need relationship advice :/

sleepytexan

I don't see anything wrong with my boyfriend watching it. It's not like he's sleeping with the girl, and I'd rather he watch it than cheat on me.

Understand this: Women need emotional connection, and just as equally so-men need physical connection. If he respects your needs, you should respect his.

the fact that it has to be either watch porn or cheat is completely effed up. what has society come to that women are to be disrespected like this and be okay with it? ugh

You know what you need to do. This guy does not make you feel loved. Stick to your guns. This is your life; don't waste a moment of it on someone who does not make you feel loved. Seriously, make a list of what qualities you want and know you do NOT have to settle. EVER.

whierd

Also, being ok with him watching it with you but not ok with him doing it alone is hypocritical.

JennyLisT

I don't see anything wrong with my boyfriend watching it. It's not like he's sleeping with the girl, and I'd rather he watch it than cheat on me.

Understand this: Women need emotional connection, and just as equally so-men need physical connection. If he respects your needs, you should respect his.

the fact that it has to be either watch porn or cheat is completely effed up. what has society come to that women are to be disrespected like this and be okay with it? ugh

Well, it's my personal opinion. No one said you had to agree with it. I personally enjoy porn too, so I'd be a hypocrite if I told him not to watch it.

I'd love it if you would not be so condescending and act like I "accept being disrespected." It's a mutual agreement, thanks.

Seriously. I've been disrespected a fair few times in my life, but SOs watching porn was never one of them.

Also, there's this completely ridiculous idea that porn=cheating, like people are going to reach through the screen and suck you into a land of moral depravity.

dakotababy

Every relationship is different but 1 thing that is common in every relationship to be successful is COMMUNICATION...and not just nagging or complaining, or controlling, or ignoring/avoiding - but HEALTHY communicating. There is a huge difference here.

Personally, I have snooped through my boyfriends stash. I wanted to spice things up in the bedroom and I was wondering what he was into. To my surprised - he was actually using "webcams" where a female is nude and doing nasty **** on camera while a bunch of guys watch. (but not on webcam)

Yeah - This made me incredibly nervous. I had to think about it, research it, and figure out how to approach this. My thought was "wow...he is cheating on me, i need to find a new place to live". But I did not have all of the details.

After a week of going crazy over this (it created huge stress and anxiety for me and there was no way I could not say anything) I sat down with him, and pretty much told him that I snooped through his history. Shockingly he was not embarrassed, or defensive. He pretty much immediately knew where I was going with the conversation. He assured me he was NOT chatting with these girls, nor going on a webcam himself. He showed me how it works. Apparently this is the new thing? Haha. It is definitely taking it a step further...but then again its not!

Does it bother me? yes. Is it fair for me to take this away from him? no. He has been looking at porn before I met him. I did not make any "limits" on this before we moved in together, so I feel like it would not be right for me to change the rules now.

I would not compromise my vibrator for anything anyway. fair trade...and its nice not being bothered for sex every hour anyway.

LifestyleChange33

He has an addiction, and addictions are embarrassing. He has a problem that he cant stop without help. Ask him to get counseling and if he refuses, re-evaluate your desire to be with him. You are young and no one should hinder your happiness. I was 30 before I learned this lesson: it is so much better to be single than it is to be unhappy!

Good luck to you.

JennyLisT

I don't see anything wrong with my boyfriend watching it. It's not like he's sleeping with the girl, and I'd rather he watch it than cheat on me.

Understand this: Women need emotional connection, and just as equally so-men need physical connection. If he respects your needs, you should respect his.

the fact that it has to be either watch porn or cheat is completely effed up. what has society come to that women are to be disrespected like this and be okay with it? ugh

You know what you need to do. This guy does not make you feel loved. Stick to your guns. This is your life; don't waste a moment of it on someone who does not make you feel loved. Seriously, make a list of what qualities you want and know you do NOT have to settle. EVER.

I kinda agree with some points in this. I think you should leave if counseling does work out because you're just going to be (more) miserable.

luvtcuk

I am not comfortable with porn either. But I wouldn't mind if he open about it. Instead, he is secretive about it and lie about it. That is unacceptable (the fact that he lie). And seems like he is not going to change. And changing yourself is not going to happen either. And you are too young to settle.

madeeley

this isn't about weight loss....find a relationship forum

madeeley

why is this on a dieting website?

blackbeauty43

He's being secretive because he feels like you have invaded his personal space. Think about it this way, he has had a relationship with porn for much longer than he has with you. It is unfair to make someone change something about themselves because it makes you uncomfortable....and honestly isn't it better than him engaging in the real thing with other women?! My husband and I have been together for 7 yrs and he has more porn than I have ever seen in my life. It will not make your relationship weaker unless YOU let it.

madeeley

if you think he disrespects you, lies, and then blames you for it, then it sounds like this isn't the right relationship for you.

bugiya

I would try to get your sex life back on track just because he is viewing porn doesnt mean he is cheating or loves you less he should however respect your feelings and not watch it but then one could say you should respect his privacy. The lack of sex worries me more then the porn its hard with me as they shut down when we need to talk it out they are weird the more we nag or talk the more they pull away from us mentally and emotionally, if he wont talk it out yet start to be positive around him not mention it and get things in the bedroom happening then later down the track see if he is willing to talk about why he hid it

FutureMrsWarby

He's being secretive because he feels like you have invaded his personal space. Think about it this way, he has had a relationship with porn for much longer than he has with you. It is unfair to make someone change something about themselves because it makes you uncomfortable....and honestly isn't it better than him engaging in the real thing with other women?! My husband and I have been together for 7 yrs and he has more porn than I have ever seen in my life. It will not make your relationship weaker unless YOU let it.

