Please tell me my mom is wrong!

peggysue218

So, I am 24 years old. When I started college at age 18, I weighed a healthy 165 lbs (I'm 5'10"). I should also add that during high school, I lost about 50 pounds to get down to that 165. Now, as a medical student, I've gotten up to 230 lbs due to inactivity and excessive eating. To make a long story short, I offered a pair of my smaller jeans to my younger sister (these jeans fit me when I was about 190 lbs) and they didn't fit her, so my mom suggested she give them to a friend. I said, "Oh, don't do that... I'm planning to be able to fit back into those soon." She replied, "Honey, we can't all be the same size as we were in college. Your body has changed." Basically, her theory is that women shouldn't aspire to be the size they were in college (for me, that was a size 10/12... nothing crazy) because as they age, their bodies somehow magically morph into something unrecognizable. I mean... I don't see any truth in her logic, but it still is really discouraging to hear.

I know that a lot of members have commented about hurtful things their moms have said to them regarding weight (either loss or gain). Is it just a mom thing? Has anyone figured out how to filter and disregard this sort of jealous, discouraging mom talk? It really gets to me.

acrynne

Your mom is wrong. You can absolutely be a 10/12 again-- you can be slimmer than a 10/12 if you choose!

My mom tells me on a regular basis that I "will never be a skinny minnie" and that my body type "will always be on the side" because I am "a big girl and there's nothing wrong with that." Basically, my mom likes to tell me that my body is fat, that it will always be fat, and that there is nothing I can do to not be fat, so why try?

Here's how I have handled it:

1. I have told my mom that fat is not a body type, and that she needs to not talk with me about my weight or size. Ever.

2. I am using her words as my biggest motivation. When I want to quit, I can hear her in my mind telling me that I will never be a skinny minnie. And it makes me push harder. Because I can't wait for the day when I can show her how very very wrong she is. (To be clear, my goal isn't to be "skinny." My goal is to be fit!)

CarmenSRT

"Mom, if that's the case I'll find that out eventually. For now, I'm going to work on getting healthier." Smile, change subject. You'll lose the weight, she'll deal.

horseryder77

I'm sorry to hear that your mom said that- know that it is not by any means true.

I'm 24- (well, I will be in less than a month) and I'm about 142ish lbs at the moment (5'4''- my healthiest weight has been 130) and I see no reason why I can't drop 12 lbs and be at my healthiest/thinnest again.
I don't think you should aspire to be "as you were in college" per say, I think you should set a goal to be healthy, and happy. If a size 10/12 is what you're happy and healthiest at, then aspire for that! If you set a goal- you can reach it-regardless of your age.

24 is not old- and I should tell you, it's never too late.
My mom lost about 50 lbs when she was 58- and she's kept it off since and she'll be 62 this year.
Your mom may be saying that to make herself feel more comfortable.
But you never have to settle- with anything. Your job, your partner, or your body. You do have the power to change and influence your own life- don't let others get in the way of that.
You do what you need to do- and you make yourself the happiest you possibly can.

So keep your head high, and just nod along with your mom when she says things like that. I'm sure you can find better support elsewhere. There are people in this world who will stand behind you no matter what- maybe you can explain to your mother how you need her to support you in every way possible.

Feel free to add me- I'm all for supporting no matter what

Good luck

kimosabe1

:drinker:

AllonsYtotheTardis

I don't expect to be the size I was in college for one reason only - I was underweight then.

There is no reason to believe that I can't get to what would be a healthy weight for me now (and what it would have been then). And I'm 40, and have had 2 kids. It will take more work because I'm older, but if I put in the work it will happen.

Same for you - if you put in the work (ie - treat your body right, feed it healthy foods in healthy portions, get some exercise) it will happen. People who tell you otherwise have simply given up on themselves, and expect you to do the same.

Nerdy_Rose

Holy crap! My mom basically said the EXACT SAME THING TO ME! It must be a mom thing. And yes, she is wrong. I don't weigh what I did back then, but I am smaller and my clothes are smaller, and I'm back in the 120s which I honestly at one point thought was a ridiculous dream I'd never reach.

klacount77

For a while I got bigger (fatter) than my mom and it was a point of pride with her. The more weight I lose, the less clothes she wears (mini skirts, halter tops) ... I guess it is a female thing to want to look your best and some women can't do that without bringing other down.

