Gym stalker
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Self Defense Rule 1: Be assertive, direct and clear.
If he, or anyone, is too close for your comfort, tell them, right there, right then, without recourse.
- Do not go "tattle" to management.
- Do not be subtle.
- Do not be passive aggressive.
Say, "Give me space. You make me uncomfortable every time you're near me. Back off."
The end.
This statement serves two primary agendas...
1. You have established a legal precedent. You have CLEARLY indicated that his presence is bothersome to you, and you do not feel safe when he is near.
2. You have given him one of three options. He will ...
..A. Withdraw
..B. Stay still (aka "neutral")
..C. Continue to advance.
As a father, husband, attorney and 20 year martial artist, if you said that to me... I would immediately withdraw, because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you thereafter (for many, many reasons).
If he stays neutral, and/or "ignores" you. Move.
If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. You are in a better position to do this, because of Agenda 1.
Happy Friday.
^^This! You should never have to feel uncomfortable in your gym. EVER. And you Sir, do you have a blog/post about self defense? Very interesting information and would like to learn more about it. Most people need to be more assertive in their lives, me included.0 -
I had a similar experience years ago at my gym. The guy would breathe VERY loudly on the stepper and had the breath to knock a buzzard off a *kitten* truck. He did ask me out and I held up my wedding ring. He wasn't "stalky" though, just had horrible breath and loud breathing!0
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obviously it has already come to the attention of the staff. You need to let them know how uncomfortable it is making you and they take responsibility for handling it.0
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OP, you said your married, and I'm curious as to where your husband is with all of this. Mine would be at the gym with me having a come to Jesus talk with the guy if I felt like I was being "stalked". Personally though, since you haven't actually exchanged even word one with this man, I don't feel like you're really in a position to be accusatory other than to complain that he's invading your bubble.
I am trying to leave my husband out of this, he is a 6'3", 235lbs and not the most laid back guy in the world.
I kinda told him about it alittle bit but not the whole thing. I dont think at this point he needs to protect me, I can protect myself. Now if things got worse, then I know he will the protective husband that he is.
This post kinda got out of control a little bit, its not that I am scared of this guy, he just makes me unconfortable.0 -
See- you know he's creeping you out, he may not.
How about just letting him know -
"Dude, I don't know if you mean to but you following me around is really creeping me out."
You can be polite and still tell them to get the **** away.0 -
Pick up your phone while he's in earshot, and have a phone conversation with "someone" about your devoted, loving, rich, HOT husband and five beautiful children. If that doesn't get him to leave you alone, I don't know what will!0
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Self Defense Rule 1: Be assertive, direct and clear.
If he, or anyone, is too close for your comfort, tell them, right there, right then, without recourse.
- Do not go "tattle" to management.
- Do not be subtle.
- Do not be passive aggressive.
Say, "Give me space. You make me uncomfortable every time you're near me. Back off."
The end.
This statement serves two primary agendas...
1. You have established a legal precedent. You have CLEARLY indicated that his presence is bothersome to you, and you do not feel safe when he is near.
2. You have given him one of three options. He will ...
..A. Withdraw
..B. Stay still (aka "neutral")
..C. Continue to advance.
As a father, husband, attorney and 20 year martial artist, if you said that to me... I would immediately withdraw, because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you thereafter (for many, many reasons).
If he stays neutral, and/or "ignores" you. Move.
If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. You are in a better position to do this, because of Agenda 1.
Happy Friday.
Totally agree with this advice.
Althought it is easier to say than to actually do it for some of us.
Its really not hard for me to do. I am not the nicest person in the world.
I am from Europe, been living in US for 6-7 years. If this happenned in Europe I would have said to him " WTF you looking at, you f**** loser, leave me alone". And I know that would have been it. Im not really sure about here, because you guys have so many laws and rules..oh and crazy people:)
Ok first off you dont have to be a ***** to this guy, for all u know hes trying not to be rude you havent even told him your uncomfortable its not his fault he doesnt know. Second off how hard is it to ask him why he always seems to want to be near u at the gym? Third off why on earth are you acting like this guy is an evil ex who beat the **** outta you i mean really? You wanna know how women get murdered like this by being a ***** to the crazy guy at the gym lol.
