Need kid to move on!! Advice please.

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  • Kerri_is_so_very
    Kerri_is_so_very Posts: 1,005 Member
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    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    :laugh: :drinker: :drinker:
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    ^^^ THIS is all you need.

    ^^^
    or get some kinky gear and leave it around the house before you leave.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
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    Tell him that if he's going to keep dropping by unexpectedly and sleeping there more than one night a month then you think it's only fair that he pays you for the time that he's there, as well as any food that he eats. Also if he keeps leaving trash lying around threaten to take it to his house, and just dump it on the front yard. lol

    Seriously? Your own child is unwelcome to visit without paying???


    :grumble:
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
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    change your lock and give a key to whomever you want to have one still.
  • ARDuBaie
    ARDuBaie Posts: 379 Member
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    I have a now 31 year old daughter. She was reluctant to move out when I lived in MN. I knew that she wanted to stay there. At the time she was 22 or so and she had a job at Walgreens, which didn't pay all that much, but enough for a modest apartment. I told her I was moving to PA and she got all upset. I offered to pay $200 dollars on her rent, which worked out great. That lasted a year until she moved in with a man. They broke up and she came to PA.

    Well, she settled on in to the same insecure routine of living at home. I took a job in a place a distance away from home and decided to move. She didn't want to move to where I was going, so she moved out. Recently, she started talking about moving to the town where I live. I told her that would be find as long as she had her own place. So I set up a boundary for her.

    She has a key to my apartment, but always calls before coming. This is another boundary that I set for her.

    My son, who is 26, moved out when he was 19 or 20 and has never moved back. I don't think he ever will because I set down the boundary rules right away with him. I learned from my experience with my daughter.

    I believe, though, that you shouldn't have to move in order to get your children to move out. Many children are making enough to make it on their own - if they don't go around buying everything that they believe they need. The other problem is that many children are afraid of failing. They may have insecurity issues.

    Your stepson has a boundary issue. I recognize this because he doesn't call and let you know he is stopping by. He just barges in. Your husband needd to sit down with him and explain to him your feelings. He needs to let him know that you have raised him to adulthood and it is now your time to enjoy life. You need to set down some rules, including moving his crap out of your house and that he will have to make arrangements ahead of time if he wants to 'visit'.

    I had this conversation with my daughter. Now she comes to 'visit' me and then she leaves. She always calls before coming, even though she has a key to the apartment. She doesn't store anything at my place, even though I have lots of room. Although I am not married, she recognizes that I want time to do things with my friends and maybe have a guy over, or maybe just time for myself.

    Believe me, your husband needs to have this conversation with your stepson. Otherwise, nothing will change.

    And take the key away from him.
  • KimmyEB
    KimmyEB Posts: 1,208 Member
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    Open lines of communication are crucial in maintaining boundaries and relationships. Talk to him...it may be what he needs.

    Exactly!

    I'm 26, and I have a key to my parent's house. I always ask before I come over, and they always say "why are you asking if you can come over? of course you can come over!" For a long time after I moved out, I always rang the doorbell, too, even though I had a key, and it pissed them off, because "that's what you have a key for, you know!" I'm sure if I abused the privilege, they'd ask for the key back. But since we don't have communication issues in that department, everything is ay-okay.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
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    The door is ALWAYS open to my children as long as they abide by the rules. This is part of being a parent, it doesn't stop when they turn 18.

    Calling first would be nice.
  • SusanMcAvoy
    SusanMcAvoy Posts: 445 Member
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    I have a 31 year old son who won't leave. It's my own fault. I told him as he was growing that family is always there for each other. He has a new girlfriend with 3 children who come every weekend now. Instead of him leaving, more are coming, LOL Oh well, I guess we won't be alone in our old age if this keeps up. My husband and I used to dream of the day all our kids would be gone. Sigh! :grumble:
  • LauraDotts
    LauraDotts Posts: 732 Member
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    Tell him you have a list of chores for him to do the next time he comes over. I bet he won't show up for weeks.
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    ^^^ THIS is all you need.

    Yep. This is how I taught my 15 year old to knock before entering, and waiting until we say its okay to come into the bedroom. She kept coming in without knocking & i finally said.. "what if we were having sex? do you WANT to see that?" needless to say.. no more issues!
  • JohnMessmer
    JohnMessmer Posts: 536
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    I would ask your husband how he feels and if he is of similar thought, then have him ask for the key back.
  • SopranogirlCa
    SopranogirlCa Posts: 188 Member
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    Change your locks
  • oneworkoutatatime
    oneworkoutatatime Posts: 312
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    Move unexpectedly :) lol

    this or change the locks...
  • VanessaGS
    VanessaGS Posts: 514 Member
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    2 options...tell your husband to talk to him or change the locks and don't give him the new key.
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
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    The door is ALWAYS open to my children as long as they abide by the rules. This is part of being a parent, it doesn't stop when they turn 18.


    I don't think she is saying that he isn't welcomed but she doesn't have a flop house and she'd like her privacy. I have a key to my mothers and I would not just show up unannounced and let myself into her home. It's respect. My son has a key to my home and would never let himself in whether I was home or not. It's about respect.

    Not to mention he's 27! No job and basically homeless. He will never get it together if everyone friends/family cater to him.
  • shani251
    shani251 Posts: 145 Member
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    we told our daughter we wanted to run around naked - she left the key on the counter the next morning ;)
  • ARDuBaie
    ARDuBaie Posts: 379 Member
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    if you both are agreeing.. change the locks.. problem solved...

    however, my mother would never take my key away, home is suppose to be the place that is always open to come too whenever..

    Maybe you could talk to him about his bad habits?

    What a very different point of view this is. Very few from my generation (I am 55) would say that. I always felt that I could go home whenever I wanted to, but I never had a key once I left. Interesting that the young people of today feel that they can just pop on in, do whatever - watch television, do laundry, cook a meal, etc. - without paying any mind to what they parents may think about it.
  • schell81
    schell81 Posts: 187 Member
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    if he is your stepson why inst your husband putting his foot down?


    Totally agree,
    I was wondering when someone would say it. It would mean more from his father than his step mom.
  • treesloth
    treesloth Posts: 162 Member
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    That would do it, except I still have one at home so he won't believe me!

    Good, train the other other one to walk around with a scarred, haunted look in their eyes, and mention occasionally that they're in therapy. That will reinforce it.
  • flowergirl73
    flowergirl73 Posts: 153 Member
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    Maybe his dad should address it with him since he's your stepson.

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