need relationship advice :/

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  • almarsala
    almarsala Posts: 168 Member
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    :wink:
    Very funny almarsala!
  • almarsala
    almarsala Posts: 168 Member
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    I'm watching porn right meow

    at least you're honest!

    Maybe she doesn't have a partner nagging about it and going through her personal things.

    The posts a nighttime stomach ache leads me to read...

    he works over nights on saturdays...boo :(

    But seriously I am your age and I was having pretty much the same "problem". The solution - get the hell over it. He will come around once you get off his back...and will get back to getting you off instead.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    If viewing porn is a quality you do not want in a partner, you should break up. He wants to watch it, and he will continue to watch it. It sounds like he might have a problem if physical intimacy is lacking but he still has a sex drive and desire to view pornography. Porn is something easily addictive.
  • nanchuck
    nanchuck Posts: 4 Member
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    It's not really about if porn is ok or not. It's a trust issue. He hasn't given you any reason to trust him. Get out while you can before there are kids involved.
  • Kenzietea2
    Kenzietea2 Posts: 1,132 Member
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    You talk about being disrespected, but you've made your boyfriend feel so uncomfortable for something that is not so major in the grand scheme of things.

    I'm starting to hope you're a whiny troll.

    Not so major to you. Viewing porn is a big deal to some women (and men). Lying should be a problem for anyone. A lie is a lie, no matter what. If he insists on watching porn, the least he could do is be honest about it.
  • jozzler
    jozzler Posts: 37
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    If it's not interfering with your sex life, if he's not replacing you with the porn, then i don't consider it a problem. At the end of the day, you can get all the advice in the world, but it's what you feel comfortable with that is the main thing. It's you that's living with it and there's only you know how you truly feel inside about it. it's you that has to live with it, so doing something just because it's the right thing to do, and you don't really want to do, isn't the right thing is it??!! My partner watches porn, i don't mind. I've watched porn, i don't see the big deal about it and it doesn't do anything for me. But just because it doesn't do anything for me, doesn't mean it won't do anything for others. What ever floats your boat as they say!! I don't see anything wrong with porn, there's the argument that it's wrong and degrading to women, but that's their choice, and i accept that. You can't stop people living their life how they want to, everybody probably does things that other people wouldn't. Morals, standards, decisions, they're all individual and down to personal preference.
  • faith55744
    faith55744 Posts: 8
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    Just wondering why the porn is such a no no? watching porn does not automatically mean he is cheating on you and some men just enjoy watching it.I watch romantic comedies but that don't mean that i put glitter on myself and fight a werewolf to prove my love to some girl.It just means that it stimulates his brain and he enjoys it.To break up with someone because they like a certain type of film regardless of if it's sexual in nature just sounds weird to me but that's my opinion.If you love someone enough to want to be with them and share your life with that person then how does it sound saying I love you your my soulmate,I want to spend the rest of my life with you and face all the problems life will throw at us as a team,together we can get through anything baby wait did you just look at that girl on tv????? I can't deal with this I need to find someone else... Just sounds weird to me.
  • Impy84
    Impy84 Posts: 430
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    He doesn't love or respect you.
    I'm sorry you're going thru this
  • DontStopB_Leakin
    DontStopB_Leakin Posts: 3,863 Member
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    .........................It's just porn?




    I'm sorry, I'm really failing to see the problem.


    He's right. You're cray cray.
  • staps065
    staps065 Posts: 837 Member
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    yes he says that i complain too much and he doesn't want to be around me but the thing is when i "complain" its usually just the basics of living together like do the dishes tonight, clean up after yourself in the bathroom, etc and he just shuts down and doesn't communicate with me at all. he just gets angry and tells me to shut up and that makes me do the opposite of shut up.


    ^^^ The porn is not the issue. This is the issue. If he is telling you he doesn't want to be around you, isn't sexually active with you and seeks porn instead, it sounds like your decision is already made for you. Why would you want to stay? Just sayin'
  • TangledUp_InBlue
    TangledUp_InBlue Posts: 397 Member
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    Too hard to read...should have used bullet points. I saw something about you becoming a lesbian, just do that.
  • emdeegan
    emdeegan Posts: 219 Member
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    why is this on a dieting website?

    it is the quickest way to lose 200lbs....
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
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    My advice is you are too young to settle.

    Really? I've been with my husband for almost 7 years, since I was 18. There's no such thing as 'too young' as a general statement. Especially at 24. I had both my kids by the time I was 24 and finally got married shortly after 25.
  • med2017
    med2017 Posts: 192 Member
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    i think everyone needs some porn in their life this isnt your biggest worry... i mean what do you think guys do on their free time when you are not around? everyone needs to get off to something. its the same thing with playboy . thats what its there for. its part of human nature. its also a stress reliever. id understand if he'd rather get off to porn then to you... then i would be mad/

    i mean is he not gonna lie about this if he know that you don't like when he does it?
  • med2017
    med2017 Posts: 192 Member
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    yes he says that i complain too much and he doesn't want to be around me but the thing is when i "complain" its usually just the basics of living together like do the dishes tonight, clean up after yourself in the bathroom, etc and he just shuts down and doesn't communicate with me at all. he just gets angry and tells me to shut up and that makes me do the opposite of shut up.