Welcome to america ;p jk jk seriously though in order for him to be stalking you, he a has to know he is making you uncomfortable b has to be told to stop and refuse too and c if he continues to disreguard your warnings then youcan "tattle". You gotta put on your big girl panties an handle that **** lil miss badass europeon
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Self Defense Rule 1: Be assertive, direct and clear.
If he, or anyone, is too close for your comfort, tell them, right there, right then, without recourse.
- Do not go "tattle" to management.
- Do not be subtle.
- Do not be passive aggressive.
Say, "Give me space. You make me uncomfortable every time you're near me. Back off."
The end.
This statement serves two primary agendas...
1. You have established a legal precedent. You have CLEARLY indicated that his presence is bothersome to you, and you do not feel safe when he is near.
2. You have given him one of three options. He will ...
..A. Withdraw
..B. Stay still (aka "neutral")
..C. Continue to advance.
As a father, husband, attorney and 20 year martial artist, if you said that to me... I would immediately withdraw, because I wouldn't want to be anywhere near you thereafter (for many, many reasons).
If he stays neutral, and/or "ignores" you. Move.
If he continues to advance, or follows you after you move, get ready to knock him the f**k out. You are in a better position to do this, because of Agenda 1.
Happy Friday.
Totally agree with this advice.
Althought it is easier to say than to actually do it for some of us.
Its really not hard for me to do. I am not the nicest person in the world.
I am from Europe, been living in US for 6-7 years. If this happenned in Europe I would have said to him " WTF you looking at, you f**** loser, leave me alone". And I know that would have been it. Im not really sure about here, because you guys have so many laws and rules..oh and crazy people:)
Ok first off you dont have to be a ***** to this guy, for all u know hes trying not to be rude you havent even told him your uncomfortable its not his fault he doesnt know. Second off how hard is it to ask him why he always seems to want to be near u at the gym? Third off why on earth are you acting like this guy is an evil ex who beat the **** outta you i mean really? You wanna know how women get murdered like this by being a ***** to the crazy guy at the gym lol welcome to america ;p jk jk seriously though in order for him to be stalking you, he a has to know he is making you uncomfortable b has to be told to stop and refuse too and c if he continues to disreguard your warnings then youcan "tattle". You gotta put on your big girl panties an handle that **** lil miss badass europeon
A paragraph (from the Greek paragraphos), is a self-contained unit of a discourse in writing dealing with a particular point or idea. A paragraph consists of one or more sentences. The start of a paragraph is indicated by beginning on a new line.0 -
I'm assuming you're only reading the last few posts on this string. You might want to read from the beginning before responding further.
Fair enough. Which is why I said "everyone will need to find their own path on this one."In all due respect, for all we know you HAVE NO EXPERIENCE EITHER. This is the internet. You could be exaggerating and/or making up your claim of 'expertise'. For all we know you're a really ****ty defense trainer.
If you truly believe that your personal safety and well-being are contingent on "informing" an employee of a business, who's only vested interest is protecting that business, I wish you the very best of luck.
Like, for example, a gym?Confrontation is not always the best option. In public, with many witnesses, maybe.
Aside from arguing a hypothetical with a hypothetical, the short answer to your question is "no." However, the answer needs further quantification.But if she were on a dark street with no one else around, would you really advise her to go right up to him and ask; WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM BRA???? Really?
If someone is making you feel uncomfortable with an initial act or action, you can establish a legal precedent in your favor by informing them of same. It's clear. It's concise.
As I teach in my classes, DO NOT run around screaming at people and punching them in face, because they make you "sad." That would be a crime. Both here, and in Canada.
With regard to your question, I further discourage anyone from ever approaching anyone shouting, "What's your problem, bra." Ever. For any reason. Mostly, because the sentence itself is asinine.
