I don't even know what Title to give this.

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  • zoeluiisa
    zoeluiisa Posts: 392
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    Untill married, I think you should keep your money separate.. I get it, if you have a joint account where the household bills are paid from, but you shoud still have your own money and should not contribute to his ex's alimony. With the hours you are working and what you say you make... YOU can put YOU through college, it's not his choice. Even if you two stay together, I would suggest some changes to be made. If not, you could look back and regret the time you wasted.

    Yes yes and yes. Let him pay his own ex-wife's alimony, you save your wages for college. You are 19 for goodness sake.
  • chunkylover22
    chunkylover22 Posts: 162 Member
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    Maybe this was a bad idea to write this at work, I can't stop crying when I read everyone's responses. I mostly work alone, and today is slow, so i guess no one will know that i'm crying but this just sucks. I feel completely alone in life. I moved to PA after I graduated to work this job with him, so i don't even have any family around. and the family that i do have doesn't talk to me unless I call them.
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,738 Member
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    Maybe this was a bad idea to write this at work, I can't stop crying when I read everyone's responses. I mostly work alone, and today is slow, so i guess no one will know that i'm crying but this just sucks. I feel completely alone in life. I moved to PA after I graduated to work this job with him, so i don't even have any family around. and the family that i do have doesn't talk to me unless I call them.

    I know how alone you feel. I move six hours from my family when I was 20. I now live 8 hours from my family. I did it all on my own. It was hard, but it was worth it because I got the education and then the job I wanted.

    You are not alone in life. It might feel that way right now, but there are many other people your age going through the same thing.

    And, you know, if you go to college, you're going to meet them. You can make the best friends of your life in college.

    Alone doesn't always mean bad. Use your alone time to build your strength. Realize that you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough to support yourself and live life on your own. The ability to do that, makes you desirable in a relationship.

    Don't look back when you're 30 and say "I wish I'd gone to college" or "I wish I'd used my money for me". Do what you need to do for you now.
  • zoeluiisa
    zoeluiisa Posts: 392
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    Maybe this was a bad idea to write this at work, I can't stop crying when I read everyone's responses. I mostly work alone, and today is slow, so i guess no one will know that i'm crying but this just sucks. I feel completely alone in life. I moved to PA after I graduated to work this job with him, so i don't even have any family around. and the family that i do have doesn't talk to me unless I call them.

    Call your family when you get home tonight. Or an old school friend. Anyone who can remind you that your SO is not the only person around, and that your whole life doesn't depend on him.

    Hope it goes well x
  • ncahill77
    ncahill77 Posts: 501 Member
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    You are young and you have the best days of your life ahead of you. You have proven you can work hard and have drive, there is NO REASON, not to pursue your dream and go to college if that's what you want. Anyone who doesn't support you on that shouldn't have any say in your life. And honestly, any man that asks you to help pay his ex's alimony isn't much of a man in my opinion. And as someone else stated he already has discriminated and harrassed you by simply saying he would cut back your hours, don't put up with that....YOU DESERVE BETTER!
  • samf36
    samf36 Posts: 369 Member
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    Oh my there are so many red flags here .
    Why is he controlling your money? Your not married are you? Even if you are money is a join thing. Telling you that you can't have an education? He wants to control your life. He has no respect for you and is acting like a child by ignoring you and treating you like a child. Wanting you to change.
    ! st thing you need to do is keep your own money and just contribute to your combined house hold bills. I also find it odd ( please don't be mad I have a dd your age) that you 2 have had a 3 yr relationship , he is 9 yrs older than you and your 19 now. I would have had the shotgun out if you were my dd and he would have been running. At 16 and 25 you two were at a very different place in your lives and you still are.
    Please put yourself 1st .
  • trackercasey76
    trackercasey76 Posts: 780 Member
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    I would say that he better watch what he does with your job or he will find himself unemployed in a hurry. Work is work and private is private he can not mix the two!! Dump his *kitten* you are young, pretty, and obviously a hard worker!! You can do MUCH BETTER!!!
  • beckajw
    beckajw Posts: 1,738 Member
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    I have to agree! If he doesnt support you, you should stay...just My opinion! My ex BF was kinda like that too. I had gone to school but stopped going because of some personal situations I was in. I kept saying I wanted to go back but, he never did anything to support my decision...and, he never wanted to do anything I wanted to do...only what he thought we should do!

    Anyway, point I am making is that you really should think long and hard about the situation you are in and if you would really like to stay in that type of relationship that he doesnt support you.

    GOOD LCUK and will say a prayer for you!!

    BTW, if your relationship ended, would you be able to stay in the position you are in at work?


    Thank you for reply.

    I know what you mean, I still have some things to think over before I make my decision.

    and when we almost broke up the other night I asked him if I was fired and he said that he wouldn't fire me but cut back my shifts, because the only reason he was giving me so much work was because we were partners. I just said ok, because some work is better than none.

    As Ncahill77 said, this is harassment, actually I would consider it sexual harassment.
  • rossi02
    rossi02 Posts: 549 Member
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    [/quote]

    Alone doesn't always mean bad. Use your alone time to build your strength. Realize that you are good enough, strong enough, smart enough to support yourself and live life on your own. The ability to do that, makes you desirable in a relationship.

