Is it rude to go to a restaurant and not eat?

lour441

My wife and I had a big disagreement this weekend, and I wanted to know what you all thought... It was my daughters birthday on Saturday, so we made a fun day of it. We took her shopping, went out to lunch, took her and a friend to a movie, and then she wanted to go to a Japanese hibachi restaurant for dinner. Having had a late lunch, and some popcorn at the movie, I wasn't hungry, so when we got to the restaurant, I mentioned to my wife that I wasn't going to order anything.

When the waitress came around to take our orders, the I told her that I wasn't going to eat, the kids ordered, and then my wife, giving me a dirty look, said she wasn't going to eat either. As we were sitting on opposite sides of the kids, several texts later, I found out that my wife thought that I was being incredibly rude, and that it "made people uncomfortable" if I went out to eat and didn't order.

Personally, I didn't see the problem. I wanted to be able to enjoy seeing my daughter have her birthday dinner, and wasn't hungry. My wife told me that I should have ordered something small and just taken most of it home. Not only don't I agree with that in principle, but at this place there isn't really something small that you can order. Plus if I ordered it and didn't eat, wouldn't that make the people at the table and the cook and servers uncomfortable?

Please give me your opinions. Especially since I'm dieting, why in the world would I eat if I wasn't hungry?

Thanks!

The marriage is beyond repair. Cut her loose and move on!




You are both idiots for spending your daughter's birthday dinner sending angry texts to each other.

corn63

My wife and I had a big disagreement this weekend, and I wanted to know what you all thought... It was my daughters birthday on Saturday, so we made a fun day of it. We took her shopping, went out to lunch, took her and a friend to a movie, and then she wanted to go to a Japanese hibachi restaurant for dinner. Having had a late lunch, and some popcorn at the movie, I wasn't hungry, so when we got to the restaurant, I mentioned to my wife that I wasn't going to order anything.

When the waitress came around to take our orders, the I told her that I wasn't going to eat, the kids ordered, and then my wife, giving me a dirty look, said she wasn't going to eat either. As we were sitting on opposite sides of the kids, several texts later, I found out that my wife thought that I was being incredibly rude, and that it "made people uncomfortable" if I went out to eat and didn't order.

Personally, I didn't see the problem. I wanted to be able to enjoy seeing my daughter have her birthday dinner, and wasn't hungry. My wife told me that I should have ordered something small and just taken most of it home. Not only don't I agree with that in principle, but at this place there isn't really something small that you can order. Plus if I ordered it and didn't eat, wouldn't that make the people at the table and the cook and servers uncomfortable?

Please give me your opinions. Especially since I'm dieting, why in the world would I eat if I wasn't hungry?

Thanks!

The marriage is beyond repair. Cut her loose and move on!




You are both idiots for spending your daughter's birthday dinner sending angry texts to each other.

My hero.

simone200

I do not think you were being rude. I used to be a waitress. I've seen people do this many times. Also going to restaurants to eat. But it is uncommon. So people might take it being weird. But being rude I say is over board.

I think your wife was wrong. Sorry she was that way to you. I hope it didn't ruin the night too much for you, and your daughter.

I also think it was really good of you not to eat if you were not hungry. A lot of people would of ordered something anyways. I know I would of. Probably not something low calories either. So great job there.

Crochetluvr

I am one of those people who would have felt funny so I probably would have just ordered a side salad and water.

Faye_Anderson

I think I understand her, but I think she felt she couldn't order anything because you weren't, maybe she felt uncomfortable eating without you. Doesn't mean I think she was right though :flowerforyou:

rachelrb85

Not rude! Especially if you just ordered something to drink. And I used to be a waitress. Now, if all four of you didn't eat at the hibachi restaurant, then THAT would be rude. Your wife trying to start an argument via text in front of your daughter on her birthday, THAT is rude. Just my two cents.

rmkramer003

I don't think so. I had a similar experience when we went to a Japanese buffet. I couldn't eat anything there because of my food intollerances, so I didn't eat. As long as you are with other people who are eating, I don't think it's rude not to eat. If you go in and just sit without ordering (by yourself or as a group) that would be rude. (My brother used to do that with his friends when they were teenagers)

renkatrun

I don't think it was rude at all..I mean you were doing this for your daughter! It would of been different if it was just you and your wife and you didn't order, but it wasn't like that at all! Sorry, not rude at all to me!

Agreed.
But texting during dinner is rude.

