyone already knows until he wants to change it, its not gonna change!


Anyways sorry just had to get it out GRRR. Please no negativity its not like that at all.
Anyone feel free to add me!

Be more obvious

mickipedia

Ever thought that it's because you've lost weight and he hasn't that he doesn't want to do it?

I was in the same boat for about 6 months with my boyfriend.. I spoke to him about it and explained how I felt and he then simply said that it's because I look so good recently that he doesn't want to be naked next to me in comparison because of his body issues.. Maybe your guy is the same?

mikeyrp

I'm going to speak from my own experience here, so I hope you find it helpful as this isn't an easy thing to write about.

I've been with my partner for 12 years, and been married for the last 7. Like any relationship we've had our ups and downs - personally I hate confrontation and will always walk away from an argument if it makes me angry so I can talk it through later when I'm calm - retrospectively my OH would probably have been better off having a short (verbal) fight followed by make-up sex: something I never condoned as I have always tried to keep sex for tender and loving moments... which sound good on paper but actually probably takes some of the fiery passion out of it.

Anyway - during one of our more difficult periods this led to us going for several months without sex and after that it got awkward for both of us - we both got scared to initiate things in case we were rejected and were both prepared to reject advances as a sort of defence mechanism. If you are in this sort of phase 'jumping' him will not work: In fact it is likely to just make him irritated, then you will be frustrated and he will know it feel inadequate and angry with himself.... My suggestion is that you create an environment where you can both relax and build up to things slowly. Ask him if he can give you a back massage for example, then another night ask him to return the favour, - turn the TV off and put music on. Get used to spending that half an hour or so together in an intimate way without him feeling like you 'have' to have sex or he's failed.... Be patient with this - after 3 or 4 weeks you will have built up intimacy again and sex will start feeling like love making - and once you are there I promise he will wont be able to keep his hands off you when you 'jump' him.

Its normal for both men and women to go through periods of depression where they have low sex drives - and if its happened once to someone its likely to happen again. You can reduce the frequency through healthy living and you can deal with the issue it raises through recognising and addressing the behaviour. Its a lot easier to get over the fact you had a low libido for for a month because you were sick than because (you think) there is a problem with your relationship.

Good Luck

mogletdeluxe

I will honestly never understand what is so magical about sex to the point people just feel like they're about to DIE without it. maybe it's because I'm a virgin, I don't know. I get it's important to a relationship and it apparently feels good but jesus...

I've been in a relationship wherein the sex dwindled to non-existent, and I have to say the psychological effects are huge. It stirs up feelings of distance, rejection, hurt, insecurity...the list goes on.

Sex, for me, is a huge communication tool in a relationship and makes the world of difference in terms of intimacy and feeling close to your partner. I loathe (actually DESPISE) the term 'making luuuuurve' but sometimes it's incredibly apt. It's an act, and expression, of love and how much you want your partner. I'd say that's pretty important.

To the OP, I'm terribly sorry to hear you're in such a situation. All advice I would give has been dished out already. So read the rest of the thread, haha!

hazelovesfood

My husband has been the SAME way! I was begging for it the other night (actually, quite a few nights) and I got the usual "I'm too tired." Once I got under 200 pounds, he hasn't been really interested in it. He won't get out and exercise with me. He just sits on the couch, playing his video game and eating crap food. I'm hoping someday soon he'll decide to start exercising and eating healthy with me.

Maybe this is the problem, ive seen a few people i know split up when one of them loses weight, and to me this is coz the one thats lost the weight has so much more confidence and the other has not, so if your hubby isnt so keen maybe he has his own weight issues but just doesnt want to tell you. I dont know what losing weight seems to start people thinking there too good for who there with now, shame but thats seems the way.

