Is it rude to go to a restaurant and not eat?

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  • Pinkigloopyxie
    Pinkigloopyxie Posts: 231
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    This one's easy. She was mad because if you weren't hungry and she was, and she ordered while you didn't, she would feel piggish because of the whole 'men are supposed to eat more than women' thing.

    She wasn't really mad at you, she was just insecure as all heck and would have chowed down just because, or maybe she was still hungry. She could have just asked if you'd like to split something small but obviously she thought you should catch on that she wanted something but didn't want to look fat and kept getting madder when you didn't magically realize what she was thinking/feeling.

    It's crazy, I know. People act that way for some strange reason.
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
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    :indifferent: yes it was rude, and i understand why your wife didnt order( its rude to eat infront of somone that isnt) and since i have also been in your shoes here my little tip for the next time it happens, order coffee or a pot of tea and mebbie some toast. sip the coffee/tea and pick at the toast
  • 2012asv
    2012asv Posts: 702 Member
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    I don't care what or how much other ppl eat at a restaurant... I'm not there to be concerned with others. I don't know why that would make other ppl uncomfortable if YOU don't eat?? Strange.
  • lallaloolly
    lallaloolly Posts: 228 Member
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    i am a little shocked at how many people think this was rude or cheap. who cares what other people think? who cares if other people are a little uncomfortable with someone who doesn't order. food is not there to be wasted to make other people feel comfortable, and no one should feel pressured to eat when they aren't hungry. it's not like he made everyone else go out to dinner and then chose not to eat. it was his daughter's decision to go there.

    wouldn't it have been much more rude to bail on his daughter's birthday dinner because he was full from what he had already eaten that day? didn't he make a great parenting choice to stay with his daughter and keep celebrating her day?

    and as far as the wife angrily texting during dinner, and then not ordering as some sort of mental punishment (of him? of herself?), that is ridiculous. why is she trying to control what he does? why does she care if he orders or not? HE IS THERE, WITH HIS FAMILY, CELEBRATING HIS DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY! DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY KIDS DON'T HAVE 2 PARENTS SHOWING UP? WHO GIVES A @#$% IF HE DOESN'T ORDER? If my husband decided not to order at a restaurant because he wasn't hungry, I wouldn't give it a second thought.

    I think it's time for your wife to focus less on judging and controllingn what you are doing and more on enjoying the moment and the fact that she has a husband who willingly shows up for important events like family birthdays.
  • Yoshima
    Yoshima Posts: 58
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    I think your wife was being rude! Holy Cow! What a wretch to start a texting war at the dinner table? Seriously, immature!

    You are right: Why would you eat something if you aren't hungry. As a former waitress I never thought it was weird if someone didn't order. I've done it when going out with a few friends or family. I ordered tea, or coffee, then enjoyed the conversation and time I was spending with them.

    No one said squat or acted like it bothered them, and if it secretly did then that is their problem!
  • renamarie77
    renamarie77 Posts: 98 Member
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    Things I've learned from this thread:

    1) NEVER, EVER take my child out to eat again unless I'm starving and will order food. Even then, nah, he gets a veggie tray next year in the back yard.

    B) Never ask people I don't know on the internet their opinion unless I'm ready to be made a fool and/or make sure my wife is called petty and childish and other wonderful sentiments. However, it is fun to watch people argue about something that has already happened and can't be changed.

    III) If I'm not hungry, and other people are, I should stay in the car or go in and order food I'm not going to eat and push it around with my fork...of course, this goes against everything I've taught my child when I tell him not to play with his food and just eat it. But, hey, people on the internet told me I can, so it must be ok.

    4) Waitresses don't like you if you just order a drink (or nothing at all) while everyone else orders food. They think you're wasted space and a smaller tip. (I also learned that I go to a restaurant to make sure the waitstaff is well taken care of with my tip and to please them and make them comfortable...and here all these years I thought it was the other way around. I'll know better for next time.)

    E) I'm not permitted to text using a phone that I pay for and a service I pay for because it may offend other people who were not even there. Or other patrons of the restaurant who were apparently more interested in my business than their own. I understand the whole "don't text and drive" laws, but "don't text and eat"...that's a new one.

    This has been a very educational Monday morning.

    LOL Who knew we were gonna learn so much this morning? I'm kind of afraid to go a restaurant again anytime soon...

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  • mellabyte
    mellabyte Posts: 193 Member
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    I don't think this is rude at all. I've done this before, for similar and a number of reasons. If it's a large group of people, I order an unsweetened iced tea. If it's a small gathering, I order water and a small side salad, soup, or a very light appetizer and have them bring it as my meal - I then pick at it all night or share it.

    I've had friends that have not eaten, because they are uber picky eaters. I've also had friends basically construct their own meal, "Can I have this (points at speciality chicken dish)...but with the just a chicken. And only broccoli." Was how someone I went with ordered at a Thai restaurant.

    As long as everyone is still enjoying themselves, not abusing the waitstaff and tip as usual (if required) at the end of the night.

    I don't see what the big deal is.

    My thoughts are that if the birthday celebratee was having a great time - that's considered a win.
  • mandorla
    mandorla Posts: 81 Member
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    Should the question be what we think? Or should it be why does your wife feel this way and how can you both be comfortable? There is something that is causing her to perceive this as rude. If I had that reaction it would come from one of two places. I would either feel the person is trying to be cheap or that their desire to lose weight is causing them to make different decisions then they have in the past.

