SAHM --1/4/2010-1/10/2010
Replies
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AWW JR.. *HUGS* I"m sorry your going through this. But you need to focus on your kids and pull out of this. Or else your husband will have grounds to take the children FROM you. I say this with love and understanding... I can't believe the therapist called you husband to watch you though. I wish I had more advice, but I hope you can get through this.0
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AWW JR.. *HUGS* I"m sorry your going through this. But you need to focus on your kids and pull out of this. Or else your husband will have grounds to take the children FROM you. I say this with love and understanding... I can't believe the therapist called you husband to watch you though. I wish I had more advice, but I hope you can get through this.
Thank you silver. I know you're right. Part of what adds to the stress is feeling like my reaction to a devastating situation is going to make me lose my kids- the only thing that brings me any joy. We separated before and he couldn't even handle one night with the kids, brought them home to me at 9 p.m. But I do think he might try to fight for custody just to hurt me, out of anger. And I worry what he would do with them, having strange women and men around, and drinking. Or just wanting the kids cuz he finds a woman who wants an instant family. He acts like he's such a great dad around strangers, but he doesn't even know how to give the baby a bath. I'm terrified. I'm trying to get better for the kids, but the thought of having to do that stresses me more, makes more tired and depressed. It's such an awful cycle.
I know you've had some issues with your daughter's father, so you prob know so well what I'm going through. Thank you again for the warm thoughts.0 -
(((hugs))) jr--so sorry for what you are going thru. i agree with the advice given already. now to some unpleasant nitty gritty.
#1 the anti-dep you are on may not be appropr for you or you might need a combo to keep you awake/more alert
#2 get a LAWYER and the best you can possibly afford--even if it means going into debt. you absolutely do not want to chance losing your kids to him. you need to protect yourself and them IMMEDIATELY.
#3 get a new therapist--i don't think he/she was legally allowed to tell your dh anything, with hipaa laws and all. and the next step is NOT a mental hospital--there are many steps before that. BUT you do need to be honest--you don't need to answer here just answer yourself.
are you thinking of harming yourself? are you thinking of ending it to escape all the upcoming difficulties? do you think you would hurt your kids? do you think you'd take them out with you so that you all go together?
i know this is grim and creepy--but if your answer to yourself is YES you do need more crisis counseling/intervention. you can call a suicide hotline to even walk you thru better coping options.
#4 do you have a pastor you can turn to or any church support group--even to take the kids or sit with them for a cpl hours so you can walk (fresh air) and shower each day. eat whatever's easiest to fix but try to get some fruit/vege in there. it's ok if your kids don't eat perfectly for a period of time. non-american kids survive much worse conditions.
#5 be careful what you post here or any other online outlet. your stuff can be found (there's really no privacy measures on mfp) and i don't know what can possibly be used against you in a court of law. your own journal/notebook may be a better outlet--again to protect yourself and your beautiful children.
#6 You don't have to be Polly Sunshine for the kids. You just need to provide for their basics (food, shelter, clothing, clean bodies) and give them lots of love. if it helps you to have very scheduled days, then do that. if not, then keep things low key. there's nothing wrong with playing at mcd's everyday if that's what works.
(((hug hug hug)))
i know i'm very nuts and bolts about this advice, but you've been thru enough turmoil. you'll need to take axn to keep your most treasured things--your sanity and your kids. no one else can do it for you. but you can lean on us as you forge ahead (you mama machine as trish would say).
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welcome jennifer! things aren't usually so heavy here, but we are about getting healthy for ourselves and our families--so sometimes discussions go that way.
mfp is amazing! getting a handle on what you eat is the biggest first step. it was such an eye opener for me--and still gives me a kick in the pants when i want to hide from reality.
congrats on getting started and look forward to hearing from you!0 -
Vegetarian Recipe from bush beans--Italian Style Rice & Beans
1 can (14.5oz) diced tomatoes with Italian herbs
1 can (15.8oz) Bush's Great Northern Beans or Cannellini, drained and rinsed well
2/3 cup instant rice
1/4 tsp ital seasoning or 1/2 tsp dry basil
Place all ingredients in medium saucepan. Cook 3-4 minutes, covered, over medium-high heat. Uncover pan and continue cooking 2-3minutes, or until rice is tender. Add pepper to taste. Dish is slightly saucy when completely cooked.
