MAYBE I AM THE PROBLEM
Replies
-
He likes having a sure thing. You've basically proven you'll take his crap, and so he'll tell you what you need to hear to stay around but not really change his behavior. Yes, it IS you, in the sense that you pick guys who get absorbed in their own interests and issues instead of caring for you and then letting them run you over instead of defending yourself or walking away when they start treating you poorly.
Walking away is easy for a bunch of strangers not in your situation to say you should do. So if you really want to stay, and you really think there's something there to be salvaged, ask yourself if there's something you're doing that's triggering your man's bad behavior. Talk through your issues with a therapist. Figure out how to healthily communicate with your guy. Otherwise, just get out.0 -
Probably the person you fell in love with wasn't real. Lots of people meet someone and that someone has a handful of desirable qualities that they put on display right away. Then you figure that person (guy in this case) is your dream guy, so you start projecting all of the qualities of your dream guy on to that person. He would NEVER do this or that, of course he feels such and such a way about this issue or that issue. You turn him into a fantasy guy and that's what you fall in love with, not the real person. Then when he does things that are contrary to what you want him to do, you say "You're not the man I fell in love with!" That's true, because the man that you fell in love with doesn't really exist.I fight and fight and fight to get that person back I fell in love with fighting til the very end . I feel like it is them being dishonest to me.
That's been the experience that I've witnessed, any way.
seems to be me!!!0 -
Personally, I began to try to work through my own issues (the ones I swore I didn't have) with a therapist because every relationship was turning out the same because I was creating the circumstances to allow it. All without knowing it and mainly because I wasn't happy with myself, even though I would lie and say I was.
This ^^^^0 -
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.0
-
Probably the person you fell in love with wasn't real. Lots of people meet someone and that someone has a handful of desirable qualities that they put on display right away. Then you figure that person (guy in this case) is your dream guy, so you start projecting all of the qualities of your dream guy on to that person. He would NEVER do this or that, of course he feels such and such a way about this issue or that issue. You turn him into a fantasy guy and that's what you fall in love with, not the real person. Then when he does things that are contrary to what you want him to do, you say "You're not the man I fell in love with!" That's true, because the man that you fell in love with doesn't really exist.I fight and fight and fight to get that person back I fell in love with fighting til the very end . I feel like it is them being dishonest to me.
That's been the experience that I've witnessed, any way.
seems to be me!!!
this also ^^^ I've learned alot in my current relationship. Have no expectations....0 -
If he's smart he's running in the opposite direction. You don't seem stable.0
-
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
And how do you not take their crap???0 -
If he's smart he's running in the opposite direction. You don't seem stable.
LMAO0 -
Fer serious? It is you. Just skip the relationships. Here, this may help you out
:flowerforyou:0 -
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
And how do you not take their crap???
It's easy. Don't let them run all over you. Say no. Be willing to walk away and/or kick them to curb. If you look and act desperate and needy, men will use you. Make him earn it. A man worth having is one that will work to be with you and not one you have to work to get.0 -
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
And how do you not take their crap???
I dont know your personality to make a educated guess on how you begin relationships but if you are they type that "acts" cool with everything so that they like you thats where the problems begin.0 -
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
And how do you not take their crap???
I dont know your personality to make a educated guess on how you begin relationships but if you are they type that "acts" cool with everything so that they like you thats where the problems begin.
