Ladies I need your advise...

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  • Crochetluvr
    Crochetluvr Posts: 3,143 Member
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    My b/f would always say to me, "I love you the way you are...I just want you to be healthy." That's probably the best approach. :)
  • DarkFlutter
    DarkFlutter Posts: 408 Member
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    Suggest an activity that you could both do together.

    My husband and I took ice skating lessons one year.
    This year we are thinking of joining a bowling.

    Something a little more active than normal, but won't kill you like running a 5K or anything like that...don't even mention the word GYM.
  • NavyKnightAh13
    NavyKnightAh13 Posts: 1,394 Member
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    First off, don't mention past body, because that will bring up a lot of resentment.

    Two, my husband is very supportive and to this very day, though he doesn't work out, he sees what I am doing and is on board with eating healthier (thank God) but he always tells me "you are beautiful, you are sexy" blah blah even though i don't feel it. And trust me, I have suggested him and working out together and he won't (he says its too much work, and then will make in fun of JM :tongue: ) He also knows that I am trying to set an example for our son.

    All I can say is she has to make the choice, and if not then she will realize it before you know it. Support her, spend time with her, tell her she looks beautiful and communication is key. Ask her what her goals in life are, support her no matter what.
  • Mara_816
    Mara_816 Posts: 14
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    ask her to come take a walk with you, and while walking talk about how good you feel ,and shell want it to i bet and just do it together, it would be better if you dont tell her anything let her bring it up her self but keep at it everyday, hey babe lets go out for a walk.. or when going to the store or the mall park far awau from the door and get some sort of workout everywhere you can, dont take the elevator, take the stairs, it better if she does it on her own, or she will start to thnk you dont love her because of her weight, then shell tell her friends and yuoll end looking bad infront of everyone because you brought her weight up not her
  • mitsi94
    mitsi94 Posts: 64
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    I have this theory that women who are well-taken care of by their men will also take care of themselves. I can't prove it...but *anectdotally*...my friends (and I) who have happier marriages and whose husbands regularly give us lots of help around the house, time away from the kids, and praise/affection put more effort into our appearances. My friends whose husbands come home from work, sit in front of the tv, are selfish with their time, and heavy on the criticism are the ones who seem to struggle more in this area. When a woman is overwhelmed or unhappy, it's hard to find the energy to make changes.

    OK, just throwing that out there, and with that out of the way...

    Tell her often how beautiful she is to you, no matter what. Express your desire to spend more time with her, and suggest doing things like dancing, hiking lovely fall trails, biking, etc. Since you've adopted a healthier lifestyle and are feeling good, it's natural that you want her to share in that with you. If she is unhealthy, it's OK to express your concern for her health. You love her; of course you want to take care of her.
    There are plenty of ways to encourage her without making her feel bad about herself.

    And what if she does express interest in something that would take her away from the house more (like gym time or a class)? Be willing to make those adjustments to your own schedule, and don't complain about having to fix dinner, watch the kids, etc.


    Absolutely this!!! I agree wholeheartedly! Taking care of her emotionally & physically will go a long ways!

    Also, is she the competitive type at all? Maybe some sort of friendly exercise challenge between the two of you might help get things started? Like miles walked or biked, or # days exercised in a week, or minutes spent with a video or something? I have a friend who is very much the competitive type, and there is no way she would let her husband beat her in a challenge. She would work hard to make sure she wins it. I know that wouldn't work for every woman, it's just one more idea for you to add to the list.
  • sarahisme18
    sarahisme18 Posts: 574 Member
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    Why not ask if she'll join you at the gym for you-and-her time? And, a hot date after at a healthy restaurant :)

    I think if you're focusing on it as a way to spend time together and enjoy a similar hobby, it's a win-win for your health AND your relationship. :)
  • chooriyah
    chooriyah Posts: 469 Member
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    Set an example. Cook healthy food. Work out.

    Encourage her when she looks good, when she works out, when she eats healthy.

    Affirmation is much more effective than criticism, especially when it comes from someone you trust completely, and who maybe you have gotten too comfortable around. Criticism is dangerous, as it's so easy to get defensive. Not saying it's right, but that's probably what will happen.

