Need kid to move on!! Advice please.

135678

Replies

  • melissafaith24
    melissafaith24 Posts: 251 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    i bet that would nip it in the bud :)
  • tilliesmom9
    tilliesmom9 Posts: 47
    Lucky me. I still have my mom's house key. Maybe that's because she has demintia. Enjoy your kids while you can still remember them.
  • CincinnatiDEIFan
    CincinnatiDEIFan Posts: 188 Member
    If your the step mom why are you dealing with it? I think DAD needs to deal with it...or is this also a case where maybe DAD doesn't have the same feelings, therefore refuses to deal with it.
  • Pixi_Rex
    Pixi_Rex Posts: 1,676 Member
    I am 30 and still drop in unexpected at my moms all the time, I literally walk into her house and yell "SURPRISE... now whats for supper?!" (its a joke from highschool a friend of mine would always ask my mom what was for supper when he came in - even if it was 8 in the morning. I never expect my mom to feed me, but she always does.) up util recently I also used her house as my storage so I didn't have to pay storage fees on things that wouldnt fit in my place (I was renting and just recently bought a house).

    I do my best to clean up my messes but honestly maybe he feels that is his home still and he has a right to come home when he wants. I know for a fact if my mom had an issue with me just stopping in she would tell me she is pretty forward that way. I think you should just sit him down and say "you know we love when you come over but can you call and let us know?" and ask him why he feels the need to leave his things... i am sure that wont hurt his feelings - but do not make him feel like he is unwelcome either.
  • binariiangel
    binariiangel Posts: 146 Member
    Tell him that if he's going to keep dropping by unexpectedly and sleeping there more than one night a month then you think it's only fair that he pays you for the time that he's there, as well as any food that he eats. Also if he keeps leaving trash lying around threaten to take it to his house, and just dump it on the front yard. lol
  • supplemama
    supplemama Posts: 1,956 Member
    Just tell him not to come over when y'all are not there. If that does not work, change the locks and refuse to give him a new key. It doesn't cost a lot of money to change the locks and is worth your peace of mind.
  • KetchikanLadyDi
    KetchikanLadyDi Posts: 23 Member
    It's simple. Let him know that the "open door policy" is a two way street so you would like a set of keys to his place, and in the future would be coming and going as you please.
  • Justkf
    Justkf Posts: 208 Member
    I guess my husband and I have a different relationship with our son..........

    How is this helpful to me?
  • LaurySch
    LaurySch Posts: 277 Member
    After reading that he's your stepson and you didn't have as much hand in raising him I change my stance a bit:

    Your husband needs to know how you feel and HE needs to be the one to tell his son to grow up.
  • rob1976
    rob1976 Posts: 1,328 Member
    Just change the locks...or get a security system...imagine the look on his face when John Q. Law shows up...
  • TeresaWash
    TeresaWash Posts: 283
    Just be honest with him. It might sting a little bit but he'll get past it.

    Or... start dropping by his place unexpected several times a week. That should make him think.
  • virichi08
    virichi08 Posts: 465 Member
    Well he's 27 and i think he'd understand. But let him know what you guys don't like the fact that he comes in unexpected. Let him know that you guys still love him and don't mind him coming over every now and then, but that you all want him to ASK if it's okay to stop by.
  • AlsDonkBoxSquat
    AlsDonkBoxSquat Posts: 6,128 Member
    Is he a she named Sullykat? Because I think I might be your son.

    I am married and have a house of my own, but I still have a key and go over to my mom's house ALL the time! I use her bathroom as my own personal locker room between gym and work (it takes too long to go all the way home). I also raid her fridge and pantry on a regular basis. My step-dad is constantly trying to give me back my stuff because he does not want to be the storage unit anymore either, but I refuse to take it (I always "forget" to bring the bag of old treasures with me on my way out).

    I'm sorry, I can not give you any tips, as I would be devastated if my key ever got taken away… but only for selfish reasons. Just rip that cold sucker out of his hands and say "No more, Johnny! No more." That is the only way my mom is EVER getting rid of me. lol

    I would say "for selfish reasons" is pretty apt. Granted my son is only 3, but I'm not attached to things and I'd give you 2 days then throw all your **** out. I moved out and my parents kept asking me what to do with my stuff and I kept saying "I set it out to be thrown out" and they kept putting it back on the shelf thinking I'd change my mind. When I lived near them I left a small box(about the size of a cake pan) at each of their homes of things that I generally needed at their house. I figured that was a respectible piece of space without being imposing, if it didn't fit in the box it either went in the trash or left with me.
  • KickassAugust
    KickassAugust Posts: 1,430 Member
    Tell him life moves on and that you're going to take up nude in home modeling for the local university, or that he is a big boy and should know how to call first....
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    I have a very different relationship with my folks... I'm 35 and stay with them with their grandson from time to time (for two months this summer, in fact, when I had a broken leg). To this day, it would not bother them if I came and did laundry at their house whether or not they were home. I don't need to... I have had a very successful career since I was 21 years old, and have my own home. However, it's "available."

    That being said, if both you AND his father would like him to stop coming over to do laundry, staying over, dropping by, etc. you need to address it. And frankly, since you've made it VERY clear you are step and not "parent," I would vote for your husband to be the one to speak to him... not email him... speak to him.

    Changing the locks, albeit funny, is not a great decision, imo.
  • neverstray
    neverstray Posts: 3,845 Member
    Communication?
  • TeresaWash
    TeresaWash Posts: 283
    I guess my husband and I have a different relationship with our son..........

    How is this helpful to me?