(haven't tried it yet, but pic looks yummy)0 -
oooh. go to kraftfoods.com--so many yummy recipes!!
they have a healthy living one and now a budget-wise tab--and within that you can do healthy options. i'm gonna try something tonight!0 -
Jr, when I was with Shane I did the majority of the child care. The first weekend he considered us broken up he took her for his 3 day weekend and I stressed teh whole weekend till he brought her back. i was so afraid he wouldn't bring her back. I was worried when we split and he had to take care of her full time on his days off how he would do. He did alot better than I expected. He loves his little girl and he tries to do what's in the best interest of her. but I've been there on the cheating boyfriend thing.. I know how you feel.0
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Oh, Jr, I know I'm pretty new here, but I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. It's awful... (((hugs))) and prayers being sent your way.
Stacey -- that photo is great! (And we LOVE kraftfoods.com.... even gives the nutrition info, so there's no math to figure out.)
Welcome, Jennifer!
Thanks, everyone, for the exercise tips for me... it really helped me get my head out of the box. So far, I've been cleaning the house (still) but doing extra chores, more movement, etc. I'll be digging out the jumpropes tomorrow. I'm hoping my dad (who is the best handyman EVER) can fix my treadmill for me next time he visits. ("Hey, Dad... time to come visit your grandkids! Oh, and I have this little project for you....") Also tomorrow, I'm building a compost bin so I can have at least a little compost built up by spring. Or at least those are my plans.
That should burn a few calories! 0 -
I would love to join the SAHM group. I am a stay at home mom of four under the age of 8. So glad the holiday's are over but I am now in need of losing about 10 pounds. Definitly need some support because once you get into the grazing and bingeing habit it seems so hard to break yourself from it. Hopefully I can get myself reset and back into exercising and eating moderately and not over indulging on everything.0
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welcome bacy! you can join in any time!
i know what you mean by the grazing and overeating....0 -
i got rid of the p90x ticker--not cuz i'm not gonna do it. i am. but i can't seem to operate 2 tickers in tickerfactory. when i log in it only brings up my miles.
idk. i'm not very techie.
anyway, gn ladies. "see" you tomorrow!:flowerforyou:0 -
gm ladies! Welcome bacy!
Stacey...I don't know how to do 2 of the tickers either! HA!!!!
We are starting to get back into the swing of things....finally! :happy:0 -
Good morning!
Jr - (((hugs))) You're in my thoughts & prayers. :flowerforyou:
Jennifer, bacy - Welcome!
I did it! Three days in a row of making my daily goals! Yesterday, I drank all 8 cups of water, walked a mile on the treadmill, was well under my goal of no more than 900 cals over (only 530 over), and I watched the entire Jillian Michaels DVD. Ouch!! I'm definitely going to have to work my way up to doing the entire DVD. There are actually parts of it that I can't do with the bone spur on my toe.
I'm so out of shape that even the warm-up looked like a work-out to me!
Well, my goals for today are:
Drink 8 cups of water
Walk 1 mile on the treadmill
To not go over my cals by any more than 800
Do the warm-up section of the workout DVD0 -
amy, you ROCK!! i love how you're doing the calorie over in a decreasing fashion. very smart.
i'm holding my own wt wise and am getting the water in. i ate some frosting yesterday and then poured soap and water in the rest of it. yep, didn't trust myself to put it in the garbage. (trish, you are a far superior mama machine model than i!)
i had late night snack of walnuts and raisins. + it's healthy. - it packs on lots of cals fast, and i have to accept i am somewhat allergic to walnuts. my lips swell and my mouth tingles when i have more than an 1/8 cup. so those went in the garbage too (no one else in the house eats walnuts).
