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You SHOULD NOT be paying his allimony!!! Sounds like he is very controlling and may be using you. He sounds like trouble. Run far away from him.0
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If he threatens to cut back your shifts if you break up with him... THAT IS SEXUAL HARASSMENT. I would call HR right now and report it. You can sue the company over something like that if it came down to it. He should never have been allowed to be your supervisor if he was dating you AND he knows that.
It sounds like an older man is taking advantage of you and stringing you along. He sounds controlling and manipulative. Those are dangerous qualities in a man and at your age, you are an easy target. He will continue to do it until you put a stop to it. When you are fed up enough, you will but how long will that take? You do need to ask yourself how long you should live like this. Do you deserve this? I doubt it. Do you love him, does he love you? True love cannot be found where it does not truly exist and it cannot be denied where it does. Think about that.... if you question whether he really loves you or not... he probably doesn't.
You are young and beautiful, you are obviously a hard worker and you have your whole life ahead of you. Pick a college and get your butt into a classroom. There are student loans, grants, etc.... if you want to make it happen, you will make it happen.
Good luck young lady! Believe in yourself and your ability to have the things you want in life. Don't depend on this man to make that happen. Get an education. Without it, your choices are so extremely limited. And he knows that (given that he has his masters) and if he isn't encouraging YOU to get your degree, he does not want the best things for you.0 -
Okay sorry this is so long, I don't even know if anyone will read this. But please if you do, will you share your opinion?
I don't have much time to write, but you're 19, this is your current relationship, and you want to go to college? Kindly end the relationship and go to college. There will be lots of other opportunities in your months and years ahead to meet men who you connect with better, and you need to take care of YOU (meaning this is the time to go to college if you want to go). You're young. Don't settle, especially since it doesn't sound like you are all that happy.0 -
holy cow. seriously stop paying his bills. now. and if you have extra time cause he "cut your hours back", look for work. hell, come work for my company: a 9-1-1 center on the west coast. we'll train you, give you full benefits lke paid sick leave, medical/dental/vision insurance, vacation, paid holidays and a union to boot. excellent salary. we are one of the best in the nation and a LOT of employees got their degrees while working here. oh, did i mention we help you pay for some tuition, also? no? truly you are better than this.0
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it has been my experience that when they want out of a relationship they become overly critical of every thing you do. try to push and push and push you to the point of breaking up with them so they can leave the relationship with what they believe will be a clear conscience.
you are much too young to be under this type of relationship pressure.
a realtionship is work yes - but it isn't supposed to be hard.0 -
You deserve better. You deserve to go to school if you want to. You deserve somebody who is absolutely nuts about you and wants to spend all of his free time with you.
You are young and you have options. The world is open to you and you have the power to do whatever you want. If he doesn't support your seeking out school, then he is threatened by the thought of you earning independence.
If I were you, I would start asking myself about what I want out of life. Then, start planning how to get there.
I am sorry that you are in this situation. Sounds pretty darn crappy. But at 19, everything can be rough. You are not trapped, though. Start thinking about what you want, and then go for it.
Hope things get better, soon!
This!!!
You dear young lady. This response above is spot on. You're so young - you're on MFP so you obviously care about yourself, you're working so you are obviously responsible.
HIS ex = HIS financial responsibility.
YOUR future = YOUR responsibility.
YOUR happiness = YOUR obligation.
You can do this. Believe in yourself; a whole bunch of complete strangers here believe in you!!
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So, if I have my math right (and I'm an accountant so I generally am pretty good at basic addition and subtraction) you started dating when you were 16 and 25? I would stand by my original thoughts: he's a child, and he's controlling. As an adult I find this highly inappropriate. While everyone is out of school and a little older it's okay, but when you're in high school? (to be there is a difference in maturity between 16 & 25 versus say 20 & 29). You need to RUN, you have a lot of life to experience, don't let him hold you back from experiencing it.
^^^ this is exactly what I was thinking. AND I think that 25 yr olds dating 16 year olds is CREEPY.
I'm going to guess that the reason he liked you at 16 is because you didn't threaten him as an intelligent woman would. Now that you want to improve yourself, he's distancing himself because he needs/wants to go find another young controllable girl that won't question him.
Quit trying to win him back with cutesy crap, he's already checked out & he's trying to make you the bad guy in the end. (by "making" you dump him)
You need to dump his @ss. Go to school. Enjoy your life.0 -
Just break up.0
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I don't totally understand your post, about the hotel thing. But, it sounds like he is quite a bit older than you and rather controlling. And I also wonder what kind of boss makes you work that much, 12 hrs a day, 7 days a week, with 1 day off every 5 weeks. What kind of business is this?
If I were you I'd go to college, have some fun, and find a career you love. You're 19, you shouldn't be worried about paying his alimony.
Good luck, do what your gut tells you to do.
