Guys, be honest,....

05saleengirl

I've always aais, been told, believed that there has to be.some level of attraction first physically. Don't get me wrong, once the person opens their mouth, yeah, if they are a jerk its a deal breaker. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. I also believe that yeah, skinny i.e. not obese or very over weight is what most guys like. However, that being.said, I never had anyone really check me out at my heaviest, and don't notice much of a difference now 115 lbs later. So who knows.

DavPul

Because you're specifically requesting this from me, I'll respond.

1. It's great/awesome/fantastic to have preferences. Everyone has them. It's in general not a particularly nice thing to look at someone and immediately think of what they should change about themselves in order to appeal to your preferences. This way of thinking indicates a sense of entitlement for everyone to be attractive by your standards, and is general a not very accepting way of thinking. I'd elaborate but you've asked me to be brief.

2. People can have preferences for any body type and that's awesome. A preference does not equal a fetish just because a body type is less socially acceptable.

Fair enough, but

1. Do you think that's what is happening? I don't think we are looking at someone and thinking they should change. I think we look at them, judge if they fit our idea of attractiveness, and if not, we keep looking. We're not asking some random at the bar to conform, we're looking for the next chick at the bar. Who is doing exactly the same to us, while accepting our drinks anyway.

2. Agreed

05saleengirl

however...not only guys are guilty of this...women DEFINITELY do the same thing to an extent. Singling out men is stupid and im not going to get into sexist bs but c'mon

how many of you GIRLS would look at an overweight guy and say "hmm i like the beer belly and the man boobs on him"...pleasseeee give it up.
An attractive person is an attractive person! doesnt matter what size, shape or what they are

Amen...I will fully admit that when I'm checking someone out, looks are first and I'm thinking hmmm...not quite Channing Tatum, hut close. Lol j/k on that last part but yeah, being attracted based on what you.find attractive always happens first.

DawnEH612

I feel your question is the same among women... I don't see to many women calling overweight or obese men attractive.

I for one, am only attracted to slimmer women. It's just how I am.. Ill be friends with anyone but can only see myself with a slim woman.

That's why I am working on my weight to make it realistically possible. :P

I actually like a guy with some meat on his bones. I like a guy thts fit, but not a muscle head and not a rail thin guy... I want to know im with, that he is bigger than i am, that he isnt frail..

chopzgurl05

I find fit and overweight (not obese) people attractive. I've met quite a few guys that didn't mind a girl that had some curves and meat on her bone, also. Of course looks will always play a big role but I really think confidence has A LOT to do with whether or not someone finds you attractive. Just my 2 cents. . .

Natashaa1991

i'm only 21, and "men" that i date are not older than 24. That explains a lot. :blushing:

Definitely lol. You have to go a good bit older to up your chances...but even then you'll probably think he's dumb...mostly because of the fact that even though you speak the same language...you think in completely different ones lol.

So, I'm sorry to say...for now, you'll just have to be smart enough for you AND the boy .

oh i'm not saying boys aren't treating me well. I'm just saying that until the guy meets you and knows you as a person he likes you just because of your looks.
and most of them don't even wanna bother if you're too overweight or obese.
so we have to keep ourselves pretty all the time :flowerforyou:
i understand that i sound very immature but that's just how it is and you all know it.

brevislux

That's not a crime, we find some features attractive and some not so much, who says we must find everyone attractive? I know many people don't find me attractive and it doesn't bother me.

Umeboshi

Because you're specifically requesting this from me, I'll respond.

1. It's great/awesome/fantastic to have preferences. Everyone has them. It's in general not a particularly nice thing to look at someone and immediately think of what they should change about themselves in order to appeal to your preferences. This way of thinking indicates a sense of entitlement for everyone to be attractive by your standards, and is general a not very accepting way of thinking. I'd elaborate but you've asked me to be brief.

2. People can have preferences for any body type and that's awesome. A preference does not equal a fetish just because a body type is less socially acceptable.

Fair enough, but

1. Do you think that's what is happening? I don't think we are looking at someone and thinking they should change. I think we look at them, judge if they fit our idea of attractiveness, and if not, we keep looking. We're not asking some random at the bar to conform, we're looking for the next chick at the bar. Who is doing exactly the same to us, while accepting our drinks anyway.

2. Agreed

Long response ahead. Sorry.

