RANT: I hate my teenager

elprincipito

send him to the army rangers

WeekndOVOXO

If he's not going to take your money for school I will!! bigsmile:

Don't give him the passport. The guy sounds like a lazy prick. Give him some ultimatums for school, etc. He needs tough love. Good luck.

Oh and to add there's no guideline to be the perfect parent. There's always going to be bumps on the road. I remember being an *kitten* at 15-18. I grew out of it.

My dad always told me that the one thing he wants to leave behind when he passes on is his morals and values and that has stuck to me more than what he's leaving me in his will.

NormalSaneFLGuy

That fargin kid of mine. He turns 18 next week -- legal in Alberta, Canada. He needs photo ID to go out drinking. He needs his driver's license to do it, as government ID is almost $100 and he doesn't have a job (another issue).

He's known this for a year. I've told him repeatedly that he's NOT getting his passport to use as a liquor ID so he'd better get his license.

So last night -- one week to his birthday, what does he say...... Oh, I'll need my passport for my bday next week. OMFG. Ummmm NO you are NOT getting it. I told you that you weren't, and you're not. Cue subsequent tantrum (ironically about how he's an adult).

People tell me he'll grow up -- but I have my doubts. He also should have graduated HS this past June -- but not enough credits, so he's 'finishing' PT at an outreach school. But he rarely goes. And he doesn't have a job -- when at this time of year all that is required is he have a pulse. But he wants to work at a SPECIFIC place. And has no plans for post-secondary, when we can easily afford to send him.

What frustrates me most about him is he justifies his lack of ambition and drive by saying he's 'content to live in an apartment' and he doesn't need much to be happy. Settling for less because he's too lazy and afraid of failing to try. Whose kid IS this?

We have a very simple rule in our house, work or go to school. If you're not going to school you need to have a job and pay room and board. So far my son has been doing well in college (it's only his first year) so we haven't had any drama. (He also has expensive tastes and realizes he'll need a good income to maintain the lifestyle that he wants to enjoy)

Years ago I worked with a guy who's IQ was probably off the charts. He worked as the cleanup guy at a car dealership preparing new cars for delivery, no ambition at all. Fast forward almost 30 years and he's still doing the same job, lives in a tiny apartment, owns nothing, owes nothing and is probably one of the most contented people I know.

Is there a right answer.............hard to say (but I would read your son the riot act.......)

Yea, his IQ was off the charts in the negative direction.

Edited to add: Dumbass.

BrianSharpe

Assuming that if she has the passport, she, the mother purchased it, there for she owns what she purchased, she can do whatever the hell she wants with her property.

Do the kid a favor. Show the tough love. Some people only learn from their own mistakes--the most valuable lessons often cost the most. Doesn't sound like anything is costing him much at all so how is he to learn?

Regardless of who purchased the thing it is the property of whomever it was issued to... therefore her son's property.

Wrong, a Canadian passport is the property of the Government of Canada, not the bearer.

MorbidMander

This is so ridiculous. This woman is obviously just exasperated, no she doesn't HATE her child. She just hates the things he does, reading into one word much?

My parents were absolute *kitten* at being parents to myself and my brother and we felt like we parented them a lot of my life. My mom never worked, and the world revolved around her and still does, my dad is manipulative is barely able to hold down a job at 40+ years old. I am going to school and I want to make something of myself, my brother is the same. Even though our parents were not even close to good parents.

So, there must be something wrong with the parenting logic, when mine were absolute crap parents and I turned out fine and so did my brother.

To say "Oh this is YOUR fault" to the OP is ridiculous, kids DO have their own minds you know, their own thoughts. Kids aren't as stupid as people are making them out to be. They're not molded into this perfect person because of their parents. People take their own paths in life, stop blaming the mother for all her sons choices. I'm still kind of a "kid" myself but I know right from wrong. I know what I want in life, with no thanks to my parents.