Ok. Then what?I agree with perfectingpat in that she should alert those in management. At the very least if a confrontation was to break out, at least management would know why.
That's the crux of your argument? It sucks to be American?To everyone else who's been saying management can't do anything - sucks to be American.
That's the crux of your expertise? You work in a store?If a customer harasses another customer in the store I work at, management HAS and WILL throw the harasser out.
Let's take everything you've stated above as an absolute truism for purposes of illustration...
- Management has been informed.
- Management believes your account, finds you credible and for some unknown reason, removes the person in question from the store property.
Now what?
They're not going to accept his coupons any longer?
They'll revoke his Frequent Shopper Card?
They'll take him off the Super Savings Sunday Mailing List?
That'll show 'em.0 -
A paragraph (from the Greek paragraphos), is a self-contained unit of a discourse in writing dealing with a particular point or idea. A paragraph consists of one or more sentences. The start of a paragraph is indicated by beginning on a new line.
Lmao thanks for the language arts lesson hunni.0 -
I agree with perfectingpat in that she should alert those in management. At the very least if a confrontation was to break out, at least management would know why.Ok. Then what?
Two words: Paper trail. If something DOES happen, there's a paper trail. Which is always good.To everyone else who's been saying management can't do anything - sucks to be American.That's the crux of your argument? It sucks to be American?
No. That was the crux of my sentence. I was making no argument.
If a customer harasses another customer in the store I work at, management HAS and WILL throw the harasser out.That's the crux of your expertise? You work in a store?
Sure. Although, maybe I'm secretly an FBI agent? Or a martial arts expert who trains people in self defense? Who knows, really. It's the internet.
And what's the pay off? The pay off is the customers get to shop in comfort with no creepy dudes to freak them out. That's the pay off.
As to this situation, I highly doubt management would throw this guy out just for creeping out the OP. However, at least there's a paper trail. Paper trails are everything.
I understand that you're trying to help women be more assertive, but I believe in hedging ones bets and always, always, always being careful. Careful is making store owners aware that there's a problem.0 -
I'm assuming you're only reading the last few posts on this string. You might want to read from the beginning before responding further.
Fair enough. Which is why I said "everyone will need to find their own path on this one."In all due respect, for all we know you HAVE NO EXPERIENCE EITHER. This is the internet. You could be exaggerating and/or making up your claim of 'expertise'. For all we know you're a really ****ty defense trainer.
If you truly believe that your personal safety and well-being are contingent on "informing" an employee of a business, who's only vested interest is protecting that business, I wish you the very best of luck.
Like, for example, a gym?Confrontation is not always the best option. In public, with many witnesses, maybe.
Aside from arguing a hypothetical with a hypothetical, the short answer to your question is "no." However, the answer needs further quantification.But if she were on a dark street with no one else around, would you really advise her to go right up to him and ask; WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM BRA???? Really?
If someone is making you feel uncomfortable with an initial act or action, you can establish a legal precedent in your favor by informing them of same. It's clear. It's concise.
As I teach in my classes, DO NOT run around screaming at people and punching them in face, because they make you "sad." That would be a crime. Both here, and in Canada.
With regard to your question, I further discourage anyone from ever approaching anyone shouting, "What's your problem, bra." Ever. For any reason. Mostly, because the sentence itself is asinine.
Ok. Then what?I agree with perfectingpat in that she should alert those in management. At the very least if a confrontation was to break out, at least management would know why.
That's the crux of your argument? It sucks to be American?To everyone else who's been saying management can't do anything - sucks to be American.
That's the crux of your expertise? You work in a store?If a customer harasses another customer in the store I work at, management HAS and WILL throw the harasser out.
Let's take everything you've stated above as an absolute truism for purposes of illustration...
- Management has been informed.
- Management believes your account, finds you credible and for some unknown reason, removes the person in question from the store property.
Now what?
They're not going to accept his coupons any longer?
They'll revoke his Frequent Shopper Card?
