Why are people on these forums so mean?

psse01

It's not about agreeing with everything everybody says, it's about respect.

MoreBean13

Seriously? If I'm wrong then please enlighten...why ARE you so mean?

LOL If you think I'm a mean poster here, I can see where this is a scary place. I'm honest and I don't support unhealthy behavior. These boards are public internet forums- when someone posts here, their story and all the advice given is no longer only theirs- responsible posters try to consider all the potential people that may read the posts and apply the advice to their own lives.

If you post "Here's my story and why I think eating 500 calories a day works" or "does anyone have experience with the cabage and onion broth diet?" the collective conscious of the forum shoots the person down, because it's an unsafe practice, and we don't want another reader to come along and read that post and think it's a good and/or safe idea. Needless to say, the OP on these threads always takes it personally and then sometimes goes on to start a "why are the forums so mean?!" post. Such is the cycle of MFP life.

Another example of the "mean" forums is people posting their own experiences as absolute truths "Eating 1200 calories a day works!" Again, the collective conscious of the forums tells them they're wrong- what might work for them doesn't apply to everyone, and may have unforeseen consequences- like muscle loss. Again, the OP gets mad, says they're not losing muscle, and proceeds to post "Why are the forums so mean?!"

So perhaps you should consider the "meanness" of the forums as a method of limiting the amount of unsafe advice and bad ideas that get spread here, and realize that your own weight loss process will be healthier and more educated because the crazy *kitten* people post here every day doesn't go unchecked.

P.S. You'll notice nowhere in my post do I make assumptions about your happiness or quality of life. Mine's just fine too, thanks.
P.P.S. There is a LOT to be learned from the forums; there are some really knowledgeable and helpful people who post personal anecdotal experience as well as scientific backup to their claims to further the research for yourself. It's truly a wealth of information, and I learn things every day here for FREE. Obviously, everything on the boards should be investigated and not accepted as truth, but the mean forums tend to expose the false claims for what they are. It's actually pretty awesome.

Family_Man

Seriously? If I'm wrong then please enlighten...why ARE you so mean?

LOL If you think I'm a mean poster here, I can see where this is a scary place. I'm honest and I don't support unhealthy behavior. These boards are public internet forums- when someone posts here, their story and all the advice given is no longer only theirs- responsible posters try to consider all the potential people that may read the posts and apply the advice to their own lives.

If you post "Here's my story and why I think eating 500 calories a day works" or "does anyone have experience with the cabage and onion broth diet?" the collective conscious of the forum shoots the person down, because it's an unsafe practice, and we don't want another reader to come along and read that post and think it's a good and/or safe idea. Needless to say, the OP on these threads always takes it personally and then sometimes goes on to start a "why are the forums so mean?!" post. Such is the cycle of MFP life.

Another example of the "mean" forums is people posting their own experiences as absolute truths "Eating 1200 calories a day works!" Again, the collective conscious of the forums tells them they're wrong- what might work for them doesn't apply to everyone, and may have unforeseen consequences- like muscle loss. Again, the OP gets mad, says they're not losing muscle, and proceeds to post "Why are the forums so mean?!"

So perhaps you should consider the "meanness" of the forums as a method of limiting the amount of unsafe advice and bad ideas that get spread here, and realize that your own weight loss process will be healthier and more educated because the crazy *kitten* people post here every day doesn't go unchecked.

P.S. You'll notice nowhere in my post do I make assumptions about your happiness or quality of life. Mine's just fine too, thanks.
P.P.S. There is a LOT to be learned from the forums; there are some really knowledgeable and helpful people who post personal anecdotal experience as well as scientific backup to their claims to further the research for yourself. It's truly a wealth of information, and I learn things every day here for FREE. Obviously, everything on the boards should be investigated and not accepted as truth, but the mean forums tend to expose the false claims for what they are. It's actually pretty awesome.

I like your style!

hillm12345

Agreed ^^^

I must be mean too...

slkehl

What brings out my mean side is when people blatantly spread false information like it's truth and then refuse to listen to anyone. It's fear mongering, and there's usually some company that's making money off of it.

Other than that, I'll be honest when someone is wrong but try to be respectful about it. Sometimes it's hard to not hold back a little snark. But I'm trying

zamsan

Laughed so loud I woke my sleeping baby re : hangry comment hahaha

Iceman1800

I see just the opposite. Very few jerks, way more supportive people.

Mishadijo

Loved your post!

There are so many good people on MFP, and yes as with everything human... There is the good with the bad and part of that is the judgmentalism that creeps in also. I so try to not be judgemental and yes, there is a multitude of ways to be successful in weight loss.

Would be so nice if those negative traits in people did not come to the surface here, as this site is meant to help each of us achieve our goals ... in our own way. But alas, we are all human.

Posts such as yours... help bring what is so great about MFP and the people here to light.

Love it! Just love it!! (Did I say that yet... smiling). Thank you for sharing and posting.