TL;DR; Stop being judgmental jerks.

now_or_never12

That fargin kid of mine. He turns 18 next week -- legal in Alberta, Canada. He needs photo ID to go out drinking. He needs his driver's license to do it, as government ID is almost $100 and he doesn't have a job (another issue).

He's known this for a year. I've told him repeatedly that he's NOT getting his passport to use as a liquor ID so he'd better get his license.

So last night -- one week to his birthday, what does he say...... Oh, I'll need my passport for my bday next week. OMFG. Ummmm NO you are NOT getting it. I told you that you weren't, and you're not. Cue subsequent tantrum (ironically about how he's an adult).

People tell me he'll grow up -- but I have my doubts. He also should have graduated HS this past June -- but not enough credits, so he's 'finishing' PT at an outreach school. But he rarely goes. And he doesn't have a job -- when at this time of year all that is required is he have a pulse. But he wants to work at a SPECIFIC place. And has no plans for post-secondary, when we can easily afford to send him.

What frustrates me most about him is he justifies his lack of ambition and drive by saying he's 'content to live in an apartment' and he doesn't need much to be happy. Settling for less because he's too lazy and afraid of failing to try. Whose kid IS this?

We have a very simple rule in our house, work or go to school. If you're not going to school you need to have a job and pay room and board. So far my son has been doing well in college (it's only his first year) so we haven't had any drama. (He also has expensive tastes and realizes he'll need a good income to maintain the lifestyle that he wants to enjoy)

Years ago I worked with a guy who's IQ was probably off the charts. He worked as the cleanup guy at a car dealership preparing new cars for delivery, no ambition at all. Fast forward almost 30 years and he's still doing the same job, lives in a tiny apartment, owns nothing, owes nothing and is probably one of the most contented people I know.

Is there a right answer.............hard to say (but I would read your son the riot act.......)

Yea, his IQ was off the charts in the negative direction.

Edited to add: Dumbass.

Just because someone doesn't have ambition to do great things doesn't mean they are a dumbass. I have know many smart people who didn't have ambition. Some people are content with the lives they have and don't need material things.

Apartment living is not a bad thing. Sure it's nice to own a home but it isn't for everyone. A great job isn't for everyone either. Some people enjoy their lower end jobs.

JennaM222

I skimmed through the comments on this forum and i'm seein a whole lot of holier than thou "If you raised your kid right you wouldnt be having this problem.." going on. What i'm about to say probably isnt going to be well taken by all you PERFECT parents or people who think they will be a perfect parent but dont yet have a clue!!!

First off if you've raised your children and they are now in their twenties working a job, living away from home, not on drugs/alcohol, not pregnant or having got someone pregnant and being a productive member of society GOOD FOR YOU!! Give yourself a pat on the back and breathe a big sigh of relief. But dont get to comfortable....there's still plenty of time for your adult child to fall off track screw up their life and come back bags packed hoping you will take them in. (Which is apparently a national trend now....and im not talking about adult children who were just barely making it too begin with. I mean college educated, had a big career, wife and maybe a kid or two young adults coming back home to live with mom and dad because they cant make it anymore)

Secondly if you currently have a teenager or two who are respectful, straight A, taking advanced courses, never lie, never break curfew and wouldnt dream of experimenting with sex, drugs or alcohol let me give you a big WHOOHOOO!! Once again pat yourself on the back...you are truly lucky!!! But dont let your guard down because theres always some fork in the road where your perfect parenting may not work because that oh so smart teen of yours makes an oh so stupid decision that may affect the rest of their life. Then you find yourself like so many other "I thought i did it all right" parents sitting there in shock wondering what the hell happened.

Thirdly if your children have yet to reach teen or preteen age and are perfect angels who still cuddle with you to hear a story and play peacefully with other kids on the playground. They pick up thier toys without being asked becuase you taught them at the age of 1 how to organize each item into the appropriate box. They clean their plates and always use "yes ma'am or yes sir" and have never embarassed you by saying something inapropriate or screaming in public. FANTASTIC....but dont think your in for a smooth ride. You've got a very long way to go yet before you can claim to be an authority on proper parenting!!!

