Need kid to move on!! Advice please.

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  • deniseearheart
    deniseearheart Posts: 919 Member
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    I'm 27 and drop in on my parents all the time. They love it.

    I feel bad for your son.

    Tell him to clean up after himself if you are sick of it. He's a product of his upbringing, remember...

    If you don't want him around unless invited, why are you worried about hurt feelings?

    Yeah - doubt they "love" it. If you're 27, use your manners and call ahead. Your parents have a life and need their privacy and space too! I'm sure your parents are much like the OP and sensitive of your feelings which is why they haven't given the same message to YOU! :)





    hahahah YES!!!!!
  • _Bob_
    _Bob_ Posts: 1,487 Member
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    change the locks and say it's because you suspect that a homeless person got a key and has been making messes
  • Nancy_AZ60
    Nancy_AZ60 Posts: 99 Member
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    Maybe video will work.. before and after... Have the this will stop talk ONCE then if that does not work, go to home depot and re-key the doors.
  • IronPlayground
    IronPlayground Posts: 1,594 Member
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    Unemployed and basically homeless? Screw the hurt feelings! It's tough love time!
  • darlilama
    darlilama Posts: 794 Member
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    Well, I don't see this as an issue. You are the parent and it's YOUR home, not his anymore. I think this needs to be made obvious to him. Of course, you don't have to say it "meanly", but ... geesh... I'm sort of surprised he needs to be told at 27. Just say, 'Hon, your Dad and I prefer that you not drop uannounced or when we're not here. You are an adult now and we need our space, just as much as you need yours. We love you and love seeing you, but I am no longer the mother that picks up after you. (chuckle). If you want to borrow something, please ask. And, when you are done with it, make sure it is in the same - or better - shape as we when you took it. Or... did I forget to teach you that? *wink* It's no less than I would do if I was coming to your house/apt/whatever."

    I did have a key to my parent's house, well, until the time they no longer resided there, but I did not disrespect or misuse it. I lived out of town, which I'm sure was helpful. :) But, if I planned on visiting, I called and asked. And, when I was there, particularly if I had arrived while they were out, I tried to HELP them with anything that wouldn't be "intrusive"... mow the lawn, fold the laundry, whatever. Although I still considered their house my "home", I knew that I was a guest.. and not a pampered guest, either!
  • Hellbent_Heidi
    Hellbent_Heidi Posts: 3,669 Member
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    I'm 27 and drop in on my parents all the time. They love it.
    After reading this...are you SURE they love it? :laugh:

    I have a 39 year old loser brother-in-law who NEVER left home and is regarded as a giant piece of crap by everyone in the family.

    I think someone needs to do some lock changing and talk to him about getting his act together before he's too far gone down that road!
  • cici1028
    cici1028 Posts: 799 Member
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    To the OP: I think it is completely reasonable to sit down with your husband and stepson and let him know that you feel great that he feels so comfortable in your home but you would prefer to set some boundaries now that he is an adult... that he surrenders the key, calls ahead when he comes to visit and that you're ready for him to start treating your home more as a place to visit than a place to 'crash'.

    I'll be honest, my parents never had to have this conversation with me because I respected their space and realized that their home is NOT my home...This WILL probably hurt his feelings. But he's a big boy and should be old enough to hear this. Parents are parents forever... but there is a point when it is time to realize that parents aren't a free ride and it's time to grow up! Good luck!! Tell us how it works out!
  • dani_1977
    dani_1977 Posts: 557 Member
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    Change the locks!
  • Cassie8877
    Cassie8877 Posts: 177
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    Easy just be naked.next time he randomly stops by! Lol :) he will make sure to start calling next time :)
  • determined136
    determined136 Posts: 332
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    Be honest! He is 27...he can take it and it will help build a mutual respecting relationship.

    Or you could just start showing up at his place and do the same thing....he may get the message :bigsmile:
  • Skinny_minny_mo
    Skinny_minny_mo Posts: 1,272 Member
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    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    jejejejejejejejejej :laugh: :laugh:
  • sullykat
    sullykat Posts: 461 Member
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    Is he a she named Sullykat? Because I think I might be your son.

    I am married and have a house of my own, but I still have a key and go over to my mom's house ALL the time! I use her bathroom as my own personal locker room between gym and work (it takes too long to go all the way home). I also raid her fridge and pantry on a regular basis. My step-dad is constantly trying to give me back my stuff because he does not want to be the storage unit anymore either, but I refuse to take it (I always "forget" to bring the bag of old treasures with me on my way out).

    I'm sorry, I can not give you any tips, as I would be devastated if my key ever got taken away… but only for selfish reasons. Just rip that cold sucker out of his hands and say "No more, Johnny! No more." That is the only way my mom is EVER getting rid of me. lol
  • yoovie
    yoovie Posts: 17,121 Member
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    you just change the lock....
  • Celestialfairie
    Celestialfairie Posts: 134
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    Out of six children I'm the only one left with a key... and I'm the only one that lives out of state. And it's not that my parents asked for it back. Everyone just sort of got to the stage where they didn't want a key anymore. Sadly, it doesn't work so well when they get locked out!
  • kristilovescake
    kristilovescake Posts: 669 Member
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    How about just telling him you don't appreciate the way he is disrespecting your privacy? Just because he's your child doesn't give him free reign to come and go as he pleases - especially at 27!

    It's part of growing up. Suck it up buttercup.

    I second this. I'm 27, have a key to both my parents' houses, and I ALWAYS let them know before I come over. My dad still lives in the home I grew up in (with his new wife) and I wouldn't imagine bombarding their life by making unexpected visits. Sounds like you need to have a talk with your son about how he's a guest in your home now that he has moved out on his own.
  • dodihere
    dodihere Posts: 490
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    My kids have keys to my home for emergency reasons. No way would they ever drop in unexpectedly unless it is an emergency. Ask for your key back from your son. He doesn't need it and he is imposing himself. He needs to call and ask when he is in a tight situation. He will get the hint you don't want him on his terms. And don't feel bad about it.
  • ethompso0105
    ethompso0105 Posts: 418 Member
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    I'm 29 and moved out of my parent's house 6 years ago (when I was finally able to get a real job...don't ask...long story). I still have a key and I stop by here and there. My parents both tell me all the time that they're thrilled that I stop by--and they continue to remind me that I'm welcome to do so. My sister still lives at home, too, so I realize my situation is a bit different.

    There's no way it would hurt my feelings if my parents sat me down at some point and told me that the wanted me to call ahead. I completely respect their privacy. Then again, I don't abuse the privileged of being allowed to stop by.

    Open lines of communication are crucial in maintaining boundaries and relationships. Talk to him...it may be what he needs.
  • Cat52169
    Cat52169 Posts: 277 Member
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    change the locks and say it's because you suspect that a homeless person got a key and has been making messes

    LOL! YES!!!
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
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    change the locks and keep forgetting to get him a replacement key? (passive aggressive)

    or, sit down and tell hiim exactly what you posted here.
  • marekdds
    marekdds Posts: 2,208 Member
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    You don't need to worry about hurting his feelings. He knows exactly what he is doing. He can only take advantage if you let him, and you are. Change the locks.

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