I don't know. i try to get to know them. what they like etc.. I like to try new things so things that interest them I like to try with them. I don't know0 -
I think your attracted to people you think you can change but cant, if it goes wrong all the time and the same way, then your doing something, My brother has had so many girfriends and they all end up leaving, and you ask why, well hes got ocd, hes controlling, he wants to spend every min of every day with them, he doesnt like work to become a problem in there lives, he sees relationships in a rosey kind of way and thats a big problem when reality is not the way you see it in your head.Basically he wants a person to be all his, and nothing and no one to get in the way, result= end off relationship. He thinks its always them and true enough he picks the same type of woman who always turn out bad. Just trying to make a point, not really pointing the finger as such.0
-
I think your attracted to people you think you can change but cant, if it goes wrong all the time and the same way, then your doing something, My brother has had so many girfriends and they all end up leaving, and you ask why, well hes got ocd, hes controlling, he wants to spend every min of every day with them, he doesnt like work to become a problem in there lives, he sees relationships in a rosey kind of way and thats a big problem when reality is not the way you see it in your head.Basically he wants a person to be all his, and nothing and no one to get in the way, result= end off relationship. He thinks its always them and true enough he picks the same type of woman who always turn out bad. Just trying to make a point, not really pointing the finger as such.
actually when the relationship started it was that way on his end... I don't know what happened .0 -
Fer serious? It is you. Just skip the relationships. Here, this may help you out
HAHAHAHAAH! Perfect!0 -
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
I dont know your personality to make a educated guess on how you begin relationships but if you are they type that "acts" cool with everything so that they like you thats where the problems begin.
I don't know. i try to get to know them. what they like etc.. I like to try new things so things that interest them I like to try with them. I don't know
there is your mistake. You are not doing it to try new things you are doing it to please them. You are you and they are them. You need to lay out what you want and expect. If they dont like the fact that you know what you want its the wrong guy. When I start a relationship I sugar coat nothing I care not to be their perfect woman I want to be me all the time if they cant handle that they are not the man for me, and guess what I have never been treated badly.0 -
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
And how do you not take their crap???
It's easy. Don't let them run all over you. Say no. Be willing to walk away and/or kick them to curb. If you look and act desperate and needy, men will use you. Make him earn it. A man worth having is one that will work to be with you and not one you have to work to get.
I don't know if I agree with you - being completely neurotic, unstable and clingy has always seemed like a good plan to me. Trying to change guys you're in a relationship with, or molding them into your ideal, always works out really well in the end too. It's helpful to be someone you're not and pretend to like what they do - they will love you for this. When in doubt, always blame the guy, because you did everything you could to chain him down0 -
I can tell you from personal experience that YOU are likely the problem. I was, at one time, "the problem" too.
I think you need to sit down determine what it is you really want out of a man, and whether there may be some things you need to change about yourself too.
People change in relationships, that's normal. That lovebird phase goes away usually within the first year. The ugly eventually comes out in everyone and you have to decide whether you can deal with the ugly part or not.0 -
LOLyou get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
And how do you not take their crap???
It's easy. Don't let them run all over you. Say no. Be willing to walk away and/or kick them to curb. If you look and act desperate and needy, men will use you. Make him earn it. A man worth having is one that will work to be with you and not one you have to work to get.
I don't know if I agree with you - being completely neurotic, unstable and clingy has always seemed like a good plan to me. Trying to change guys you're in a relationship with, or molding them into your ideal, always works out really well in the end too. It's helpful to be someone you're not and pretend to like what they do - they will love you for this. When in doubt, always blame the guy, because you did everything you could to chain him down0 -
I disagree to a certain extent. I've dated guys and spent time learning about the things that they were interested in because they were things I had not ever been exposed to before (in one particular case, it was Dungeons & Dragons). If, after learning about it, I decided it wasn't something I was interested in, then I didn't pretend to like it (like cars--yeah, nice old cars are pretty but I don't give a crap about their engines). I didn't do it just to please them, I was genuinely interested in learning more about their hobbies and the things they liked. It was more about being open-minded. Although, I can safely say that none of them extended me the same courtesy, and I certainly would have appreciated it. It's not really fair to pass judgement on something you know nothing about.there is your mistake. You are not doing it to try new things you are doing it to please them. You are you and they are them.0 -
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
And how do you not take their crap???
It's easy. Don't let them run all over you. Say no. Be willing to walk away and/or kick them to curb. If you look and act desperate and needy, men will use you. Make him earn it. A man worth having is one that will work to be with you and not one you have to work to get.
