Guys, be honest,....

hedgiie

i think this goes both ways is it? i think this has something to do our primal instinct's way of choosing the right mate as fit people tend to be healthy for re-production and appears to be capable survivor.

MoreBean13

I find this topic interesting. When I was heavier, I didn't find myself attractive, and I wasn't interested in dating anyone who found me attractive in that state. I value an active lifestyle and health, and didn't feel that I depicted that, and anyone who found me attractive overweight, their values in that aspect don't line up with mine. So I took it upon myself to change. I dunno, I know it sounds like a weird and shallow perspective, but it's honest.

likearadiowave

Depends on preference. Some guys have a preference or fetish for really large (or just curvy) women. Some women like huskier guys. I see all types of people with all body types.

Just depends on what you personally find attractive.

he said he thought it, not said it. you can't demand that people adhere to your views with their private thoughts. if he yelled out "damn girl, you'd be so hot if you weren't fat!", then yeah... go after him for being an a--... but for merely thinking it? no, that's not wrong. that's just his honest thought.

I can see what you're saying, but yea, thought crimes aren't really crimes.

The "you'd be hot if ____" thing is only really problematic if it manifests itself in a harmful way, like someone saying that to them and meaning it as a legitimate compliment (it's not.)

Umeboshi

i think this goes both ways is it? i think this has something to do our primal instinct's way of choosing the right mate as fit people tend to be healthy for re-production and appears to be capable survivor.

Brb letting my girlfriend and all the guys/gals who think I'm hot know that their primal instincts are flawed.

WaltSeher

Ahem..Sarah Rue?? yummmm

kimad

From a female perspective... I also like husky men... I like them a bit taller and mid 200's... I want to feel safe and protected.
Personally a guy who is skinny or too 'buff' is a HUGE turnoff for me.

Again, everyone has their own likes/dislikes.

firstsip

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

There are attractive overweight women. But you can't help but thing "damn, she's be really hot if she dropped some weight". Does that make me a ****? I don't think so.

Yup, it kind of does.

why? Just as someone's attracted to tall women vs short women...some are attracted to slim women as opposed to overweight women.

Yup, but the thought process of thinking "This person would be hot if they did xyz" is problematic and doesn't say great things about what kind of a person you are. It's fine to find certain attributes or body types more attractive than others, but it's generally not nice to look at a person and think of all the ways you could change them to fit YOUR sexual preferences.

he said he thought it, not said it. you can't demand that people adhere to your views with their private thoughts. if he yelled out "damn girl, you'd be so hot if you weren't fat!", then yeah... go after him for being an a--... but for merely thinking it? no, that's not wrong. that's just his honest thought.

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

Oh my; is this where we're going? You can't fault cis hetero males for their preferences no more than you can fault a gender queer person for there's. Having a thought that is, "I'm not initially attracted to this person" and knowing why that is is NOT problematic. By this logic, ever thinking someone is unattractive, be it their weight, height, nose shape, etc. is "problematic."

ihateroses

I find this topic interesting. When I was heavier, I didn't find myself attractive, and I wasn't interested in dating anyone who found me attractive in that state. I value an active lifestyle and health, and didn't feel that I depicted that, and anyone who found me attractive overweight, their values in that aspect don't line up with mine. So I took it upon myself to change. I dunno, I know it sounds like a weird and shallow perspective, but it's honest.

This!!! Its so hard to explain but this is exactly it.

WinnerVictorious

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

i'm not mad at you. so long as you don't try to carry out any floggings, we're good. :bigsmile:

PS - what is cis? i have no idea what that means.

AllTehBeers

i think this goes both ways is it? i think this has something to do our primal instinct's way of choosing the right mate as fit people tend to be healthy for re-production and appears to be capable survivor.

Brb letting my girlfriend and all the guys/gals who think I'm hot know that their primal instincts are flawed.

LOL.

That first one is a joke, right?

vice350z

jeesh..i didn't mean to start a chitstorm here with my comment. I can't help to feel that way. It's just an honest feeling.

Ivey05131980

Well. Sir Mix-A-Lot said it best...I will give my two cents for what it's worth. I think if the girl is big, but has a gorgeous face, then many men could find her attractive and may even find her, god forbid, SEXY! It is all about how the woman carries herself and her confidence and her body proportion, IMHO. I have had all types of men approach me, skinny, fat, black, white, hispanic, etc. I think the saying, "different strokes for different folks" applies. My husband always says that most men would not mind being with a bigger girl, but they are "scared" to because of what society might say...like when he was in school, he knew he would be ridiculed by his peers, if he wanted to date a "big girl." And finally, I like meat....I want to have something to hold onto. I love muscles and I'm generally attracted to bigger guys..I want someone who is strong and protective.