Yes my words are dripping with sarcasm....because i see and hear way to much of the "NOT my kids...i'm an excellent parent" mantra from way too many parents. I have four kids ranging in age from 4 to 25...and at some point each one of them has made me sit back and think "What did i do to deserve this??"

Children are not computers...you dont enter a bunch of programming code and then they just operate perfectly. They are individuals subject to genetics, personality, enviroment, peer influence, ranging emotions, societal example etc. I've seen kids who came from great homes where both parents were present and proactive, loving, had strong religious beliefs,morals, set down limits and promoted a positive educational atmophere who ended up in heart breaking situations. Their parents tore themselves up second guessing everything they did as parents because they just couldnt fathom how they had reached that point. I've also seen kids who came from terrible homes...subjected to abuse, neglect, drug addiction...who became model young adults. Despite their lack of parental example they perservered and where more mature and capable then people twice their age.

In theory the better you parent the better your childs chances are...but there are simply no guarentees. Go ahead and judge another persons struggles by thinking "Well its got to be your fault if your kid is screwed up!!". Just be prepared to say the same to yourself if god forbid you face a similar situation. Better yet be prepared to face the judgement of the PERFECT parents around you who will smuggly evaluate every little thing you did. If you can dish it out be prepared to eat a big bowl of it yourself!!

Well said!!!!!!!

alerica1

[/quote]
Years ago I worked with a guy who's IQ was probably off the charts. He worked as the cleanup guy at a car dealership preparing new cars for delivery, no ambition at all. Fast forward almost 30 years and he's still doing the same job, lives in a tiny apartment, owns nothing, owes nothing and is probably one of the most contented people I know.
[/quote]
I want to be this guy.

Rachielous

I would be unbelievably hurt if I saw a post on the internet for goodness knows who to see declaring that my mother 'hates' me.

What a hideous thing to say about your own child.

I am 24 now but when I was a teenager my mother and I had many ups and downs but I can hand on heart now say she is my best friend.

If she had written this post about me? The outcome would probably be very different.

Rachielous

Years ago I worked with a guy who's IQ was probably off the charts. He worked as the cleanup guy at a car dealership preparing new cars for delivery, no ambition at all. Fast forward almost 30 years and he's still doing the same job, lives in a tiny apartment, owns nothing, owes nothing and is probably one of the most contented people I know.
[/quote]
I want to be this guy.
[/quote]

I love this.

megalin9

I skimmed through the comments on this forum and i'm seein a whole lot of holier than thou "If you raised your kid right you wouldnt be having this problem.." going on. What i'm about to say probably isnt going to be well taken by all you PERFECT parents or people who think they will be a perfect parent but dont yet have a clue!!!

First off if you've raised your children and they are now in their twenties working a job, living away from home, not on drugs/alcohol, not pregnant or having got someone pregnant and being a productive member of society GOOD FOR YOU!! Give yourself a pat on the back and breathe a big sigh of relief. But dont get to comfortable....there's still plenty of time for your adult child to fall off track screw up their life and come back bags packed hoping you will take them in. (Which is apparently a national trend now....and im not talking about adult children who were just barely making it too begin with. I mean college educated, had a big career, wife and maybe a kid or two young adults coming back home to live with mom and dad because they cant make it anymore)

Secondly if you currently have a teenager or two who are respectful, straight A, taking advanced courses, never lie, never break curfew and wouldnt dream of experimenting with sex, drugs or alcohol let me give you a big WHOOHOOO!! Once again pat yourself on the back...you are truly lucky!!! But dont let your guard down because theres always some fork in the road where your perfect parenting may not work because that oh so smart teen of yours makes an oh so stupid decision that may affect the rest of their life. Then you find yourself like so many other "I thought i did it all right" parents sitting there in shock wondering what the hell happened.

