Is it okay her boyfriend pushed her in anger?

gailmelanie

Absolutely not! It doesn't matter that they were arguing, nor what they were arguing about, physical contact like that should never happen. That is abusive behavior, even if she was getting closer to yell in his face. If that were the situation, he can back up or put his had out to limit her advance, but not shove her, ever. I have no idea what these people are like, nor what their relationship is like, but the fact that this happened is a bad sign for the future of their relationship. Please ask your friend not to tolerate that. No one ever deserves to be physically hurt because their partner is angry. It is likely to get worse and could endanger her life.

kenazfehu

I think it's impossible to evaluate from this distance.

Energyflows

If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.

No. If she was coming at him with a weapon, or he was in fear for his life or health...maybe. If he just pushed her in anger, its assault and battery. She should get away from him.

Same thought here. I cannot even believe the first answer of this woman. Did you even read the story?
By the way: a man shouldn't lay a hand on a woman, man, animal, child etc. and she shouldn't too

icimani

Nope - not acceptable at all. Never acceptable.

And the scary piece is that statistics show that it will most likely escalate.



And to the poster who asked what's a guy to do if a woman comes at him aggressively? Whatever happened to just walking away? (and IMHO that would also apply if a guy is coming at you aggressively)

Troll

if she was coming towards him, fine. when she sat down and got pushed, not fine.

ive lashed out in anger towards my fiance and punched him hard in the chest. it was unacceptable, it was wrong, and a apologized when we cooled down. i have a horrible temper, but even when it flares i have a choice of whether or not to get physical.

then again, when we get angry and physical it melts into a really sad looking fistfight. then, when we're both too tired to keep fighting, we apologize and move on.

i want to add-ive straight up told my fiance that if i hit first, by all means seing back. he usually wont swing, but will hold me where i cant move until i wear myself out. a man shouldnt hit a woman in anger, but if im beating your face in, please knock my teeth out. geez.

RainxPain

If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.

This.

MemphisKitten

I have been a victim of domestic violence myself. It is not okay that he pushed her, and it will keep happening and soon it will become slapping, strangling, punching, etc. and sometimes it escalates so far that it will put her in the hospital or he will "accidentally" kill her. But don't confront her about it, she will turn away from you. You need to be supportive and offer help, but don't force it on her. These situations are tricky, and if she doesn't want to leave him, she won't.

JenniBaby85

Lord no. No one should be allowed to push or shove or hit or in anyway harm their partner. If she was coming at him aggressively it may have been instinct to put his hands out, but he didn't have to shove. BUT THEN to go over to her and push her again while she was sitting? NO FREAKING WAY :noway: :noway:

chubbygirl253

if a guy put a hand on me in anger he better take the same approach you might in bear hunting. better kill it with the first shot because once it's mad and threatened... look out.

marthathebear

It is never OK for him to push her.

0Karina0

The first part i understand, when she was walking towards him, it made him feel insecure and that was his reaction, but the second time (if she is telling the truth) and she was just sitting down when he pushed her head, then he does have temper problems.

My husband had pushed me when we argue (not hard, just to keep me away) because i do come at him like i am going to hit him, its a normal reaction, but the second one...yeah your friend's boyfriend need some help.

This whole "OMG you never hit a girl!" thing is old as ****, i always feel bad about guys being treated like crap (physically) and they cant do anything because of that stupid "rule", is called self defense no matter who does it ppl!

Reinventing_Me

If she was coming at him aggressively then he had the right to push her.

ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDING ME?!?!?

*smh* NO NO NO NO.. absolutly not in any way shape or form. This is NOT acceptable in any way..

So what is a man to do when a woman is coming at him aggressively?

WALK THE HELL AWAY. Go to another room or out of the house until both calm down. I guarantee it's not the first time he put his hands on her - I don't care what they say. And for her to sit there an justify him pushing her TWICE?! WHAT!?!? That's a classic move in abusive relationships.

He would NEVER have the opprtunity to put his hands on me again.

TrimAnew

She was just going to hug him she said

I don't buy that. Who goes in for the hug in the middle of an argument?

I buy it. My boyfriend and I have a really strong physical connection and sometimes if we're arguing and I feel like I'm losing him (or vice/versa) I'll try to touch him or hold him to remind us both of why we're together. He does the same thing. It's like a trigger.

