I think he is cheating...

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  • sandylion
    sandylion Posts: 451 Member
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    And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
    I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
    Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.

    ^^^This. I never understand why some people think it's okay to search through their SO's phone and computer or that they have the right to see whatever is on it.

    Because they do have a right? If you can't trust your SO with what you are searching around on the internet about, how are you going to trust them with your entire life?
  • MemphisKitten
    MemphisKitten Posts: 878 Member
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    Don't try to catch him. You know what is going on, and you need to break up with him. Why would you want to be with a man who is constantly lying to you and sleeping with other women? You deserve better than that!! :flowerforyou:
  • WestCoastPhoenix
    WestCoastPhoenix Posts: 802 Member
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    And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
    I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
    Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.

    ^^^This. I never understand why some people think it's okay to search through their SO's phone and computer or that they have the right to see whatever is on it.

    Because they do have a right? If you can't trust your SO with what you are searching around on the internet about, how are you going to trust them with your entire life?

    If you have so little trust that you feel you need to snoop, there's probably not a real good reason to be with that person...but go on, snoop away.
  • Josie_lifting_cats
    Josie_lifting_cats Posts: 949 Member
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    And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
    I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
    Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.

    Gosh, I wouldn't give a rip if my husband went through my computer, phone, etc.

    I mean, if he really wants to read all about work, work, more work and probably a little bit more work, along with goofy texts from my BFF about needing some venting time, so be it.

    Seems like good reading to fall asleep to, actually.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
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    Just break up...

    I am with this answer!!

    Reason being if you are with someone and you have `trust` issues on either side, then it is never going to work, full stop....
  • DMZ_1
    DMZ_1 Posts: 2,889 Member
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    Just break up...

    Good advice. This has bad ending written all over it. Of course, pretty much everything ends badly, otherwise it wouldn't end.
  • Thick2Fit1991
    Thick2Fit1991 Posts: 27
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    I think if you feel the need to search his phone, computer etc. that in itself is a RED FLAG in the relationship and not because he may be cheating but you may be overly attached the point your insecurities are taking over. You may be the red flag or he may be, either way this isn't a healthy relationship.
  • Simone_King
    Simone_King Posts: 467 Member
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    You know, have you tried sitting down with him and asking him about this? Tell him you are worried and you found something?

    If he won't be honest with you than maybe he isn't the one for you? Frankly, If i was in the market to date I want honesty and truth about everything.

    From what you just wrote it seems you are unhappy to begin with. I say just go you're marry way. However, me, personally, I would sit down with him and have a nice long..chat.

    If that is possible. I hope you luck.

    Edit: In my point of view, if I was going out with someone and they wanted to see my phone than so be it. This is a relantiship between two people. Not just one. It takes 50/50 from both sides.

    When only one person is puttting effor in it than it's time to move on.
  • AnninStPaul
    AnninStPaul Posts: 1,372 Member
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    Not good, dude. You've got more red flags than a signalman on a warship.

    I know...I don't want to go into the denial phase of this..or just "ignore it". Im scared though...

    scared of what? move along.
  • Mummyadams
    Mummyadams Posts: 1,125 Member
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    Women's intuition is rarely wrong - trust your gut
  • dr2k12
    dr2k12 Posts: 291 Member
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    STD's are changing hands you need to get the eff outta dodge!
  • sandylion
    sandylion Posts: 451 Member
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    And what exactly is wrong with being "touchy about people searching through your phone computer"?
    I would be beyond pissed if I found out someone was going through my personal stuff.
    Sounds like you have trust issues, and ignoring the possibility of cheating or not... sounds like he'd be better off without you if you continue to breech privacy.

    ^^^This. I never understand why some people think it's okay to search through their SO's phone and computer or that they have the right to see whatever is on it.

    Because they do have a right? If you can't trust your SO with what you are searching around on the internet about, how are you going to trust them with your entire life?

    If you have so little trust that you feel you need to snoop, there's probably not a real good reason to be with that person...but go on, snoop away.

    When I was dating my now husband I used to snoop through alla his crap all the time. I did it because I wanted to know all about him, I wanted to know what he found interesting, or what he found sexy, or what he would just love to get as a surprised gift. I didn't not trust him. I wanted to know him better. I haven't snooped in ages, but I know all his passwords. Mostly for logistical reasons should he ever need me to log in to something for him or whatever. I could look for whatever I wanted, but I don't cause I don't feel the need.
  • dez_yaoichan
    dez_yaoichan Posts: 454
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    If you have no proof and by the sounds of it you have checked everything! Maybe he isn't cheating and its just in your head?? I think you should trust him and go make him a sandwhich.

