Can fat people find love?

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  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    My late fiancee was 5'2" and weighed 280. He was not a handsome man on the outside but he was one of the most wonderful men I ever met. He was a former college professor, intelligent ( was a thesis away from a doctorate but he said he didn't need a Dr. in front of his name), and well respected by the university he worked for as well as those who worked under him. He was married twice and never had a problem with finding women because he was a total gentleman. I was lucky to have known and loved him.

    But I would NEVER date another obese man. He had triple bypass surgery before I met him and he died from heart disease directly related to his weight. It was heartbreaking and it wasn't easy to deal with. So even though there is certainly someone for everyone no matter WHAT your size, you owe it to any person you decide to involve yourself with as WELL as yourself to lose the weight. Good luck! :)
  • monicalosesweight
    monicalosesweight Posts: 1,173 Member
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    You come first, love comes second.

    You're only 20, and at that age it's hard to see a future based in reality.

    Big changes like that won't happen overnight.

    I wouldn't even worry about this right now. You're just 20 which is a baby compared to a lot of us who are still searching and in our 30's and 40's. I'd focus more on finding yourself...learn to love yourself...encourage yourself to follow your dreams. If you're dream is to be healthy (I'm assuming that's why you're here) then you've taken the right steps. Think of this as the time to prepare to meet the man of your dreams...learn about the world...it's like going on a European tour and becoming a worldly woman so that one day - you'll fascinate the perfect man.
  • minkakross
    minkakross Posts: 687 Member
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    to answer to question with a question: Have you ever seen a plus size wedding dress?

    I have never lacked in confidence and self esteem and I loved who I was alone as much as I loved who I was with company. Frankly I always assumed that's why I never have had any trouble finding love. Is it more complex then that, sure, but you're asking a question that has an answer that seem pretty self evident and so I'm left wondering what the real issue is and would recommend you take some time to look past your own outside and examine the inside too.
  • AliciaStaton
    AliciaStaton Posts: 328 Member
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    Yes fat people can find love, I was at the heaviest when I met my husband to be and he loved me for me, even now after 10 years together. It does not make a difference on size when finding love, I have a couple of great lovely friends who are all around size 12 (Uk size) and are still single. It got to a point in my life and I thought bugger this, I need to start feeling good about myself before anything else, including meeting a man, because if you dont you end up settling for second best, while you deserve someone who will love and cherish you. Thats what I did and my hubby is brillant.

    Its all about how you feel about yourself, I have been where you have and its not great, but there is only one person who can change that, your on here for a reason and thats just the begining of your new life.

    All the best on your journey :smile:
  • anaboneana
    anaboneana Posts: 195 Member
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    love = someone being attracted to you: your confidence, your wisdom, your personality, your creativity. how you regard yourself is key.

    guys don't make 100% of their choices on physical appearances.. and as much as they really like boobies, they don't -love- them. they love the woman that carrys herself high and struts what she's got.
  • thelaurameister
    thelaurameister Posts: 689 Member
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    I'm 5'1 and I weight about 306 now...
    I'm 20 and I'm just scared. There is so much negativity and I'm working on loosing but I keep failing. I'm afraid it will take me so long to lose or I won't be able to and I'll never find love and I'll be alone forever...
    I'm also not the least bit pretty and I've been told by my past and present therapist that I have zero self esteem. I'm tired of feeling like this, so down on myself and so afraid. :/

    Self esteem can be a b**** sometimes. But worry not, you are BEAUTIFUL! I really, truly, honestly mean that (because being a person with self esteem issues myself, I know it's easy to think that people are just saying that to appease you). Keep trucking along...the more weight you lose the more confident you will feel! We all fall off of the wagon once in awhile, but the true trick to losing weight and keeping it off is making sure that when you fall off the horse, you get right back on! Persistence is key! You will find love, just be patient. You have to learn to love yourself before you can accept anybody else's love. I'm here for support if you need! :flowerforyou:
  • piinchi
    piinchi Posts: 172 Member
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    Ok, so here's the thing. You're 20. It doesn't seem like it, but you've got *plenty* of time to find somebody so quit panicking.

    Secondly, don't define who *you* are by your significant other, or lack thereof. There's a scene in the movie "Cool Runnings" where they're talking about gold medals, and one character says "If you're not enough without it, you'll never be enough with it." The same applies to romantic relationships...if you're not happy with yourself alone, you're never going to be happy with someone, either.

    Third, yes, plenty of overweight people are in happy, loving relationships. Personally, that's not for me until I get in shape. Relationships and marriages are stressful, and when you're out of shape, you just don't have the energy to deal with all the trials and difficulties that occur even in healthy relationships. When just living your day to day life wears you out (as it does when you're overweight, though it's not always noticeable), you just won't have the energy or patience to calmly deal with your significant other when he leaves his socks on the floor or something like that. You'll be irritable and have more arguments, and you won't even know why. Just trust me on this, I've been there.