Michellereducf

Always going to be people that are tough when they hide behind their computers. Now with that said, I've "unfriended" some people or just not posted an answer simply because they whine to get sympathy ("my parents hate me", "why does my family buy fatty foods", etc.).

LorinaLynn

Maybe I have a high threshold for meanness, but I see a lot more threads complaining about mean people than I see mean people.

Sure, there's some *kitten*. There always will be. But as a very sensitive 13 year old who was bullied in school, I learned that I shouldn't care what mean people think. Because they're great big poopieheads. Any adult on this forum should be more mature and have better coping skills than an overly-emotional 13 year old.

it should be poopie heads. two words. learn to write.

Oh yeah? Well, use the shift key. Neener, neener.

LorinaLynn

A lot of times, what people call meanness isn't even directed at that person.

This is how it seems to play out a lot of times.

Noob starts a topic. People respond. They get some good advice, and some crappy advice. People with good advice call out the crappy advice for the crap it is, and the Noob thinks that the people with the good advice are slamming him/her or thinks this place is hostile because there was bickering disagreement. Even though that bickering had nothing at all to do with the Noob.

Then they see threads like this where people are complaining about how mean everyone is.

I was called negative because I told a young, thin, beautiful girl that she was young, thin and beautiful, and she perhaps she should try to accept her body's slender, curvy and wonderful shape instead of punishing herself for not having a thigh gap. She didn't want to hear that some women just plain can't have a gap. She wanted to know how to get skinny. Anything that wasn't about how to reduce the amount of muscle in her leg was being negative and mean.

YoYo1951

bump, some of these people are jerks, just like we encounter every day of our lives. Just have to see it for what it is. Their opinion, even if you don't agree. Sometimes you real the posts, and it is as though some of these people have groupies, and will say and post the dumbest things. Boy, feel sorry for when they fall off the pedestal they have been placed on. Again, life in action.

AngieM76

Thats why you just ignore them. There is an *kitten* in every bunch.

shamr0ck

Because it's the internet. Being faceless means that folks can do all the nasty things they wanted to do in their prepubescent years, but were afraid to do because of punishment or shame.

opuntia

I think a major difficulty online is that people read tones of voice into posts, when that tone isn't necessarily intended. Or they read double meanings and snide intentions.

I notice this a lot because I don't read posts this way - my mind doesn't work like that. I simply read a post factually, at face value. Even if someone calls me something negative, I'll simply try to analyse why they've called me that, rather than take it personally. Most people aren't like me, at least not to that extent, but in general, I find people vary quite a lot in the extent to which they read hidden meaning and tone into something. There's often a difference between males and females in this area too. So plenty of opportunity for miscommunication and offence.

Someone suggested I was a troll yesterday, and someone else called me condescending. I don't think they are mean people though (they may well be, of course, but that's not a conclusion I can draw from those posts). They just reacted by reading stuff between the lines that wasn't there, and so they misinterpreted, with a bit of human defensiveness. And I clarified. Whether or not they accept the clarification is up to them. But I think a lot of the time it is communication differences that cause such problems, rather than meanness. I'm pretty sure the majority of people don't come onto a forum with 'Ha! I feel like hurting people and making them cry today!' intentions!

foxyforce

people in general are major *kitten* that think they know everything, when you find ones that aren't like that, don't let em go!!!

foxyforce

bump, some of these people are jerks, just like we encounter every day of our lives. Just have to see it for what it is. Their opinion, even if you don't agree. Sometimes you real the posts, and it is as though some of these people have groupies, and will say and post the dumbest things. Boy, feel sorry for when they fall off the pedestal they have been placed on. Again, life in action.

i think they already have offline

stangma

Guess their Mama never told them "If you can't say something nice - keep you mouth SHUT" !!

thesgtmjr

I think that part of the reason is that they don't want to look like they are slacking in the weight loss dept, or that they are not working hard enough to become healthy and fit. Being supportive doesn't come easy but learning to be supportive and having empathy while doing something hard will come as it is being experienced. Being mean to a faceless entity is easy just like being that way on the phone. You can't see their face while you are being mean. Don't take it to heart. There are nice people out there, and you will find them.

FlaxMilk

Egghead here: the term is disinhibition effect. (Not exactly about meanness, but the tendency to say and share more than you actually would otherwise.)

To OP: Surround yourself on your friends list with people who are kind and try to be kind yourself. :flowerforyou: The forums should be fun for you or at least not a chore or overly hurtful. You are who you are, and you may take things more seriously than other people or be more sensitive (a neutral term, not a judgey one) than others, and that's not a bad thing. When it crosses the line from not fun and supportive into hurt or bad feelings that won't go away quickly, start using the ignore button, take a forum break, or post a vent in your feed and get some love. I always end up feeling ashamed of myself when I lose my temper and wish I had just ignored and moved on once it goes from assertiveness to crankiness or meanness. When you do find yourself in a misunderstanding, if the person is receptive, you can even work it out. That's happened here a few times with me and someone else, and I always end up feeling pleasantly surprised and relieved.