Is it considered cheating?
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Guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't necessarily see it as cheating. I believe she made a poor decision after a night of drinking. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn't do it maliciously.
Drunk or not it's still cheating....Being drunk is no excuse....
Hmmm....based on scientific research, it has been shown that people will do things, that in a sober state, they would not normally do (most people think that people act on things that they want to do anyway, and use alcohol as an excuse). Just my 2 cents....but I am confused (tho I haven't read the whole thing), since you said you were broken up and you invaded her personal space by going through her phone??0 -
Guess I'm in the minority here, but I don't necessarily see it as cheating. I believe she made a poor decision after a night of drinking. Everyone makes mistakes. She didn't do it maliciously.
So if she made out with a guy it would be ok...?
Mistake or not, I wouldn't forget it so that would end the relationship for me.
Me too.0 -
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That sucks!
I remember the hookah bar when I was your age. I would just avoid that place like the plague in the future. I never met anyone but douche bags and crazies there. Its a fun place to hang out but not really to pick up people.0 -
It seems like cheating to me, because it broke the trust you shared (or should be sharing). I'm going to mention to my wife, she's not allowed to make out with someone of either gender if she wants to stay married.
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I don't know enough about your relationship from a paragraph to know specifics. But what I don't know is, did you ever define your relationship? If you pledge to be faithful and she slipped up getting drunk, didn't tell you but left it on her phone, sounds like bad communication between you to. If you encouraged her when there and were drunk, yeah, you'd probably feel better about it.
But that said, most girls kissing each other drunk seems to be a big turn on in the under 30 since it is mysterious and forbidden, a daring thing to do. It's not relationship matter outside of the young lady who discovers she prefers ladies over men...or that woman over most men.
I think the lack of communication is key here. You guys don't communicate these things to each other. And you obviously still have feelings for her.
I would try again and this time, just define the limits, the boundaries. That is, if you want her back.0 -
Where you going, to get the rest of the "Troll Patrol"?0 -
Where you going, to get the rest of the "Troll Patrol"?
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*this*If you feel hurt and uncomfortable, then it's cheating.
I completely agree. Anything that makes you uncomfortable or hurts would be considered cheating. How would she feel if you did the same thing? Same sex, opposite sex, friend or not, she still kissed someone else. If you are in a committed relationship you shouldn't even think about kissing someone else.0 -
*this* tooI punch you in the face with my left hand, but I'm actually right handed, did I really punch you in the face?0 -
oh yeah... *this* 3Oh dear... well... if you already had broken up with her before this happened, 1) you should not have been going through her phone, and 2) no, it wouldn't be cheating if you had already split and were having "breakup sex" or whatever she was with you at the time for....
Now, if you two were still together..... 1) you should not have been going through her phone, and 2) yes, it is cheating. Doesn't matter whether male or female. I agree with the previous posters on that.
Either way, trust has been violated because 1) she wasn't totally honest with you and 2) you're going through her phone.
Time to walk away...... there is no trust or honesty in whatever "relationship" you have. Period.0 -
In a relationship it's good to discuss the limits, in general, kissing, making out with someone else is considered cheating, she should have talked to you first about it, it doesn't matter whether she was very drunk, if she thinks she might 'cheat' while being drunk, she shouldn't drink too much. Either way the thoughts still run through your head
She probably saw it as a bit of fun and didn't really think of the consequences, she has no right to be mad if you broke up because of that reason, if anything she should appologise0 -
Yes, unfortunately I'd say yes it is.0
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If you guys are going through each others phones then this obviously wasn't a healthy relationship. You clearly don't trust each other!
This first!!^^
Now, on to part two. I'm not surprised about the drunken making-out, but what strikes me as odd is that she took pictures of it and they conversed about it afterwards. That doesn't sound like a "mistake" or that she felt any guilt about it. It sounds like it either happened before or was going to happen again.
If you do get back together, you need to be clear about your personal expectations. Clearly, she thought she was doing nothing wrong (considering your relationship rules about phone privacy). I think she deserves a second shot with this new understanding.0 -
it's not cheating and until yesterday I did....Be right back for the article....0
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Honestly she might not have considered it cheating, I wouldn't have. It just seems like more of a joke when girls kiss.
If she can understand your point of view from now on, and you love her, then why not give it another shot? And let her know your clear boundaries. Then, if she does something like that again, there's no way she can be pissed that you break up with her.