Thirdly if your children have yet to reach teen or preteen age and are perfect angels who still cuddle with you to hear a story and play peacefully with other kids on the playground. They pick up thier toys without being asked becuase you taught them at the age of 1 how to organize each item into the appropriate box. They clean their plates and always use "yes ma'am or yes sir" and have never embarassed you by saying something inapropriate or screaming in public. FANTASTIC....but dont think your in for a smooth ride. You've got a very long way to go yet before you can claim to be an authority on proper parenting!!!

Yes my words are dripping with sarcasm....because i see and hear way to much of the "NOT my kids...i'm an excellent parent" mantra from way too many parents. I have four kids ranging in age from 4 to 25...and at some point each one of them has made me sit back and think "What did i do to deserve this??"

Children are not computers...you dont enter a bunch of programming code and then they just operate perfectly. They are individuals subject to genetics, personality, enviroment, peer influence, ranging emotions, societal example etc. I've seen kids who came from great homes where both parents were present and proactive, loving, had strong religious beliefs,morals, set down limits and promoted a positive educational atmophere who ended up in heart breaking situations. Their parents tore themselves up second guessing everything they did as parents because they just couldnt fathom how they had reached that point. I've also seen kids who came from terrible homes...subjected to abuse, neglect, drug addiction...who became model young adults. Despite their lack of parental example they perservered and where more mature and capable then people twice their age.

In theory the better you parent the better your childs chances are...but there are simply no guarentees. Go ahead and judge another persons struggles by thinking "Well its got to be your fault if your kid is screwed up!!". Just be prepared to say the same to yourself if god forbid you face a similar situation. Better yet be prepared to face the judgement of the PERFECT parents around you who will smuggly evaluate every little thing you did. If you can dish it out be prepared to eat a big bowl of it yourself!!

Well-said.

redheaddee

For all the "hate is such a strong word" and the "it's all mom's fault" folks: congratulations on your limitless perfection. I am awed and astounded by your greatness. :noway:

I have a friend who has 3 boys. Same parents (nature), same upbringing, schools, etc (nurture). The youngest is a wildly successful pastry chef who attended J&W for his degree in culinary arts. The middle is a modestly successful middle manager for a major corporation with an MBA from Clemson. The oldest still lives at home (he is almost 40), has a FT job s a dispatcher, but no motivation, even still plays D&D. So to the perfect parents: what went wrong? The nature vs. nurture argument cannot apply because there is no statistically significant difference.

Those of us who have children, especially teenagers, know how maddeningly, incomprehensibly frustrating they can be. And those of us who are imperfect often say to ourselves: "damn I hate that kid". Do I really hate my 17 yo daughter? HELL NO. Does she make me so angry I see red? HELL YES. Do I have imperfect thoughts, such as duct taping her mouth shut? Of course. Do I do these things? NO, NO, NO. So get off your high horse and let's be real here. We all have those thoughts, obviously some are more comfortable admitting to them. Better to vent on an anonymous message board than tell her son she hates him.

To the OP: give him his passport on the way out the door. If per his temper tantrum he is "grown", than it is time for him to act grown.

DaveRCF

As someone from Alberta, the solution is clear. Make him drop out of school and work on the rigs. It's what he's going to do anyway, regardless of graduation. I mean really, you're the bad parent here for not pulling him out of school at 16 to get him on the rigs earlier. Plus, who even checks IDs in Alberta besides bars? The off sale liquor places never ID. Hell, even half the bars there don't either.

If you send him to the rigs he'll come back with his jeans stuffed with cash and probably a new unhealthy habit or two. Not recommended.

megalin9

To say "Oh this is YOUR fault" to the OP is ridiculous, kids DO have their own minds you know, their own thoughts. Kids aren't as stupid as people are making them out to be. They're not molded into this perfect person because of their parents. People take their own paths in life...

So true.

