MAYBE I AM THE PROBLEM
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Nosce Te Ipsum
(know thyself)0 -
coz a lepord cant change its spots, or so they say lol. I think the trying to change him to whatever you want him to be mightbe the whole problem, maybe hes too relaxed with you now, like he doesnt care, whereas before he cared too much.
But I am not trying to change him... Only wanting him to be the same or somewhat the same....
He is now, who he is(how deep). If you want him to be other than who he is now, you want him to be him, as before.... That is changing him.
hmmmmmmmmmmmm well, I NEVER tell him this so technically not trying to change him!
You're a game player. Game players only get games in return. Sounds like you've been beat at your own game a few times.0 -
You are expecting people to remain the same always. That is not human nature, baby, I'm sorry. Humans by nature evolve to adapt to constantly changing surroundings. If you fight to make a person stay the same always, they will resent you and feel that they can never live up to your standards to always be the person they met at first.
Simply falling in love changes you. Date someone for sixth months, you fall in love, you are already both different and different triggers are going to cause different reactions and personality changes.
If you fight to the very end to make someone stay who they were in the beginning, then you are fighting against growing together. If you are not both growing,.... then one of you is left behind and confused and thinks they've been abandoned- when all they did was try to stay the same.
Could not have said it better myself.0 -
coz a lepord cant change its spots, or so they say lol. I think the trying to change him to whatever you want him to be mightbe the whole problem, maybe hes too relaxed with you now, like he doesnt care, whereas before he cared too much.
But I am not trying to change him... Only wanting him to be the same or somewhat the same....
He is now, who he is(how deep). If you want him to be other than who he is now, you want him to be him, as before.... That is changing him.
hmmmmmmmmmmmm well, I NEVER tell him this so technically not trying to change him!
You're a game player. Game players only get games in return. Sounds like you've been beat at your own game a few times.
hmmmmmmmmmmm NOPE!0 -
Why did you post this topic? People are telling you what to do and you're still protesting and saying you love this guy... Don't ask for people's opinions if you're just going to blindly do the same thing you've been doing. I'm out.0
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You fall in love with who you think they are. Your blinded for a few years, hanging on to a relationship with who you wanted them to be, when all along the red flags were there. <~~~~~ maybe?0
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You fall in love with who you think they are. Your blinded for a few years, hanging on to a relationship with who you wanted them to be, when all along the red flags were there. <~~~~~ maybe?
maybe :ohwell:0 -
Why did you post this topic? People are telling you what to do and you're still protesting and saying you love this guy... Don't ask for people's opinions if you're just going to blindly do the same thing you've been doing. I'm out.
GOODBYE!!!0 -
But you've basically indicated that he never really was the way you want him to be now, so you ARE trying to change him.coz a lepord cant change its spots, or so they say lol. I think the trying to change him to whatever you want him to be mightbe the whole problem, maybe hes too relaxed with you now, like he doesnt care, whereas before he cared too much.
But I am not trying to change him... Only wanting him to be the same or somewhat the same....
Don't hold your breath for him to suddenly be different. The relationship is the way that it is now. I know people who have been married 10 and 12 years who have been miserable the last 9 and 11 years, and they always say "I just want things to be like they were in the beginning." WAKE UP, it's NOT going to happen. In the beginning you were both on your best behavior, trying to put your best foot forward because that's what you do when you're just dating. Time passes, things change, you get comfortable and your start being more yourself. Things are NEVER going to go back to the way they were in the beginning when you were both pretending to be perfect for one another. Besides the "honeymoon phase" being over, you're probably in different circumstances and you've probably both grown and changed. You can't turn back time, so it's time for you to take responsibility in the relationship. Don't wait for him to change because he won't. You can only control your own behavior, so either end the relationship if it makes you unhappy, or accept it the way it is and quit complaining. Unless you're going to change you, don't expect him to change him. And really, don't expect him to change anyway--if you base your expectations around someone else doing something, you're already setting yourself up for disappointment.0 -
You're wasting your time with an a-hole. A nice guy would have broken up with you a long time ago and walked away rather than cheating.
If you're only attracted to this type, you need to stay single until you're mature enough not to try to stay with a-holes and change them into marriage material. Ain't gonna happen.0 -
You fall in love with who you think they are. Your blinded for a few years, hanging on to a relationship with who you wanted them to be, when all along the red flags were there. <~~~~~ maybe?
maybe :ohwell:
If that is truly the case you need to just throw in the towel now. Been there done that, it will NEVER work!0 -
you get treated the way YOU allow men to treat you. Men will always push, just like children. If you let them get away with things they will continue to see what you will let them get away with.
And how do you not take their crap???
