How do you feel about stay-at-home parents?

leomom72

i have been out of work for over 3 years..it was nice at first, but now i get stir crazy..im looking for work, but my husband is getting too pushy..he wante me to work at jobs HE likes for me, which makes me :mad: i am envious he gets to leave every day..i hardly get any other adult interaction besides with him, and its always the same convos, so i get bored..i want to go back to work in the worst way, but its hard to find a job i a) like, and b) can work that allows me to not work overnight..oh well, i do now what i gotta do

ellabelle0310

For the past 10 years I have had the pleasure of getting to stay at home with my children, minus one 8 month stint that I thought I could hold down a job pregnant, with an 18 month old at home, and deployed husband. I certainly have had those moments that I thought about getting back to work outside the home, but instead, I figured it would be more profitable in the long run for me to get my degree finished up. Hubby is coming up on retirement not long after I graduate, and then it'll be my turn to work while he takes a well deserved break, and enters the chaos of stay at home parenthood!

valeriebpdx

I didn't read most of this thread, because I can tell from the last page that it would only piss me off. I stayed home with my kids for about 10 years; I worked PT from home (as an editor) for almost all that time. I didn't resent my husband for being able to 'escape', but I did envy that he could schedule a haircut or a doctor visit without having to trade child care time with a friend. It became a prohibitive hassle to leave the house by myself, and it is easier for the working parent to do things because you are already there on "default childcare". I probably do not have the constitution that makes one a naturally great stay-at-home parent, but am proud of myself for doing it well. I am glad my kids had a SAH parent. I like who they turned out to be, I like that I got to be around to know them and shape them growing up, and I liked being able to grab a book and a blankie and snuggle them when they were sick rather than pawning them off on an unsuspecting sitter or neighbor until I could get out of my production meeting. My husband didn't envy or resent me for staying home; he saw and appreciated how it affected our children and never minded how it impacted our wealth. He did, however, give me a load of crap for not keeping the house cleaner, but that's not why I was there. I was doing some work for money, I was doing a ton of volunteering in our community, and I was raising our kids. If all I wanted was a clean house, I would have gone to work FT and hired a housekeeper--MUCH easier than staying home. Anybody who thinks a quality SAH parent has a lot of free time is ignorant and has clearly never spent much time with small children. You stay home with kids to play with them, read to them, and take them on enriching outings, not so they can watch you vacuum. I am now about to graduate from nursing school and return to work--my husband is super excited and I feel good about it because my kids got a great start.

leejayem

I am a SAHM - was homeschooling up until the beginning of this year but now my eldest 2 are at school & I am home with my 4 year old & 1 year old. Some days I feel a bit starved for adult conversation but for the most part I believe that (as long as I'm doing OK) my kids are better off for being here with me. I love being with them (in spite of the tantrums & all the mess!!), childhood goes so quickly, so I'm very grateful to have this time with my kids. I feel for women (like many of my friends) who have no choice but to put their kids into care & go off to work just to make ends meet. My husband has a good steady job & although we don't have money for too many extras, we are very blessed to manage on one income. Having said all that, I do have my name down at the kid's school for relief/casual teaching 2 days a week but I can only do this because my Mum is happy to look after my little ones. It actually wouldn't be worth me working if I had to pay for childcare - my husbands income puts us about $30 per fortnight above what you need to earn in order to get government subsidy's!!!! But if I get a day's teaching now & again it would be a huge help to the budget & a bit of a break for me!!

trophywife24

If you're the SAHP (stay at home parent) ...are your envious that your spouse gets to "escape" ...even if it is for work? Sometimes. I've only been a stay at home mom for 14 months. I left a job that I absolutely LOVED and I miss it very, very much.

Do you like staying at home? 99% of the time. I'm very happy to have this time with my kids. We have a LOT of fun.

If you're the off-to-work parent...are you resentful that your spouse stays at home? Do you care that your spouse isn't contributing to the household income?................. I can answer for my husband, his answer would be no. He really likes having a house wife. I'll work again when my kids are older but he'd be just fine if I never worked again.

What would the ideal arrangement look like for you? I like our set-up now. My husband works long days but he makes a nice living. He does what he's good at and I do what I'm good at....... being June Cleaver.

oregonzoo

My wife and I are in an interesting situation, we own a corporation (website design firm) and when our daughter was born three years ago, we decided to work exclusively from our home studio...still do to this day. And while we travel to different parts of the country to meet with clients about every 8 weeks (with our child), we love staying / working from home.

It's been amazing to be able to share in the first years of her life. Wouldn't have it any other way.