Yes.0 -
I have to agree! If he doesnt support you, you should stay...just My opinion! My ex BF was kinda like that too. I had gone to school but stopped going because of some personal situations I was in. I kept saying I wanted to go back but, he never did anything to support my decision...and, he never wanted to do anything I wanted to do...only what he thought we should do!
Anyway, point I am making is that you really should think long and hard about the situation you are in and if you would really like to stay in that type of relationship that he doesnt support you.
GOOD LCUK and will say a prayer for you!!
BTW, if your relationship ended, would you be able to stay in the position you are in at work?
Thank you for reply.
I know what you mean, I still have some things to think over before I make my decision.
and when we almost broke up the other night I asked him if I was fired and he said that he wouldn't fire me but cut back my shifts, because the only reason he was giving me so much work was because we were partners. I just said ok, because some work is better than none.
riiight ...so he was giving you more work so you could help pay his alimony- that is NOT your responsibility! He is using you from the sounds of it...and the earlier posts I read about him cheating most likely with his ex wife....is possible.....its not a open real relationship if he is controlling you (the education) you have every right to go and better yourself....this was my ex hubby too....we paid off all his debt first..and then I got left with his credit card debt after we split too....it was only after I took care of that and my kids got older that I got to go to school....and yes it can be done...it is everyday but it would be much easier without kids when you are younger and can devote yourself to yourself! Good luck and God Bless in whatever you decide sweetie!0 -
*this* and if he dosent like it kick him to the curb!Untill married, I think you should keep your money separate.. I get it, if you have a joint account where the household bills are paid from, but you shoud still have your own money and should not contribute to his ex's alimony. With the hours you are working and what you say you make... YOU can put YOU through college, it's not his choice. Even if you two stay together, I would suggest some changes to be made. If not, you could look back and regret the time you wasted.
Yes yes and yes. Let him pay his own ex-wife's alimony, you save your wages for college. You are 19 for goodness sake.0 -
I can feel for you. He should be the one paying off his debit and his ex wife, not you. Chances are when the debt is all gone, he will be to. It sounds like he is the one being mean and maybe even somewhat emotionally abusive. You deserve better. You deserve to go to school if you want to. You deserve somebody who is absolutely nuts about you and wants to spend all of his free time with you. If I were you, I would start asking myself about what I want out of life. Then, start planning how to get there.0
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Definitely step back. If it's meant to be it will. However, my husband and I have been together for 9 years, married 2. We still have seperate bank accounts. lol. It works. We share money and have nothing to hide but it's nice to have some things stay seperate.(we also have two kids) He is 7 years old than I am so I am with ya on the "baggage". However, you seem to be a smart girl who knows what she wants. He needs to support you just as much as you support him. If anything giving him some distance will make him notice what he might lose. good luck.0
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You dear young lady. This response above is spot on. You're so young - you're on MFP so you obviously care about yourself, you're working so you are obviously responsible.
HIS ex = HIS financial responsibility.
YOUR future = YOUR responsibility.
YOUR happiness = YOUR obligation.
You can do this. Believe in yourself; a whole bunch of complete strangers here believe in you!!
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You are a beautiful girl, you deserve to have your dreams come true. I am a mom, so all i can think is if this was my daughter, I would want you to leave, and go to school, and move on with a wonderful life you are meant to have. Education is the key to future opportunities in the work force. Spread your wings!!0 -
Just break up.
then quit!0 -
I also date and live with my boss whom is 15 years older than me and 1000.00 in alimony is nothing compared to what my SO pays out... Anyways, in my humble opinion it sounds like he has some growing up to do. First off, we keep work and home completely separate. We never mix the two. When I have my bad days he comforts me, and does not tell me I am mean no matter how bad I am reacting. And always goes out of his way to see me. He would support me if I wanted to go back to school. It sounds like your SO is being very selfish. You have to decide how long you are willing to put up with this. At that point if things were not better it may be time to jump ship and find someone who does support your decisions to better yourself with an education. I wish you the best of luck and all the happiness in the world.0
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Just break up.
then quit!
No, don't quit. Unless, you go away to college. Let him fire you or decrease your hours. Then sue.0 -
Just break up.
then quit!
No, don't quit. Unless, you go away to college. Let him fire you or decrease your hours. Then sue.
A-men0 -
Sweetie, you are 19 and he is only a tiny little speck of your life. It took me until I was almost 40 to find someone that I can live with and love.
It's highly doubtful; that he is the one so, open yourself to new things and don't tie yourself down to someone at such a young.age. Especially someone that is going to change you. It's apparent that he has other ideas and yours don;t mesh.
BTW, I want your job so, if you leave it, please let me know. 300.00 a day? I work for that in a week!0 -
At 19, you shouldn't be paying your hard working dollars for his ex-wife's alimony. Nuff said.
What happened to student loans? If you're working to pay his, they exist. He's a bullsheeter and I suggest you move on.
tough love,
Katey0
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