    Don't look back when you're 30 and say "I wish I'd gone to college" or "I wish I'd used my money for me". Do what you need to do for you now.
    [/quote]

    This is so true... feeling or being alone may give you the peace to really search deep down and see what you want and need. Hearing what you've stated, the red flags are going up like crazy on this guy. Imagine your sister, or best friend told you what all you've shared with us. What would you tell her? RUN! For some reason, when we are in the middle of whats going on, we tend to complicate it and think, "give it more time... we can work this out".
  • cad39too
    cad39too Posts: 874 Member
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    If you need to cry, then cry and when you are done crying think about this like it is happening to someone else (I know it is easy for me to say that and so hard to actually do it but you need to). Look at this situation, like it was your sister (if you have one) or your best friend who was going through this.

    The dynamic of your relationship seems to have changed and he seems to be holding all the power and holding you back; how long can you stay with a man who is not supportive of your life goals before it gets toxic? You are helping him pay for his college education and his ex-wife alimony but he won't do the same for you!

    19 is why too young to pick to stay with the wrong guy, when you have your whole life ahead of you. You sound completely isolated, which is not healthy but a bit understandable given your job and, dare I say it, your partner.

    YOU need to be your main concern.

    I hope this doesn't sound harsh, as you can't always tell over the net, but I hope some of the replies you have received here help you.
  • Uuuhlexis
    Uuuhlexis Posts: 90 Member
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    It sounds like he's already checked out of the relationship.
  • AutumnRose33
    AutumnRose33 Posts: 10
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    I just went through a similar thing with my ex bf. He was avoiding me, making every excuse to not hang out with me, and was unsupportive of my goals. I finally had it and dumped his *kitten* (which I had to do over text message, incidently, because he was too busy hanging out with his friends to call me. I tried all day to get him at least on the phone, and the response I got every time was "late, I'm busy").

    That was the greatest day of my life. Not even kidding. I didn't realize until I did it how down I had been. My friends and family noticed a change in my attitude for the better the next day. A week later I met a guy at work (I don't work WITH him, he just happens to work here) and we are now dating, and I couldn't be happier.

    You are young. You don't need to put up with crap like this. You shouldn't have to change for anyone, and your SO should be supportive of any attempt at self-improvement, even if it puts him out. Kick him out of your life and find someone that loves you for you.

    Edit: ^THIS^ I had the same problem. And the problem was HIM, not me. Now I have a fabulous boyfriend that treats me like gold. You have your whole life ahead of you and you have to kiss a few frogs before you can find your prince. I think this one's a frog : )
  • kimad
    kimad Posts: 3,010 Member
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    What I have learned about men is that when they back away, they don't want you to try harder. You are overcompensating by sending cute texts, making him special dinners, and the fear with this is that you appear insecure and needy. This will further push him away. The best thing you can do is back off and let him come back to you. (This is from experience :)

    Also, if you are 19, you need to do what is best for you. Getting an education is a GREAT idea, and one that will help you support yourself in the future, etc. If you don't have money becuase of HIS debt and alimony, then you need to figure this out for yourself without him.

    You have to worry about yourself first. Good luck.

    ETA: A great book is 'why men love *****es' I recommend it.
  • JenKillough
    JenKillough Posts: 474 Member
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    Red flag after red flag... SO is your boss, his reaction to you wanting formal education, your paying his debts without being married to him, and him calling you mean and then not giving you attention (sounds manipulative & controlling)... and your young age.

    This doesn't sound like a good situation. I hope you find some emotional support OUTSIDE of this relationship so you can get a better perspective...
  • cad39too
    cad39too Posts: 874 Member
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    ... Imagine your sister, or best friend told you what all you've shared with us. What would you tell her? RUN! For some reason, when we are in the middle of whats going on, we tend to complicate it and think, "give it more time... we can work this out".

    I think we might be sharing the same brain ;-)
  • lorib75
    lorib75 Posts: 490 Member
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    1. I think you know the right thing to do, you just want others to tell you to do it.
    2. Why would you let him treat you this way?
    3. Drop him like a hot potatoe and find a man without an ex wife who gets $1000 !!!!!!!!!!!!
  • julimonster
    julimonster Posts: 243 Member
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    aw - are you married to this guy? You are 19, the world is at your feet - go to college and meet someone who wants all the good things for you that you deserve because they love you and want you happy and confident.
  • meg7399
    meg7399 Posts: 672 Member
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    you are 19...break it off and move on! Moving for a guy so young was not the wisest decision, you may not see it now but you will. You are to young to worry about BS like this and honestly, you are leading an unhealthy lifestyle. I would at least wait till I am of drinking age to pay someone else's allimony!
  • celb500
    celb500 Posts: 76
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    Babe did you say you are 19 years old???

    Hun you don't deserve this cr*p, you are 19 years old, gorgeous and need to further your life through education.

    It is not your fault that he has an ex wife, has an MBA and lived his life, he cannot punish you for wanting to do the same.

    I'm sorry to say this and I know it is easier for me to say it that do it but you need to do your own thing, do not compromise your life for someone else. There will plenty of men out there who will love you and appreciate you and the hard work you do, DO NOT let someone hold you back.

    I am speaking from experience here, I have now met a guy who supports me in everything. I was broke and out on my *kitten* before I met him but I would have much rather been like that than have been in my previous relationship where I compromised my whole life for somebody else.

    Hope everything goes okay, hope you can reach a conclusion :)

    Peace & Love x
  • lorib75
    lorib75 Posts: 490 Member
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    It sounds like he's already checked out of the relationship.

    AND THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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