    Edited: Also, I feel like one of the biggest misunderstandings that happens all the time between men and women, is that men want to offer solutions, and women want empathy. Neither is wrong, but it leads to all kinds of trouble. I think you can make a lot of progress by talking about your own struggles, and allowing her to relate or share, if she wants to.
  • bahacca
    bahacca Posts: 878 Member
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    Is she a stay at home mom? Does she REALLY have any time that she CAN devote to herself? And when I say CAN, I mean is the 4 year old in preschool more than just say 2 hours a week. I had both my girls in preschool when I started back to the gym. They were there for about 4 hours-so I could work out, do some shopping alone and pick them up. What excuses does she give, if any? If she says "I don't have time", then offer up suggestions and implement them with her. Say, "OK, we'll put the baby in preschool 2x a week. Then you use that time to work out and shop for groceries and meal plan." Like a previous poster said, the whole family may need to let her be so she can take care of herself.
    If she works as well, you need to take on more duties to allow her time to work out. And assure her that an hour at the gym after work instead of at home with the kids will not kill anyone. In fact, she'll come home refreshed and more able to focus on the kids, their homework, making dinner(crock pots are a wonderful thing!).
  • kaybeau
    kaybeau Posts: 198 Member
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    There is plenty of evidence out there that a dependant person (whether food alcohol ciggarettes or anyother problem) will only change when you catch them at that moment when they are wanting something better for themselves. tell her if she ever wants to you are ready to keep her company on attempting to be fitter and healthier. Please aviod the word help and fat... a womans ego is very very precious... fit happier healthier and even when she says fat don't agree just tell her that she can change what makes her unhappy. In the meanwhile keep doing what you are doing and lead by example.
  • Pnknlvr96
    Pnknlvr96 Posts: 104 Member
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    I have this theory that women who are well-taken care of by their men will also take care of themselves. I can't prove it...but *anectdotally*...my friends (and I) who have happier marriages and whose husbands regularly give us lots of help around the house, time away from the kids, and praise/affection put more effort into our appearances. My friends whose husbands come home from work, sit in front of the tv, are selfish with their time, and heavy on the criticism are the ones who seem to struggle more in this area. When a woman is overwhelmed or unhappy, it's hard to find the energy to make changes.

    Brilliant!! I really think this is true (from personal experience).
  • lgreen37
    lgreen37 Posts: 196 Member
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    Wow.......women can be so sensitive when it comes to this subject - I suggest you continue to be the example.
    If and when she complains again- just kindly say,
    "Babe, you are beatiful to me. I want you to be happy about you. I've been unhappy about myself as well. - I tell you what, how bout we start working out together. I think it will do me good to have my baby along side me to help ME (don't forget to say ME!) loose weight."
    The great sandwich approach- but this sandwich doesn't have anything bad in the middle. :smile:
  • alpine1994
    alpine1994 Posts: 1,915 Member
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    Ok I love my wife dearly, deeply, truly madly. We're going on 12 years of marriage now. Over the years of comfort we both packed on the weight I wont lie we got fat. We have 3 very active children aged from 4 to 10 years old. My wife complains about her weight, yet says she's comfortable being her size, yet complains again and more and even more.

    How can I nudge her to work out? Myself I'm down 50+ pounds now, 40 from this summer alone. I don't know how I could tactfully say to my wife, "Hey babe, I love.. don't get me wrong, but umm... I miss that body you had before we had kids. Can ya work on gettin it back and stop griping about your weight?" NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I'D SAY! I just need some female advise on how I can approach her and encourage her to get back into the shape I know she truly wants.

    Post or PM me with input. Thanks in advance.
  • Heather_Rider
    Heather_Rider Posts: 1,159 Member
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    I completely disagree with most of this. Yes, a week's worth of healthy meals can be undone by a bad eating day. However, people who are not dieting, are less likely to make that binge. If she eats the way she normally does most of the week, but has a couple of healthier, lower calorie meals without even really knowing it, it is unlikely she will binge.

    I completely degree with all of this. A 150-calorie per day surplus is hardly a "binge", but do it for a bunch of years, and now you're 50 pounds overweight.