LaurenAOK

I don't think it's rude at all. I was a waitress for a year and groups came in all the time with one or two people who didn't eat. It was obvious to me that they all wanted to hang out, some of them were hungry and some weren't. How is that rude?

Also, I don't understand why your wife got mad at you for not ordering when she didn't order either? Huh?

None of this makes any sense to me.

secretlobster

Yeah it is rude to go to dinner for someone's birthday and not eat anything because you stuffed yourself with popcorn.

embercakez

why would you go out to eat if you aren't hungry?
that's like going to a hooker and not wanting to get a beej.

Flab2fitfi

I have several severe food allergies and intolerances and dont eat out but i have often gone with friends to restaurants and ordered a diet soda and nothing else. To me it is still a social occasions and I I'm not going to miss out due to medical issues.

I've never had a problem with restaurants although a few friends have feel bad the first couple of times we go out. They normally feel most guilty about puddings but it bothers me more than they are bothered.

HLeAnn

I must be missing something...can someone explain to me why this was rude? I have gone to restaurants and not eaten before when it was a group of people...and I'm in no way trying to be a smart *kitten*, really just don't understand.

SavageFeast

I do it all the time, and leave $1-2 for the water service.

thechubner

I think if you got something to drink (not just water, but like tea or something w/o little to no calories) - it's not that big of a deal. It's a little strange but it's not like NO ONE ordered. I agree with the poster who said it probably would have been better to focus on your daughter and making her day special as opposed to getting angry about whether or not to eat. If I really truly wasn't hungry at all I don't know if I would have picked at a salad or a cup of miso soup or not, but maybe your wife was a little hungry and wouldn't have minded picking at a salad or something - but felt too self conscience to eat if you weren't. I won't eat if my husband is not eating. I don't care if I'm starving and the room is packed with other people eating - I won't do it - but I try not to resent him for it - I could easily choose to eat, and it's not like I'll get beaten or start a fight if I eat. I just don't feel right doing it.

MissFit0101

It seems to me that there's some other underlying issue here, and your not ordering food was just an outlet for her. If she really thought it was rude not to order than she wouldn't have followed suit. That's my $.02.

kingscrown

My 2 cents I think it depends on how it's done. My DH use to do it because we didn't choose a restaurant he liked. He usually throw the menu down stating there was nothing there he wanted to eat. Or he would just state he wasn't eating. SO RUDE! We had a big talk about that one. It doesn't happen any more. Now if he were to tell me before we got to a restaurant that he wasn't hungry, or that nothing there was on this diet. You know prepped me before we got inside... I'd totally understand and support his choice.

firstsip

OP, if you are still reading every post (and this hasn't already been said), there's different things I would say.

As someone who's worked in a restaraunt setting--servers AND managers can get very tetchy if you sit and don't order. Did you order a beverage--tea, coffee, beer, diet pop, etc.? If you sat and only drank water, I can guarantee the people serving you were put out.

Plus, it was a hibachi buffet--you were given a "food show," and didn't eat? You didn't HAVE to eat, I guess I don't see why you wouldn't have saved it for later?

As for your wife--yeah, the passive-aggressive texting was rude on her part. But I bet you your child was put out at you not eating, and your wife probably felt guilty or "piggish" for eating when her husband isn't. I know I generally feel odd if I am the only one eating somewhere. Eating, anthropologically, is a communal act.

Since "cost" was not mentioned as a variable here, and I'm never one to advocate eating out if you're not hungry (it seems ridiculous), I would say I think you lacked some observation skills on what was really going on here (your wife, and perhaps child, might have felt weird eating without you eating too), and you could have also done things a bit differently (order a small side, ordered a drink, ordered and saved for multiple meals throughout the week).

jmo325

Let's break it down. In most restaurants, to a server, tables are like real estate. In mine for example, if a family of four came in and only the 2 kids ate, the bill would probably be $15. Where as if everyone ate normally, it would probably be between $50-100. So to us, it does kinda feel like we're losing money.

However, I have had parents do this before, but they just tip extra as a way of saying they recognize what is happening. Not like obnoxiously extra, but just enough to say thanks.

redredy9

I don't get what the big deal is. I don't think its rude. It happens all the time. You are not obligated to eat to make others feel comfortable. Why does your not eating make them feel uncomfortable?

When I am in a similar situation, and I have been plenty of times, I'll just sip on some diet soda or ice tea. No biggie.