Guys, be honest,....

3foldchord

Sometimes I think "He'd be hotter if he used better grammar. Or at least spoke in complete sentences."

firstsip

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

Oh my; is this where we're going? You can't fault cis hetero males for their preferences no more than you can fault a gender queer person for there's. Having a thought that is, "I'm not initially attracted to this person" and knowing why that is is NOT problematic. By this logic, ever thinking someone is unattractive, be it their weight, height, nose shape, etc. is "problematic."

If I look at someone and go "wow they'd be hot if they just got an expensive and painful nosejob", I'd not be a very nice person.
The proper response is "Hey, they are fairly attractive but have some qualities I don't personally find as attractive, but I understand they do not exist to fulfill my fantasies of what is attractive and therefore I won't mentally reconstruct an idealized version of them because that's kind of a weird and not nice thing to do."

I feel like you are not seeing that most everyone just said this?

Umeboshi

however...not only guys are guilty of this...women DEFINITELY do the same thing to an extent. Singling out men is stupid and im not going to get into sexist bs but c'mon

how many of you GIRLS would look at an overweight guy and say "hmm i like the beer belly and the man boobs on him"...pleasseeee give it up.
An attractive person is an attractive person! doesnt matter what size, shape or what they are

I've looked at plenty of dudes and thought their big bellies were adorable as hell soooo give it up, there are people who like all different types of bodies.

Sarauk2sf

jeesh..i didn't mean to start a chitstorm here with my comment. I can't help to feel that way. It's just an honest feeling.

Don't worry, The poster has a history of derailing these types of threads into discussions related to her own circumstances and agenda.

Awkward30

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

There are attractive overweight women. But you can't help but thing "damn, she's be really hot if she dropped some weight". Does that make me a ****? I don't think so.

Yup, it kind of does.

why? Just as someone's attracted to tall women vs short women...some are attracted to slim women as opposed to overweight women.

Yup, but the thought process of thinking "This person would be hot if they did xyz" is problematic and doesn't say great things about what kind of a person you are. It's fine to find certain attributes or body types more attractive than others, but it's generally not nice to look at a person and think of all the ways you could change them to fit YOUR sexual preferences.

he said he thought it, not said it. you can't demand that people adhere to your views with their private thoughts. if he yelled out "damn girl, you'd be so hot if you weren't fat!", then yeah... go after him for being an a--... but for merely thinking it? no, that's not wrong. that's just his honest thought.

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

No. Not the same at all. He would essentially be thinking "I am not currently attracted to this individual, however, if they lost some weight, I could see myself being attracted."

What is wrong with that? That's not saying this person should or will or needs to do xyz, only that their attraction would be dependent on xyz. Like for me, I could never date a smoker. Complete deal breaker. So I could think "I would ask him out if he didn't smoke" and that doesn't make me a douche, that just means that my affections are conditional and this person currently does not meet my criteria.

TheCaren

Confidence is attractive. The issue, in my mind, can be that when we feel down on ourselves, negative about who and what we are and what we look like, that goes out like a radar. It attracts the wrong people who prey on our insecurities, and not the right people, who might date us heavy if we had a different state of mind.

I always have been with big guys. Overweight, if you will. However, I recently married one who I darn near outweighed when I got on MFP. That's been interesting for my self esteem.... The bottom line is there has to be something that provides that instant attraction. The eyes. The confidence. The __________ (fill in the body part of your choice here). The wit. Whatever it is, that has to be there, and I don't care how skinny you are, if you don 't have that "go to" quality that attracts a certain person it isn't gonna happen. Or if it does, it won't get past the first date.

Umeboshi

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

Oh my; is this where we're going? You can't fault cis hetero males for their preferences no more than you can fault a gender queer person for there's. Having a thought that is, "I'm not initially attracted to this person" and knowing why that is is NOT problematic. By this logic, ever thinking someone is unattractive, be it their weight, height, nose shape, etc. is "problematic."

If I look at someone and go "wow they'd be hot if they just got an expensive and painful nosejob", I'd not be a very nice person.
The proper response is "Hey, they are fairly attractive but have some qualities I don't personally find as attractive, but I understand they do not exist to fulfill my fantasies of what is attractive and therefore I won't mentally reconstruct an idealized version of them because that's kind of a weird and not nice thing to do."

I feel like you are not seeing that most everyone just said this?

Okay, I should have wrote "think" instead of "go" to be more clear. Crappy thoughts aren't any less crappy just because they're thoughts.

txdahl

I understand where the op is coming from. I've been single for 7 yrs now and have been heavy and thin. Amazing how guys lined up to ask me out when I was thin. I am the same person either way but as the weight increased the dating opportunities decreased. It's funny because guys tell me what a great personality I have and what a great catch I am for 'someone' but never them. The funny part is that a number of these guys were the ones asking me out when I was thin (they have deployed more than once since we first met and seem to forget I remember them). I know we all have our preferences but it seems that I hear so many comments made by guys about heavy girls. I've actually quit trying to date because the negativity I get, it gets old.

vice350z

jeesh..i didn't mean to start a chitstorm here with my comment. I can't help to feel that way. It's just an honest feeling.

Don't worry, The poster has a history of derailing these types of threads into discussions related to her own circumstances and agenda.

i noticed. Not open to other people's preferences. We're just wrong.

ihateroses

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

Oh my; is this where we're going? You can't fault cis hetero males for their preferences no more than you can fault a gender queer person for there's. Having a thought that is, "I'm not initially attracted to this person" and knowing why that is is NOT problematic. By this logic, ever thinking someone is unattractive, be it their weight, height, nose shape, etc. is "problematic."