That's awesome. Your family is fortunate. It makes me smile neither of you really missed those special first moment.s

realme56

I would have gone bonkers to stay at home. I don't think there is anything wrong with having a family and a career. My daughter was the product of a single parent home and is successful, travels extensively for her job, owns property and we have fun together still and on our own. I believe in quality being as important as quantity.

leejayem

I have to say it's really sad to see all the comments on here that suggest that staying home with kids is such a negative thing for a mother's mental health!! From my experience depression & anxiety tends to be exacerbated by being at home with kids when your marriage is not in a good place (ie - you & your spouse are not on the same page), and/or your need to work on behavior issues with your kids. But PLEASE, we parents need to take responsibility for our children - if you clash with your kids find out WHY & DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!!!!!! Instead of going off to work & leaving them in daycare, thinking that makes you a better parent. And thank goodness some of you don't have any kids - best if you just stay out there at work!!!

leejayem

I feel that Stay-At-Homes should take advantage of the fact that they're home & get involved with new hobbies, learn an instrument, write a book, exercise, dance, learn to draw or paint, etc. They have a lot of time to cultivate some wonderful skills & activities that can make them truly happy, & I feel like they don't take advantage of that as much as they should (or at least, you don't hear about it).

If I became a SAHM (never will, though ) I would DEFINITELY be spending all of that time fulfilling intrinsic motives in my life! I do that now, but I would have much more time for it all as an SAHM.

Do seriously think we have spare time??? At the moment I am eating my lunch while typing which I can do because my baby son is sleeping & my daughter is watching a DVD - but that won't last for long!! While I'm learning an instrument or learning to dance can you please look after my kids for me? Thanks.:explode:

chica23GK

Great topic
I didn't realize so many women really don't or didn't like being AH moms. I worked from age 14 to 28 when I had my first child. After a few months, I became an AH mom. I loved it but admit that I missed work outside the home - I missed adult interaction and immediate recognition for a job well done. I was at home only for about 5 years - it was financially difficult for us. When I went back to working outside the home, I was part-time (25 hours) for about 10 years - that worked out okay - had a little of both worlds. I agree that w/some partners, money makes the rules or calls the shots. Maybe it's cuz they resent the AH mom - only because they don't realize both how tough her job really is (emotionally more so than physically) nor do they appreciate what she does - either that or they got a rotten apple (a lazy partner!). Being an AH mom was both the hardest & the best of times

trophywife24

I feel that Stay-At-Homes should take advantage of the fact that they're home & get involved with new hobbies, learn an instrument, write a book, exercise, dance, learn to draw or paint, etc. They have a lot of time to cultivate some wonderful skills & activities that can make them truly happy, & I feel like they don't take advantage of that as much as they should (or at least, you don't hear about it).

If I became a SAHM (never will, though ) I would DEFINITELY be spending all of that time fulfilling intrinsic motives in my life! I do that now, but I would have much more time for it all as an SAHM.

Wow. This is the funniest thing I've read.... ever.

My kids are 6 and 2... two gorgeous, smart, funny, rowdy little wild things. I didn't even get to PEE alone most of the time without the two year old outside of the door going "Mommy are you peeing? Can I see your butt? Did you go PEE??"..... yes, I have so much time during the day to pen the next great American novel because someone isn't signing a paycheck. I'm not sure where you think "all of that time" comes from, exactly. It doesn't exist.

photochic81

Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.

Sorry but I think that is a ridiculous statement. My husband does not dictate how I live my life at all. He makes the money but I have just as much or more to say about how we spend it. I don't allow someone to take care of my my husband provides the financials in our marriage and I provide hmmm ny and everything else. He still comes home and helps care for the kids, yard work takes out the trash. I definitely do not have to contribute money to the family to be important.

I wonder here some people get these assinine ideas from.

photochic81

Both my parents worked. I was placed in 3 yr old kindergarden, and before that I was passed around between grandparents. I grew up thinking that being a housewife was just lazy and a way to get out of working. I think it's stupid to allow one person to bear the financial burden of a family when one of the family member (the wife) is fully capable of going to work. There are lots of jobs (you need an education) that have daycares at a very reduced rate (less if you work it out to volunteer there). There is no excuse for someone to stay home all day long. Especially if the kids are in school. What exactly do you do for 6 to 8 hours? I highly doubt you are cleaning or doing other wifely duties for that long.

This is ridiculous, there is no excuse for your ignorance. My husband loves his career and it is not a burden on him. He has a regular paycheck every month and it is always the same. I am capable of working, I have 3 degrees and certified to teach but we as a team made a decision for me to stay at home. App when my kids are in school there will be plenty to do, I play a large role in their lives and when my daughter has a thanksgiving program, like Friday, I will be there to help setup/ clean up. My son has a thanksgiving party at his preschool tomorrow and I will be there! And why should I clean for 6-8 hrs everyday there's not enough to clean for that long everyday. I think you have to get out more and meet people, socializing would probably be god for you!

photochic81

No, not trolling, actually saying how I feel about stay at home moms. I'm not crazy about anyone who chooses not to work and to rely on someone else to take care of them.

not crazy a/b anyone who chooses not to work.....no, just crazy in my opinion. The statements you make are so ignorant. I can even read anyone else's comments b/c you comments just scream tell me I'm wrong and that is exactly what I will do!

valeriebpdx

I feel that Stay-At-Homes should take advantage of the fact that they're home & get involved with new hobbies, learn an instrument, write a book, exercise, dance, learn to draw or paint, etc. They have a lot of time to cultivate some wonderful skills & activities that can make them truly happy, & I feel like they don't take advantage of that as much as they should (or at least, you don't hear about it).