    Without a profound, intentional, mental shift made entirely of your own volition, or being starved, you can't lose weight.

    and yet YOU are the man and the WOMEN agree with what i said.. You have NO idea and concept how a woman works apparently. We are not suggesting you can change her with a meal.. we are offering how to slowly mold her in to moving a little more and eating a little better without totally wrecking his marriage and ruining her self image.. not to mention, he asked for a woman's advice...

    You hiding something between them legs? :noway:
  • bushidowoman
    bushidowoman Posts: 1,599 Member
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    I completely disagree with most of this. Yes, a week's worth of healthy meals can be undone by a bad eating day. However, people who are not dieting, are less likely to make that binge. If she eats the way she normally does most of the week, but has a couple of healthier, lower calorie meals without even really knowing it, it is unlikely she will binge.

    I completely degree with all of this. A 150-calorie per day surplus is hardly a "binge", but do it for a bunch of years, and now you're 50 pounds overweight.

    Without a profound, intentional, mental shift made entirely of your own volition, or being starved, you can't lose weight.

    and yet YOU are the man and the WOMEN agree with what i said.. You have NO idea and concept how a woman works apparently. We are not suggesting you can change her with a meal.. we are offering how to slowly mold her in to moving a little more and eating a little better without totally wrecking his marriage and ruining her self image.. not to mention, he asked for a woman's advice...

    You hiding something between them legs? :noway:

    Well put! :laugh:

    I know that what I'm about to say is not true of all guys (because mine is one of them), but I do think a large majority of guys out there have very little idea of the time and effort that we have to put into planning, shopping, preparing, and cleaning up after meals. That after a busy day of work (and PLEASE don't make the mistake of saying your wife "doesn't work" if she's taking care of children and housework all day!), ushering kids to and from activities, helping with homework, then baths, tidying up the house, and preparing for the next day. It's exhausting. And it's MUCH easier to quickly throw together something from a box or a can. Don't underestimate the impact that planning, shopping, and preparing a healthy meal or two would have!
  • sandyrm1432
    sandyrm1432 Posts: 3
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    Just ask her to help you, tell her you don't think you can do it alone anymore.:wink:
  • IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER
    IUSE2BAHEAVYHITTER Posts: 105 Member
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    THIS IS ATOUCHY SISTUATION HOWEVER I WOYLD GET HER AA MEMBERSHIP AND SUGGEST THAT SHE WORK OUT WITH YOU. SO INSTEAD OF TELLING HER TO WORK OUT JUST ASK HER TO GO WITH YOU TO THE GYM AND MAKE IT SEEM AS IF YOU DO NOT LIKE WORKING OUT ALONE AND WANT HER COMPANY
  • HeatherSanto
    HeatherSanto Posts: 138 Member
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    Mine was in reverse. I wanted to find a way to tell my hubby what he already knew. He knew it. We both did. One day I said to him, " "Remember that pact we made where we said we would tell each other if we put weight on? Well, better late than never, but we need to do this together.

    We workout together and full support each other. Losing weight together is sexy!

    It all depends on your wife, but honestly, I wish HE would have told ME a lot sooner. I'd rather him tell me vs. I look in the mirror and I'm so far gone its a long journey home. That is what happened to me. Sometimes you know it, and you just don't care and you should. It made a big difference. I hope it helps. Feel free to friend me. :)
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    Just ask her to help you, tell her you don't think you can do it alone anymore.:wink:

    This is good. Say that you need a workout buddy for support, and you wish it could be her.
  • axialmeow
    axialmeow Posts: 382 Member
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    Ask her to go for walks with you. Cook healthy meals for the whole family. Other than that I wouldnt say anything. Seems like she is aware of her weight. Maybe get a gym membership that provides childcare so she can have some "me" time.
  • valeriebpdx
    valeriebpdx Posts: 499 Member
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    I don't know if you can help her. My husband can't help me. *Definitely* make sure she has as much free time to work out as you do (I can imagine nothing more annoying than if my husband came home from the gym saying how great he feels now that he is putting so much time into working out if I was taking care of all the kids during that time). And god help you if you do reference how her body looked before you had kids, but make damn sure you are never saying when "we" had kids as if it affected your bodies equally. I will just tell you it did not, no matter how much sympathy weight you may have put on.

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