I don't even know what Title to give this.

ashley2586

I am going through a situation where I don't know what to do, and I would really like an outsiders opinion.

This past week has been a rough one for me and my SO. I leave for work at 5:15 am, and get home around 6:30 pm (12hr shift)
I am doing this everyday, I am also staying at a motel because I am out of state working. My SO is the manager of the company and he stays at the hotel everyday. He used to come to my location and hang out with me during the day, but for the past two weeks he hasn't come up here. He doesn't even text me or call me AT ALL. If I call him or text him he will respond, but not for long. When I asked what was going on, he flat out told me that he is avoiding me. When I asked why he said it was because I was mean.

Okay, first of all everyone has there good days and bad days. Second of all, when I get really mad I don't scream, yell or anything I sit there calm, quiet and collect myself. I am not a mean person, I seriously feel like I do everything to be the exact opposite.

Anyways, I sat there and listen to what he had to say, and for the next several days I made a point to be EXTRA nice. I would send him cute texts, cook him a special dinner, bought him a present, etc. NOTHING CHANGED.

I don't know what to do. I don't feel like this is because of something I am doing.

Okay so the next part....

The other night I brought up how I wanted to go to college soon. I don't want to wait too long, but I also don't want to quit my job. He totally flipped out on me, said that we don't have money for college. He has already been to college. He has his masters degree actually. I was shocked about his reaction. How could he not support me wanting an education? I am 19 years old and work my *kitten* off to make 300 dollars a day! I work 5 weeks straight of 12 hrs a day with only one week off then back to work another 5 weeks and so on. Never took a sick day, no vacation, I work every holiday! I just cant help but to think this isn't fair.

We are also paying off HIS debt. We also pay his ex wife 1000 dollars a month for alimony.

This I will admit I am furious about! I don't even know what to do! We literally almost split up yesterday, got as far as splitting the money but couldn't come to a compromise.


Okay sorry this is so long, I don't even know if anyone will read this. But please if you do, will you share your opinion?

Drop the douche. If he is acting like this now, is this going to change in the next few months, a year, 10 years? NO. if he is like this now it is how it will always be. do yourself a favor and do what you need to do for YOU!!!!

SoDamnHungry

Unless you're married, you shouldn't be helping to pay of his debt. That he's allowing a 19-year-old that he supposedly loves work 12-hour days to pay of his debt and alimony to his wife, while discouraging you from higher education.... That just sounds really bad. He sound immature and controlling.

And now that I've read the thing about him cutting your hours... Oh man, definitely go to HR and tell them what he said. And break up with him for real. Ugh.

melicharc

ID BE MEAN TOO IF I WORKED THE HOURS YOU DO AND KEPT COMPANY LIKE THAT! Let your gut feeling be your guide. Do not let fear hold you back. If it does not feel right now it most likely won't get better. If you were my daughter I would encourage you to re-evaluate your life goals. What it is you want for a career ...what type of man do you want by your side. If he is not your perfect match hold out for the one who is. NO ONE, I REPEAT No one is perfect but there is someone perfect for everyone. If you are allowing him to treat you like this then it is because you don't feel deserving of true love. Honey I've been there. Trust God and know that when he gives you a warning light you'd best be evaluating the situation and run far far ahway if that is what your guts says. Blessings to you

Lanibugluv

If you want to friend me you can and we can keep in touch and I will help you go through this hard time.

EmGetsFit

Three words: Dump. Him. Now.

You are young, you have your whole life ahead of you, and you can do so much better. It sounds like the "mean" thing and the suspicious behavior are a classic redirection technique. No one deserves to be treated like that at all. He has issues and they're not yours. Sorry but I've seen several friends go through similar situations and witnessed the frustration & heartbreak. Relationships are two-way support systems... I hope you get the outcome & support you need (& check with your H.R. manager if you have problems re: him being your boss). Good luck!

HSingMomto7Kids

I am soo soo very sorry that you are going through this.

taylorromanyk

You know what? Go to college. Get an education. Find someone who treats you like a QUEEN. You don't need him and his baggage (ex wife). I know you may love him but... I'm 19, and if I had to deal with all of this? I'd be pulling my hair out. You deserve to be happy, sweetheart.

syndywindy

I think you are in almost an abusive situation. I don't know what kind of work you are doing but $300 a day is pretty good. I think your SO is not only cheating on you but using you big time! He has an ex-wife, why are you helping him pay this? As harsh as this may sound, you need to get out from under him. You are young, do you have fame or friends that you can stay with? If so run as fast as you can from this SO, start saving some of that money and go to school. If you have go look at community colleges, the cost will be much less than a 4 year school.
As for repercussions at your current job and him being your boss, if he has a boss or if there is a human resources dept. talk to them. You can't be fired by this person because you break up with him.
As many others have said, you are young, you have so many options. This person is using you to pay his way. Don't be a doormat, stand up, be proud and let him know you aren't doing this any longer.

karins4

I agree with everyone here. You are 19 and not married to this guy.

-You are NOT responsible for paying his debts.
-You are NOT responsible for paying his ex wife's alimony.
-He has NO RIGHT to tell you that you can/cannot go to college. You want to go to college...you save your money and you go!
-Do not have a joint account...if you already have one, get your money out and put into your own account.
-If he stops talking to you and then says it's because "you're mean" when you know you haven't been, he's deflecting. Trying to get you to focus on what you "did wrong" instead of what's wrong with him.....p.s. - you did nothing wrong!

If he tries to make you believe you have to contribute to his debts, or tries to make you feel guilty about it he is using you and you need to get out. Don't get stuck in a situation where you've spent all your money supporting him and when the relationship ends you have nothing left to support yourself.

Another thing I don't think has been mentioned is in a lot of companies it is a huge no-no for a boss to date his/her employee. Even if the relationship started before the promotion. He should have made them aware of the fact when he was promoted so that he either managed a different group or you were moved to a different group where he has no power over you. He has already threatened your job if you don't do what he wants in the personal relationship. As others mentioned this is sexual harassment. Boss for 6 months and he is already abusing his power...if you cannot leave the company right now you need to ask about transferring to an area where he is not your boss anymore...fast.

You are young, smart and have your whole life ahead of you....don't waste it on a jerk.