If I became a SAHM (never will, though ) I would DEFINITELY be spending all of that time fulfilling intrinsic motives in my life! I do that now, but I would have much more time for it all as an SAHM.

Do seriously think we have spare time??? At the moment I am eating my lunch while typing which I can do because my baby son is sleeping & my daughter is watching a DVD - but that won't last for long!! While I'm learning an instrument or learning to dance can you please look after my kids for me? Thanks.:explode:

I am really glad this got revisited because it was the most insane of the comments I read. I marvel at all the people who think SAHMs (or dads) have spare time. You wonder what we do all day? What do you think *children* do all day? You think the two-year-old roasts you a chicken while you read Melville? Think the kids bathe each other while you do Pilates? Think they play alone quietly with a developmental toy while you organize the closets? No, morons. Mommy acts out the part of the prince in Beauty and the Beast. Mommy reads stories like she's up for a drama scholarship at Juilliard. Mommy drives them to the Children's Museum, soccer practice, and whatever else. Mommy volunteers in their preschool and elementary school classrooms. Mommy plays Thomas the Tank Engine and makes voices for all the trains but the kid's favorite one. And, as Trophy Wife correctly states, you talk to (and sometimes read to) little people while you are peeing.

AnnaMC1977

To everyone on this thread...... I apologize for my acerbic and ignorant posts. Perhaps I was trolling a little bit, but regardless to how I feel about SAHMs, those kind of opinions that are better left unsaid. Sorry again, I will watch my posts and my words.

dg730

I just don't see how it's possible these days. Even if you have a good job, having both parents work is added security in case the "bread winner" loses his (or her) job. I'm not a parent (nor will I ever be), but I would never even consider being a stay at home mom. I enjoy adult interaction way too much to focus my entire life and attention on kids.

Daycare costs can be prohibitive to a two-earner household as well especially if the non-breadwinner's salary isn't enough to cover it. It often ends up being less costly to have one parent at home unless both parents have higher paying jobs.

For our area, daycare runs about $800-$1200 per month for an infant, and the cost goes down to $600-$900 for ages 6 months to 12 months. For a lot of families, that's more than many people who work low-wage jobs make. That's only for one child too. Having 2, 3, or 4+ kids can make daycare impossible for a lot of families.

Once in day care dont forget to add in the extra cost of your child getting sick a lot do to parents bringing in kids that are sick.

dg730

Another reason why I would not become a "stay at home mom" is because I don't want to rely on ANYONE to take care of me (and the kids). By allowing one spouse to work while the other "takes care of the kiddos and the house" you are allowing them (the one bringing home a paycheck) to dictate how you live your life. You might stay on top of the bills, ect, but if you are not bringing home the money, you dont' have a lot of say. You lose control of your own life if you allow someone else to take care of you. Contributing to the household (to me) includes getting a paycheck.

I don't know who you are married to but its not like that in our house hold. My husband works. I take care of the bills. He doesn't tell me how our money should be spent. He says if I want something get it! I say the same to him.

brevislux

I'm studying to be a translator and copy-editor. I would love to work in that field simply because I love languages and literature, but also because I want to be able to work from home and raise my future children myself. I don't like how these days kids almost never see their parents, and I don't care for the notion of strangers raising my children because I'm not home 08:00 till 20:00.

thr33martins

I feel that Stay-At-Homes should take advantage of the fact that they're home & get involved with new hobbies, learn an instrument, write a book, exercise, dance, learn to draw or paint, etc. They have a lot of time to cultivate some wonderful skills & activities that can make them truly happy, & I feel like they don't take advantage of that as much as they should (or at least, you don't hear about it).

If I became a SAHM (never will, though ) I would DEFINITELY be spending all of that time fulfilling intrinsic motives in my life! I do that now, but I would have much more time for it all as an SAHM.

Wow. This is the funniest thing I've read.... ever.

My kids are 6 and 2... two gorgeous, smart, funny, rowdy little wild things. I didn't even get to PEE alone most of the time without the two year old outside of the door going "Mommy are you peeing? Can I see your butt? Did you go PEE??"..... yes, I have so much time during the day to pen the next great American novel because someone isn't signing a paycheck. I'm not sure where you think "all of that time" comes from, exactly. It doesn't exist.

HA HA HA HA HA!!! Exactly!!