Upset people because you DONT drink alcohol

lallaloolly

obviously our culture has shifted and pushing people to partake is not acceptable anymore, but it is not unnatural for humans to want to participate in activities like that as a group. culturally, this expectation to join is ingrained in us. for thousands of years, taking intoxicants represented bonding, and it was used to solidify relationships, make pacts, and prepared us to pray, read omens, organize a hunt, or prepare for any number of life's rituals.

it was man's a way of demonstrating that "we're on the same wavelength, and now we can communicate on equal ground."

crimsoncat

I tell people that alcoholism run in my family and my fiance's family. We don't drink because we don't trust ourselves. That usually shuts people up.

daylily2005

I'm not a big drinker (plus it's stinking expensive) but my grad group goes to happy hour every week. It's really just our excuse to go hang out at a bar because there are no drink specials. There's a couple of people that seem to take offense when I don't drink, and after finally discussing when they were completely sober, I figured out that they view it as a judging thing. Like since I'm choosing not to drink, I judge them because they are. Totally not true, I'm just a cheap skate. I think they also feel like they can't completely relax with the alcohol, because I won't be. I have just as much fun drinking as I do not drinking, so it really makes absolutely NO difference to me. But that's their perception.

DenyseMarieL

I'm not much of a drinker myself, but I'm sure it was a combination of many things. Perhaps you should have asked them why they cared so much instead of a forum which likely will not answer your question.

I never understood why people here can never be direct with issues concerning their friends.

I agree. It took only twice for someone to make a comment about my not drinking while we were out, for me to answer honestly back. 'I am embracing a healthier lifestyle and drinking just doesn't fit into my plan'. It shut them up about it. I have not abstained completely. I will have the occasional light beers or white wine. I don't miss the headaches the next day. I do rather enjoy being a spectator at an event where there is likely to be numerous staggering drunks!

evmoses

i cant seem to conquer this peer pressure and always end up drinking every weekend

NO NO NO PLEASE DO NOT EVER DRINK BECAUSE SOMEONE PRESSURES YOU!

Sorry the Mama just came out in me! As a person who does like to occasionally party and drink I would never pressure anyone to do the same. People handle alcohol in different ways and I at times am not interested for whatever reason and would find a new batch of friends if the ones I have tried to pressure me to do something I did not want to do.


You are stronger than that!

basillowe66

It would be easier to tell them you are on medicaion, but I doubt that they really care, they were just trying to shame you into drinking

Zangpakto

Umm because...

Why not?

I love it, you do not need to be fat to love it.. hell you can fit in alcohol everyday if want to be honest... most days I do.. I still lose weight...

I get moaned at that I am becoming a bit too small... so what do I do? drink more... don't care and carry on shrinking...



Your choice, but personally? I'm drinking a 21yo famous grouse whisky right this second, and it is better than sex

shaneNSW

Alcohols for drunks

sk_bennett

It's one thing if someone says something about it.......

But when you get drinks thrown in your face by the bartender because all your drinking is soda, that's something completely different.

joconnor09

I don't drink, and I've even tried it on two different occasions just so people would stop telling me I'd like it if I tried it. It seems that, even though everyone around me could get fall-down drunk and I wouldn't care, they think I'm judging them for it. It seems like it's definitely more of a perception problem on their end than anything we're doing. They think I think I'm better than them, or that I'm upset with them for drinking, which isn't the case or I wouldn't even be around them would I?? I don't drink, though I feel societal pressure to do so, and I even feel kind of embarrassed that I don't sometimes, but I made a decision that I have been standing behind for several years. And, I know that if I ever wanted to change my mind and start drinking I could. I think it bothers people more that I could drink if I wanted to and that there's nothing stopping me, more than it would if there was some kind of medical reason behind it. I think the lack of a "real" reason is what makes people think I'm judging them.

crystalflame

Wow ok. Wow. I love how everyone on here who DOESN'T drink is saying "Oh, it's because they don't have self control and feel bad about themselves" or some other slightly insulting comment toward the drinkers. Having been both the drinker and the one not drinking, there's usually an obvious disparity between those drinking and those not. The sober person often seems uncomfortable or annoyed or even left out, and that makes the whole group a little uncomfortable and can put a bad tone on a good night. It has nothing to do with being judged for my lack of self-control; I certainly don't feel guilty or worthless for tipping a few back. I just don't like getting eyes rolled at me if I laugh a little too long at something. Sorry that I'm having fun.

Reasons why I may ask someone if they're sure they don't want a drink:
-Money can be tight in my friend group, and I'll pick up a drink or two for my friend if they actually want it
-If there's a specific reason why they're not drinking, they may want to talk about it but aren't sure how to bring it up (medical issue, etc.)
-They've obviously had a stressful day - one drink won't ruin a diet, but it will help you calm down a little

That said, if they've stated they're fine with soda or they're not drinking for whatever reasons, I don't pressure them. I certainly leave people who flat out don't drink alone. On nights where I choose not to drink, I find the pressure coming from people who just want to make sure I'm having a good time, like the host of the party or a friend who knows I've had a bad week. It's easy to deflect. Offering someone a drink and hoping they accept is similar to offering someone a homemade cupcake - you want to share an experience with them and want them to enjoy themselves.

Crying_In_Color

Tell me when you find out. To many pages to read through. I don't drink often. I'm talking maybe 2x a year if that.

