Single at 33..why?

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  • MaryJane_8810002
    MaryJane_8810002 Posts: 2,082 Member
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    I don't understand peoples desperation to latch on to someone just because their friends are taken. Its okay being alone, maybe if you spent more time alone and got to know yourself then they will come.
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
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    If it can cheer you up, I am 40, single, never been asked out on a date, never had a boyfriend, only some guys that stopped by and left almost right away...

    That's so sad!! Why not?! You're a pretty lady!
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
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    Sometimes you wonder how you could be single and unmarried at 33. It's really depressing, bec I know I am a good perosn, but I can't seem to find a good man. I date the musican types, and they have proven to not make good boyfriends. And my man wants me to meet a good Christian/BA Degree/smart/good job etc. and I told her most of them are married by my age. And all the good men are taken.

    Sucks becuase everyone my age in the church are all married with kids. I feel like there's something majorly wrong with me. Any thoughts/comments/suggestions?

    I can't tell you how many women I've met that say, "I wont date musicians". Of course, that's after I say I'm a musician. LOL. Screw 'em. I'm not here to score points. They gotta dig me for who I am. I aint changing nothing for no one.
  • midnightwhispers
    midnightwhispers Posts: 42
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    Having an SO isn't all that it's cracked up to be either lol I'm 27, got the kids, had the fiance (thank God I didn't marry him!) and I'm perfectly happy being non-traditional---although non-traditional (common-law, kids, no thoughts of marriage) seem to be the new traditional thing.

    I'd be perfectly happy to never get married--although current SO is trying to change my mind about that ;)

    I say enjoy your freedom while you have it! And as cliche as it is, that guy that you're looking for will show up when you least expect it and not looking.
  • dadof2boyz
    dadof2boyz Posts: 156 Member
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    EMBRACE IT!!!!!!!!!

    *this!
  • dmpizza
    dmpizza Posts: 3,321 Member
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    You said you end up with musician types. That makes me guess you spend a lot of time in bars. Bars aren't great places to find reliable men and they aren't the healthiest places to spend alot of time. Have you tried a internet dating?

    Whatever your situation actually is, good luck.
  • ChanyL
    ChanyL Posts: 41
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    If it can cheer you up, I am 40, single, never been asked out on a date, never had a boyfriend, only some guys that stopped by and left almost right away...

    That's so sad!! Why not?! You're a pretty lady!

    thanks ... and to answer your question, I have no idea why... all I know is I have been laughed at and insulted all my life because of my obesity. Cripes, there's one who ever told me he'd rather spent his lifetime in wintertime than seeing me in a bikini !! Perhaps I don't live in the good country, many people (men and women) are shallow here...
  • Nicolee_2014
    Nicolee_2014 Posts: 1,572 Member
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    There is nothing wrong with you ! Lots of people are different ages when they meet the love of their lives.

    As most people have said 'embrace' it, have fun! :flowerforyou:
  • AmyFett
    AmyFett Posts: 1,607 Member
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    If it can cheer you up, I am 40, single, never been asked out on a date, never had a boyfriend, only some guys that stopped by and left almost right away...

    That's so sad!! Why not?! You're a pretty lady!

    thanks ... and to answer your question, I have no idea why... all I know is I have been laughed at and insulted all my life because of my obesity. Cripes, there's one who ever told me he'd rather spent his lifetime in wintertime than seeing me in a bikini !! Perhaps I don't live in the good country, many people (men and women) are shallow here...

    People are shallow everywhere!! I've had a hard time with being overweight, and before when I was single, I was like 170 and didn't even have fat rolls! Now, I couldn't imagine being since at 200+ I give up on caring what others think anymore and I legit want to lose this weight for myself.

    My husband is fat. I'm fat....we kind of did it to each other, lol. He's actually kind of depressed in a way that I'm losing weight. I got lucky in the fact that we were friends for about 5 years before even thinking of dating each other.

