Is it rude to go to a restaurant and not eat?

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Replies

  • lour441
    lour441 Posts: 543 Member
    My wife and I had a big disagreement this weekend, and I wanted to know what you all thought... It was my daughters birthday on Saturday, so we made a fun day of it. We took her shopping, went out to lunch, took her and a friend to a movie, and then she wanted to go to a Japanese hibachi restaurant for dinner. Having had a late lunch, and some popcorn at the movie, I wasn't hungry, so when we got to the restaurant, I mentioned to my wife that I wasn't going to order anything.

    When the waitress came around to take our orders, the I told her that I wasn't going to eat, the kids ordered, and then my wife, giving me a dirty look, said she wasn't going to eat either. As we were sitting on opposite sides of the kids, several texts later, I found out that my wife thought that I was being incredibly rude, and that it "made people uncomfortable" if I went out to eat and didn't order.

    Personally, I didn't see the problem. I wanted to be able to enjoy seeing my daughter have her birthday dinner, and wasn't hungry. My wife told me that I should have ordered something small and just taken most of it home. Not only don't I agree with that in principle, but at this place there isn't really something small that you can order. Plus if I ordered it and didn't eat, wouldn't that make the people at the table and the cook and servers uncomfortable?

    Please give me your opinions. Especially since I'm dieting, why in the world would I eat if I wasn't hungry?

    Thanks!

    The marriage is beyond repair. Cut her loose and move on!




    You are both idiots for spending your daughter's birthday dinner sending angry texts to each other.
  • corn63
    corn63 Posts: 1,580 Member
    My wife and I had a big disagreement this weekend, and I wanted to know what you all thought... It was my daughters birthday on Saturday, so we made a fun day of it. We took her shopping, went out to lunch, took her and a friend to a movie, and then she wanted to go to a Japanese hibachi restaurant for dinner. Having had a late lunch, and some popcorn at the movie, I wasn't hungry, so when we got to the restaurant, I mentioned to my wife that I wasn't going to order anything.

    When the waitress came around to take our orders, the I told her that I wasn't going to eat, the kids ordered, and then my wife, giving me a dirty look, said she wasn't going to eat either. As we were sitting on opposite sides of the kids, several texts later, I found out that my wife thought that I was being incredibly rude, and that it "made people uncomfortable" if I went out to eat and didn't order.

    Personally, I didn't see the problem. I wanted to be able to enjoy seeing my daughter have her birthday dinner, and wasn't hungry. My wife told me that I should have ordered something small and just taken most of it home. Not only don't I agree with that in principle, but at this place there isn't really something small that you can order. Plus if I ordered it and didn't eat, wouldn't that make the people at the table and the cook and servers uncomfortable?

    Please give me your opinions. Especially since I'm dieting, why in the world would I eat if I wasn't hungry?

    Thanks!

    The marriage is beyond repair. Cut her loose and move on!




    You are both idiots for spending your daughter's birthday dinner sending angry texts to each other.

    My hero.
  • simone200
    simone200 Posts: 2 Member
    I do not think you were being rude. I used to be a waitress. I've seen people do this many times. Also going to restaurants to eat. But it is uncommon. So people might take it being weird. But being rude I say is over board.

    I think your wife was wrong. Sorry she was that way to you. I hope it didn't ruin the night too much for you, and your daughter.

    I also think it was really good of you not to eat if you were not hungry. A lot of people would of ordered something anyways. I know I would of. Probably not something low calories either. So great job there.
  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,276 Member
    I am one of those people who would have felt funny so I probably would have just ordered a side salad and water. :)
  • Faye_Anderson
    Faye_Anderson Posts: 1,495 Member
    I think I understand her, but I think she felt she couldn't order anything because you weren't, maybe she felt uncomfortable eating without you. Doesn't mean I think she was right though :flowerforyou:
  • rachelrb85
    rachelrb85 Posts: 579 Member
    Not rude! Especially if you just ordered something to drink. And I used to be a waitress. Now, if all four of you didn't eat at the hibachi restaurant, then THAT would be rude. Your wife trying to start an argument via text in front of your daughter on her birthday, THAT is rude. Just my two cents.
  • rmkramer003
    rmkramer003 Posts: 115 Member
    I don't think so. I had a similar experience when we went to a Japanese buffet. I couldn't eat anything there because of my food intollerances, so I didn't eat. As long as you are with other people who are eating, I don't think it's rude not to eat. If you go in and just sit without ordering (by yourself or as a group) that would be rude. (My brother used to do that with his friends when they were teenagers)
  • renkatrun
    renkatrun Posts: 111 Member
    I don't think it was rude at all..I mean you were doing this for your daughter! It would of been different if it was just you and your wife and you didn't order, but it wasn't like that at all! Sorry, not rude at all to me!

