Is it rude to go to a restaurant and not eat?

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Replies

  • JacquelineD35
    JacquelineD35 Posts: 279 Member
    Your wife over reacted.
  • DebbieLyn63
    DebbieLyn63 Posts: 2,654 Member
    I think your wife has issues. She probably felt like if she ate and you didn't, that would make her look like a pig.

    I've been a server and you don't need to worry about making them uncomfortable by what you eat or don't eat. They don't care.

    I agree. If she was hungry, she could have eaten something. You weren't hungry so you didn't eat. That is the NORMAL thing to do. Trying to please other people at our own expense is what got most of us to overweight in the first place. I have ordered a small salad or just a cup of coffee many times, just so I could be there for time with my friends or family. As for the server, I will tip higher for taking up the table space if I don't order a full meal.
    I am really surprised at how many people on here considered you wrong for making a healthy choice for yourself. Wow.
  • projectxreborn
    projectxreborn Posts: 204
    Why is the issue about rudeness? If someone is trying to follow a healthier lifestyle
    and they are not hungry they should not eat. A lot of us have gotten to
    the point of needing to lose weight (definitely including me) because of giving in
    to the pressure to eat from others. This is a site for encouraging others
    and I don't understand the advice to order something just for appearances sake...
    it is just unnecessary extra calories.
  • fit_librarian
    fit_librarian Posts: 242 Member
    I think it depends on how you handled it. I think you handled it well by not making it a big deal. I've gone out with people who don't order anything and loudly make a big about it to the waitress, the rest of the group, and to people seated nearby. If your wife was worried about the waitress thinking you were being rude, just remember to tip well. I used to be a waitress and when someone didn't order, I always expected a very small tip. But if your wife thought you were being rude to the family, next time ask if you can go halfsies with someone, or order something light and take home the leftovers.
  • sammys1girly
    sammys1girly Posts: 1,045 Member
    I don't think it's rude or weird. If you're with a group and not hungry, just get a drink and enjoy yourself.
    ANd it doesn't matter if waitresses do/don't like it...you were probably paying the bill for your daughter
    and her friend and so it's not like you were just all sitting there for free.
  • ggcat
    ggcat Posts: 313 Member
    I think it depends on how you handled it. I think you handled it well by not making it a big deal. I've gone out with people who don't order anything and loudly make a big about it to the waitress, the rest of the group, and to people seated nearby. If your wife was worried about the waitress thinking you were being rude, just remember to tip well. I used to be a waitress and when someone didn't order, I always expected a very small tip. But if your wife thought you were being rude to the family, next time ask if you can go halfsies with someone, or order something light and take home the leftovers.

    It's not rude at all.
  • RainHoward
    RainHoward Posts: 1,599 Member
    You know one of the greatest things about cell phones? They all come with off buttons. The only person I feel for in this is your daughter. You and your wife both acted like spoiled children squabbling over a new toy.
  • semeyer
    semeyer Posts: 282 Member
    I am very surprised at the amount of people that think this is rude.

    I'm also surprised so many people have suggested that you should have ordered a salad or something along those lines. I think its wasteful to order a salad or soup you have no intention of eating, just to have it thrown away so you can 'pretend' to eat. I know I can't afford to order 'fake meals' every time my friends want to go out to a restaurant and I have already ate.
  • xSakura
    xSakura Posts: 288 Member
    Ick, hate the word 'dieting' :ohwell:

    I really hope you don't think you can't eat out at restaurants because you're 'dieting' as I'm sure there's an option on every menu that isn't swimming in calories. But if you simply didn't want to eat because you weren't hungry, that's fine, I don't see any problem with sitting at a table with your family whilst they eat.

    I think if I were your daughter, I'd rather you be there and not eat, than to not be there. :smile:
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    I am very surprised at the amount of people that think this is rude.

    I'm also surprised so many people have suggested that you should have ordered a salad or something along those lines. I think its wasteful to order a salad or soup you have no intention of eating, just to have it thrown away so you can 'pretend' to eat.

    If you know you have a dinner planned with your family, why would you eat a late lunch and then shove popcorn into your mouth right before? This has less to do with losing weight than it does with poor planning.
  • know_your_worth
    know_your_worth Posts: 481 Member
    I don't think it's a big deal. In your case, I think your wife over-reacted, especially if she was going to order something but didn't because you didn't. Sounds immature. And then to text about it while you are all at the same table? Rude. I would not have been happy if I was the daughter in that case. Why make such a big deal over something like like that? The focus should have been having a good conversation and enjoying each other's company, not getting angry about who's ordering and who's not.

    That being said, I'll go back to the original question.