    Your post didn’t speak at all to money, so I’m guessing that isn’t the problem here. You did speak about dieting and maybe you need to reenlist your wife’s help with losing weight. Maybe she feels guilty for eating while she sees you as sit starving, maybe she feels like your choosing losing weight over a good time with the family, maybe she feels like she should be joining you in this process … there are a lot of possibilities here. You know your wife better than any of us. Reassure here in the area you think she needs it and ask her for help in the areas you need it.

    We all need our loved once to be engaged in this process with us and it hurts when they seem to fite us. Good luck on your journey.
  • mimichandler
    mimichandler Posts: 1
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    Rude is texting messages at a dinner table back and forth. Do you think that might have put a damper on your daughter's birthday?

    After watching my daughter do gastric bypass to become healthy I have had to relook at how, why and what you should eat and not eat. The rule of: "clean your plate" has left our home. Not a good idea to overeat in any circumstance. If you belong to this website as a person who cares about their weight and you are not hungry - don't force food. This was a last minute decision not a pre-planned so how can this be considered rude.

    It was your daughter's birthday and if she wanted to eat that's fine. Don't ruin it for her.
  • mandorla
    mandorla Posts: 81 Member
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    This one's easy. She was mad because if you weren't hungry and she was, and she ordered while you didn't, she would feel piggish because of the whole 'men are supposed to eat more than women' thing.

    She wasn't really mad at you, she was just insecure as all heck and would have chowed down just because, or maybe she was still hungry. She could have just asked if you'd like to split something small but obviously she thought you should catch on that she wanted something but didn't want to look fat and kept getting madder when you didn't magically realize what she was thinking/feeling.

    It's crazy, I know. People act that way for some strange reason.

    ^^^ that :)
  • JacquelineD35
    JacquelineD35 Posts: 279 Member
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    Your wife over reacted.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,650 Member
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    I think your wife has issues. She probably felt like if she ate and you didn't, that would make her look like a pig.

    I've been a server and you don't need to worry about making them uncomfortable by what you eat or don't eat. They don't care.

    I agree. If she was hungry, she could have eaten something. You weren't hungry so you didn't eat. That is the NORMAL thing to do. Trying to please other people at our own expense is what got most of us to overweight in the first place. I have ordered a small salad or just a cup of coffee many times, just so I could be there for time with my friends or family. As for the server, I will tip higher for taking up the table space if I don't order a full meal.
    I am really surprised at how many people on here considered you wrong for making a healthy choice for yourself. Wow.
  • projectxreborn
    projectxreborn Posts: 204
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    Why is the issue about rudeness? If someone is trying to follow a healthier lifestyle
    and they are not hungry they should not eat. A lot of us have gotten to
    the point of needing to lose weight (definitely including me) because of giving in
    to the pressure to eat from others. This is a site for encouraging others
    and I don't understand the advice to order something just for appearances sake...
    it is just unnecessary extra calories.
  • fit_librarian
    fit_librarian Posts: 242 Member
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    I think it depends on how you handled it. I think you handled it well by not making it a big deal. I've gone out with people who don't order anything and loudly make a big about it to the waitress, the rest of the group, and to people seated nearby. If your wife was worried about the waitress thinking you were being rude, just remember to tip well. I used to be a waitress and when someone didn't order, I always expected a very small tip. But if your wife thought you were being rude to the family, next time ask if you can go halfsies with someone, or order something light and take home the leftovers.
  • sammys1girly
    sammys1girly Posts: 1,045 Member
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    I don't think it's rude or weird. If you're with a group and not hungry, just get a drink and enjoy yourself.
    ANd it doesn't matter if waitresses do/don't like it...you were probably paying the bill for your daughter
    and her friend and so it's not like you were just all sitting there for free.
  • ggcat
    ggcat Posts: 313 Member
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    I think it depends on how you handled it. I think you handled it well by not making it a big deal. I've gone out with people who don't order anything and loudly make a big about it to the waitress, the rest of the group, and to people seated nearby. If your wife was worried about the waitress thinking you were being rude, just remember to tip well. I used to be a waitress and when someone didn't order, I always expected a very small tip. But if your wife thought you were being rude to the family, next time ask if you can go halfsies with someone, or order something light and take home the leftovers.

    It's not rude at all.
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
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    You know one of the greatest things about cell phones? They all come with off buttons. The only person I feel for in this is your daughter. You and your wife both acted like spoiled children squabbling over a new toy.
  • semeyer
    semeyer Posts: 282 Member
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    I am very surprised at the amount of people that think this is rude.

    I'm also surprised so many people have suggested that you should have ordered a salad or something along those lines. I think its wasteful to order a salad or soup you have no intention of eating, just to have it thrown away so you can 'pretend' to eat. I know I can't afford to order 'fake meals' every time my friends want to go out to a restaurant and I have already ate.
  • xSakura
    xSakura Posts: 288 Member
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    Ick, hate the word 'dieting' :ohwell:

    I really hope you don't think you can't eat out at restaurants because you're 'dieting' as I'm sure there's an option on every menu that isn't swimming in calories. But if you simply didn't want to eat because you weren't hungry, that's fine, I don't see any problem with sitting at a table with your family whilst they eat.

    I think if I were your daughter, I'd rather you be there and not eat, than to not be there. :smile:
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
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    I am very surprised at the amount of people that think this is rude.

    I'm also surprised so many people have suggested that you should have ordered a salad or something along those lines. I think its wasteful to order a salad or soup you have no intention of eating, just to have it thrown away so you can 'pretend' to eat.

    If you know you have a dinner planned with your family, why would you eat a late lunch and then shove popcorn into your mouth right before? This has less to do with losing weight than it does with poor planning.

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