    Agreed.
    But texting during dinner is rude.
  • LaurenAOK
    LaurenAOK Posts: 2,475 Member
    I don't think it's rude at all. I was a waitress for a year and groups came in all the time with one or two people who didn't eat. It was obvious to me that they all wanted to hang out, some of them were hungry and some weren't. How is that rude?

    Also, I don't understand why your wife got mad at you for not ordering when she didn't order either? Huh?

    None of this makes any sense to me.
  • secretlobster
    secretlobster Posts: 3,566 Member
    Yeah it is rude to go to dinner for someone's birthday and not eat anything because you stuffed yourself with popcorn.
  • embercakez
    embercakez Posts: 141
    why would you go out to eat if you aren't hungry?
    that's like going to a hooker and not wanting to get a beej.
  • Flab2fitfi
    Flab2fitfi Posts: 1,349 Member
    I have several severe food allergies and intolerances and dont eat out but i have often gone with friends to restaurants and ordered a diet soda and nothing else. To me it is still a social occasions and I I'm not going to miss out due to medical issues.

    I've never had a problem with restaurants although a few friends have feel bad the first couple of times we go out. They normally feel most guilty about puddings but it bothers me more than they are bothered.
  • HLeAnn
    HLeAnn Posts: 261 Member
    I must be missing something...can someone explain to me why this was rude? I have gone to restaurants and not eaten before when it was a group of people...and I'm in no way trying to be a smart *kitten*, really just don't understand.
  • SavageFeast
    SavageFeast Posts: 325 Member
    I do it all the time, and leave $1-2 for the water service.
  • thechubner
    thechubner Posts: 94 Member
    I think if you got something to drink (not just water, but like tea or something w/o little to no calories) - it's not that big of a deal. It's a little strange but it's not like NO ONE ordered. I agree with the poster who said it probably would have been better to focus on your daughter and making her day special as opposed to getting angry about whether or not to eat. If I really truly wasn't hungry at all I don't know if I would have picked at a salad or a cup of miso soup or not, but maybe your wife was a little hungry and wouldn't have minded picking at a salad or something - but felt too self conscience to eat if you weren't. I won't eat if my husband is not eating. I don't care if I'm starving and the room is packed with other people eating - I won't do it - but I try not to resent him for it - I could easily choose to eat, and it's not like I'll get beaten or start a fight if I eat. I just don't feel right doing it.
  • MissFit0101
    MissFit0101 Posts: 2,382
    It seems to me that there's some other underlying issue here, and your not ordering food was just an outlet for her. If she really thought it was rude not to order than she wouldn't have followed suit. That's my $.02.
  • kingscrown
    kingscrown Posts: 615 Member
    My 2 cents I think it depends on how it's done. My DH use to do it because we didn't choose a restaurant he liked. He usually throw the menu down stating there was nothing there he wanted to eat. Or he would just state he wasn't eating. SO RUDE! We had a big talk about that one. It doesn't happen any more. Now if he were to tell me before we got to a restaurant that he wasn't hungry, or that nothing there was on this diet. You know prepped me before we got inside... I'd totally understand and support his choice.
  • firstsip
    firstsip Posts: 8,399 Member
    OP, if you are still reading every post (and this hasn't already been said), there's different things I would say.

    As someone who's worked in a restaraunt setting--servers AND managers can get very tetchy if you sit and don't order. Did you order a beverage--tea, coffee, beer, diet pop, etc.? If you sat and only drank water, I can guarantee the people serving you were put out.

    Plus, it was a hibachi buffet--you were given a "food show," and didn't eat? You didn't HAVE to eat, I guess I don't see why you wouldn't have saved it for later?

    As for your wife--yeah, the passive-aggressive texting was rude on her part. But I bet you your child was put out at you not eating, and your wife probably felt guilty or "piggish" for eating when her husband isn't. I know I generally feel odd if I am the only one eating somewhere. Eating, anthropologically, is a communal act.

    Since "cost" was not mentioned as a variable here, and I'm never one to advocate eating out if you're not hungry (it seems ridiculous), I would say I think you lacked some observation skills on what was really going on here (your wife, and perhaps child, might have felt weird eating without you eating too), and you could have also done things a bit differently (order a small side, ordered a drink, ordered and saved for multiple meals throughout the week).
  • jmo325
    jmo325 Posts: 57
    Let's break it down. In most restaurants, to a server, tables are like real estate. In mine for example, if a family of four came in and only the 2 kids ate, the bill would probably be $15. Where as if everyone ate normally, it would probably be between $50-100. So to us, it does kinda feel like we're losing money.

