Need kid to move on!! Advice please.

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Replies

  • karenwill2
    karenwill2 Posts: 604 Member
    he is 27. Tell him the truth. Mom and Dad want to walk around naked and leave their "toys" out without worrying about having to pay for your therapy. It is for your own good, son. Give me back my key or call before coming over.
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    He is wise...

    Yup!!!
  • sarahharmintx
    sarahharmintx Posts: 868 Member
    It's probably good for him to have the key in case of emergencies, but there's no reason he should be dropping by unannounced or leaving his crap at your house. Sit him down and tell him that.
    My parents and my in laws have keys. We have keys to their places. However, I always call ahead or at the very least knock. Tell him that.

    Or the next time you see him about to come inside, take your top off but just barely cover up. I bet he doesnt do it again.
  • Tropical_Turtle
    Tropical_Turtle Posts: 2,236 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    This is awesome and so true!
  • samblanken
    samblanken Posts: 369 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    YEP! :drinker:
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
    27............with no plan of action? Couch surfing? Hell I'd hurt his feelings. It's tough love time. I'm a stepmom so I now it's not easy but be the evil stepmom tell him that you love him but he has to get his crap together.

    OR

    Change the locks. I would tell him the lock broke and you had to change them. When he asked for a key I would tell him that it may be time for him to get a job and a place of his own.
  • cici1028
    cici1028 Posts: 799 Member
    I'm 27 and drop in on my parents all the time. They love it.

    I feel bad for your son.

    Tell him to clean up after himself if you are sick of it. He's a product of his upbringing, remember...

    If you don't want him around unless invited, why are you worried about hurt feelings?

    Yeah - doubt they "love" it. If you're 27, use your manners and call ahead. Your parents have a life and need their privacy and space too! I'm sure your parents are much like the OP and sensitive of your feelings which is why they haven't given the same message to YOU! :)
  • urloved33
    urloved33 Posts: 3,323 Member
    daughters but ditto
    I guess my husband and I have a different relationship with our son..........
  • hiker359
    hiker359 Posts: 577 Member
    Change the locks with a notice on the door informing him that he has 30 days to remove all of his stuff or it will be given to the local Salvation Army (or charity place of your choice).

    It's your house, why the need to ask permission to tell him it's time to fully leave the nest?
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
    My guy has one that just wont leave he is almost 20... So annoying
  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
    I'm 27 and drop in on my parents all the time. They love it.

    I feel bad for your son.

    Tell him to clean up after himself if you are sick of it. He's a product of his upbringing, remember...

    If you don't want him around unless invited, why are you worried about hurt feelings?

    Yeah - doubt they "love" it. If you're 27, use your manners and call ahead. Your parents have a life and need their privacy and space too! I'm sure your parents are much like the OP and sensitive of your feelings which is why they haven't given the same message to YOU! :)





    hahahah YES!!!!!
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
    change the locks and say it's because you suspect that a homeless person got a key and has been making messes
  • Nancy_AZ60
    Nancy_AZ60 Posts: 99 Member
    Maybe video will work.. before and after... Have the this will stop talk ONCE then if that does not work, go to home depot and re-key the doors.
  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
    Unemployed and basically homeless? Screw the hurt feelings! It's tough love time!
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
    Well, I don't see this as an issue. You are the parent and it's YOUR home, not his anymore. I think this needs to be made obvious to him. Of course, you don't have to say it "meanly", but ... geesh... I'm sort of surprised he needs to be told at 27. Just say, 'Hon, your Dad and I prefer that you not drop uannounced or when we're not here. You are an adult now and we need our space, just as much as you need yours. We love you and love seeing you, but I am no longer the mother that picks up after you. (chuckle). If you want to borrow something, please ask. And, when you are done with it, make sure it is in the same - or better - shape as we when you took it. Or... did I forget to teach you that? *wink* It's no less than I would do if I was coming to your house/apt/whatever."

    I did have a key to my parent's house, well, until the time they no longer resided there, but I did not disrespect or misuse it. I lived out of town, which I'm sure was helpful. :) But, if I planned on visiting, I called and asked. And, when I was there, particularly if I had arrived while they were out, I tried to HELP them with anything that wouldn't be "intrusive"... mow the lawn, fold the laundry, whatever. Although I still considered their house my "home", I knew that I was a guest.. and not a pampered guest, either!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
    I'm 27 and drop in on my parents all the time. They love it.
    After reading this...are you SURE they love it? :laugh:

    I have a 39 year old loser brother-in-law who NEVER left home and is regarded as a giant piece of crap by everyone in the family.