If I knew my boyfriend was not okay with something like that, even if I thought it was a joke, there's no way I'd do it.
She just might not have taken it seriously.0 -
There's a difference between kissing and making out especially when there's consent ie being okay with the action.
If you guys are looking at each others phone you might as well break it off since there's no trust and relationships are built on that foundation.
On the bright side you're Portuguese, you'll bounce back (irrelevant maybe.)0 -
On the bright side you're Portuguese, you'll bounce back.
This0 -
Honestly she might not have considered it cheating, I wouldn't have. It just seems like more of a joke when girls kiss.
If she can understand your point of view from now on, and you love her, then why not give it another shot? And let her know your clear boundaries. Then, if she does something like that again, there's no way she can be pissed that you break up with her.
If I knew my boyfriend was not okay with something like that, even if I thought it was a joke, there's no way I'd do it.
She just might not have taken it seriously.
yah I agree with the above. there is a kiss that is a joke, i.e theres no emotions involved and it was just a one off kind of douchy thin to do, OR
she actually likes girls and they we're getting it on, which is cheating.
furthermore this is a grey area in relationships, perhaps add an "we're exclusive, including making out with your friends because you were drunk and curious" next time.
yah and the looking at the fone thing is a bit of a fail. if you hadn't looked you wouldn't have known. you could have always tries for the threesome exit package if your into that. just sayin. :P
I think this is called spring break syndrome. girls go wild and pour water all over each other get naked and make out. happens is cancun and miami all the time. true story.0 -
If you have to ask, then yes, yes it is.0
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also, just a cautionary tale, dont google girls gone wild for a funny image of girls making out.
more than you bargained for. thats for sure.0 -
i found out by going through her phone and finding pictures of them kissing
Why were you going through her phone?
Seems like you found out that she betrayed your trust while you betrayed hers....it's the inception of betrayal.
ETA: posted this before I read your response. If you had to check each other's phones to feel secure then it obviously wasn't a very trust-filled relationship to begin with. Count your losses and move on I say, take this experience as a lesson.
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Have you still got the pics?
Seriously though unless they they met in the middle of a double ended *kitten* i wouldn't worry too much.
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Catch them in the act...jump on the pile. Problem solved.
:laugh:0 -
But wait.. why were you going through her phone??
EggZactly0 -
My girlfriend went out last night with her friend and went to a hookah bar with her friend and her firends sister. He friends sister bought them alcohol and they got drunk. They made out with each other and i found out by going through her phone and finding pictures of them kissing and her friend saying "your the best kisser ive ever had". At first with the idea, i wouldnt have minded. But after i saw my girlfriend on another person, it kinda tore me apart. I dont care if it was same sex or not, it still hurt. I recently broke up with her and shes so pissed at me and thinks its perfectly okay because it was just her friend and it was the same sex. Is it still considering cheating?
Sorry to get all personal on here but i dont know who to really talk to.0 -
Is this a joke or am I from a different planet. If your" girlfriend" ( whatever that means ) goes with someone else be it male or female that her business or the other hand if you are married you may have a right to feel cheated.0
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I have been in this exact position. I think it's fair to say that unless you've both expressly said otherwise, any form of intimacy, including kissing, with either gender, is cheating.0
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My girlfriend went out last night with her friend and went to a hookah bar with her friend and her firends sister. He friends sister bought them alcohol and they got drunk. They made out with each other and i found out by going through her phone and finding pictures of them kissing and her friend saying "your the best kisser ive ever had". At first with the idea, i wouldnt have minded. But after i saw my girlfriend on another person, it kinda tore me apart. I dont care if it was same sex or not, it still hurt. I recently broke up with her and shes so pissed at me and thinks its perfectly okay because it was just her friend and it was the same sex. Is it still considering cheating? Sorry to get all personal on here but i dont know who to really talk to.
What is considered "Cheating" is different for all of us. What you think it is, might not be for someone else. That's one of the reasons why taking the time to talk and listen to each other is important. This way, you know where everyone stands. If the girl doesn't understand your point, well be it... let her go. Relationship is about mutual respect as well....
If the couple is ok with sleeping around or whatever, good for them. It's not cheating then.... know what I mean?
What she did, you thought it wasn't right.. then for you it's cheating, for her, it's not. Proves what I say, we all see that on a different level.0
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