    This is good advice, and a Cool Runnings quote to boot? Awesome.
  • juicygurl1
    juicygurl1 Posts: 195 Member
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    of course fat folks can find love; and not just with sarcastic jokes about food. some of my best friends are heavy, a polite way of saying fat. I love my friends and if they decide to get healthy great if not, great too. I love them. :-)
  • bioniccheese
    bioniccheese Posts: 43
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    They certainly can, I was with my ex for 6 years and she was a bit over 350lbs (6ft tall) whilst I was about 150lbs. Of course since then I've had my troubles with depression/arthritis and nerve damage, causing me to gain a fair bit.
  • jenny95662
    jenny95662 Posts: 997 Member
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    when i lost the weight the first time (before kids lol) I started at 250 and after losing only 20 pounds my confidence boosted and I ended up talking to guys where as I never did the 21 years before then. I also have a friend who is heavier and has ALWAYS had boyfriends and she found the love of her life while being heavy. So yes you can!
  • Elzecat
    Elzecat Posts: 2,916 Member
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    So when a 20 year old woman says she's not the least bit pretty, I immediately investigate. Lady, you're gorgeous!! Your eyes are lovely and your hair is fabulous!! There's a saying along the lines of "if you can't dazzle them with your brilliance, baffle them with your bull****". Make that your to-hell-with-my-low-self-esteem mantra. I'm not skinny in any way, but I ignore that nagging voice that says "You shouldn't wear that dress", pull on some heels (and stuff myself into Spanx ha) and walk into a room like they're all there waiting for me. What does that involve? Shoulders back, eyes up, big ****-eating grin and a hello for the first person you see. Yes, your mom said it too, because it's true, stop laughing. If you get in the habit of doing these things, you'll feel differently because people are going to be more receptive of you. My husband is pushing the 300-mark and I'm not kidding he has to be the most adored person everyone knows. While he is acutely aware of his weight (he is also on here, we're doing this together) it doesn't even occur to him that people might judge him or ignore him because of his size because he doesn't give them a chance to. He has something nice to say to everyone, a borderline inappropriate joke for us, and is the first person to offer a hand when needed. Having said that, yes larger people can find love because while I'm not quite the size he is, I couldn't be crazier about him if he tried to pay me. So ignore that little voice, you're a woman and unfortunately we're born with it, you just have to have selective hearing. Take your weight loss in small steps. Lose 7 lbs, you'll be under 300. There's your start.

    This post ROCKS.
  • desiv2
    desiv2 Posts: 651 Member
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    I've been in that same frame of mind for years. I've realized I need to focus on myself. I want to work until I'm comfortable in my own skin, confidence will get you far. :)

    Also....



    If you can't love yourself...how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? Can I get an AMEN up in here!?


    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6OwpyXFxZYk
  • catapultlaunch
    catapultlaunch Posts: 17
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    Yes, but if you want to meet the love of your life, look in the mirror. – Byron Katie.
    Beautiful!
  • Hellavaloosa
    Hellavaloosa Posts: 57
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    I think fat people can find love but maybe fat people who don't love themselves can't. Love yourself first is a cliche for a reason.

    I'm in my 30's, been overweight all my life and have never been in love. I used to worry endlessly about finding a boyfriend - went on dating sites and was so desperate for love that I went out with guys who were completely wrong for me. I let myself get used and abused because I didn't think a fat girl like me was worth anything more.

    Now I am SKINNY!!! :laugh: I've never felt hotter, stronger, happier or more in love with myself and guess what? Now I don't give a **** about having a boyfriend - my life is so cool just how it is that I don't feel like I need one. Soooo - in your case - yes you are young but I think you should try your best to look after your body now while you still have skin that is elastic enough to bounce back. :tongue: When you look after your body you look after your self-esteem - do it for yourself NOW, not for a boyfriend, not for anyone else but for you because I can guarantee it will make you feel amazing and when you wait til you get to my age to do it you'll wish you'd done it sooner!
  • carsmakemebeep
    carsmakemebeep Posts: 87 Member
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    WOMAN. Just follow the saying "there's more to love" ;D and use it and laugh about it, until you reach your healthy goal! Make light of things and they won't be so serious anymore, you'll overcome the failures and won't even realize you're at your goal til yo u are! Don't let ****ty people get you down. And ****ty people includes sadness or doubt inside of you.Have fun,and when you're. At your goal,have even MORE :)
  • nosugarmiss
    nosugarmiss Posts: 20
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    it's not easy for anybody, does not depend on how you look
  • nosugarmiss
    nosugarmiss Posts: 20
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    skinny girls are hurt by men even more, because good guys are afraid to approach them and those only after looks get them and hurt. At the end it's better to be fat and happily married then skinny and hurt
  • HausOfTina
    HausOfTina Posts: 92
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    I have been 120-160 lbs overweight since I first met the love of my life. He has always loved me for who I was and is supporting me though my 'transformation' as well. We have been dating for almost six years now. He loved me at my worst and will love me when I am my best.

    Bottom line is that there are good guys out there. :)
  • MiSo_SeXy
    MiSo_SeXy Posts: 210 Member
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    First, you're really pretty so I wouldn't worry about you not bring able to find someone unless you have a putrid personality
    Which I doubt you do.

    Secondly love always seems to find ppl when they're not looking or don't want it. atleast thats how it is for me.

    And i've been big and thin and big and thin again I feel it happens the same way no matter what size I am.

    Just focus on you right now and the rest will come^^
  • rawfull
    rawfull Posts: 178
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    Ok first off.....


    You're really pretty. True story.

    Second....LOVE YOURSELF first....then the weight will fall off....and love with be there. Whatever you do...you gotta do this solely because you want to live a full rewarding life.

    Hell....you may find love before hitting what you currently think is acceptable for deserving love.

    Real love will see YOU for who you are...and the more you improve your health and lifestyle, it will just get stronger.

    Excellent advice... :)

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