Unsupportive significant other

loserbaby84

Personally, I couldn't be with a guy who treated me like this. You're stronger than I ever could be for having this relationship and not wanting to strangle him while he's sleeping XD

SoDamnHungry

Wow. Maybe he's jealous, or insecure. You could try to address these issues with him, but if he keeps acting that way, dump him. He should be ashamed for treating you like that.

MissAnjy

I sure did. My ex-husband (note EX husband) guilted me everytime I worked out, saying that It was taking away from him and the kids (meanwhile I was with my kids 24/7 being a stay at home mom, and only asked for 30 minutes a day to work on myself) apparently that was too much! He would say things like "I dont' care if you're fat" "I like you the way you are, you don't need to be taking time away from us to be working out" etc.....he never cared that maybe just maybe *I* cared about being fat, or not feeling confident and wanting to be healthy etc.

He would always look down on me when I didn't want to eat something, drinking something, splurge etc.
He wouldn't watch me play any sports, never came to games, never showed interest etc....

I ended up leaving him, for this, and many other reasons.

I definitely need someone who is going to be supportive of my lifestyle and encouraging.

lallaloolly

You say you are happy... I hope that's true because why-oh-why would you stay with a person who treats you this way? People who genuinely like and respect each other don't treat each other this way. His actions are designed to tear you down, reduce your self esteem and hurt your confidence. I hope you will take a good, long look in the mirror and decide that you are worth more love and worth better treatment.

amysuespears

i'm not sure how you girls put up with guys ... we are brutal, holy crap.

Not just saying from this post, but just from life in general.

I always say, if want a guy to care about you, don't EVER let him know you need him. Ever ... even the good guys. trust me ... AND DON'T EVER Mother a guy ... if you don't want to be treated like his mom.

I find this statement to be true very true... I've seen it in my life and in other's lives... My husband is very aware that I don't "need" him... I remind him of that if he makes a snarky remark about how I couldn't live without him. I remind him that I don't need him for anything... I have a job, I can fix things myself, I know how to entertain myself, and I don't need a man to feel whole.... he is very aware that I would be just fine on my own.... BUT I also tell him that I WANT him around. There's a big difference between needing and wanting. I want my husband with me everyday for the rest of my life. We have a very cool relationship and we are both very lucky to have found each other.

banshishi

I have a very supportive SO..he has struggled with his weight in the past too, so he has been there, which makes things easier, in fact he helps me, in terms of eating out he will suggest a better alternative to what I have chosen off the menu..on the other hand we are equally good at sabotaging each other because we both love food and wine so its easy for us to get carried away..but he never has a mean word to say about it and we both get back on track together.

That said, I am doing it for me, not him, his opinion is in no way valid, if he didnt support it, which my ex hubby didnt, I would still just get on with it and ignore the eyerolling etc etc...I lost my first big weight loss while still married and did exactly that!

Fat_Bottomed_Girl

Both my wife and I compliment each other, support each other in our journey to a more healthy us. She's much tinier than I, so when we walk, she burns a lot fewer calories. In order to counter that, she goes for a bike ride after work each evening while I make the dinner for us.

We take this walking time as our time to talk, when I'm not huffing and puffing up hills So, while I feel your pain, I feel good about what my wife and I have together.

Now, about him being able to eat what he wishes, there are consequences to this normally. Heart issues, arteries clogging and so on. Those fats and carbs without moderation will be bad long term for most of us. Some just get great genetics I guess, but not a lot.

BTW: We will be married now 35 years come October and been together 37.

Yes, if I were with a man that cooked dinner, I wouldn't be letting go either!

Congratulations on 37 years of working TOGETHER, that's what marriage is all about!