off to a good start with food today. BUT i am sitting here typing with a dead battery in the van in the garage--b/c i forgot to turn off the interior lights AGAIN!!! will probably just walk the kids to school at this point. that will at least give me some exercise.
and i really need to buckle down and clean the house. some days......
jr--if you're lurking--big hugs. you were even in my dreams last night--so just know you are in our hearts and prayers.
later--0 -
Stacey...I don't know how to do 2 of the tickers either! HA!!!!
glad i'm in good company!! have a great day!!0 -
Hey Everyone. Thank you all for the hugs and support. Today is getting off to a better start. Forced myself to get up and do some yoga and jogging. Worked up a little energy/appetite. I've gone from eating a basically liquid diet (smoothies and yogurt) to eating "half" meals- half a veggie omelette for breakfast, half a lean cuisine meal for lunch. Stacey, I notice you give advice in a very rational, organized manner whether it's family stuff, exercise, or eating. I see you as someone who makes a lot of lists.. I can learn from you. One thing you said really rang true for me... stay busy. If I'm too busy to think of the things that get me down then I can trudge through it. So yesterday and today that's what I did. Allowing myself moments to lock myself in the bathroom and fall apart. But then pull myself together and get through the day to day with the kids. I think it's helping, and my house is getting cleaner too! Also, I'd just started taking the med and side effects are worst in the first 3-5 days. I'm on day 4 so it's getting better.
Oh, Stacey, I figured out your ticker situation if you're interested in still having the 2. All you need to do is save the URL address for each ticker to your favorites. Each ticker has its own code (mine all start with a w then some numbers, but might be diff combo for others). Anyway, when you put the url in your browser, it automatically takes you to the edit/update ticker page for that ticker. Enter the PIN for that ticker and you're good to go. (If you didn't save the url the first time, you can copy and paste from your signature. The first line says "url=http://www.tickerfactoy.com/exercise/??????/" you just copy from the http to the /) HTH.0 -
Jr, I just wanted to let you know I've been quietly thinking about your situation. I also wanted you to know that I've kinda been on both sides. As a kid, I've seen my mom go through divorce and separation. I can understand how your kids will initially feel. I've also seen one of my best friend's husbands walk out on her & 4 wonderful kids. She had no idea he was unhappy. Frankly, that one was a little too close to home for me, emotionally. That's a different story though.
Anyway, end result... both cases: Moms were happier, healthier, better moms. And you know there is no better mom than a happy one. Everything else just finds a way to fall into place when you're in the right mindset. So just wanted to tell you about that & let you know I feel for you. *hugs*
Stacey, I'm proud of you for getting rid of some of the junk! And hey, putting soap in frosting sounds a whole lot more fun than just throwing it out. Did anything spontaneously combust? You should start putting soap in other junk food to see if there's any chemical reaction! That would be AWESOME!0 -
trish, just so you know--you keep me going. you are very motivating!!
no fun chem rxn--just slimy looking frosting. not like when you mix bleach with other chemicals and get noxious fumes. :laugh: not that i've ever done that...
and jr--glad something i said helped. i am a big list maker. i don't necess do all the things on the list, but it helps me to be focused and i love CHECKING things off. i am otherwise a scatterbrain.
hope the rest of today goes well for you--hang in there :flowerforyou:
catch y'all later0 -
jr--thanks for explaining. will try that.
here's a link to 20 under $3 healthy(ish) meals. a couple of them look really good to me!
http://www.hearthealthyonline.com/healthy-recipes/main-dish-recipes/cheap-dinner-ideas_ss1.html?sssdmh=dm17.420100&esrc=nwdr010610&email=1390376219
i did try the kraft recipe last night. it took me an hour--b/c of cutting up chkn into bite size pieces (and i'm always trimming out tendons and stuff). i enjoyed it immensely. family rxn --thumbs down. oh well. i'll be eating it lunch and dinner till it's gone...
meanwhile, all i'm making them tonight and tomorrow is plain pasta. yes--i hold grudges. :devil:0 -
jr.- I am glad you are having a better day! There are definitely good days and bad days with this kinda stuff.
