Gym stalker

GorillaEsq

I do not think it's wise to call women "tattletales" or tell them they have "victim mentality" if they want to report a possible stalker.

You're twisting my words out of context in a feeble attempt to make it look like I'm "anti-woman." I'm going to report you to management.

I never said anything about women, at all.

I did say it worthless for a customer report an issue of stalking and/or harassment to the manager of a business. Mostly because it is absolutely worthless for a customer report an issue of stalking and/or harassment to the manager of a business.

I further explained, several times, that personal safety begins with you, and should be reported to law enforcement, if required.

I'm trying to help a woman who came to a forum, asking a question regarding a topic of which I have tremendous experience.

You, however, are hung-up on proving to an audience of strangers that you are "right," regarding a topic you clearly no nothing about.

penrbrown

Telling management is worthless (I don't mean that statement to be rude... I'm stating a fact from years of experience).

And I'm not even getting into the "Defend yourself VS Have evidence after you're already attacked" argument here.

Admittedly you make some good points but I still don't 100% agree.

The paper trail I reference is more hypothetical I suppose. At the very least, OP would have a witness who could say: OH yeah! She did come to us and say he was bothering her. There wasn't much we could do.

Whereas creepy guy would have no back up testimony (unless he's been complaining to friends that this girl at the gym keeps catching him staring at her - what a jerk she is :P).

I like having evidence to back me up no matter the situation. This is what my years of experience have taught me. I'm a pretty aggressive lady too. I'm not the sort who gets pushed around. I'm just as likely to face you down but I WILL be telling someone in authority as soon as I'm done tearing your head off.

Thing is, making sure there's evidence DOES NOT have to be divorced from standing up for yourself. You can do both. It's not tattling, it's being safe.

GorillaEsq

Telling management is worthless (I don't mean that statement to be rude... I'm stating a fact from years of experience).

And I'm not even getting into the "Defend yourself VS Have evidence after you're already attacked" argument here.

Admittedly you make some good points but I still don't 100% agree.

The paper trail I reference is more hypothetical I suppose. At the very least, OP would have a witness who could say: OH yeah! She did come to us and say he was bothering her. There wasn't much we could do.

Whereas creepy guy would have no back up testimony (unless he's been complaining to friends that this girl at the gym keeps catching him staring at her - what a jerk she is :P).

I like having evidence to back me up no matter the situation. This is what my years of experience have taught me. I'm a pretty aggressive lady too. I'm not the sort who gets pushed around. I'm just as likely to face you down but I WILL be telling someone in authority as soon as I'm done tearing your head off.

Thing is, making sure there's evidence DOES NOT have to be divorced from standing up for yourself. You can do both. It's not tattling, it's being safe.

I hear ya..

Here's the kicker in the OP's situation... The gym TOLD HER she had a "fan." They were ALREADY aware that she had someone following her around... because THEY TOLD HER ABOUT IT.

perfectingpatti

You're twisting my words out of context in a feeble attempt to make it look like I'm "anti-woman." I'm going to report you to management.

You said not to report it to management.
You said it's the same as a child in school tattling to the teacher.
You said reporting it to management if victim's mentality.
I did not twist anything. I shouldn't have added the word "women" though.

I think the above is dangerous advice. I've taken self-defense. Not sure why you say I know nothing about this. Try googling "what to do if you feel stalked". Almost all of the advice includes notifying as many people as possible: friends, family members, bosses, management, and police if necessary. Some advice includes keeping a "stalking log" of the incidents. I think that's what Pen means by "paper trail". Not very many of the sites I see recommend a woman "knocking her stalker the eff out". Be assertive. Tell the guy he's making you uncomfortable. Avoid eye contact. TELL someone.

I'm also trying to give my advice to the OP. My advice includes reporting it to management. You then replied telling me I was wrong. Numerous times. I'm nto trying to prove anything to an audience. I'm trying to state why I think it's also important to tell someone at the gym. Why are you so upset about my opinion?

penrbrown

I do not think it's wise to call women "tattletales" or tell them they have "victim mentality" if they want to report a possible stalker.

You're twisting my words out of context in a feeble attempt to make it look like I'm "anti-woman." I'm going to report you to management.

I never said anything about women, at all.

Actually, 'tattling' is not a nice word. It's a shaming word. It's meant to make a woman feel bad for seeking help outside herself.