Glassjaw01

Maybe he is cheating on you

Maybe he is gay now

Maybe you arw stinky down there

Maybe he isnt in love with you anymore

You arent gonna find your answer here, you need to talk to him!

meerkat70

I will honestly never understand what is so magical about sex to the point people just feel like they're about to DIE without it. maybe it's because I'm a virgin, I don't know. I get it's important to a relationship and it apparently feels good but jesus...

also look the people complaining about their SO not putting out for sex..thats so disgusting I can't stand it. I would NEVER complain about my boyfriend or parents to random people. especially not on a public forum. it's unbelieveably disrespectful. Unless they're actually abusing you and it's a cry for help then stop.

The voice of experience....

xMillyLouisex

Ok, ok...Make him a sammich, nekkid? Beyond that, I got nothin'.

and serve it to him between ur buttcheeks then he has to pay attention lol!

Patovader

If only... No woman I have ever loved would ever have to beg me for it (hormones of an 18 year old and they only seem to be getting worse with age!)

silico

This is going to sound out of place but.

Instead of listening too all these girls, who I can only assume are all under 17 years old from some of the terrible advice, you could try acting like an adult by sitting down and talking to your husband about this instead of venting to random strangers on the internet.

mikeyrp

This is going to sound out of place but.

Instead of listening too all these girls, who I can only assume are all under 17 years old from some of the terrible advice, you could try acting like an adult by sitting down and talking to your husband about this instead of venting to random strangers on the internet.

Sometimes random strangers on the internet are a better choice to vent to than close friends and family who are too involved to give an objective opinion and often too embarrassing to discuss with at all.

I do agree that the quality of advice has been mixed....

(edited for grammar)

silico

This is going to sound out of place but.

Instead of listening too all these girls, who I can only assume are all under 17 years old from some of the terrible advice, you could try acting like an adult by sitting down and talking to your husband about this instead of venting to random strangers on the internet.

Sometimes random strangers on the internet are a better choice to vent to than close friends and family who are too involved to give an objective opinion and often too embarrassing to discuss with at all.

I do agree that the quality of advice has been mixed....

(edited for grammar)

I agree that for venting purposes, and objective advice it may be better to vent Online. But in this case I think the situation has too many variables on OP's husbands side that we simply cannot pretend to know, and therefore cannot offer much advice.

Iceman1800

Low sex drive in men usually means low testosterone levels. Have him get it checked out. It also assists in that weight gain and lack of energy. BTW, my wife gets it every night

Iceman1800

This is going to sound out of place but.

Instead of listening too all these girls, who I can only assume are all under 17 years old from some of the terrible advice, you could try acting like an adult by sitting down and talking to your husband about this instead of venting to random strangers on the internet.

not out of place, just very self righteous

mikeyrp

Actually - following my older post - not many men who have or have suffered from a low libido are going to post about it on a forum - OP - don't assume that your husband is unusual because most of the guys who talk about their sex drive talk about how good it is!

rocksyraeis

You wanna know a little trick i ALWAYS use darling go get some linguere, now when its commercial time (im assumeing he is watching footbal or something) slowly bend down between his legs and grab his zipper with your teeth. If he looks st you, (which he will) smile and say "im going to rape you ". From there, do the lollipop dance haha then once he is FULLY aroused gdt your cowboy saving boots on and ride that horse (at the risk of being reported ive made this into a rodeo HAHA). If HE wont i itiate it then you as his WIFE need to let your freak flag fly

Im also not above the lollipop dance in the middle of the night. No one gets upset if they are woken up with pleasure! Men need more of a reason to be attracted and aroused to their wife other then constant nekkedness. Your always available so you have to make it exciting! Edible body paint is a gun way to create your own linguerie, also for dessert one night break out the low calorie whipped cream men LOVE whipped cream bikinis! Or the next time he is in the shower jump in for a little playtime you got this girl!! Just take control!

rocksyraeis

P.s-- if he is watching football go get one of his jerseys (assumeing he has one of his favorite team? Or buy one at meijer haha) tie it up under the girls and get some sexy panties once halftime or commercial comes on you can say "honey i want to learn how to play football will you teach me how to tackle? Or may i practice on you?" (cheesey YES affective possibly haha)

felice03

this begging you are speaking of....are you on your knees while begging? I find begging while on your knees is much more effective...

Turtlehurdle

Since 17? You poor soul.