    I've gone to restaurants with friends and just ordered an ice tea or something while they ate. If I'm not hungry and they want to go eat, I'm not going to waste my money and my calories on something that I don't want. Don't consider it rude at all. And if it is...who cares. It's an individuals choice. No rules against it.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    :indifferent: yes it was rude, and i understand why your wife didnt order( its rude to eat infront of somone that isnt) and since i have also been in your shoes here my little tip for the next time it happens, order coffee or a pot of tea and mebbie some toast. sip the coffee/tea and pick at the toast
    So ... If I'm hungry and with someone who isn't, I'm rude if I eat even though the other person has the option to eat if he wants? But also, the person who isn't hungry is rude for not eating to make me feel better for eating?

    That makes sense. Absolutely.
  • know_your_worth
    know_your_worth Posts: 481 Member
    I am very surprised at the amount of people that think this is rude.

    I'm also surprised so many people have suggested that you should have ordered a salad or something along those lines. I think its wasteful to order a salad or soup you have no intention of eating, just to have it thrown away so you can 'pretend' to eat.

    If you know you have a dinner planned with your family, why would you eat a late lunch and then shove popcorn into your mouth right before? This has less to do with losing weight than it does with poor planning.
    ^ You seem like such a lovely person. /sarcasm

    It's funny how some people can't debate something without getting all defensive and rude.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    It's funny how some people can't debate something without getting all defensive and rude.

    Or casting judgment upon someone's personality because they don't agree with you
  • rungirl1973
    rungirl1973 Posts: 2,559 Member
    I find it very uncomfortable to eat when somebody at the table isn't. My daughter had a friend that would do this frequently. I stopped taking her with us into restaurants. If she was there, I'd order take out and pick it up. It isn't necessarily rude, just uncomfortable to eat when everybody isn't eating.

    I've been in lunch meetings before where I was told to bring my lunch in because everybody would be uncomfortable if I ate beforehand and watched them eat.
  • Krissy366
    Krissy366 Posts: 458 Member
    I am very surprised at the amount of people that think this is rude.

    I'm also surprised so many people have suggested that you should have ordered a salad or something along those lines. I think its wasteful to order a salad or soup you have no intention of eating, just to have it thrown away so you can 'pretend' to eat.

    If you know you have a dinner planned with your family, why would you eat a late lunch and then shove popcorn into your mouth right before? This has less to do with losing weight than it does with poor planning.

    Well - in the OP's defense - the wording of the original post implies that dinner wasn't actually planned, but instead something the daughter requested after the other festivities had already happened. Can't fault the guy for not saving room for a dinner he didn't know he was going to be at.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    Well - in the OP's defense - the wording of the original post implies that dinner wasn't actually planned, but instead something the daughter requested after the other festivities had already happened. Can't fault the guy for not saving room for a dinner he didn't know he was going to be at.

    If that's the case, I take it back
  • ubuntufav
    ubuntufav Posts: 59
    They are a business, and if you are sitting in a chair and not eating, you are costing them money. So it's not a nice thing to do to the restaurant. If you are in a big group it is not as bad, but with only three people and two adults not eating, that's kind of rude.

    Oh please. And what if there are many, many empty chairs available in the restaurant?

    I understand this argument ONLY if the restaurant is packed with little available seating but if there is tons of open space you aren't stealing business from the restaurant.

    Why should anyone be exempted from the celebration just because they aren't hungry?


    Yeah but the server gets screwed. If they didn't go there to sit then the server could have gotten a table who is hungry and will tip better. These guys only make 2 dollars an hour and in todays economy, they are barely making min wage in most restaurants. Also, many restaurants are going under so it's important to order something or something to go. They have to pay bills just like u do. Like someone else said, texting is rude as well. Also ordering from the bar and then going to a server's section and not ordering is rude as well. If you order from the bar, keep your tail at the bar unless u plan on ordering more drinks and food from the server.
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    If you are the only one at the table, then it's rude, but if you are with a group, then they are still making money off your table, so that's no problem, I think. (I used to be a server and hated it when people sat down just for coffee.)
  • sizzle92
    sizzle92 Posts: 1,015 Member
    Did OP ever explain why his wife didn't order?

    I find the only thing rude there was you two texting eachother? SMH.
  • NormalSaneFLGuy
    NormalSaneFLGuy Posts: 1,344 Member
    anyone who said this is rude, is crazy.
  • ZoeLifts
    ZoeLifts Posts: 10,347 Member
    I never knew this was such a big deal for so many. I keep seeing this topic come up in my feed and really had no idea that so many had such strong feelings about someone not eating.