Agreed to some extent. I've known people who do this. They move in for a hug when in an argument. Sometimes it works and helps to shut down the heated emotions.

Personally though, sometimes I just can't stand to be touched or hugged when my emotions are running high. If I'm expecting it and see it coming, I can put up with it briefly because it makes the other person feel better, but often I'll be uncomfortable and stiff instead of really hugging back. I put up with it so that it'll be over sooner. I can be a very "touchy feely" person, but generally only on my terms. I'm much more receptive to a hug after an argument is settled than in the middle of one.

Once though, in my teens, someone moved in for a hug during an argument and I really wasn't prepared for it. Even though I love the person dearly (it was family) I reacted physically. I shoved the person away and she fell down, tripping over a chair behind her. I don't really remember shoving her and I didn't shove her intentionally to hurt her. It was, honestly just pure instinct. One second she was coming at me with open arms and my heart screamed "NO!" And the next she was sprawled on her hind end and my arms were out in front of me, so it was obvious I had been the one to do it.

It shocked me just as much as I shocked her, I think. I did apologize, although I didn't help her up--someone else did. I shakily asked for some space until I felt more like participating in a hug. I was just in too much emotional pain (and this loved one was the partly the source of that pain) to bare the intimate touch. I'm sure it hurt her feelings more than it hurt her physically. It was a least 24 hours later before any one of us talked to each other. Things didn't really start to "heal" for about a week, at which point she apologized for the issue that had started the argument in the first place.

So the first shove, I can possibly understand. If she moved in for a hug because she didn't pick up on or because she misread his body language, then I can easily imagine he might shove to get her away from his personal space. If it was more than just a shove to get back some personal space though, and he didn't apologize for it, then I think that's a bigger issue.

I don't understand why they kept arguing instead of breaking for some alone time when this first interaction occurred.

The second one though... There is no no excuse to go over to a person to head them in the head. None.

ohmelgosh79

Never okay, nor was it okay for her to go at him.


And to the ones saying he was right if she was coming at him.......you sing a different tune when you're laying in a hospital bed trying to explain your bruises/bruised kidneys, cuts, etc that your significant other clearly caused. it starts with pushing and escalates.

dfborders

I was in an abusive relationship and here is my two cents worth - No one should shove, push, hit, slap, bite, etc. With that said if a man and woman are arguing and the woman comes at him in an aggressive way and there is no where for him to go if he pushed her onto a couch and then walked out until things calmed down I would say he was perfectly within his rights - he didn't cause her physical harm and he got out before it escalated and she made him actually defend himself which could realistically cause her severe damage just because of how strong most men are vs. women. With that being said - this situation is intolerable because of the 2nd push - that was a big NO!! That tells me that his first push does not appear to be made in self-defense or was not a way to diffuse the situation but was made in anger. I think that your friend needs to look at her relationship and truly analyze it for other red flags. If the two are serious about each other and both truly believe it was a mistake then they should go see a counslor together and learn appropriate arguing techniques and appropriate ways to express their anger.

freckles_cmj

She needs to end that relationship NOW. It is NEVER ok for physical aggression on part of either person in a relationship....She needs to get out now before he really hurts her.

Jessi_Brooks

This honestly doesnt sound like that big of a deal to me..

tmanfromtexas

According to your friend, he has a bad temper. In an argument she was coming towards him, he could have simply put his hand up to create distance but instead pushed her hard enough to made to sit down, then he pushed her head after the initial push, she needs to leave immediately. She is in danger, maybe not today, but in the future it will escalate and she will be harmed or she will end up killing him. Either way she loses. Tell her to cut her losses and move on.

Gidzmo

I was just wondering,my friend was telling me that her boyfriend has a terrible temper and the other day when they were arguing, he pushed her really hard, she said she was coming towards him and that was his reaction. She was then sitting down and they were still arguing, he then came towards her and pushed her head.
I personally don't think that's normal and wouldn't accept that behaviour but she seems to think that she provoked him and it was her fault. Meanwhile, their fight was about an ex girlfriend who sent him a package and now lives in the same country which he didn't mention to his girlfriend.

This all seems very strange to me, what do you think?

Doesn't matter WHAT his reason for being angry was. No reason to raise his hand against her, except in self-defense.

meshashesha2012

It is never OK for him to push her.

unless it's out of the way of a car. then push away