    ^^^ The porn is not the issue. This is the issue. If he is telling you he doesn't want to be around you, isn't sexually active with you and seeks porn instead, it sounds like your decision is already made for you. Why would you want to stay? Just sayin'



    THISSS.
  • wbandel
    wbandel Posts: 530 Member
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    Really I think it's pretty clear why he is lying. He is avoiding having a confrontation and just wants to enjoy what he likes. You going further and further into his privacy to catch him in the act is just making him more and more defensive. Is it really so shocking he would lie about watching porn? Men are conditioned to believe that looking at porn is normal but that it is something to hide. He probably grew up learning to hide his porn usage so that he wouldn't get scolded by his mother, and now here you are acting like his mother and he goes right back to being dishonest. Really I don't think he would lie about it if you talked about it in a more open minded way (I don't mean accepting it, but just not over reacting).

    If you really think he is avoiding you and doing things to piss you off on purpose, it could be his way of getting you to dump him. A lot of men will take that route out of a relationship rather than having to be the ones to break things off.

    Just imagine, if you can't talk about anything after being together such a short amount of time, think of what it could be like after another ten years of you getting on his case and him avoiding you. You'd probably be doing him a favor in the long run. I don't think it's fair to guilt him into making a long term change he obviously doesn't want to make. He would probably have more peace of mind being able to be in a new relationship where he can be himself.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
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    Porn is a hard no for me. I believe it gets men in the wrong mindset. Its warps their mind and gets them confused about sex. No sex isn't all the time. No its not perfect ( trust me! ) and not every women wants you. Sex should be about love. And just because its with love doesn't mean boring. Its actually better!! So i say no porn. I would leave because you made your boundaries known up front. He LIED and refuses to live up to your standards. I don't believe you should settle. Sorry for the ppl who are pro-porn but its a no for me.

    I like this. and to add...I don't care what it's about - he lied to your face, he will do it again.
  • Jennloella
    Jennloella Posts: 2,286 Member
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    Really I think it's pretty clear why he is lying. He is avoiding having a confrontation and just wants to enjoy what he likes. You going further and further into his privacy to catch him in the act is just making him more and more defensive. Is it really so shocking he would lie about watching porn? Men are conditioned to believe that looking at porn is normal but that it is something to hide. He probably grew up learning to hide his porn usage so that he wouldn't get scolded by his mother, and now here you are acting like his mother and he goes right back to being dishonest. Really I don't think he would lie about it if you talked about it in a more open minded way (I don't mean accepting it, but just not over reacting).

    If you really think he is avoiding you and doing things to piss you off on purpose, it could be his way of getting you to dump him. A lot of men will take that route out of a relationship rather than having to be the ones to break things off.

    Just imagine, if you can't talk about anything after being together such a short amount of time, think of what it could be like after another ten years of you getting on his case and him avoiding you. You'd probably be doing him a favor in the long run. I don't think it's fair to guilt him into making a long term change he obviously doesn't want to make. He would probably have more peace of mind being able to be in a new relationship where he can be himself.

    if you read it, she did say she talked to him calmly and even offered to watch it with him, spineless punk still needs to lie, I don't think that's on her. ugh the defense that men have to lie because they have to, so silly. you lie when you have something to hide, if he had a pair he would tell her it is how it is and he won't change not snivel and fib.....
  • Dencollie
    Dencollie Posts: 2
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    I dont think you are going to particularly like my advice, but here goes. I think you should end it with him , move out and not be living in sin. It is a sin against God to be having sex outside of marriage. I dd it too at your age and hw I wish I could go back and change that now that I am more concerned about pleasing to God. He surely does not sound like husband or father material so in my opinion I would not waste my time. You need to get out of this and rethink your priorities in life . If you want to truly be happy in the future you need to take some soul searching time and seek Gods will for your life. He created you for himself - to know him ,to love him and to serve him . He loves you more than you can imagine and you are precious to him. Please take no art in the disgusting evil acts of pornogrphy. It has ruined many,many lives and marriages. Find a Godly man to be with ,one that will honor you and love you in the way you are made to be treasured! He'll also make a good father if you ever blessed with children. Gd bless you ! Sorry for sounding so motherly - but ive been where u are at and I wished someone ad said this to me!! Dee
  • zyxst
    zyxst Posts: 9,136 Member
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    Stop acting like his mother.

    You feel disrespected because he lied to you. You aren't insecure because you get hit on when you're out clubbing. Yet you snoop through his stuff and spy on him. How the hell do you think he feels about that? How would *YOU* feel if he snooped through your computer history and cell phone?

    Dump him. You're ruining 2 lives by staying together.

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