Umeboshi

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

Oh my; is this where we're going? You can't fault cis hetero males for their preferences no more than you can fault a gender queer person for there's. Having a thought that is, "I'm not initially attracted to this person" and knowing why that is is NOT problematic. By this logic, ever thinking someone is unattractive, be it their weight, height, nose shape, etc. is "problematic."

If I look at someone and go "wow they'd be hot if they just got an expensive and painful nosejob", I'd not be a very nice person.
The proper response is "Hey, they are fairly attractive but have some qualities I don't personally find as attractive, but I understand they do not exist to fulfill my fantasies of what is attractive and therefore I won't mentally reconstruct an idealized version of them because that's kind of a weird and not nice thing to do."

charelg

The topic said Be Honest!

crisanderson27

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

There are attractive overweight women. But you can't help but thing "damn, she's be really hot if she dropped some weight". Does that make me a ****? I don't think so.

Yup, it kind of does.

why? Just as someone's attracted to tall women vs short women...some are attracted to slim women as opposed to overweight women.

Yup, but the thought process of thinking "This person would be hot if they did xyz" is problematic and doesn't say great things about what kind of a person you are. It's fine to find certain attributes or body types more attractive than others, but it's generally not nice to look at a person and think of all the ways you could change them to fit YOUR sexual preferences.

he said he thought it, not said it. you can't demand that people adhere to your views with their private thoughts. if he yelled out "damn girl, you'd be so hot if you weren't fat!", then yeah... go after him for being an a--... but for merely thinking it? no, that's not wrong. that's just his honest thought.

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

Oh my; is this where we're going? You can't fault cis hetero males for their preferences no more than you can fault a gender queer person for there's. Having a thought that is, "I'm not initially attracted to this person" and knowing why that is is NOT problematic. By this logic, ever thinking someone is unattractive, be it their weight, height, nose shape, etc. is "problematic."

Miss firstsip, you can't win an internet argument with Umeboshi. It's impossible. She will dodge, ignore, manipulate, exaggerate, twist, turn, flip, sidestep, misconstrue, and any other adjective you can think of in order to make it seem like you're in the wrong.

Trust me, I've been down this road with her specifically more than one time. She, and those like her...are half the reason I don't post in these forums anymore.

firstsip

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

i'm not mad at you. so long as you don't try to carry out any floggings, we're good. :bigsmile:

PS - what is cis? i have no idea what that means.

It pretty much is a queer theory label for, "If your sex matches your gender identity, you're cis." ex: A "masculine" man into women. It's used almost specifically to differentiate between transgender/transsexual/gender queer identity more so than sexual preference, so not sure why the term was thrown out (in a pejorative way, I'd say).

vice350z

If I look at someone and go "wow they'd be hot if they just got an expensive and painful nosejob", I'd not be a very nice person.
The proper response is "Hey, they are fairly attractive but have some qualities I don't personally find as attractive, but I understand they do not exist to fulfill my fantasies of what is attractive and therefore I won't mentally reconstruct an idealized version of them because that's kind of a weird and not nice thing to do."

Your "proper response" is waaaaay to thought out. If someone had a huge nose, there's nothing wrong with thnking "dayam, they'd be hot if they got a nose job"

You're making way more out of it then it should be.

Umeboshi

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

i'm not mad at you. so long as you don't try to carry out any floggings, we're good. :bigsmile:

PS - what is cis? i have no idea what that means.

Cis is short for cisgender, and is the opposite of transgender.

crisanderson27

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

Oh my; is this where we're going? You can't fault cis hetero males for their preferences no more than you can fault a gender queer person for there's. Having a thought that is, "I'm not initially attracted to this person" and knowing why that is is NOT problematic. By this logic, ever thinking someone is unattractive, be it their weight, height, nose shape, etc. is "problematic."

If I look at someone and go "wow they'd be hot if they just got an expensive and painful nosejob", I'd not be a very nice person.
The proper response is "Hey, they are fairly attractive but have some qualities I don't personally find as attractive, but I understand they do not exist to fulfill my fantasies of what is attractive and therefore I won't mentally reconstruct an idealized version of them because that's kind of a weird and not nice thing to do."

LOL!! Yep, you haven't changed an ounce Miss.

Oh, wait...is 'Miss' an acceptable title for you? One never knows what the hell you'll find offensive.

matthew8387

however...not only guys are guilty of this...women DEFINITELY do the same thing to an extent. Singling out men is stupid and im not going to get into sexist bs but c'mon

how many of you GIRLS would look at an overweight guy and say "hmm i like the beer belly and the man boobs on him"...pleasseeee give it up.
An attractive person is an attractive person! doesnt matter what size, shape or what they are