Those of you who have or have had a B**chy teenage girl

lizzybethclaire

I have a bitc*y 17 year old male. I think all teenagers are as*hats until they get older. I love how he thinks he knows everything at 17, but the only thing he does know is how to push my buttons. All teens think the world owes them something. I told my son the world owes him nothing and all we owe him is food, clothing, and shelter and to help him on his way to his dreams. When your daughter gets in the real world and sees how hard you had to work, that is when it will end.

edit: to make clear, my husband and I don't put up with any of his crap. We may not have much, but we love him. His friends have told him he is lucky that their parents don't spend time with them. sad, in my opinion.

_babyfox

im an 18 year old girl and have definitely been too mean to my mom before too. i always feel bad after, but sometimes it is really hard to admit our wrongness and apologize, even if we want to. im sorry that she hurts your feelings, and i dont know if she realizes what she is doing, but i think she definitely loves you and cares about you WAY more than she shows. she will outgrow this and later feel horrible for it, but as cliche and annoying as what i'm about to say is: she is just being a teenage girl.

im writing this out of experience because i regret every time i hurt my mom, too. our relationship was horrible, but got much better around when i turned 18. i hope she gets through this stage soon. i wish you the best.

rwhawkes

I do remember the pain of having a 16 year old daughter. I wish I had been able to be more supportive and patient with her at the time, as she was going through a lot of *kitten*, having a slight learning disability and sometimes being the target of the cool kids. She was really rude, inconsiderate, and her room was a disaster zone. Fortunately she wasn't into drugs or promiscuity as that can really really mess up a kid. In retrospect I think that shows that she was strong willed in many ways.

She graduated from HS and moved out on her own, a couple provinces away.

She's 28 now and very pleasant to be around.

DebbieLyn63

At 17, the part of her brain that regulates emotions and reasoning has not finished forming yet. Her hormones are at an all time high. Put these together and you can have a very volatile teen. It WILL get better with time and life experience. My daughters had their horrible times growing up, but now they are 22 and 24 and see life a whole lot differently than they did then.

Try not to take things she says personally. She is just using every weapon she can to get her way. If she knows she gets to you, she wins.

Set well-defined boundaries. Allow her to respectfully discuss things she doesn't like and be willing to compromise on certain things, but don't allow screaming, cursing, and other abusive behavior.

Remain calm and in control at all times. You must model the behavior that you want from her. Kids learn more by seeing than they do hearing. Don't try to address issues when she is upset. Give her time to cool down first so you can discuss them calmly.

And just be patient, loving and consistent. She will eventually grow out of this time and realize soon that her mom isn't the idiot she thought you were.

The payoff is watching them grow into wonderfully self-sufficient, caring adults that give you beautiful grandbabies!

atsteele

It gets better... I have two daughters (22 & 19).

I never engaged in a "screaming match" with them. I always stated the reasons behind the rules (not just a "because I said"). The rules where clear, the punishments for breaking them were clearer. If they choose to break them they got the punishment every single time (and generally I would tell them I was sorry they were upset by the punishment and I wished they had of made different decisions).

If they approached me in a respectful way and asked to have a curfew extended or a change in the rules I would discuss it and if their reasons were good, I would allow it (with provisions). When they were nasty to me I told them exactly how it made me feel (little guilt never hurt no one! LOL). Generally it was always followed by a "cooling off" period and then they would apologize (on their own).

Ultimately, my husband (who generally leaves discipline up to me) would put them in their place if they were rude to me. He's a big believer in never disrespecting your mother (so awesome backup!). I didn't have a problem saying "I'm not discussing this right now because I'm so mad I might say something hurtful". We butted heads many times (it wasn't perfect by any means) but I always tried to remember I was the adult and conduct myself as such. Now that they are older, the relationships are much better. We are close and they come to me for advise. Teen girls are hard because they are so moody and they are out for blood when they are mad. It's hard to not react in the same way.