They'll take him off the Super Savings Sunday Mailing List?
That'll show 'em.
You know you sound like you litigate for a living...lol...Nothing beats a well thought out argument.0 -
I do love my job.You know you sound like you litigate for a living...lol...Nothing beats a well thought out argument. 0 -
I understand that you're trying to help women be more assertive, but I believe in hedging ones bets and always, always, always being careful. Careful is making store owners aware that there's a problem.
I think it's great to teach women self defense and how to be more assertive. I just don't understand why this guy has such a problem with also notifying the gym management if it's happening AT that gym. I do not think it's wise to call women "tattletales" or tell them they have "victim mentality" if they want to report a possible stalker. Not sure why he's so worked up over this, because reporting it in addition to confronting the guy just seems like common sense to me.0 -
I understand that you're trying to help women be more assertive, but I believe in hedging ones bets and always, always, always being careful. Careful is making store owners aware that there's a problem.
I think it's great to teach women self defense and how to be more assertive. I just don't understand why this guy has such a problem with also notifying the gym management if it's happening AT that gym. I do not think it's wise to call women "tattletales" or tell them they have "victim mentality" if they want to report a possible stalker. Not sure why he's so worked up over this, because reporting it in addition to confronting the guy just seems like common sense to me.
Yeah. I have to tell you it's a little weird. There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting those who own/run the property know that there's a problem. At the very least you have witnesses.
Uninformed witnesses are not good witnesses.
Informed witnesses are great!0 -
Yes. And I do like youSure. Although, maybe I'm secretly an FBI agent? Or a martial arts expert who trains people in self defense? Who knows, really. It's the internet.
And what's the pay off? The pay off is the customers get to shop in comfort with no creepy dudes to freak them out. That's the pay off.
As to this situation, I highly doubt management would throw this guy out just for creeping out the OP. However, at least there's a paper trail. Paper trails are everything.
I understand that you're trying to help women be more assertive, but I believe in hedging ones bets and always, always, always being careful. Careful is making store owners aware that there's a problem. ...But you keep referencing a "paper trail."
What "paper trail?"
You said yourself, quote in this very post, "I highly doubt management would throw this guy out just for creeping out the OP."
If they're not likely to throw him out (which I agree with btw), what makes you think they're going to write anything down on paper?
But, for argument's sake, let's say some random manager DOES throw him out, DOES decide his membership fees aren't important, DOESN'T care that the guy will likely seek remedy on the basis of discrimination, and DOES write something down on paper, and DOES keep that piece of paper in a file somewhere.
What is he going to write down?
- "Woman complained of creepy guy. Threw creepy guy out for being a doo-doo head."
Ok. Now what?
From a legal perspective, it's not even discoverable through course judicial procedure of because it's subjective and irrelevant.
It's not admissible, because the piece of paper by itself hearsay, unless you subpena the manager to testify... Which, by the way, is a really, really, really good reason for him to not write this sorta thing down in the first place...
See what I'm saying?
Telling management is worthless (I don't mean that statement to be rude... I'm stating a fact from years of experience).
And I'm not even getting into the "Defend yourself VS Have evidence after you're already attacked" argument here. 0 -
I understand that you're trying to help women be more assertive, but I believe in hedging ones bets and always, always, always being careful. Careful is making store owners aware that there's a problem.
I think it's great to teach women self defense and how to be more assertive. I just don't understand why this guy has such a problem with also notifying the gym management if it's happening AT that gym. I do not think it's wise to call women "tattletales" or tell them they have "victim mentality" if they want to report a possible stalker. Not sure why he's so worked up over this, because reporting it in addition to confronting the guy just seems like common sense to
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He isnt saying he has a problem with notifying management he is saying it isnt going to help in anyway. Seriously do you think management is going to protect you? No you have to protect yourself obviously if the counter girl noticed and didnt do anything about it management isnt going to either
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GorillaEsq :flowerforyou:0
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:huh:Perhaps we have found our stalker here on mfp lol0 -
Edited~~0
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