My specific issue was with a guy saying he often looks at people and thinks "She would be hot if she lost weight" or something like that. Basically, the "They would be hot if they did xyz" mentality is a problem. I believe I stated earlier that looking at someone and then acknowledging they're not to your liking and moving on is a healthy way to deal with the situation. Do you think the "she would be hot if" judgments are kept strictly to the bar or other social dating situations? A lot of people do look at people at the grocery store, the mall, some public place, who are minding their own business.

The reason these little thoughts are a big issue to me? Too often, these thoughts can culminate in actions. People who think this way will sometimes make shaming remarks, sometimes without even realizing it. Obviously not everyone who thinks "They'd be hot if" will make these remarks, but it's important to recognize that it is one of the thought processes that can lead to those remarks. There are genuinely people out there who DO think they are owed attractiveness by other people and become so caught up in those thoughts that they act on them. I have heard of and experienced enough of these remarks to know that it is very real. And it's not just being told "You'd be so pretty if you lost weight.", or "ew she's fat who would date her", which is damaging enough, it's also literally being shouted at out of cars and other stuff like that. You may not see the connection between those thoughts and those actions, but it is there. Those actions partially stem from people's need to shame fat people into conforming to their standards of what is attractive.

Sbaby74

I have a dear friend who I use to go out with some , he an atactive man and he has told me many times he has never really been attracted to a skinny or thin women. At 225lbs I often think that one of the reasons we never really got together is that even though he always said I was sexy I don't think I was big enough for him , all his other gf's were much bigger than me. He is now married and she is a little bigger than me . Now that I think about it the guy I waas seeing a couple of years before him was the same way. So there are guys out there who think overqieght women are hot and even some who think obse women are sexy . The dather of my kids, his gf before he met me was at least 3t0lbs and he thought she was one pf the sexiest women he ever met.

Velum_cado

My husband definitely prefers fat girls. He doesn't even think thin women are worth a second look. So yes, those guys do exist, and I'd bet there are more of them than we realize. Society puts a huge stigma on fat and in talking to my husband and some male friends who like fat girls, they've all told me that at some point in their lives they felt they couldn't be open about their preference because their friends would make fun of them.

Saying that no one finds fat girls sexy is as ridiculous as saying everyone finds fat girls sexy.

10manda86

ive had my boyfriend comment on bigger girls being beautiful but you are right... only healthy looking girls are 'hot' and honestly cant blame a man for thinking like that, its true! Thin isn't 'hot' i'd just like to add that...

EvgeniZyntx

The reason these little thoughts are a big issue to me? Too often, these thoughts can culminate in actions. People who think this way will sometimes make shaming remarks, sometimes without even realizing it. Obviously not everyone who thinks "They'd be hot if" will make these remarks, but it's important to recognize that it is one of the thought processes that can lead to those remarks. There are genuinely people out there who DO think they are owed attractiveness by other people and become so caught up in those thoughts that they act on them. I have heard of and experienced enough of these remarks to know that it is very real. And it's not just being told "You'd be so pretty if you lost weight.", or "ew she's fat who would date her", which is damaging enough, it's also literally being shouted at out of cars and other stuff like that. You may not see the connection between those thoughts and those actions, but it is there. Those actions partially stem from people's need to shame fat people into conforming to their standards of what is attractive.

ashesfromfire

My man is a CHUBBY chaser - loves me between 160-180 pounds. Not so much when I topped the scales at 240, so he does have a "too big" point somewhere in there. Usually he looks at girls that are skinny, slender, or petite and thinks "ew"

pinkraynedropjacki

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

My husband does not care what size women are, he sees them all as the same. Just with more to grab hold of or 'bounce"

EvgeniZyntx

The reason these little thoughts are a big issue to me? Too often, these thoughts can culminate in actions.

Removing the forever quotes.

I'd bet that in 99.999% of ties those thoughts lead to no action.
I think you should also require that all people think good things about unattractive people. Because finding people unattractive in any way must sometimes lead to those actions.

I get what you are trying to bring out, but frankly it's a stretch - no one here has shown that they are "owed" attractiveness and trying to judge the poster by some outlier behavior is unreasonable.

Tachyonic

I think it's kind of unhealthy to expect a person of the sex you're attracted to to automatically be attracted to any and all body types. Every person has a certain set of body types that they can be attracted to. I think that naturally, people aren't going to be attracted to others who look "extreme" in any way (incredibly underweight or very overweight/obese). From a scientific standpoint, it'd make sense... why would you want to be with a person (who will theoretically carry your children or help raise your children) who looks unhealthy?