It's easy. Don't let them run all over you. Say no. Be willing to walk away and/or kick them to curb. If you look and act desperate and needy, men will use you. Make him earn it. A man worth having is one that will work to be with you and not one you have to work to get.
I don't know if I agree with you - being completely neurotic, unstable and clingy has always seemed like a good plan to me. Trying to change guys you're in a relationship with, or molding them into your ideal, always works out really well in the end too. It's helpful to be someone you're not and pretend to like what they do - they will love you for this. When in doubt, always blame the guy, because you did everything you could to chain him down
You make some really valid points, however, the problem with molding a guy is this...you can mold and polish a turd, but in the end, no matter how shiny and pretty, it's still a turd. If you start with a turd, you end with a turd. It's simply physics. Or is that advance physics? Either way, physics is involved.
Well.... that may be true... but what if you like turds? If you're attracted to turds, and turds really rock your world, then what's wrong with polishing the one you've got?
I guess if you want to spend the time polishing the turd you've got because it rocks your world, then to each their own. Of course, if that truly is the case, then you really shouldn't get on a public forum and complain that your turd stinks, because, well, let's be honest...that's what turds do.0 -
It's become pretty obvious why you're having these relationship problems...0
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You fall in love with who you think they are. Your blinded for a few years, hanging on to a relationship with who you wanted them to be, when all along the red flags were there. <~~~~~ maybe?
maybe :ohwell:
If that is truly the case you need to just throw in the towel now. Been there done that, it will NEVER work!
probably :-/0 -
Why did you post this topic? People are telling you what to do and you're still protesting and saying you love this guy... Don't ask for people's opinions if you're just going to blindly do the same thing you've been doing. I'm out.
Because she's bent on proving my statement correct, duh :drinker: :devil:0 -
Yes, you are the problem. Your weak willed, manipulative and whiny... There feel better now? You have now become this guys unofficial booty call and he will continue to treat you like donkey doo as long as you let him. If you had any spine or self respect you would walk away and not look back. But your not your gonna keep your blinders on and be miserable. Enjoy your misery0
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What could I be doing wrong
You're picking the same man. 3 times over.
THIS^^^^^^ I did the same thing. Always choosing the same guy. I finally came to the realization that the common denominator in all of my failed relationships was me. So, I started working on me. I realized that I deserved better than I was choosing and started choosing better. I have been married to a great man for three years.0 -
You're hella insecure.0
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What could I be doing wrong
You're picking the same man. 3 times over.
THIS^^^^^^ I did the same thing. Always choosing the same guy. I finally came to the realization that the common denominator in all of my failed relationships was me. So, I started working on me. I realized that I deserved better than I was choosing and started choosing better. I have been married to a great man for three years.
Yes!! I agree0 -
I have been in three serious relationships that always seem to go the same way no matter how different or great the person seems at first they always turn out to be someone completely different. I fight and fight and fight to get that person back I fell in love with fighting til the very end . I feel like it is them being dishonest to me. Why would they be wonderful and everything I ever wanted in the beginning and a year or two down the road when I am completely in love with them they change into the meanest nastiest person..... What could I be doing wrong
What I have noticed in the the younger crowd that neither party are really themselves when they start up a relationship - this means you too....then after while people relax and become more their authentic self - usually someone we would have never dated in the first place.
You need to set the ball rolling right be yourself completely from day one - then if they don't like the 'real you' it will surface very quickly and you can move on to someone who likes the real you.0 -
sometimes the person you start off with isn't the one you end up with. people change. unfortunately i have two failed marriages and i know for dang sure it wasn't me. marriage 3 is going great BTW :flowerforyou:0
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sometimes the person you start off with isn't the one you end up with. people change. unfortunately i have two failed marriages and i know for dang sure it wasn't me. marriage 3 is going great BTW :flowerforyou:
Very true!!!!0 -
its both u and your partners.. see it all the time.. no body gets a chance to know there partner and jump straight in to a relationship. no time to see how they are in real life.. you only see the mask they put on so they can decieve and put themselves in best light possible.. we all do it.. nice cloths, make up etc.. but some people are just azzes and see something they want and do what they have to to get it..then after a while they relax or they get bored with their new toy.
also the problem is we all are attracted to certain types of people.. so the best thing to do is be aware of what attracts you , what turns you on and why are u interested in this person... if you pay attention to this you can learn to change your tastes or what to avoid.0 -
Had the same problem. Determined: yes, its me. solution: put yourself in his shoes.0
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I, too, married two similar men. My feeling is that these are the personalities I am attracted to. Five years late I do not date because I don't trust my judgement
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Yes, you are the problem. Your weak willed, manipulative and whiny... There feel better now? You have now become this guys unofficial booty call and he will continue to treat you like donkey doo as long as you let him. If you had any spine or self respect you would walk away and not look back. But your not your gonna keep your blinders on and be miserable. Enjoy your misery
couldnt have said it better!