    I dont understand how you can say there is no proof. I know he would be very smart to cover his tracks so it would be hard to find anything.
    I have found
    - reply to personal ad
    - naked pics of a friends ex...which why would he keep that? even if they were sent from the guy himself
    - protective over computer history
    - protective over cellphone
    - my intuition is telling me somethings up.

    I just don't know how to go about really catching him red handed. I know guys like to cover up for other guys, so don't be offended if I take these sort of responses with little credibility.

    did you ever think maybe HE is covering for HIS FRIEND? maybe he knows you'll flip out and doesn't want to worry you.

    for my thoughts, if you can't trust him, don't worry about catching him. you're already making plans to leave, so leave. let him know how you feel and that you aren't going to deal with it. then get some help because you're getting a little obsessive.
  • DevanEve
    DevanEve Posts: 130
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    If you can't trust him, it doesn't matter if he's cheating or not. Learn to trust him and respect his personal privacy, or let him go find someone who will. Being his girlfriend doesn't give you free license to practically stalk him.

    ^ I have to say I actually agree with this. With my boyfriend that I live with I don't care if he needs to borrow my phone because his is dead because he isn't constantly riding my a** about me doing something "bad" behind his back. I put all of my cards on the table and we respect the other person's privacy. I play video games on his phone because mine is crappy and he has his nice iphone but that's because he knows that I trust him. It would honestly be exhausting to constantly have to prove yourself to the other person to get them to trust you and if my boyfriend was always on my a** about knowing where I am or looking through my computer and email I would probably leave him. Because after so many months it would just get old and I already went through that with my parents in high school.
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    Make an exit for yourself that when you are my age, you can look back at and not feel embarrassed about; that you can say to yourself, "I had some pretty classy balls when I left that guy. I didn't drag him in the gutter nor myself."

    This. What an excellent piece of advice and something we should all follow in any circumstance.
  • SoViLicious
    SoViLicious Posts: 2,633 Member
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    Doomed due to lack of trust. Also he is acting suspect. If he has nothing to hide then why would he be so secretive. Things should not be like a 007 movie. Sounds draining.
  • darleyschroeder
    darleyschroeder Posts: 322
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    I would leave him. You're not married and with everything you have said, he most likely is cheating. Some men cheat. A lot. They swear up and down that they are not, but the thing is, most men will never admit to cheating, even if there is strong evidence.

    My thing is, nobody should be so uptight about their personal information. If you guys live together it is a serious relationship. If he gets pissy about his internet and phone then he has something to hide. He should be acting the same way around you with other women when you are not around.
    Good thing you're not married to this guy, he is bad news.
  • AimersBee
    AimersBee Posts: 775 Member
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    there are computer programs you can buy that run in the back ground and record every web page every chat without the user knowing and even if they delete their history it records it. You'd have to be a little tech savvy to install it, but once it's in, no one will know but you. I used to have one on the computers in my studio to make sure I wasn't paying people to play on facebook or craigslist.

    *sitting at work right now* geez i should get to work......... lol
  • Sharon_C
    Sharon_C Posts: 2,132 Member
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    there are computer programs you can buy that run in the back ground and record every web page every chat without the user knowing and even if they delete their history it records it. You'd have to be a little tech savvy to install it, but once it's in, no one will know but you. I used to have one on the computers in my studio to make sure I wasn't paying people to play on facebook or craigslist.

    Be careful of this. There are similar cases that have gone all the way through the federal courts and the person who put the tracking software on served prison time. If the person being tracked has emails or conversations with therapists or attorneys and you record it you can be in big time trouble.

    It's easier and safer just to break it off.
  • dakotababy
    dakotababy Posts: 2,406 Member
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    Um weren't you the same person who posted about his brother's wife leaving cause she cheated on him? You were wondering why people don't first talk about it before actually doing it? You said you trust your man but now you say you don't. To me it almost sounds like you really want him to be cheating. Or you are reading in to it way to much, because of resent events in the "family" What it really boils down to is you either trust him or you don't! If you don't, what is the point of being with him other then for fun? If you do trust him, stop questioning everything he is doing before you ruin what relationship you do have with him.

    yeah your are right. I have considered this - is it because of the **** going on with the in law cheating on the brother, and now i think he's cheating on me...if its all in my head, this would be the reason why.

    I

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