Long story short ... Blow it off. My Mom's hurtful actions and words kept me heavy for 10 years thinking I could never be thin. I was thin before, I will be again. The End ... You will lose the weight if you set your mind to it. I have faith in you.

kristen6022

Your mom is very wrong. I'll be 34 in a couple weeks and I'm a smaller size (4/6) than I have EVER been in my adult life. I'm 5'11 and 145. My good weight was always around 160-170, even in college and high school. Keep those pants - you'll need them really soon!

Start logging that food and kicking butt in the gym and the weight will come off - I lost 45 pounds over a year - slowly and healthly and I'm planning on never weighing more than 155 again in my life. I know how to keep the weight off now and I'm so happy with the smaller me!

Louisianababy93

She's wrong! hang those jeans up in your bathroom for inspiration!

amanda52488

I am also 24 and have been working to get back to my "at some point highschool weight". For me thats about 68lbs, I need to lose and I have lost 42 lbs so far!

You can get to whatever size that you choose to get to!! 165 is also my goal weight as I am 5'10'' too! Add me if ya like.
Goodluck!

LJCannon

I file things like that under "Mom-isms" . They live in that file because they are a Part of Her Beliefs but they have No Bearing and No Weight on My Belief or My Life Possibilities. It was actually my Mother In Law who said the most hurtful things about my Parenting but I learned to deal with her comments, suggestions, and "Advice" by putting it in her "File", Thanking her if appropriate, and FORGETTING IT. I think it would work with ANY relationship.
BTW, I am 55 years old, and after MANY years in Sizes 22 -26, I am now a Size 8 - 10 or "Small" in most clothes.

edited to add: In college I was a Size 16 / 18

laurynwithawhy

Yes, your mom is wrong!!! Wanting to get back to a size 10/12 or 165 pounds is a perfectly reasonable healthy goal. Remind her that you were an adult then, and that is a healthy adult weight that you can get back to. To reach your goal, try to remember how you stayed thin in college. For me, it was being active. I was constantly moving and exercising and walking around. Incorporate some of those healthy old behaviors into your new diet/fitness plan. Good luck , you can do it!

BarbellBlondieRuns

Your mom is wrong - mostly... at least in your case, she is. I can say that my hips spread (and stayed wider) after carrying and giving birth to two children. Without a doubt in my mind.

Nettie96fb

I'm 52, and I've had 4 kids, and I see no reason at all why I can't be 'lean and fit' and fit into size 10/12 jeans again...I've just lost 16kgs, and I've got 8 more to go....
And I know I'll do it, I'm planning on running in a half marathon next year

LaLouve_RK

What your mom is referring too is "almost" true... meaning back then, and still today, some thought (think) it's inevitable to "take weight" at a certain age. They didn't know why so, it must be age.

Yes and no.

As we age, we are less active but with the same eating habit. Result? You "change". Put some weight.

Simple as that. So begin your journey to your old weight like we do!

:drinker:

kimad

Not only did I beat out my college weight, I beat my highschool weight apparently -- becuase I just tried on my highschool prom dress and it was a bit too big (that was 14 years ago!!)

YOUR MOM IS WRONG!!!

Take all these words and use them to your advantage... to kick *kitten*!!!!
You got this!

ETA: yes your body may be different and you may carry different. I do, I had 2 kids, but I went from a size 18 to an 8 (sometimes 6) and if I wanted to go smaller I could and I might

capriciousmoon

Very wrong. It's not as if you're aiming for a size you were as a child. Getting back to size 10/12 is completely realistic.

LorinaLynn

You know what, though? When you do reach that goal - and you will - you're going to deserve a new pair of jeans that make you feel like a million bucks.

I'm not a superstitious person by any means, but there does seem to be a kind of Murphy's Law about clothes. As soon as you get rid of them, you'll be able to wear them.

I held onto so many "If only..." clothes for a long time, and all they did was make me feel bad that they didn't fit. So I said, "Screw it. I'm not letting this frickin' piece of fabric make me feel like there's something wrong with me," and donated several bags of clothes to the Salvation Army.

A few months later, my jeans were falling off my *kitten* and the jeans I ditched would have fit. But I still think that first accepting myself "as is" was a big part of the process in changing my outlook and getting fit.

saraann4

She is wrong now prove it to her.