PomegranatePriestess

I hate to say dump him but if he is almost surprised people call you beautiful then WTF. Seriously, he should be proud that other people find you as beautiful as he does but that leads me to my next point. And honestly, on a more serious note, a lot of people can't handle change. He has his own self esteem issues that is now being portrayed on your weight loss. As you lose weight and feel better about yourself he may be feeling that you will dump him because you feel you can find better. This may be the reason why he acts almost surprised when people give you vocal attention, you are already finding other possibilities (in his head). My husband and I went through this and the one thing I am happy he did is sat me down and told me of his issues. I have loved him through his 160 pound weight loss and I told him that I expected the same and that I loved him more than anything and we have just made ourselves better. I even brought up our more amazing sex life and he smiled. See, My husband would guilt me for going to classes/bike rides instead of spending time with him, always brought me high calorie food treats, and a lot of this was sub-concious sabotage because he was dealthy afraid I would lose all my weight and feel like I could find better. Have this conversation with him. Sit him down and tell him how you feel. Let him know that your life is changing and ask him if he is in for the ride and has a capability of change with you. You'll get your answer then. Maybe even a solution. He may not realize how crappy his actions are out of his own self-esteem issues. I think we tend to forget guys have these

Obviously if the situation doesn't change, you'll need to decide what is best for you. We get enough social abuse from BEING FAT. We don't need people in our lives who treat us negatively when we are doing better for ourselves.

^^^ THIS ^^^

Have the conversation NOW.

ShrinkingShona

I am stunned at the **** with people put up with. Regardless of our weight or fitness level WE ALL deserve to be supported. FULL STOP. Changing/bettering yourself takes effort and dedication and I would personally find it impossible to keep it up without having people on my side. What you need is a cheer squad not a human anchor. Some of these SOs sound like they'd be horrendous friends, let alone partners.

I hope you stay on your journey, find some supportive friends, and dump that SO(B) for one who can celebrate your life along with you.

JLgettinghealthy

I don't understand why so many of you post about this topic, and then STAY with these douches. If he's a **** to you and completely unsupportive, why on earth are you continuing to date him?! LEAVE! It is never, ever, ever going to get better.

AMEN. have some self respect!

Rinkydink84

I feel very blessed in that regard. My fiance has been amazing and ober supportive. He too has a high metabolism and can eat whatever he wants, but because he's an athlete, he values health and fitness. He completed The 30 Day Shred and Ripped in 30 with me even though his friends made fun of him and asked him how he was doing in "Jazzercise". He has struggled a bit more with making it a lifestyle change, but I just do my best to hold him accountable without nagging. He always tells me how beautiful I am and how great my body looks. Although, my greatest fear is gaining the weight back and letting everyone down so the constant compliments from everyone are sometimes bittersweet. Your health is too important to be with someone who isn't on the same page as you. I'm sure it's hard for him though, because if you weren't healthy when y'all got together he probably is very uncomfortable with the change. People don't handle change well. I've learned that through my weight loss journey.

kiminikimkim

Leave the dead weight. Sounds like he's contributing nothing to your relationship.

kenazfehu

I have started and abandoned so many diets while steadily gaining weight that my husband isn't particularly supportive right now either. He saw me weighing my food a few days ago, rolled his eyes, and said something like "can't you just get your food and eat it?" In other ways, he's solid gold, so I will have to stick with it this time and show him that I can set a goal and go the distance to attain it. That's exactly what I intend to do!

Jonesie86

Wow..glad I'm not the only one who dealt with a unsupportive guy. When I decided to do P90X he was all for it and told me I could do it no problem. Then once I completed it and looked better than ever, was serious about my diet and wouldn't go eat fast food or junk food around the house with him it turned in, "ya know your attitude has really changed since you did that P90X *kitten*, you act like you're better than everyone... you've turned into a bit*h" Apparently renewed self confidence makes you a bit*h I didn't get that memo. That's why he's the "ex husband" in place of "current husband"

misskerouac

Every once in a while he'll make a comment when i'm eating chocolate, then I tell him to eff off, i'm in way better shape than he is even though he is 6'6" and 210