Trish- How's the water going today? Mine's goin' slow...but slowly picking up speed!
Stacey-I love how you put soap in the icing!:laugh: I thought I was the only one who does crazy things like that! I sometimes completely crumble cookies or chips, throw them in the trashcan, and then pour something nasty over them like the fat from draining the meat I have browned....I will definitely try the soap!:laugh:
My knee is slowly starting to feel better, I have been icing it 2x's a day and putting essential oils on it...I'm getting this puppy back into shape! I don't have time to have a bum knee.0 -
Hey, Nicole! I am just finishing tucking 30 oz away, but after workout 60 should be no problem, and 90 with dinner. Making stuffed peppers tonight. Mmmm.
Counting the days till I see my diabetes doc for checkup next month. Can't wait to tell her how I lost all this weight playing VIDEO GAMES of all things! LOL.
I am bound & determined to return to being her poster child!0 -
nicolee--sorry your knee is still hurting. sounds like you know how to take care of it.
just an fyi--from rvws i have read jillian michael's workouts as well as biggest loser have lots of jumping and lunges and squats. for that reason, i have stayed away from their pgm. i know lots of people love it, but i don't like jumping around. i even modify jumping jacks in p90x cuz my insides don't like all that jiggling.
soooo when you're feeling better, you might want to spend time on amazon rdg rvws of diff fitness dvd's. they've been a BIG help to me in making my fitness dvd collection.
*hugs* and hope you get to feeling better SOON.0 -
Trish- I know you will be the poster child again! Yo uare doing so great! :-) Stuffed peppers...I will be right over! I love stuffed peppers...that gives me a great idea for next week when I go to the store.
Stacey- thanks for the tip on amazon, I will check it out. I thought the Shred would be awesome, which I know it would get you tone, but I think the jumping jacks and all of the jumping around is what killed it. Maybe the lunges too...I was doing squats with the Kathy Smith dvd, and I didn't have a problem. I even run and don't have a problem...funny about that...so I don't blame you for doing a modified jumping jack. I have always hated those, even as a kid I did...so now I am trying to do them? UGH!:laugh: :noway: 0 -
I am too uncoordinated to jumping jacks. Instead, I jog in place in time to the jumping jacks and raise & lower my arms. So it's kinda like a jumping jack, right? If I try to do jumping jacks, my arms just flail wildly and confuse my legs, LOL.0
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and the mommy crowd ROARS--cuz you're the best ever
stacey did core (p90x). day 1 DONE.0 -
Yay, Stacey for gettin' it done! Better make that poster larger so we all can fit on it 0
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trish and nicole good job on the water. Nicole I hope your knee gets better soon. Stacey, great job starting up the p90x. You are really brave. I am nowhere near ready to tackle that kind of pgm.
I just wanted to share happy mommy moment I think we can all appreciate. IDK if it has anything to do with what's going on between my husb. and I, but all afternoon my 6yo son has been playing "dad" with one of my DD's dolls. Now his normal doll play is to see how hard he can bash them against the wall or floor without me yelling at him. But today he's doing everything-diapering, dressing, rocking, feeding, pushing in stroller. Even set the baby at the table with us for dinner to "feed" it applesauce. And then he says, "Mommy, I love my baby, you know why? Cuz she's teaching me how to be a great father for when I grow up and have kids for real." Now isn't that the best dose of happy I could possibly get?:happy:0 -
Yeah Stacey!!!!! Keep it up!
Jr- That's wonderful about your son! Those kinda moments are priceless!
Off to make some dinner...not sure what...I have chicken defrosted...I don't really feel like cooking...:frown: :huh:0 -
jr--that is so sweet--and exactly the right thinking!
thanks for the rah-rah's, girls. :drinker:0 -
Here's an extra one from me, Stacey:
SIS-BOOM-BAH!
90 oz down the hatch. Off to veg. Night, girls!0
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