Is it rude to go to a restaurant and not eat?

picklerelish

My wife and I had a big disagreement this weekend, and I wanted to know what you all thought... It was my daughters birthday on Saturday, so we made a fun day of it. We took her shopping, went out to lunch, took her and a friend to a movie, and then she wanted to go to a Japanese hibachi restaurant for dinner. Having had a late lunch, and some popcorn at the movie, I wasn't hungry, so when we got to the restaurant, I mentioned to my wife that I wasn't going to order anything.

When the waitress came around to take our orders, the I told her that I wasn't going to eat, the kids ordered, and then my wife, giving me a dirty look, said she wasn't going to eat either. As we were sitting on opposite sides of the kids, several texts later, I found out that my wife thought that I was being incredibly rude, and that it "made people uncomfortable" if I went out to eat and didn't order.

Personally, I didn't see the problem. I wanted to be able to enjoy seeing my daughter have her birthday dinner, and wasn't hungry. My wife told me that I should have ordered something small and just taken most of it home. Not only don't I agree with that in principle, but at this place there isn't really something small that you can order. Plus if I ordered it and didn't eat, wouldn't that make the people at the table and the cook and servers uncomfortable?

Please give me your opinions. Especially since I'm dieting, why in the world would I eat if I wasn't hungry?

Thanks!

corn63

Well, people usually go to restaurants to eat, so it would appear a bit weird to go to a restaurant and not eat.

However, you and your wife sat there and angrily texted each other over something so petty? Awkward for your daughter. And not a fun day at all.

TarynK11

Yes. What you did was Super rude. Sorry!!

rml_16

Your wife didn't order, either, and she was angry with you for not ordering? Huh?

Anyway, I've done it and no one cared. Under certain circumstances, it happens. It isn't unusual.

It's rude to bring food from another restaurant and eat it, though.

Meg177

Rude and it looked cheap. Could you and your wife not have split a salad and poked at it?

JTick

I work at a restaurant, and we quite often have people come in but not eat. They will even sit in the floor part of the restaurant to drink beer instead of sitting at the bar (which I think is weird, but not rude). It's quite common, especially for larger parties, to have a person or two who is there for the conversation and not the food.

jboccio90

it's not comfortable, could of at least ordered soup.

pshearer7777

I don't have a problem with it. I don't understand why your wife didn't order, though. I've gone to restaurants plenty of times and not been hungry (but went for the "social aspect") and only ordered drinks. My friends have done the same thing from time to time. If you still tip well, then how is it rude, I doubt the server cares.

lizardcave

In those situations, I usually say "I'm not really hungry. I'll just have a soda."

Amcolecchi

I don't think it was rude at all..I mean you were doing this for your daughter! It would of been different if it was just you and your wife and you didn't order, but it wasn't like that at all! Sorry, not rude at all to me!

TheVimFuego

Yes, it is, it makes you look like a weirdo.

Look, I like to keep my intake in some kind of range that I see as 'optimal' but I see that the occasional dietary diversion isn't going to do me harm.

Don't Be The Weirdo.

macattack99

Yes. What you did was Super rude. Sorry!!

I disagree completely there is 100 reasons why you don't have to eat at a restaurant! You daughter love Japanese and you took her there because she loves it but you could hate it there's no reason in the world to order and pay for something you hate! That's like saying if you go to a bar you have to drink.... my 2 cents

Ras_py

I think that she was being rude!
WTH why does it matter, do people not go to establishments and just order coffee and such?
Wow, what a thing to get all mad abt!

laserturkey

If I were in that situation I would have ordered iced tea or a diet soda and maybe a side salad or fruit cup or something.

MellyGibson

I have gone to a restaurant and not eaten before, and have had other people do it to me as well. I am at that restaurant for the pleasure of enjoying the other person's company. If I'm hungry, I'll eat. If I'm not, I won't. It's not all about "me"....although judging by some of these responses, NOT eating WOULD make it about "me".

I would tell the person ahead of time that I didn't plan on eating, though. I think honest communication is important. I'm strange that way.

Having been a waitress before, I was never creeped out or uncomfortable if someone wasn't eating at one of my tables. After all, the experience is supposed to be about THEM.

To each their own, I suppose.

Your wife really had no leg to stand on...wasn't she being just as rude by not ordering, either?

Car0lynnM

Yes, definitely rude. At least order a salad, or at a Japanese restaurant, order a bowl of edamamme and pick at it for a while. Pretend.
On the other hand, your wife was also incredibly rude to also not order simply because you didn't, and then text at the dinner table. Wow, the rudeness is overwhelming.

Ruthe8

I think your wife has issues. She probably felt like if she ate and you didn't, that would make her look like a pig.

I've been a server and you don't need to worry about making them uncomfortable by what you eat or don't eat. They don't care.

crimznrose

When it's a family going out for an occasion it seems kinda rude, but if it's a regular occurance to go to restaurants then no, I don't think it's rude. Every Sunday, after church, my kids and I meet my mom and grandma at some restaurant for lunch. Yesterday they picked Famous Dave's barbeque and ordered "The Feast" (some large garbage can lid piled with ribs, brisket, and other greasy/carb laden food). They love that stuff, my kids love that stuff, but I count calories and can't love that stuff. So, while I didn't want to feel ackward, I didn't eat their greasy meats. Instead, I had a small helping of beans, red skin mashed potatoes and an ear of corn. They still fussed about me barely eating anything but at least I humored them and ate something to be part of their family lunch.

AnninStPaul

Your wife didn't order, either, and she was angry with you for not ordering? Huh?