AimersBee

not a very good place to bring this issue up, too much negativity. take it to a parenting forum or something, you'll get way better results.....




//end thread

Rubyayn

I skimmed through the comments on this forum and i'm seein a whole lot of holier than thou "If you raised your kid right you wouldnt be having this problem.." going on. What i'm about to say probably isnt going to be well taken by all you PERFECT parents or people who think they will be a perfect parent but dont yet have a clue!!!

First off if you've raised your children and they are now in their twenties working a job, living away from home, not on drugs/alcohol, not pregnant or having got someone pregnant and being a productive member of society GOOD FOR YOU!! Give yourself a pat on the back and breathe a big sigh of relief. But dont get to comfortable....there's still plenty of time for your adult child to fall off track screw up their life and come back bags packed hoping you will take them in. (Which is apparently a national trend now....and im not talking about adult children who were just barely making it too begin with. I mean college educated, had a big career, wife and maybe a kid or two young adults coming back home to live with mom and dad because they cant make it anymore)

Secondly if you currently have a teenager or two who are respectful, straight A, taking advanced courses, never lie, never break curfew and wouldnt dream of experimenting with sex, drugs or alcohol let me give you a big WHOOHOOO!! Once again pat yourself on the back...you are truly lucky!!! But dont let your guard down because theres always some fork in the road where your perfect parenting may not work because that oh so smart teen of yours makes an oh so stupid decision that may affect the rest of their life. Then you find yourself like so many other "I thought i did it all right" parents sitting there in shock wondering what the hell happened.

Thirdly if your children have yet to reach teen or preteen age and are perfect angels who still cuddle with you to hear a story and play peacefully with other kids on the playground. They pick up thier toys without being asked becuase you taught them at the age of 1 how to organize each item into the appropriate box. They clean their plates and always use "yes ma'am or yes sir" and have never embarassed you by saying something inapropriate or screaming in public. FANTASTIC....but dont think your in for a smooth ride. You've got a very long way to go yet before you can claim to be an authority on proper parenting!!!

Yes my words are dripping with sarcasm....because i see and hear way to much of the "NOT my kids...i'm an excellent parent" mantra from way too many parents. I have four kids ranging in age from 4 to 25...and at some point each one of them has made me sit back and think "What did i do to deserve this??"

Children are not computers...you dont enter a bunch of programming code and then they just operate perfectly. They are individuals subject to genetics, personality, enviroment, peer influence, ranging emotions, societal example etc. I've seen kids who came from great homes where both parents were present and proactive, loving, had strong religious beliefs,morals, set down limits and promoted a positive educational atmophere who ended up in heart breaking situations. Their parents tore themselves up second guessing everything they did as parents because they just couldnt fathom how they had reached that point. I've also seen kids who came from terrible homes...subjected to abuse, neglect, drug addiction...who became model young adults. Despite their lack of parental example they perservered and where more mature and capable then people twice their age.

In theory the better you parent the better your childs chances are...but there are simply no guarentees. Go ahead and judge another persons struggles by thinking "Well its got to be your fault if your kid is screwed up!!". Just be prepared to say the same to yourself if god forbid you face a similar situation. Better yet be prepared to face the judgement of the PERFECT parents around you who will smuggly evaluate every little thing you did. If you can dish it out be prepared to eat a big bowl of it yourself!!

This. This all day long. Thank you for saying it and expressing it so well. And this is coming from one of those parent of a well behaved toddler, but doesn't take all the credit. Geez.

Lalouse

It's amazing what these topics turn in to.. debates about who owns a passport or if you are a good mom. I'm pretty sure that 99% of the people who blame it on parenting are not parents themselves -- and neither am I (yet!), but as a public health researcher, I can guarantee you that your child has been influenced more by the 8 hours that he spent in school than that 5 hours he spent with you as a child before he went to bed.

Anywhoooo,

I obviously don't think you are a bad mom. I think you have 1 of 2 choices:

Option 1:
Give him his passport and hope to God he loses it. That way, he'll have to be responsible enough to do one or more of the following: 1) get another one or get a license (so he can drink again) or 2) get both and 3) keep track of things in life in case of someone possibly stealing his identity.

Option 2:
Don't give him his passport and risk having him steal it or having him be miserable forever because he can't drink. The life of a teenager sucks.

Either way, I don't think you should think of your kid as a complete loser. I'm not sure if you are aware, but adolescence lasts up to age 25 for women and to age 29 for men (explains alot of things, huh?).. so take it easy on the kid

Bankman1989

For all the "hate is such a strong word" and the "it's all mom's fault" folks: congratulations on your limitless perfection. I am awed and astounded by your greatness. :noway:

I have a friend who has 3 boys. Same parents (nature), same upbringing, schools, etc (nurture). The youngest is a wildly successful pastry chef who attended J&W for his degree in culinary arts. The middle is a modestly successful middle manager for a major corporation with an MBA from Clemson. The oldest still lives at home (he is almost 40), has a FT job s a dispatcher, but no motivation, even still plays D&D. So to the perfect parents: what went wrong? The nature vs. nurture argument cannot apply because there is no statistically significant difference.

Those of us who have children, especially teenagers, know how maddeningly, incomprehensibly frustrating they can be. And those of us who are imperfect often say to ourselves: "damn I hate that kid". Do I really hate my 17 yo daughter? HELL NO. Does she make me so angry I see red? HELL YES. Do I have imperfect thoughts, such as duct taping her mouth shut? Of course. Do I do these things? NO, NO, NO. So get off your high horse and let's be real here. We all have those thoughts, obviously some are more comfortable admitting to them. Better to vent on an anonymous message board than tell her son she hates him.

To the OP: give him his passport on the way out the door. If per his temper tantrum he is "grown", than it is time for him to act grown.

HATE is a strong word! Your kids? Ummmmm nothing to do with being perfect but honestly it sounds like some deep, deep rooted challenges going on here. I can't believe all the people on here who have this hatred towards their kids..lol. Maybe I should be pro-choice.

NormalSaneFLGuy

As someone from Alberta, the solution is clear. Make him drop out of school and work on the rigs. It's what he's going to do anyway, regardless of graduation. I mean really, you're the bad parent here for not pulling him out of school at 16 to get him on the rigs earlier. Plus, who even checks IDs in Alberta besides bars? The off sale liquor places never ID. Hell, even half the bars there don't either.

If you send him to the rigs he'll come back with his jeans stuffed with cash and probably a new unhealthy habit or two. Not recommended.

Can't have it both ways. Want him to make money? Solution found.

bradphil87

He's known this for a year. I've told him repeatedly that he's NOT getting his passport to use as a liquor ID so he'd better get his license.

Why not? Why don't you want him using his passport?

People tell me he'll grow up -- but I have my doubts. He also should have graduated HS this past June -- but not enough credits, so he's 'finishing' PT at an outreach school. But he rarely goes. And he doesn't have a job -- when at this time of year all that is required is he have a pulse. But he wants to work at a SPECIFIC place. And has no plans for post-secondary, when we can easily afford to send him.

Not everyone is cut out for college.

What frustrates me most about him is he justifies his lack of ambition and drive by saying he's 'content to live in an apartment' and he doesn't need much to be happy. Settling for less because he's too lazy and afraid of failing to try.

How are you defining success for him? So what if he wants a job that doesn't require a college degree and he wants to live in an apartment? Don't you just want his happiness? Help him find what will make him happy.

This poster is so right...after high school my mom pressured me to go to college....and I did. And graduated. Right now I do the same thing for a living that I was doing while in college...because it pays well and I like it. I don't think I'd ever be happy doing what I went to school for. Thanks for talking me into a 6 figure debt for a piece of paper mom....I like working with my hands and always have....welding is something I am good at, and proud to do. Why she wouldn't accept it is beyond me.