    I think someone needs to do some lock changing and talk to him about getting his act together before he's too far gone down that road!
  • cici1028
    cici1028 Posts: 799 Member
    To the OP: I think it is completely reasonable to sit down with your husband and stepson and let him know that you feel great that he feels so comfortable in your home but you would prefer to set some boundaries now that he is an adult... that he surrenders the key, calls ahead when he comes to visit and that you're ready for him to start treating your home more as a place to visit than a place to 'crash'.

    I'll be honest, my parents never had to have this conversation with me because I respected their space and realized that their home is NOT my home...This WILL probably hurt his feelings. But he's a big boy and should be old enough to hear this. Parents are parents forever... but there is a point when it is time to realize that parents aren't a free ride and it's time to grow up! Good luck!! Tell us how it works out!
  • dani_1977
    dani_1977 Posts: 557 Member
    Change the locks!
  • Cassie8877
    Cassie8877 Posts: 177
    Easy just be naked.next time he randomly stops by! Lol :) he will make sure to start calling next time :)
  • determined136
    determined136 Posts: 330
    Be honest! He is 27...he can take it and it will help build a mutual respecting relationship.

    Or you could just start showing up at his place and do the same thing....he may get the message :bigsmile:
  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    jejejejejejejejejej :laugh: :laugh:
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
    Is he a she named Sullykat? Because I think I might be your son.

    I am married and have a house of my own, but I still have a key and go over to my mom's house ALL the time! I use her bathroom as my own personal locker room between gym and work (it takes too long to go all the way home). I also raid her fridge and pantry on a regular basis. My step-dad is constantly trying to give me back my stuff because he does not want to be the storage unit anymore either, but I refuse to take it (I always "forget" to bring the bag of old treasures with me on my way out).

    I'm sorry, I can not give you any tips, as I would be devastated if my key ever got taken away… but only for selfish reasons. Just rip that cold sucker out of his hands and say "No more, Johnny! No more." That is the only way my mom is EVER getting rid of me. lol
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
    you just change the lock....
  • Celestialfairie
    Celestialfairie Posts: 134
    Out of six children I'm the only one left with a key... and I'm the only one that lives out of state. And it's not that my parents asked for it back. Everyone just sort of got to the stage where they didn't want a key anymore. Sadly, it doesn't work so well when they get locked out!
  • kristilovescake
    kristilovescake Posts: 669 Member
    How about just telling him you don't appreciate the way he is disrespecting your privacy? Just because he's your child doesn't give him free reign to come and go as he pleases - especially at 27!

    It's part of growing up. Suck it up buttercup.

    I second this. I'm 27, have a key to both my parents' houses, and I ALWAYS let them know before I come over. My dad still lives in the home I grew up in (with his new wife) and I wouldn't imagine bombarding their life by making unexpected visits. Sounds like you need to have a talk with your son about how he's a guest in your home now that he has moved out on his own.
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
    My kids have keys to my home for emergency reasons. No way would they ever drop in unexpectedly unless it is an emergency. Ask for your key back from your son. He doesn't need it and he is imposing himself. He needs to call and ask when he is in a tight situation. He will get the hint you don't want him on his terms. And don't feel bad about it.
  • ethompso0105
    ethompso0105 Posts: 418 Member
    I'm 29 and moved out of my parent's house 6 years ago (when I was finally able to get a real job...don't ask...long story). I still have a key and I stop by here and there. My parents both tell me all the time that they're thrilled that I stop by--and they continue to remind me that I'm welcome to do so. My sister still lives at home, too, so I realize my situation is a bit different.

    There's no way it would hurt my feelings if my parents sat me down at some point and told me that the wanted me to call ahead. I completely respect their privacy. Then again, I don't abuse the privileged of being allowed to stop by.

    Open lines of communication are crucial in maintaining boundaries and relationships. Talk to him...it may be what he needs.
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
    change the locks and say it's because you suspect that a homeless person got a key and has been making messes

    LOL! YES!!!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    change the locks and keep forgetting to get him a replacement key? (passive aggressive)

    or, sit down and tell hiim exactly what you posted here.
  • marekdds
    marekdds Posts: 2,234 Member
    You don't need to worry about hurting his feelings. He knows exactly what he is doing. He can only take advantage if you let him, and you are. Change the locks.

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