I don't know if I agree with you - being completely neurotic, unstable and clingy has always seemed like a good plan to me. Trying to change guys you're in a relationship with, or molding them into your ideal, always works out really well in the end too. It's helpful to be someone you're not and pretend to like what they do - they will love you for this. When in doubt, always blame the guy, because you did everything you could to chain him down
You make some really valid points, however, the problem with molding a guy is this...you can mold and polish a turd, but in the end, no matter how shiny and pretty, it's still a turd. If you start with a turd, you end with a turd. It's simply physics. Or is that advance physics? Either way, physics is involved.0 -
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
And how do you not take their crap???
It's easy. Don't let them run all over you. Say no. Be willing to walk away and/or kick them to curb. If you look and act desperate and needy, men will use you. Make him earn it. A man worth having is one that will work to be with you and not one you have to work to get.
I don't know if I agree with you - being completely neurotic, unstable and clingy has always seemed like a good plan to me. Trying to change guys you're in a relationship with, or molding them into your ideal, always works out really well in the end too. It's helpful to be someone you're not and pretend to like what they do - they will love you for this. When in doubt, always blame the guy, because you did everything you could to chain him down
You make some really valid points, however, the problem with molding a guy is this...you can mold and polish a turd, but in the end, no matter how shiny and pretty, it's still a turd. If you start with a turd, you end with a turd. It's simply physics. Or is that advance physics? Either way, physics is involved.
Well.... that may be true... but what if you like turds? If you're attracted to turds, and turds really rock your world, then what's wrong with polishing the one you've got?0 -
Do what I did.... go for the totally opposite guy then you are normally attracked to. My first hubby was my ideal: Dark hair, brown eyes, tan skin, and a bit of a ****. My hubby now is blonde, blue eyes, TALL, funny as hell, Not a total hottie but I don't mind, and is caring.
The difference? I spend less time crying and more time laughing.0 -
Neediness is really, REALLY unattractive. You need to dump him, find out what you like doing and relax for God's sake! I've only read this thread and already I want to break up with you!0
-
coz a lepord cant change its spots, or so they say lol. I think the trying to change him to whatever you want him to be mightbe the whole problem, maybe hes too relaxed with you now, like he doesnt care, whereas before he cared too much.0
-
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
People push. Not all of them. The jerks do.0 -
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
People push. Not all of them. The jerks do.
you're right sorry for generalizing0 -
coz a lepord cant change its spots, or so they say lol. I think the trying to change him to whatever you want him to be mightbe the whole problem, maybe hes too relaxed with you now, like he doesnt care, whereas before he cared too much.
But I am not trying to change him... Only wanting him to be the same or somewhat the same....0 -
coz a lepord cant change its spots, or so they say lol. I think the trying to change him to whatever you want him to be mightbe the whole problem, maybe hes too relaxed with you now, like he doesnt care, whereas before he cared too much.
But I am not trying to change him... Only wanting him to be the same or somewhat the same....
He is now, who he is(how deep). If you want him to be other than who he is now, you want him to be him, as before.... That is changing him. You want him to be different from how he is now, no?0 -
coz a lepord cant change its spots, or so they say lol. I think the trying to change him to whatever you want him to be mightbe the whole problem, maybe hes too relaxed with you now, like he doesnt care, whereas before he cared too much.
But I am not trying to change him... Only wanting him to be the same or somewhat the same....
He is now, who he is(how deep). If you want him to be other than who he is now, you want him to be him, as before.... That is changing him.
hmmmmmmmmmmmm well, I NEVER tell him this so technically not trying to change him!0
This discussion has been closed.
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 393.8K Introduce Yourself
- 43.9K Getting Started
- 260.3K Health and Weight Loss
- 176K Food and Nutrition
- 47.5K Recipes
- 232.6K Fitness and Exercise
- 428 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.5K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.6K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 153.1K Motivation and Support
- 8.1K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.8K MyFitnessPal Information
- 15 News and Announcements
- 1.2K Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.6K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions