Men..Is your wife outta shape?

ramgi

I've been married for nearly 7 years and I'm about the same size I was before we got married. I'm fitter now than I was back then. I think you can get comfortable and outsiders seem to expect you too. I know my husband isn't blind so I try my hardest to keep him interested.

JenniBaby85

my wife is in shape, she's in better shape compared to some other single women.

my wife is not the only one, i also know many married women(with kids) who are in better shape then most single.

Yeah! Chasing kids is awesome exercise :drinker:

j_wilson2012

Even though I am single, I am a lot more educated on marriage than you think. Yes, of course there are other, many other, factors in a healthy marriage. If the guy is a player, or a jerk, the marriage is in jeopardy. This weight issue DOES go both ways, in most cases. If the couple doesn't care about great sex, then it may not matter. "In sickness and in health" is a vow one takes under the arches, so if one has a serious medical issue, a great partner will stick through it and be the main source of motivation and support. I am not shallow, I am not thinking one dimensional. This is a simple factor. But my point is, if the partner's favorite meals are at home every night, why would they want to go for fast food? And yes, that is a metaphor.

Koldnomore

ALL GIRLS PAY ATTENTION: If you get fatter after marriage, this will cause your husband to be less attracted to you. If he was attracted to fat, he would have married fat. But no, you are fit, you are toned, you have nice, proportional measurements. He likes that. The more you keep that, the longer he will stick around. You want to know a major reason on why guys cheat? THIS. As you get fat, your libido goes way down, and you dont want to spend the energy to "do it." If more people paid attention to this, less marriages will fall apart. The woman keeps man happy, and in return, man keeps woman happy, and has no reason to cheat. We like the boobs to be past the stomach, at least! If your stomach reaches farther than the boobs, this is a big nono. Take this advice with urgency. I know a few people are in this position that are reading this post.

Guess it's good I was fat when he met me :P Every day, regardless of how fat I was/am he tells me he loves me. He discourages me from wearing makeup because he says I am naturally beautiful and don't need it. When I mentioned that I was thinking about getting any type of surgery/injections/cosmetics he told me that I shouldn't do it because he loves me as I am, fat, marks, warts, whatever... This is the RIGHT man. Men cheat (and women too) because they were not the right people for you in the first place. I have dated all size of men from stick thin to 500+ lbs. Obviously not all men are attractive to me,but size is not the determining factor in my world nor is it in the worlds of many others - men and women both. I feel sad for you because looks will always fade..always. You get fatter (or saggier), you get wrinkles, age spots, hair loss..whatever.. a person like you will never be happy because you can't see the true beauty inside. I have met some absolutely hideous 'beautiful people'.

As to the OP, I don't think that most women make a conscious decision to 'let themselves go'. I met my x husband at about 150lbs, I lost some and gained back a bunch more when I started university. I was busy, had 2 jobs, full course loads. Life happens you know? I walked as much as I could, tried to be active on the weekends but it wasn't enough. I cook, I always have, and I'm a GOOD cook but of course everything was full of yummy creams and things like that so when you eat good food all the time you tend to eat a little too much I still cook these days but now I have a scale and I try to make better choices. I don't think I had the interest before but it had nothing to do with being married.

My choice now to get healthier is all about me and still has nothing to do with my boyfriend. I know he would love me even if I stayed the same weight - I have been about the same for 10ish years so I really wasn't in any danger of getting much bigger.

1960HikerDude

If my husband came on here talking about my weight without me knowing, I probably would be hurt. Just saying.

If I came on here and talked about my girlfriend like that, i would be hurt; physically hurt:-0

terrie_k

Men and women both gain weight with age, but who cares as long as you rock it with confidence. I think it is when you feel bad about your weight gain that trouble starts.

PaleoRDH

When I was single I was much thinner.......... I think after marriage you tend to get comfortable, although that didnt put pounds on me. I had a baby and was able to take that weight off in about 8 months. It was when I got a horrible injury that I put weight on. Health changes, bodies change, weight changes, you get older. It's important to me and my hubby to be attractive and fit, so I'm working on taking the weight off. But I can say when I was single (and younger obviously) my life revolved around whether I could fit into my tiny little cocktail dresses, I was going on lots of "first dates" and wanted to be amazing looking. Knowing that my husband loves me inside and out, he's seen me at my absolute worst and still adores me, takes some of that pressure off. But no I'm not about to let myself go, that's just crazy talk

JenniBaby85

Even though I am single, I am a lot more educated on marriage than you think. Yes, of course there are other, many other, factors in a healthy marriage. If the guy is a player, or a jerk, the marriage is in jeopardy. This weight issue DOES go both ways, in most cases. If the couple doesn't care about great sex, then it may not matter. "In sickness and in health" is a vow one takes under the arches, so if one has a serious medical issue, a great partner will stick through it and be the main source of motivation and support. I am not shallow, I am not thinking one dimensional. This is a simple factor. But my point is, if the partner's favorite meals are at home every night, why would they want to go for fast food? And yes, that is a metaphor.

I must be an awesome cook.

I actually totally and wholeheartedly agree with that last line. Definitely more on level with you now.

I guess my only tiff is that if a guy cheats because his wife is obese without sticking with her to find out if there is an actual reason, then everyone loses because he was impatient and selfish.. There might be issues of depression too, which can cause over eating and weight gain. Shouldn't a guy stick with his wife through that too?
Then there is the fact, that women have babies, which makes us gain weight, and it can be very difficult to lose baby weight too. I just lost it, because my hubby gives me time to take care of myself, while he takes care of the kids. Some women don't have that, and it makes finding time a lot more difficult, and making weight loss a lot more difficult

I can see where if a woman just gets flat out lazy, a guy might be tempted. But I definitely don't condone cheating. At all. Call me old fashioned

capnrus789

She is, and she knows it. She uses MFP, too, but doesn't do the message boards thing. It's making her more aware of the calories she's eating, and how she needs to excercise a LOT more.

bulbadoof

one of my friends said she felt like she was going to have to become fat and nasty in order to find a man to marry.

If this is the sort of thing your friend says on a regular basis, maybe that's why she can't find a man to marry.

A lot of people, men and women, gain weight when they're off the market because they're off the market - they feel like they don't have to compete anymore, and they get comfortable. That doesn't mean it's attractive, that means the relationship is deeper than looks and the partner feels secure.

WifeNMama

I was 125 when I was engaged. Birth control made me gain ten pounds in the three months I took it before the wedding. Then The First Year of Marriage happened. The year of no kids so you eat out more often, have wine with dinner more often, worked long hours at a job you hate, and when you cook at home you unthinkingly plate up the same amount if food for yourself as you give your 220 lb. husband. Still using the birth control, too. Gained fifteen pounds. Then 2 pregnancies.

There was no conscious choice of letting myself go, just a whole bunch of circumstance and not really thinking about my lifestyle. I lost weight between pregnancies and am now working my way down to a goal of 120, but maybe instead of assuming women have this ugly attitude toward their marriages, you could understand that most of us don't like having our bodies change so much. Women's bodies hang onto fat. At puberty, guys get the foundation for muscle, we get a layer of fat. Birth control, pregnancy and menopause all throw our hormones and entire systems out of whack. It's the nature of the beast.

My husband lost a lot of muscle do to work related injuries shortly after we got married. He hasn't actively sought physio beyond what was covered by our health insurance and we couldn't afford to keep going. Guess he let himself go??

Nessiechickie

When I started dating my boyfriend I was 130lbs, then moved to England and then came back and weight 140lbs.
Boyfriend said he didn't noticed and liked the cushion.
Months later I went to University away from home and dropped 27lbs to become 113lbs, again he didn't really noticed but said he missed my tummy rolls when i lean over.
Now I'm back up to 120-125 lbs. :happy:

animatorswearbras

Even though I am single, I am a lot more educated on marriage than you think.