Pat isn't twisting your words. Or at least, if she is, so am I because I read your statements the same way she did. *shrug*

Lina4Lina

I'm in my late 30s and I'm over 100 lbs overweight so I figured people would leave me alone at the gym but I did have a guy following me around the other day and even offering to 'help' me.

fcp1234

I do not think it's wise to call women "tattletales" or tell them they have "victim mentality" if they want to report a possible stalker.

You're twisting my words out of context in a feeble attempt to make it look like I'm "anti-woman." I'm going to report you to management.

I never said anything about women, at all.

Actually, 'tattling' is not a nice word. It's a shaming word. It's meant to make a woman feel bad for seeking help outside herself.

Pat isn't twisting your words. Or at least, if she is, so am I because I read your statements the same way she did. *shrug*

I am not seeking help from management, husband or my 2 brothers. I never did, and I don’t think I would unless it’s a very extreme dangerous situation. I don’t need the men in my family to protect me, not from this.

This is really is not a matter of life or death. It’s a very annoying situation, but it’s not a dangerous one. If it was dangerous, yes I would go to the police, but its not. I was asking for ideas on how to make this go away without making a big deal . Perhaps I shouldn’t have used the word “stalker”, because like some people said, he might not even be doing it to make me feel uncomfortable.

GorillaEsq

You said not to report it to management.

Yes I did.

You said it's the same as a child in school tattling to the teacher.

Yes I did. Because it is.

You said reporting it to management if victim's mentality.

Yes I did. Because it is.

I shouldn't have added the word "women" though.

Agreed.

I think the above is dangerous advice. I've taken self-defense. Not sure why you say I know nothing about this.

I'll revisit your expertise in this matter at the end of this post.

Try googling "what to do if you feel stalked". Almost all of the advice includes notifying as many people as possible: friends, family members, bosses, management, and police if necessary. Some advice includes keeping a "stalking log" of the incidents. I think that's what Pen means by "paper trail". Not very many of the sites I see recommend a woman "knocking her stalker the eff out". Be assertive. Tell the guy he's making you uncomfortable. Avoid eye contact. TELL someone.

So, to clarify:
- Your expansive knowledge on self-defense, personal safety, combatives and conflict resolution comes from Google, and;
- Regarding THIS topic, we CAN believe everything that's posted on the Internet.

You then replied telling me I was wrong. Numerous times.

Yes I did.

Why are you so upset about my opinion?

I'm not upset at all. I've said several times, people will have to follow the advice on this thread that they find the most compelling.

It is conceivable that after reading all of these posts, some people will think you know more about this than I do, and default to your expansive knowledge on this matter.

saxmaniac

Thank god GC is back to slap some sense into the world.

perfectingpatti

It is conceivable that after reading all of these posts, some people will think you know more about this than I do, and default to your expansive knowledge on this matter.

Or perhaps people will read this and conclude that both of us are offering good, solid advice. Your advice may work for some people and mine may work for others. You're a big guy. You have more martial arts training, self-defense training, and legal training than I have. Telling me, a 5'2 female with much less self-defense training than you that I shouldn't report the incident to management becasue that's tattling and taking on a victim's mentality, but I should knock him out (as if I could) is just not wise advice.

I realize the OP in this situation is not being stalked in a dangerous way. But, if she were, I still think it best to report him to management, keep a log of his stalking behavior, and tell others about it in addition to your other advice. I don't think I need a degree in "Stalking Protocol" to make a common sense decision.

perfectingpatti

This is really is not a matter of life or death. It’s a very annoying situation, but it’s not a dangerous one. If it was dangerous, yes I would go to the police, but its not. I was asking for ideas on how to make this go away without making a big deal . Perhaps I shouldn’t have used the word “stalker”, because like some people said, he might not even be doing it to make me feel uncomfortable.

Yeah, he sounds more creepish than stalkerish. Let us know if you say something to him and how he reacts.

penrbrown

I am not seeking help from management, husband or my 2 brothers. I never did, and I don’t think I would unless it’s a very extreme dangerous situation. I don’t need the men in my family to protect me, not from this.

This is really is not a matter of life or death. It’s a very annoying situation, but it’s not a dangerous one. If it was dangerous, yes I would go to the police, but its not. I was asking for ideas on how to make this go away without making a big deal . Perhaps I shouldn’t have used the word “stalker”, because like some people said, he might not even be doing it to make me feel uncomfortable.

Let us know how things work out.