Furthermore, it isn't fair to assume that someone should be attracted to you (or that they should overlook certain aspects of your body) if you have serious health problems.

That being said, I think it's unhealthy from a societal standpoint to have this sort of discussion in the way I've seen it going. It sounds like the OP is kind of just getting out rage at men for not being attracted to obese women. (From my perspective, and from the many male friends, relatives, and acquaintances I've seen... being slightly overweight (up to probably about 30-35 pounds overweight) doesn't really matter to them. As long as they've got SOME sense of how to take care of themselves through diet or exercise, it's fine. But it's when someone has clearly let themselves go and doesn't care about their health that weight becomes noticeable and is a deterrent.

I think it's wrong to assume that a serious health problem like obesity should be overlooked when judging attractiveness, because it's not just an issue of looking cute... it's also a mental and emotional health problem, quite often.

thebigcb

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

And i doubt you hear women looking at obese men and saying "God Id love to use his belly as a blanket, I'd say he sweats loads"

Umeboshi

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

And i doubt you hear women looking at obese men and saying "God Id love to use his belly as a blanket, I'd say he sweats loads"

Fat people being overly sweaty is a myth.
Also, I used to love to lay on my ex boyfriend's fat belly. It made a lovely pillow.

Chadomaniac

some guys are into the super rounded look but personally i dont mind a bit of curves , just not into "obese" women

AnahitaCanDoIt

If male attention is anything to go by...

Having been 215lbs (I'm 5'6"and 43yr old) and 144lbs and everything in between I've made an observation.

In the obese BMI category ... Where I started... Zero attention from men and any attention was either neutral or negative .

Overweight BMI... Once my BMI hit about 27 I noted a marked change in the attention I got...

At healthy BMI I noted that men and actually everyone was nicer to me (in shops, etc)

At 27 BMI men started being attracted and in the healthy range, I get the most attention...

I di think it had as much to do with my confidence and how I carry myself as it did with my size.

Natashaa1991

ok no i changed my mind

thebigcb

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

And i doubt you hear women looking at obese men and saying "God Id love to use his belly as a blanket, I'd say he sweats loads"

Fat people being overly sweaty is a myth.
Also, I used to love to lay on my ex boyfriend's fat belly. It made a lovely pillow.

A big soft sweaty pillow i'd imagine. Lol.

Relax, I use to have a big fat sweaty belly, I'm surprised my partner didn;t point it out sooner

mistadj

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

I like thicker women with curves...but if the gut goes past the breast...then there is a problem. Thin dont mean healthy or inshape. I like fit women...not SKINNY women too much. Skinny women might not have a booty...but if she do...then im good.

Thick women (sorry i dont know sizes)...but i think a size 8-10 woman is good...as long as the butt is there :-)

crisanderson27

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

And i doubt you hear women looking at obese men and saying "God Id love to use his belly as a blanket, I'd say he sweats loads"

Fat people being overly sweaty is a myth.
Also, I used to love to lay on my ex boyfriend's fat belly. It made a lovely pillow.

A big soft sweaty pillow i'd imagine. Lol.

Relax, I use to have a big fat sweaty belly, I'm surprised my partner didn;t point it out sooner

But...but...your opinions aren't allowed...even though they come from someone who's been on that side of the fence...and has worked hard to make it to the other. Rather than expecting the world he lives in to change so he doesn't have to.

Miss_dannii

I'd doubt it. Would you as a woman look at an overweight or obese man and say wow he's hot?

AnahitaCanDoIt

healthy people tend to be better lovers... I didn't say gym heads or ppl of a certain size... I said healthy... I mean ppl who look after their teeth, hygiene, skin etc...

sunsnstatheart

No, and I can't imagine anyone being surprised by that.

Umeboshi

I'd doubt it. Would you as a woman look at an overweight or obese man and say wow he's hot?

Yes.

mogletdeluxe

So...personal preference is fine, as long as said you fit said preference and if you don't they're shallow and a bit of a knobber?

Riiiiiiiiight.

TheFunBun

What? Insane.

You people live in some other world where I am not being fat and propositioned and hooted at and approached every chance a dude gets. This other world where people are like, "Eww" instead of "Dayum".

I live in a world where men love fat women. Thank sweet jesus for it too.