If I look at someone and go "wow they'd be hot if they just got an expensive and painful nosejob", I'd not be a very nice person.
The proper response is "Hey, they are fairly attractive but have some qualities I don't personally find as attractive, but I understand they do not exist to fulfill my fantasies of what is attractive and therefore I won't mentally reconstruct an idealized version of them because that's kind of a weird and not nice thing to do."

I feel like you are not seeing that most everyone just said this?

Okay, I should have wrote "think" instead of "go" to be more clear. Crappy thoughts aren't any less crappy just because they're thoughts.

I'm "thinking" right now is that you are talking out of your you know what because its the internets....

Dominque61

More than half my girlfriends were overweight at least a little...one got gastric bypass. i still see overweight ladies i think are hot.proportions and attitude matter to e exception guy. I am drme. the line for me is around 375 in ladies...more than that and they have too many issues with health for me. I am losing to fix my own health not for the ladies.

vice350z

If someone actually told me "you'd be hot if you dropped some weight" I'd be more motivated to lose and thank them...and not be offended.

crisanderson27

You never look at an overweight or obese girl and say "damn she's hot. do you?? I've even caught my husband saying how thin women are hot, but never any that are overweight or obese.

On topic. No...I don't, depending on how you define overweight. I know guys who have a preference for a larger weight range than my own, or 'body type' if you will (a few for example have found the body type pictures in this thread attractive, I didn't)...and some who prefer thinner women than I do. None that I know of think obese women are 'hot' in any way, shape or form.

There's a reason the 'fetish' for obese women is considered a fetish...it's far, far out of the norm, and has more to do with mental, emotional and/or sexual issues or differences than any typically labled 'attraction'.

firstsip

You're so right, let's all stop caring when people admit to problematic thoughts because they "merely" thought it. I privately think that all white cis hetero males should be flogged, but you can't get mad at me for it, because I only think about it.

Oh my; is this where we're going? You can't fault cis hetero males for their preferences no more than you can fault a gender queer person for there's. Having a thought that is, "I'm not initially attracted to this person" and knowing why that is is NOT problematic. By this logic, ever thinking someone is unattractive, be it their weight, height, nose shape, etc. is "problematic."

If I look at someone and go "wow they'd be hot if they just got an expensive and painful nosejob", I'd not be a very nice person.
The proper response is "Hey, they are fairly attractive but have some qualities I don't personally find as attractive, but I understand they do not exist to fulfill my fantasies of what is attractive and therefore I won't mentally reconstruct an idealized version of them because that's kind of a weird and not nice thing to do."

I feel like you are not seeing that most everyone just said this?

Okay, I should have wrote "think" instead of "go" to be more clear. Crappy thoughts aren't any less crappy just because they're thoughts.

I am being urged by the peanut gallery to cease and desist, but I must continue at least one more time, if only to say: you are literally policing thoughts with this logic, and I can only hope you feel that, "I think men who adhere to a hetero-normative standard should be flogged" is an equally uncharitable thought you should not think.

AllTehBeers

There's a reason the 'fetish' for obese women is considered a fetish...it's far, far out of the norm, and has more to do with mental, emotional and/or sexual issues or differences than any typically labled 'attraction'.

"Obese" can be someone 175 pounds. If you're talking about 500 pound women, yes I can understand. I hardly think my girlfriend has a fetish for loving my body when I was 300 pounds.

sed1217

Well, of course everyone is going to have different preferences. I'll just say this...I'm 5'9", and when I was 140, I would get casually asked out, on the bus, in coffeeshops, whatever. Now, 6 years older, married, and in the 240s, I still get asked out casually and hit on in bars, social situations, etc. I actually think I may get it more because I'm much more relaxed about being in social situations now that I'm off the market.

Honestly, I don't know if the guys who hit on me when I was thin would hit on me now, and vise versa. But only one matters to me now, and he's loved me through thick and thin.

Umeboshi

If someone actually told me "you'd be hot if you dropped some weight" I'd be more motivated to lose and thank them...and not be offended.

You'd be hot if you gained some weight.

Ivey05131980

Sometimes I think "He'd be hotter if he used better grammar. Or at least spoke in complete sentences."

Bwhahaha this is me!!

I'm not into man boobs or beer bellies, (that is a helluva visual) but I do like big guys and I'm glad some of them out there like me....

AllTehBeers

Honestly, I don't know if the guys who hit on me when I was thin would hit on me now, and vise versa. But only one matters to me now, and he's loved me through thick and thin.

This.

crisanderson27

I am being urged by the peanut gallery to cease and desist, but I must continue at least one more time, if only to say: you are literally policing thoughts with this logic, and I can only hope you feel that, "I think men who adhere to a hetero-normative standard should be flogged" is an equally uncharitable thought you should not think.

She said it jokingly lol, but it's an opinion she's expressed more than one or two or twenty times .

There's a reason the 'fetish' for obese women is considered a fetish...it's far, far out of the norm, and has more to do with mental, emotional and/or sexual issues or differences than any typically labled 'attraction'.

"Obese" can be someone 175 pounds. If you're talking about 500 pound women, yes I can understand. I hardly think my girlfriend has a fetish for loving my body when I was 300 pounds.

I'm not touching this with a ten foot pole. I've got enough strikes thank you very much.