    There are some men out there that aren't completely shallow. And for you guys, same goes for women and I know a lot of women, including myself, that like the big guys, they're cuddly like teddy bears and keep us warm!!
  • janlee_001
    janlee_001 Posts: 309 Member
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    Sometimes you wonder how you could be single and unmarried at 33. It's really depressing, bec I know I am a good perosn, but I can't seem to find a good man. I date the musican types, and they have proven to not make good boyfriends. And my man wants me to meet a good Christian/BA Degree/smart/good job etc. and I told her most of them are married by my age. And all the good men are taken.

    Sucks becuase everyone my age in the church are all married with kids. I feel like there's something majorly wrong with me. Any thoughts/comments/suggestions?

    Yes, from one Christian woman to another, God is always right on time. I just got married last year at the age of 48 and low and behold I married my first love, Michael, whom I dated when we were younger and had tried to get back together several times.

    I am so thankful I didn't marry so many I thought I loved.

    Also, you need to decide what you want in a man and what is really important. For me faith was a must. Don't let them determine what is what you need.

    I will also tell you that being married is not as wonderful as it seems when you are single. It's a lot of hard work and dedication.

    I would attend single groups at my own church and others in the area - I wanted to just be friends with others and get to know them in a group environment and see if there was anyone I was truly inclined to be with but I never was.
  • janlee_001
    janlee_001 Posts: 309 Member
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    You said you end up with musician types. That makes me guess you spend a lot of time in bars. Bars aren't great places to find reliable men and they aren't the healthiest places to spend alot of time. Have you tried a internet dating?

    Whatever your situation actually is, good luck.

    Agreed
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    Oh, no pressure to marry, but everyone around you will be married and having kids! And if you're with someone for longer than 2-3 years people will start to wonder if you're right for one another! But, no pressure to get married. I've been with the same person for nearly 8 years now, and have no plans to get married or have children. He and I are having far too much fun to worry about it.

    I really dislike this idea we keep perpetuating that women should be constantly "preparing" themselves for marriage or to have children. Bullsh!t. OP, start living your life instead of preparing for something to come to you that you think will make you happy.

    I don't think it is just women who feel pressure. Men can feel it too. Probably less so on the children thing, but certainly there is pressure for men to couple off.

    The things I've said on this thread in previous pages apply nearly equally to men and women. I have tried to say gender neutral things.
  • lilacsun
    lilacsun Posts: 204 Member
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    I'm 28. No kids, not married... not engaged.


    But loving it:) Life is an adventure, embrace it!

    This!
    Once you start to do this is when you will more than likely meet "the one". That is how it happened for me. I had given up "looking". I was 26 when we met, 29 when we married. It is almost our 13th wedding anniversary!
  • JBennis1013
    JBennis1013 Posts: 377 Member
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    I'm in the same boat as you....28 single, no kids, never engaged...I'm told it'll happen when you least expect it. We shall see. It's funny cuz when you're growing up you set goals for yourself like having a good job and being married w children and I have met neither lol. Work in progress
  • alarae
    alarae Posts: 263 Member
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    I was ata wedding last week for a never been married 36 year old woman. She found her man and I've never seen a happier bride. They are perfect for each other. Don't give up, you'll find him.
  • Heather1899
    Heather1899 Posts: 179 Member
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    I'm single, never married or no kids at 26...
    Yes, sometimes I think there is something wrong with me...well alot of things.
    But I grew up the young kid and when my sister moved out I was all alone. We lived in the country and I played alot by myself so I really enjoy just being alone and being independent.
    Like, what if I meet someone and I want to go out somewhere, like exercise and he doesn't?
    I love to go skating. I love to read. I don't watch much tv...I like to exercise.
    I don't want anyone to tell me I can't do those things!!
    So I often really like that I am still single and can make my own choices!!
    [/quote
    ]

    So see about meeting someone while out skating? Really... a good guy isn't going to tell you that you can't do those things!

    Alarae-yea I thought about that but most of the people I see skating are just not my age-it seems to be for younger people. And yes some of them seem to flirt with me though, I think its because I look younger than I am...
  • marz42
    marz42 Posts: 223 Member
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    Gadzooks, 33 is young, stop that. I'm 44 and single never been married no kids.