Anyway, I've done it and no one cared. Under certain circumstances, it happens. It isn't unusual.

It's rude to bring food from another restaurant and eat it, though.

Was your wife ticked because you made her look bad, given that she also had a late lunch etc?

I'd be pretty impressed at your self control. People at your table did order. Be nice to the waitstaff and tip as if everyone had ordered - they likely had as much work - and move on.

sgv0918

Not rude! Kids were eating and you were along. I'd order a soda and drink that and enjoy my child's bday. Servers don't care. Now if it was me and one other person I'd order something because I'd feel uncomfortable eating in front of someone that was not but if the kiddos were enjoying their meal no worries. Ordering something to take home or "poke" at is a waste of money

Illona88

Unless you look like you might be sick at any minute, it is incredibly rude to go to a restaurant and not eat.
Looks really cheap too.
In some restaurants you will be sent away if you don't order anything, even if your friends do have something.

Just order something small next time, like a small salad or soup.

ChunkieNuts

Nope, ive done that before, either had just a drink while the others ate, or i order a starter as my main meal...Its not actually a big deal especially if there is nothing healthy on the menu...Ioften sit in Mcdonalds and K.F.C with my partner whilst he eats, i just have coffee..

rickkaniuga

You occupied space that your server was counting on for making money. Those chairs are real estate that needs to produce tips and sales for the server. If you and your wife just sat there, then tipped on the bill without leaving anything extra for the server, I think that is rude. If you "paid rent" and tipped the server for the money making space you were in, I think that's fine.

pixtotts

its a difficult one i can see where your coming from
but for me it would make me awkward because i hate eating when other people arent im quite a slow eater but if others finish before me ill leave what i havent eaten yet. Iv never been to a japanese restaurant but generally id order something, anything just be sat with something in front of me a starter in place of a main or just a side dish...
i think it also depends on the restaurant though... a high end place id say it shouldnt really be done... a run of the mill place i see no problem with it... (burger king and mcdonalds dont even count as restaurants in my eyes so the norm is for not everyone to be eating there)

though having said that you do know for the future now to save your self for dinner to avoid upsetting your wife
x

Krissy366

I think for one person at the table to not order (due to the very factors that you mentioned) isn't rude at all. I've certainly been in large groups where people have said, "I'll just have a cup of tea" or something and my husband often is on a different schedule than me and will want to go out to eat after I've already eaten. I very often join him and simply say, "I'll just be having a beverage" or "I'm holding out for dessert" or some such thing. As long as it's not 12 people ordering nothing but water, I don't see the issue with one person not eating.

But, I agree with a previous poster that you and your wife texting through dinner certainly IS rude. Also, your wife certainly could have order food even though you didn't. I think your wife is wrong here.

rml_16

Reading through these replies, it seems people have an extremely low threshhold for rude behavior.

I just don't see the big deal unless while you aren't eating, you're berating others for doing so. Or throwing food at them or something.

SanyamKaushik

Well, I believe in do what I want to in restaurants. Its you who has to draw the line.

Over the last one year, I have been trying to eat less (especially in restaurants) and it annoys me when waiters prompt me for starters/ desserts/drinks. (I sometimes have just the mains and tap water). I feel like come on, I know what I have to.

In your situation in particular, I would have ordered something very "light", just to give company to the people eating. :drinker:

Ruthe8

You occupied space that your server was counting on for making money. Those chairs are real estate that needs to produce tips and sales for the server. If you and your wife just sat there, then tipped on the bill without leaving anything extra for the server, I think that is rude. If you "paid rent" and tipped the server for the money making space you were in, I think that's fine.

Right, like they would have given that seat to some other random person if he hadn't been there? Don't be ridiculous.

crazyellybean

Well sounds like your wife needs to relax!! Why WASTE food or money on something your not going to eat?! .. That is even more rude than not eating!! I'm sure people were not starring at you because you were not eating, people could care less if you eat or not!

MamaBear57

I don't find it rude...in fact have done the same thing with a going away lunch from work. The time is about enjoying those around you not the food. If the restaurand only serves large portions that are filled with unhealthy catagories then no you should not eat it. Maybe to avoid the fight get a side salad or something off the appetizer list. Or maybe a soup. This way it avoids the fight and does not hurt your goals to much.

possibri

Nope, not rude at all. God forbid you want to enjoy someone's company... honestly, that isn't a big deal. I've known people who were on strict diets who BRING their own food to a restaurant just so they can enjoy the social aspect while still staying true to their needs. I see this situation as basically the same in principle. If other people are offended by it, that's their problem — take care of YOU, 'cause really that's all you can do in this situation. Personally, I might've ordered an unsweetened tea just to appease the voice in my head telling me I should order SOMETHING. But, honestly, it's not like none of you ordered something.

Kudos (mmmmmm Kudos) to you for not caving and ordering when you didn't want to. Most likely it would've led to you eating when you weren't hungry, or being resentful for being forced to order because you wanted proper manners. Your wife is making it sound like your behavior was on par with treating the waitress badly or being loud and drunk. I think the only person it really upset was her. =\


EDIT: All of the people talking about "taking up space" are you kidding me? There were still two people at their table eating. Also, if his wife had ordered (like she probably wanted to, but didn't out of resentment or something) then he would've been the only person not eating. Yeah, the percentage of the tip might go down slightly, but it's not so much that it would be considered rude! In fact, think of all the people that don't tip at all... if he at least tipped for his daughter and friend's meals, then that's more than if someone didn't tip at all.