This has several valid points. Instead of being upset about it, involved yourself in it with him. Men are very different from women, you need to at least *try to understand* where he comes from about it.

DopeItUp

Every guy watches porn at least some of the time. If you've got a problem with this you're going to be a very lonely old lady with 72 cats some day. Food for thought.

subcult

People lie and even women that don't watch porn can cheat on their SO. This sounds like such a minor problem that I can'treally side with you. I don't think your wrong for feeling the way you do but I think there most be other issues going on in the relationship.

lyndyb88

It's my opinion that this post (or rather the feeling behind it) is the reason that he lies to you about it in the first place. Telling him "just tell me and i won't be mad" means nothing to him after hearing about it so many times. There is clearly a huge trust issue here, and it's not that you can't trust him. He clearly can't trust you enough to be honest about. It sounds like he's afraid to be honest with you because he knows exactly what your reaction is. As for the porn side of things, I see nothing wrong with it if it's what he enjoys. As long as he's not spending the family money and going broke on the porn or as long as he can go without it for any period of time, then there is no harm done. Obviously the fact that your sex life is suffering is rooted from this lack of trust and understanding. You need to look inside yourself and understand why you can't accept that he enjoys it from time to time and then sit down and have a meaningful "no-hate" conversation, where you both promise at the start to be honest and open and that no feelings will be hurt or anything like that. Since I'll be 24 in a couple weeks I disagree with the idea that 24 is too young to settle down. There is never a "right" age. It's all about the situation at hand. I know many people our age who are happily married, and age plays no role in their love. Anyway, I think that at best you two should seek counseling, and at worst you may not be compatible. Expecting the other person to change is a bad way to live in a relationship. It can only end in heartbreak.

fairy33

I don't see anything wrong with my boyfriend watching it. It's not like he's sleeping with the girl, and I'd rather he watch it than cheat on me.

Understand this: Women need emotional connection, and just as equally so-men need physical connection. If he respects your needs, you should respect his.

the fact that it has to be either watch porn or cheat is completely effed up. what has society come to that women are to be disrespected like this and be okay with it? ugh

Well, it's my personal opinion. No one said you had to agree with it. I personally enjoy porn too, so I'd be a hypocrite if I told him not to watch it.

I'd love it if you would not be so condescending and act like I "accept being disrespected." It's a mutual agreement, thanks.

thinking oh at least he's just watching porn not effing another girl as if we have to accept either is stupid. thats what the boyfriend said like i have to pick one um neither please thanks.

FutureMrsWarby

I don't see anything wrong with my boyfriend watching it. It's not like he's sleeping with the girl, and I'd rather he watch it than cheat on me.

Understand this: Women need emotional connection, and just as equally so-men need physical connection. If he respects your needs, you should respect his.

the fact that it has to be either watch porn or cheat is completely effed up. what has society come to that women are to be disrespected like this and be okay with it? ugh

Well, it's my personal opinion. No one said you had to agree with it. I personally enjoy porn too, so I'd be a hypocrite if I told him not to watch it.

I'd love it if you would not be so condescending and act like I "accept being disrespected." It's a mutual agreement, thanks.

thinking oh at least he's just watching porn not effing another girl as if we have to accept either is stupid. thats what the boyfriend said like i have to pick one um neither please thanks.

Really? We're doing insults now? I was trying to explain to you *my* take on the situation in a way I thought maybe you'd understand where he's coming from.

If it's "stupid" to you, then work it out or leave him, that's what you do. You sound like you know what you want, you're just not taking action. You don't need our help if all you're going to do is fire back with insulting commentary.

It's my personal desire to let my bf watch it, because I enjoy it too. I'm not "accepting" anything. Maybe I should just tell you that your opinion on porn is "stupid" too, since we're going that route.

fairy33

I don't see anything wrong with my boyfriend watching it. It's not like he's sleeping with the girl, and I'd rather he watch it than cheat on me.

Understand this: Women need emotional connection, and just as equally so-men need physical connection. If he respects your needs, you should respect his.

the fact that it has to be either watch porn or cheat is completely effed up. what has society come to that women are to be disrespected like this and be okay with it? ugh

Well, it's my personal opinion. No one said you had to agree with it. I personally enjoy porn too, so I'd be a hypocrite if I told him not to watch it.

I'd love it if you would not be so condescending and act like I "accept being disrespected." It's a mutual agreement, thanks.

thinking oh at least he's just watching porn not effing another girl as if we have to accept either is stupid. thats what the boyfriend said like i have to pick one um neither please thanks.

Really? We're doing insults now? I was trying to explain to you *my* take on the situation in a way I thought maybe you'd understand where he's coming from.

If it's "stupid" to you, then work it out or leave him, that's what you do. You sound like you know what you want, you're just not taking action. You don't need our help if all you're going to do is fire back with insulting commentary.

It's my personal desire to let my bf watch it, because I enjoy it too. I'm not "accepting" anything. Maybe I should just tell you that your opinion on porn is "stupid" too, since we're going that route.

oh calm down i wasn't insulting you i'm saying that I personally think its stupid that i have to choose to either be cheated on or him looking at porn. why am i not enough?

FutureMrsWarby

You don't *have to choose* anything. You can move on to someone different. If this is such a big deal to you, then you need to end the relationship.