    Around the age of 27 a whole bunch of friends in my social circle coupled up at once and I was the only single one and I remember thinking oooooh wooooe as meeee i'm the ancient old age of 27 and still single, I'll neeeeever find a guy. And so I looked around at the group thinking well that one is taken, that one is nuts, that one's gay, etc..and till I noticed a quiet guy I hadn't really seen before, and liked his shirt and went up to talk to him. We ended up dating and cohabitating for like 15 years..but by the time he was finally thinking of marriage I was having doubts. A good enough guy, but not the right guy for me, and I broke it off. Probably should have broken it off soon or stuck it out but whatever. 15 years invested in that.

    Dated on and off then about a year and a half ago found a really great guy, who was a great fit on just about everything. We dated for close to a year and it was looking like we'd be in it for the long term.... and then he got cancer (despite being a pretty healthy active guy..cancer doesn't seem to care) and died just weeks after anyone realized he was sick. wtf. Never saw that one coming.

    So here I am again single at 44. It gets to me sometimes when all the couply kidded friends are busy..., but I've got a good job, house, friends, family and more interests than I have time for, and I think my head is on far far better than it ever was at 27. Hard not to look back at the 27yr old me and laugh. Oh the woe of it.

    I know a number of others my age that are single never married, or single divorced, or single widowed, and a few that are single hardly ever dated, for various reasons. One guy I know a few years older than me is cute nice smart etc...but he is so stuck on his expectations of what the right one would 'look' like that he has spent something like 20 years pining for women who are taken and being oblivious to any at all that are interested. He's also got a situation like a previous poster mentioned where he's late 40s but absolutely wants kids..so he's fishing in a much younger pond that mostly sees him as kind of an oldish guy.
  • marz42
    marz42 Posts: 223 Member
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    I have several single friends both male and female, and these are some of the things they do wrong.
    They hunt, in all the wrong places. and age range. 1 guy refuses to date anyone older than 32 because he wants kids.
    He's 48. sorry dude, probably not gonna happen. (he has 2 requirements, slender and under 32, not so bad if he wasn't 48)
    .

    I'm 44 with 2 kids, single since divorcing 8 yrs ago. I think I'm a good catch, good lookingm financially stable, own job, seen a bit of the world, can hold intelligent conversation...but no..clearly not good enough. I don't want a toyboy or an old man, but it seems all the good guys in their 40's are like the one above, they are now looking for women much younger than them to propagate their seeds (if they have any left!).

    Maybe you should be looking for a guy in his 40's cos it seems they are looking for you lol

    There does seem to be a lot of that. I get that with the ones that want kids...but I'll see some on dating sites where they say they definitely don't want kids (or have them and are done) ..yet they are 42 and list 38 as their top age for example. I'd betcha money if they met me at a party they'd never guess I was 44, and I just don't see 5 years either way a big deal, but I'm not going to lie about it either.
  • Ginnyesq
    Ginnyesq Posts: 109
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    I felt kind of the same way as you at 33. I had a few bad break ups with guys I fell for that I KNEW would break my heart, but I went and did it anyway and guess what? Met my boyfriend of 4 years when I was 34 and it was eventually worth sorting through all the garbage. It happened for me when I decided to just enjoy going out. Had LOTS of first dates, but enjoyed them all, even the really weird ones. Learned it was ok to say no to someone I didn't click with, the same way I got said no to. Eventually you will find the right guy, but you have to put yourself out there. Very few things worth having happen in life without some effort.
  • greasygriddle_wechnage
    greasygriddle_wechnage Posts: 246 Member
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    I guess I don’t know why people get so riled up about this subject one way or the other. There are three groups, those that want to be married, those that don’t, and those that wish they never had. No one is wrong, and no one is right. I personally got married very late, 37, I wanted to be married in my early 30’s. What I know today is something I wished I had known back then. Can’t teach it, must live it. Being married is not a “death sentence” nor is it the “gateway to everlasting happiness”. If YOU OP are worthy of a great man, then he/you shall find him. If not, you will be entrenched in yourself loathing and hang onto the “next best thing” like grim death…

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