You get out of life what you are willing to accept.... Personally, I refuse to accept anything less then the best --- and I dont expect someone ELSE to give it to me. I figure out how to get it for myself!
Either embrace your mediocre relationship or DO something about it. Saddle up, geezus0 -
Sounds like you need to be ALONE for a while to find out what makes you happy, not try to make some a**hole guy happy and try to get people to stay the same... face it, people change. We all change over time.
I can tell you that it's the person who does most of the chasing in the relationship who seems to be most dissatisfied. I know this because I have always pretty much kept to myself. The guys came after me. And in the long term relationships those guys tried to get ME to change. And it NEVER works.
Find out what makes you tick... do your thing, find some hobbies. THEN maybe you will find a guy you are compatible with.0 -
It's both... It's you, and them.
So, being you likely used the same "approach, methodology and process" through course of choosing a mate/partner, three times, it is reasonable to assume that you basically chose the same man, three times.I have been in three serious relationships that always seem to go the same way no matter how different or great the person seems at first they always turn out to be someone completely different.
In other words, you used the same "approach, methodology and process" to attract the same man, who put forth the same facade, three times. Thereafter, you "fought and fought and fought" to force that man to conform that man into the "likeness" of what you consider to be a good mate... which they weren't in the first place.I fight and fight and fight to get that person back I fell in love with fighting til the very end.
Apparently, this is going to come as a shock... When most people first meet other people, they put their "best foot forward" to make a valued impression. It's why men wear cologne... It's why women wear makeup... It's why you show up early, avoid farting and never tell racist jokes at a job interview.I feel like it is them being dishonest to me.
When a guy first meets you... he wants to play with your mommy-parts. He's likely not going to show you his "bad-side" until after he gets to play with your mommy parts. Welcome to the real world.
See above.Why would they be wonderful and everything I ever wanted in the beginning and a year or two down the road when I am completely in love with them they change into the meanest nastiest person.....
I know you're probably looking for 300 to 400 posts of people saying, "Oh honey-child, it's not you guuurl... it's them."What could I be doing wrong
No, it's you.
You are the common denominator. You chose these men. They likely sucked from the onset. You either were incapable, and/or unwilling to recognize these men for what they really were.
Pining for emotional support because you chose three (3) crappy boyfriends, is like seeking emotional validation because you continue to beat yourself in the temple with a tack-hammer.
Just stop.
Now, all that said... Neither you, nor them, are "bad." You are, who you are. They are, who they are. It's not good. It's not bad. It just is.
And just because you're not right for each other, doesn't mean you're "awful" people.
However, based on what you described in your original post, you do seem to make awful choices.
Stop making awful choices.
You're welcome.
(typos)0 -
It's both... It's you, and them.
So, being you likely used the same "approach, methodology and process" through course of choosing a mate/partner, three times, it is reasonable to assume that you basically chose the same man, three times.I have been in three serious relationships that always seem to go the same way no matter how different or great the person seems at first they always turn out to be someone completely different.
In other words, you used the same "approach, methodology and process" to attract the same man, who put forth the same ficade, three times. Thereafter, you "fought and fought and fought" to force that man to conform that man into the "likeness" of what you consider to be a good mate... which they weren't in the first place.I fight and fight and fight to get that person back I fell in love with fighting til the very end.
Apparently, this is going to come as a shock... When most people first meet other people, they put their "best foot forward" to make a valued impression. It's why men wear cologne... It's why women wear makeup... It's why you show up early, avoid farting and never tell racist jokes at a job interview.I feel like it is them being dishonest to me.
When I guy first meets you... he wants to play with your mommy-parts. He's likely not going to show you his "bad-side" until after he gets to play with your mommy parts. Welcome to the real world.
See above.Why would they be wonderful and everything I ever wanted in the beginning and a year or two down the road when I am completely in love with them they change into the meanest nastiest person.....
I know you're probably looking for 300 to 400 posts of people saying, "Oh honey-child, it's not your guuurl... it's them."What could I be doing wrong
It's not. It's you.
You are the common denominator. You chose these men. They likely sucked from the onset. You either were incapable, and/or unwilling to recognize these men for what they really were.
Pining for emotional support because you chose three (3) crappy boyfriends, is like seeking emotional validation because you continue to beat yourself in the temple with a tack-hammer.
Just stop.
Now, all that said... Neither you, nor them, are "bad." You are, who you are. They are, who they are. It's not good. It's not bad. It just is.
And just because you're not right for each other, doesn't mean you're "awful" people.
However, based on what you described in your original post, you do seem to make awful choices.
Stop making awful choices.
You're welcome.
Your BS meter reader also needs new batteries. You should never ever have to "fight for someone"0
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