    I served tables in college and it never bothered me if there was one person not eating. Why force someone to eat? Isn't this what a lot of people say about eating back their calories, LOL!!? Is it different because it is a social situation?

    I, too, am curious why the wife didn't eat just because her husband didn't. I've never felt I shouldn't eat if someone else isn't hungry, so I don't understand that mindset. When I'm hungry, I am hungry!
  • ShelleyGardner
    ShelleyGardner Posts: 4
    Listen to these stories and wonder why America is FAT!!!

    We don't allow people NOT to eat if they aren't hungry! (Now that, I find rude- when people feel they have to force you to eat or shove food in your face, rather than respect your wishes. I'd say you weren't being rude, but your wife certainly was!)

    Seriously, if the group is eating, and one person isn't, I respect that person for respecting their body. When I was a waitress, I didn't mind these people as long as they left a tip to respect my time for taking up a table. If only more people in America did this, maybe we wouldn't be fighting a national obesity problem.
  • MrsWonderland
    MrsWonderland Posts: 107 Member
    I think thats sad that your wife made an issue of it. I think its sad that anyone would have a problem with it. My husband likes burger king and mcdonalds but I am trying to lose weight and everything they have is out of my range. I used to try what I thought would be healthest, but when I found out it wasnt I decided I couldnt eat there anymore, but if he wanted it I would go with him no problem. He feels guilty that I dont eat but doest get angry. He understands. And he knows I wont eat if I am not hungry.

    You had a good reason that you didnt want to eat. Any ways movie popcorn probly took the rest of your calorie goal for the day. It should of been ignored and every one should of just had a good time. She knows your on a diet and you were there to enjoy each others company not worry about who eats what or dont eat. Its all trivial.
  • determinedhealthy
    determinedhealthy Posts: 199 Member
    Not rude. Your wife should have ordered something if she was hungry, what she did was immature. My husband and I do EVERYTHING together so since he doesn't like Japanese food when we go to Kobé it's just for me. Nothing rude about being social in a public place. Believe me they got enough $$ from my order those places aren't cheap. I would have left out the texting for your daughters sake.
  • travisseger
    travisseger Posts: 271 Member
    Having an argument across the table with your wife via text message is rude, but choosing not to eat is fine. In this instance, I can see where your wife's refusal to eat may have made the situation awkward, but under normal circumstances, it's fine.

    I go out with the family and do not eat on occasion. My family likes certain restaurants where it is difficult for me to find something to eat that complies with my diet as a diabetic, but I'm not going to keep my wife and kids from going, I'm not going to not go and enjoy the time with them, and I'm not going to eat food that screw up my blood glucose just to keep appearances. So I'll go and order something to drink and tip the server as if I had eaten a normal meal. I don't see how that is rude at all.

    However, if I were your child, I'd be embarrassed that my parents acted like the two of you did. Seems to me, the only one with a legit gripe is her.
  • barleespringers
    barleespringers Posts: 61
    If you are not hungry - then it's not rude. It's rude of people force their thoughts onto others!
  • PaBirdie1
    PaBirdie1 Posts: 9
    I dont think its rude at all. I would think that forcing someone to order just for the sake of appearances is more rude.
  • wheresheidi
    wheresheidi Posts: 213
    As long as somebody ordered & the waitress got a good tip, who cares.
  • atsteele
    atsteele Posts: 1,358 Member
    My wife and I had a big disagreement this weekend, and I wanted to know what you all thought... It was my daughters birthday on Saturday, so we made a fun day of it. We took her shopping, went out to lunch, took her and a friend to a movie, and then she wanted to go to a Japanese hibachi restaurant for dinner. Having had a late lunch, and some popcorn at the movie, I wasn't hungry, so when we got to the restaurant, I mentioned to my wife that I wasn't going to order anything.

    When the waitress came around to take our orders, the I told her that I wasn't going to eat, the kids ordered, and then my wife, giving me a dirty look, said she wasn't going to eat either. As we were sitting on opposite sides of the kids, several texts later, I found out that my wife thought that I was being incredibly rude, and that it "made people uncomfortable" if I went out to eat and didn't order.

    Personally, I didn't see the problem. I wanted to be able to enjoy seeing my daughter have her birthday dinner, and wasn't hungry. My wife told me that I should have ordered something small and just taken most of it home. Not only don't I agree with that in principle, but at this place there isn't really something small that you can order. Plus if I ordered it and didn't eat, wouldn't that make the people at the table and the cook and servers uncomfortable?

    Please give me your opinions. Especially since I'm dieting, why in the world would I eat if I wasn't hungry?

    Thanks!

    It's not rude. (And no I wouldn't order anything if I wasn't hungry either.) Why would this concern your wife? Who cares?!!

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