    Some people just can't help it??
  • lizziebeth1028
    lizziebeth1028 Posts: 3,602 Member
    Anyone have kids that do not live at home anymore and still have a key to the house? I have one Stepson I did not raise (age 27) that drops in alot unannounced and leaves a trail everytime (uses our stuff and doesn't put it back). He's a great guy but a bit of a intrusion, thinks we are his storage unit, laundry facility and occasionally sleep base camp.

    Kinda want the key back since my husband and I want "our" life to begin. I am not sure how to ask without hurting feelings.

    Thanks!

    The door is ALWAYS open to my children as long as they abide by the rules. This is part of being a parent, it doesn't stop when they turn 18.
  • crazyellybean
    crazyellybean Posts: 999 Member
    if you both are agreeing.. change the locks.. problem solved...

    however, my mother would never take my key away, home is suppose to be the place that is always open to come too whenever..

    Maybe you could talk to him about his bad habits?
  • skulcherry
    skulcherry Posts: 25 Member
    if he is your stepson why inst your husband putting his foot down?
  • Kerri_is_so_very
    Kerri_is_so_very Posts: 999 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    :laugh: :drinker: :drinker:
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    ^^^ THIS is all you need.

    ^^^
    or get some kinky gear and leave it around the house before you leave.
  • odusgolp
    odusgolp Posts: 10,477 Member
    Tell him that if he's going to keep dropping by unexpectedly and sleeping there more than one night a month then you think it's only fair that he pays you for the time that he's there, as well as any food that he eats. Also if he keeps leaving trash lying around threaten to take it to his house, and just dump it on the front yard. lol

    Seriously? Your own child is unwelcome to visit without paying???


    :grumble:
  • 47Jacqueline
    47Jacqueline Posts: 6,993 Member
    change your lock and give a key to whomever you want to have one still.
  • ARDuBaie
    ARDuBaie Posts: 378 Member
    I have a now 31 year old daughter. She was reluctant to move out when I lived in MN. I knew that she wanted to stay there. At the time she was 22 or so and she had a job at Walgreens, which didn't pay all that much, but enough for a modest apartment. I told her I was moving to PA and she got all upset. I offered to pay $200 dollars on her rent, which worked out great. That lasted a year until she moved in with a man. They broke up and she came to PA.

    Well, she settled on in to the same insecure routine of living at home. I took a job in a place a distance away from home and decided to move. She didn't want to move to where I was going, so she moved out. Recently, she started talking about moving to the town where I live. I told her that would be find as long as she had her own place. So I set up a boundary for her.

    She has a key to my apartment, but always calls before coming. This is another boundary that I set for her.

    My son, who is 26, moved out when he was 19 or 20 and has never moved back. I don't think he ever will because I set down the boundary rules right away with him. I learned from my experience with my daughter.

    I believe, though, that you shouldn't have to move in order to get your children to move out. Many children are making enough to make it on their own - if they don't go around buying everything that they believe they need. The other problem is that many children are afraid of failing. They may have insecurity issues.

    Your stepson has a boundary issue. I recognize this because he doesn't call and let you know he is stopping by. He just barges in. Your husband needd to sit down with him and explain to him your feelings. He needs to let him know that you have raised him to adulthood and it is now your time to enjoy life. You need to set down some rules, including moving his crap out of your house and that he will have to make arrangements ahead of time if he wants to 'visit'.

    I had this conversation with my daughter. Now she comes to 'visit' me and then she leaves. She always calls before coming, even though she has a key to the apartment. She doesn't store anything at my place, even though I have lots of room. Although I am not married, she recognizes that I want time to do things with my friends and maybe have a guy over, or maybe just time for myself.

    Believe me, your husband needs to have this conversation with your stepson. Otherwise, nothing will change.

    And take the key away from him.
  • KimmyEB
    KimmyEB Posts: 1,208 Member
    Open lines of communication are crucial in maintaining boundaries and relationships. Talk to him...it may be what he needs.

    Exactly!

    I'm 26, and I have a key to my parent's house. I always ask before I come over, and they always say "why are you asking if you can come over? of course you can come over!" For a long time after I moved out, I always rang the doorbell, too, even though I had a key, and it pissed them off, because "that's what you have a key for, you know!" I'm sure if I abused the privilege, they'd ask for the key back. But since we don't have communication issues in that department, everything is ay-okay.
  • magj0y
    magj0y Posts: 1,911 Member

    The door is ALWAYS open to my children as long as they abide by the rules. This is part of being a parent, it doesn't stop when they turn 18.

    Calling first would be nice.
  • SusanMcAvoy
    SusanMcAvoy Posts: 445 Member
    I have a 31 year old son who won't leave. It's my own fault. I told him as he was growing that family is always there for each other. He has a new girlfriend with 3 children who come every weekend now. Instead of him leaving, more are coming, LOL Oh well, I guess we won't be alone in our old age if this keeps up. My husband and I used to dream of the day all our kids would be gone. Sigh! :grumble:
  • LauraDotts
    LauraDotts Posts: 732 Member
    Tell him you have a list of chores for him to do the next time he comes over. I bet he won't show up for weeks.
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
    Tell him you want to have sex with your husband in every room in the house and you are concerned he might walk in on you. You won't have to ask for the key. He will give it to you.

    ^^^ THIS is all you need.

    Yep. This is how I taught my 15 year old to knock before entering, and waiting until we say its okay to come into the bedroom. She kept coming in without knocking & i finally said.. "what if we were having sex? do you WANT to see that?" needless to say.. no more issues!

Categories