Zeromilediet

Moms say dopey things like anyone else ... thing is, because she's family Moms say things to kids they wouldn't say to her friend. That being said, she's incorrect. I'm a grandma now and back to weighing what I did in school ... so, there!

jmc0806

My jean size now is the same size I wore my senior year in high school back in 2003...It can definitely be done

sarahrbraun

So, I am 24 years old. When I started college at age 18, I weighed a healthy 165 lbs (I'm 5'10"). I should also add that during high school, I lost about 50 pounds to get down to that 165. Now, as a medical student, I've gotten up to 230 lbs due to inactivity and excessive eating. To make a long story short, I offered a pair of my smaller jeans to my younger sister (these jeans fit me when I was about 190 lbs) and they didn't fit her, so my mom suggested she give them to a friend. I said, "Oh, don't do that... I'm planning to be able to fit back into those soon." She replied, "Honey, we can't all be the same size as we were in college. Your body has changed." Basically, her theory is that women shouldn't aspire to be the size they were in college (for me, that was a size 10/12... nothing crazy) because as they age, their bodies somehow magically morph into something unrecognizable. I mean... I don't see any truth in her logic, but it still is really discouraging to hear.

I know that a lot of members have commented about hurtful things their moms have said to them regarding weight (either loss or gain). Is it just a mom thing? Has anyone figured out how to filter and disregard this sort of jealous, discouraging mom talk? It really gets to me.

your body may have 'changed'...but haven't you ever seen the talk shows where the nerd/fat kid from HS is now some hottie? You HAVE the muscles, etc in there, and it is up to you to shed the fat suit.

I was 135lbs when I got pregnant the first time...I have been as high as 228lbs. Right now I am working on weight training, and I am hoping to get back down into a size 8/10--something I have not done in 18 years. I am pretty sure I can do it too--I'm in a 14 now and 50lbs away from goal weight.

15in8

There are some hormonal changes at menopause that significantly impact weight distribution and fat storage, but that is a long way off, set your goals to be healthy and you can achieve your goals.

dorothytd

WRONG WRONG WRONG. I think I may have hit my current weight in between 5th and 6th grades, but was never this weight/size as an adult. For me it was my mother-in-law after my first child ... "you'll never look the same again." And I don't. I'm way smaller, stronger and healthier! You can do it!

OhKelsey1

I'm sorry your mom said that to you, and really, her atittude towards it is kind of what's wrong with our thought process about weight these days. So many people think getting older (even just out-of-college older) means you HAVE to put on weight or that your body isn't capable of maintaining a healthy weight anymore. Sure, your metabolism may change, but you can ALWAYS control how much you weigh through diet and exercise. There's never a time when you can't make that change for yourself, as long as you know your own body and how much you should be eating to lose. Keep your head up!

ETA: Just looked back at your OP, and good grief, you're only 24! She shouldn't be telling you not to aspire to be the best, fittest you--you're still in your 20's!

MichelleLaree13

I am 25 years old. Sure my hips have widened for more of a figure (no pregnancies) but I am 10 lbs away from my lowest high school weight. I lost maybe 20 lbs in highschool to be 120 lbs. I really dont know what my high number was.

BrunetteRunner87

She's probably just mad that she isn't her college weight.

I'm 25 now, I slowly gained 25 lbs. throughout college and during the time I worked in retail after college. I started law school and I've lost 30 lbs so I'm smaller than I was in high school. So obvi she is wrong.

SherryTeach

In 4 pounds, I will be the same weight and size I was when I graduated from college in 1976. Even two children later everything seems to be in about the same place.

peggysue218

Thanks so much to everyone who has replied. Reading your encouraging words and success stories has lifted my spirits and renewed my motivation. For some reason, I never considered saying "that's just not true" to my mom when she comes up with these odd theories. Now if only I can get her to stop going "gross" and "ew, get that away from me" when I eat something as bizarre (in her opinion) as tempeh.

Hungrygirl88

I don't know, I looked at my dad today and said that I was going to wear a pair of jeans smaller than he is one day. He's an average healthy size..between 32-33 waist in jeans...sometimes smaller (in the summer) and he looked at me and laughed " No you won't.." "why??" " He's like because you've got big hips.." I was like yeah okay we'll see.