    However, I have had parents do this before, but they just tip extra as a way of saying they recognize what is happening. Not like obnoxiously extra, but just enough to say thanks.
  • redredy9
    redredy9 Posts: 706 Member
    I don't get what the big deal is. I don't think its rude. It happens all the time. You are not obligated to eat to make others feel comfortable. Why does your not eating make them feel uncomfortable?

    When I am in a similar situation, and I have been plenty of times, I'll just sip on some diet soda or ice tea. No biggie.
  • tigerblue
    tigerblue Posts: 1,526 Member
    I would never go alone to a restaurant and not eat, but sometimes if I am with a group, I may not want to eat for many of the reasons mentioned above. Since you are with a group, you are not "taking a table" from a paying customer!

    Why not order a diet drink or a cup of coffee if you feel uncomfortable.

    I certainly would not order food just to poke at it and throw it away! That is wasteful and extravagant.

    BTW, i don't care if people think I'm cheap!
  • hauer01
    hauer01 Posts: 516 Member
    I meet my friends out all of the time, they order food, I rarely do. I actually don't care if they think it is rude, I am not spending my hard earned money on something that I don't want. I always still tip the waitress, even if I didn't get anything, just a dollar or two, because they usually do bring me something to drink or water to drink and I think that their effort is worth a tip.

    I grew up in resteraunts, family business. In my opnion, this is NOT weird or rude at all.
  • fleur_de_lis19
    fleur_de_lis19 Posts: 926 Member
    yeah i think its rude. I think i would have at least ordered their soup and salad and nibbled on it to make everyone feel more comfortable.
  • angiemartin78
    angiemartin78 Posts: 475 Member
    I don't see anything rude with not ordering. I do it ALL the time. What does kinda bug me is that your wife had the nerve to get mad at you for something that she was doing too??? I mean, WTF? So she didn't order bc you didn't but was mad at your for not ordering...Someone please explain this one to me. I also don't understand why the 2 of your were texting, and I'm assuming it was angry texting, during your daughters bday dinner. Afterall, the day was supposed to be about her...Not the 2 of you.
  • Illona88
    Illona88 Posts: 903 Member
    Unless you look like you might be sick at any minute, it is incredibly rude to go to a restaurant and not eat.
    Looks really cheap too.
    In some restaurants you will be sent away if you don't order anything, even if your friends do have something.

    Just order something small next time, like a small salad or soup.

    where do you eat that they'll ask someone to leave if they are just there to have a conversation with some friends? What if they got invited on a spur of the moment things right after they ate?

    I don't like your restaurants.

    I don't like it either, but that's how it is.
    Maybe it's a french/belgian/dutch thing, because that's where I know friends of mine have been sent away.
  • redredy9
    redredy9 Posts: 706 Member
    I won't eat if my husband is not eating. I don't care if I'm starving and the room is packed with other people eating - I won't do it - but I try not to resent him for it - I could easily choose to eat, and it's not like I'll get beaten or start a fight if I eat. I just don't feel right doing it.

    This is very strange to me. Why not? Will he eat if you don't?
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
    I only think it's rude if you go to a restaurant and order nothing. There have been times I'll go to a restaurant, not order food, but at least get something to drink besides water. It is a bit awkward for others who are eating.
  • penrbrown
    penrbrown Posts: 2,685 Member
    If it's rude I'm in big trouble. My friends invite me to restaurants all the time (to visit). I have allergies. I can't eat at ANY restaurants. Too much cross contamination. So I just sit and visit while they eat. No one has ever thought this rude and I've NEVER had a waiter treat me differently because of it. *shrug*

    I think if everyone else at the table is ordering it's no one's business if you eat or not.

    So my opinion? It's not rude. Not everyone can eat at restaurants. Should you be exempted from the celebration because you're not eating? NO!
  • wtfusernameisnttaken
    wtfusernameisnttaken Posts: 192
    I don't understand the problem here. No, I don't think it's "rude" for you to not order food when you're not hungry. The only one who seemingly had a problem was your wife, who was undoubtedly uncomfortable eating when you weren't. That's HER insecurity, not yours.
  • marmalade628
    marmalade628 Posts: 35 Member
    I don't think it is rude but kind of weird. My husband will not eat out at all due to his diet. He will want to go with me to a restaurant just because I want to eat out but he will not eat. He has some health issues that he just doesn't want to deal with the unpleasant affects that certain foods cause to his body. I understand that, but it still feels weird to be eating and he is just sitting there watching me and others eat. So most of the time I won't got out to eat with him. If my children will go with me then I go or I go out by myself for lunch as I don't want to be eating and he is just sitting there. It is just weird!!!

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