You do realise marriage isn't a formula you can just research and then give advice on you kind of have to have been in a long term relationship, your replies sound more like I haven't been in a relationship but this is what I think a women must do to keep a man?

As I know for a fact I wouldn't be engaged to my fiance if he ever hinted at thinking like this, and sure most women would run a country mile if a guy started talking like this.

CrueChix

This is just my opinion. I was that "fat" wife that got complacent and let myself go for many reasons. I'm divorced now, and in a good, long term relationship. For me, it is important for me to be sexy and attractive for my man and he doesn't let himself go either. If I start gaining, or reaching for that second helping he will call me on it and I can do the same with him without getting offended. If your partner can't be honest with you then there's a problem and you are too sensitive. Ladies, your man may love you no matter what, but if they were to be totally honest with you may get your feelings hurt. Sometimes that hurt can bring on a positive change. Everyone likes to be proud of that person on their arm.

AmoreCouture

Even though I am single, I am a lot more educated on marriage than you think. Yes, of course there are other, many other, factors in a healthy marriage. If the guy is a player, or a jerk, the marriage is in jeopardy. This weight issue DOES go both ways, in most cases. If the couple doesn't care about great sex, then it may not matter. "In sickness and in health" is a vow one takes under the arches, so if one has a serious medical issue, a great partner will stick through it and be the main source of motivation and support. I am not shallow, I am not thinking one dimensional. This is a simple factor. But my point is, if the partner's favorite meals are at home every night, why would they want to go for fast food? And yes, that is a metaphor.

LOVE hearing advice from people who are "educated" on something they have never experienced. :laugh:

misteranonymous

As you can tell by my profile, I'm not stupid enough to join this thread openly. However, this does relate to a question that I have been wanting to ask. Is there any possible way for a husband to communicate to his wife that he would like her to lose a few pounds or get in better shape? Please don't think I'm a pig. I'm not and my wife would (probably) agree. My wife is beautiful, sexy, intelligent, wonderful, creative and generally fantastic. We have a great relationship, both emotionally and physically. We have been married almost twenty years and I still find my wife very attractive. From the waist up, my wife has an enviable figure and when dressed she is strikingly beautiful. However (and this is a very meek and small "however"), my wife has gotten rather big in the rear and thighs, as well as a little in the lower belly, and not necessarily in a smooth and voluptuous sort of way. I know that she is aware of it and a little (but not a lot) self-conscious of it, but she does not appear to be particularly motivated to change it. If I am perfectly honest, I have to admit that I am put off just a little bit by this part of her physique. Not enough that I don't still find her attractive, want her to feel bad about it, or resent her at all for putting on a little weight. Just enough that, when I see a woman with a more toned stomach, rear end, and/or legs, I think, "It would be nice if my wife had that figure." Again, not enough that I'm interested in sleeping with those other women. I am very committed to my wife. I'm no Adonis, but I try to stay in pretty good shape and one of the reasons I do is so that my wife will continue to find me physically attractive as we age. Given that the participants in this post are mostly women, I thought I'd post this (unfortunately rather long) question and see if there is any approach I can possibly take in these circumstances without being a jerk. Don't worry, I suspect that the answer is probably no.

erickirb

Out of shape I would say yes, as she does not workout, but she just started working out again, so she will probably be "in shape" withing a few months.
Overweight, no not at all, she watches what she eats and is quite small (5'4, 118lbs or so)

Mr_Bad_Example

Even though I am single, I am a lot more educated on marriage than you think.

Experience is the greatest teacher.

CoffeeNBooze

This is true, and I've seen it, people gaining more weight now that they are married. Personally I wouldn't let that happen, I want to always look good for my guy! He deserves it.

jennifer52484

If my husband came on here talking about my weight without me knowing, I probably would be hurt. Just saying.

Why would you be hurt about you husband talking about your weight? Your on here talking about your weight....just saying

I don't like your logic.. It is one thing to say to yourself " I am ugly" it is a whole other thing to hear someone else say it or write it. Especially a Spouse.