Colleen118

i cant seem to conquer this peer pressure and always end up drinking every weekend

^^^ THIS is exactly why!
PEER Pressure. It's likely that they feel they are "cutting lose and having a good time so should you." nd well, drinkers don't tend to understand the thought of fun without alcohol ---

To the OP AND the person I quoted. STAY STRONG. If you occasionally drink then stick to what you have allowed yourself or graciously decline an offer for someone to buy you alcohol. If they pressure you and you really feel like you can't get them off your back, tell them you are the DD. If they continue after that then they are proving they have no interest in your best interest and shouldn't be trusted anyway, walk away.

dri22

i love to drink wine, but not when i am watching my calories,, so when i am not drinking with friends, i usually get my "drink" from the bar myself. i get sparkling water and i ask for a red wine glass. somehow it feels better to me to be holding a wine glass in a social situation regardless of what is in it. then after my friends have had a round or two, no one even bothers to notice that i am not drinking.

my husband once said to me..

the next morning, no one regrets " not drinking"

dakotababy

Why do people get upset when you choose NOT to drink alcohol. This has perplexed me forever and I would like to know the answer from the 'upset' people. Dont get me wrong I enjoy beer and wine. But last night I was at a sports bar with some people and I only drank diet coke because I was watching my calories which I will do quite often, 3 of the people with me made a comment about my not drinking. I mean, what is the big deal. I have never once cared if someone drinks or not but since I started this fitness journey over a year ago, people will often made snide or friendly comments to me. Oh and God forbid if you answer them that you are 'dieting', you will get a hail storm of comments, I just said I had a stomach ache (which was true also).

Bottom line - it is a jealousy that comes up because you are able to say no, and they can not. They may feel bad for their decisions, thus putting pressure on you to drink so their guilt is diminished.

kimcalica

i think when someone chooses not to drink, it makes the others around that are drinking, feel like they are doing something wrong.. it might make them feel like the one not drinking, is judging and perhaps is holier than thou.. I don't have this problem because I Don't spend a lot of time around friends that don't know me that well, or what kind of life i have. Many of the people i am around, are very understanding that A. i want to lose weight and i'm serious. B. I have done my fair share of partying and i need to get serious for my son who has special needs. and C. I'm on medications myself that really throws me off if i even have one drink.. plus i don't let people push me around.. no means no!!!

kimcalica

i love to drink wine, but not when i am watching my calories,, so when i am not drinking with friends, i usually get my "drink" from the bar myself. i get sparkling water and i ask for a red wine glass. somehow it feels better to me to be holding a wine glass in a social situation regardless of what is in it. then after my friends have had a round or two, no one even bothers to notice that i am not drinking.

my husband once said to me..

the next morning, no one regrets " not drinking"

I LIKE THIS

paynesmom

I'm 33 and I've never had one drop of alcohol. I get this A LOT! People will always say the same thing, "you don't drink, like, ever?". Like it is some unchartered territory. My opinion as to why people make such a big deal out of it is because they feel ashamed/embarrassed of their own drinking. They know they are partaking a little too much and they are envious of you and your will power. They wish they had the same. And they think that people that aren't drinking are judging them. Again, just a reaction becasue they feel insecure about their drinking. That's my opinion anyways...

whitelaurel

I've never had this problem where my friends peer pressure me or try to sabotage my weight loss efforts. Those seem like terrible friends to me!

Conversely, when I go out to a bar or the club with friends, there's kind of a mutual understanding that we're going to drink. If the purpose of the get-together is to have a casual lunch or dinner, then I could see not drinking, but otherwise, I expect it. And I expect that it will be awkward if I have to tell them that I choose not to drink. It's not necessarily because your drinking friends are jealous or hate their own drinking habit. It would be kind of like if you went to the swimming pool with your friends, and then one of your friends said, "I actually have a skin condition, so I can't change into a swimsuit or get in the pool at all." Well... Okay...

If it's not your scene, don't go. And if it's not casual and friendly enough that you feel comfortable saying, "I don't want to drink because I don't feel like it," then don't go.

whitelaurel

Wow ok. Wow. I love how everyone on here who DOESN'T drink is saying "Oh, it's because they don't have self control and feel bad about themselves" or some other slightly insulting comment toward the drinkers. Having been both the drinker and the one not drinking, there's usually an obvious disparity between those drinking and those not. The sober person often seems uncomfortable or annoyed or even left out, and that makes the whole group a little uncomfortable and can put a bad tone on a good night. It has nothing to do with being judged for my lack of self-control; I certainly don't feel guilty or worthless for tipping a few back. I just don't like getting eyes rolled at me if I laugh a little too long at something. Sorry that I'm having fun.

Reasons why I may ask someone if they're sure they don't want a drink:
-Money can be tight in my friend group, and I'll pick up a drink or two for my friend if they actually want it
-If there's a specific reason why they're not drinking, they may want to talk about it but aren't sure how to bring it up (medical issue, etc.)
-They've obviously had a stressful day - one drink won't ruin a diet, but it will help you calm down a little

That said, if they've stated they're fine with soda or they're not drinking for whatever reasons, I don't pressure them. I certainly leave people who flat out don't drink alone. On nights where I choose not to drink, I find the pressure coming from people who just want to make sure I'm having a good time, like the host of the party or a friend who knows I've had a bad week. It's easy to deflect. Offering someone a drink and hoping they accept is similar to offering someone a homemade cupcake - you want to share an experience with them and want them to enjoy themselves.

^^ This, too.