They both still live home so still have rules. My oldest pretty much does what she wants but has to let us know if she's staying out all night. My youngest still has to ask for permission to stay out all night or go away for the weekend (although she seldom gets told no). They are both expected to pick up after themselves, do chores when asked and be respectful of each other and us. They are pretty well adjusted young ladies. My oldest is an RN and saving to buy a house. My youngest is still "figuring it out" and can be a little flakey (I always call her out on it though).

Hang in there, it will get better!!

Sounds like my house. I have 5 kids including two girls (12yo & soon 8yo). Respect is huge here. The 12yo is very mature for her age but sometimes has her bad days... like any of us. If she were screaming at me, she would be told that the expectation is that she is going to apologize and she is losing something. Sometimes I give the kids a second chance before immediately doling out a punishment (to show that I understand everyone makes mistakes), depending on if they showed self control and nipped their bad behavior in the bud. As they get older, I expect that their behavior should improve as they mature. Being a "teenager" shouldn't be an excuse for bad behavior. I do however understand that more and more, as they get older and have more freedoms and test their wings a bit, that their choices are more out of my control. I just hope and pray that I've given them the best foundation for making their own choices going forward.

wareagle8706

I agree with all the other girls on here that were once teens. I was a total terror for my mother. It stopped once I got to college and finally started understanding why she did all the things she did.... It was to protect me and keep me safe.

One time I was bugging the *kitten* out of my mom by following her down the hallway asking her why I couldn't go over to a friends house. She turned to me and said, "Do NOT follow me to my bedroom." Well.... I did. I was following behind her nagging at her and the next thing I know I'm up against the wall with her hand on my chest. I stopped following her. My mom never spanked me so her putting me against the wall was a big moment for me because I realized just how far I had pushed her and it started to really hurt me that I had treated her that way.

I think it takes a certain level a maturity before the teenage kid really realizes what they've been doing to their parents... if they don't reach that level (I know a girl who is 20 and doesn't understand what she's doing to her mother, my friend) then it may take until they're in there late 20's to 30's....

serena569

I was terrible as a teenager. My mom has this theory that nature makes us that way as teenagers, that way when we move out, it will be a relief and won't hurt so much.

One of my friends said this is God's way of making it easier on us mom's when we drop them off in the dorms.

WillardsMommy1

This thread should be renamed "birth control"!

After these stories and remembering how mean I was to my mom (i still feel SOOOOO guilty) I am newly motivated to NOT have kids!

keith0373

Does it ever get better? Mine is going to be 17 on Dec. 21st. I can't talk to her about anything without feeling like I have to walk on eggshells. She screamed at me last night on the phone and when I talked to her this morning about it and really expected an apology she just kept up the b**ch act and acted like she was better than that. This is the type of relationship that if it wasn't my daughter, I would be walking away from it.
So I want to know, does it get better? Will she wake up one day and realize that she should be nicer to me? I feel like crying right now. She is my only child. My Mom and I have a great relationship and one day I want to have that with her, but right now I just want to have time away from her. I feel bad for even writing that.

She screamed at you?
Once she got how she should have gotten popped in the mouth.
Plain and simple.
You are her Mother, not her boyfriend.

We have 3 teenage daughters and a son and none of them would ever do that to their mother. They have all been brought up knowing that it is unacceptable and that the consequences will be swift and severe. I am not sure what you do about it once you let it get to this point, but I think that this guy has the right idea.

tararocks

Didn't read all of the posts but I am right there with you, except my daughter is only 14. She actually is a good kid, I have to keep reminding myself of that, she doesn't get in trouble, she doesn't skip school, she hangs out with "good" kids, she's in honors classes, etc. However, she has an attitude about everything, I wonder if she doesn't know the words "thank you." God forbid i say somethign slightly critical of her (your hair is a mess, your room is a mess, you have mascara under your eyes) i am instantly evil and mean and a horrible parent. She is lazy, and admits it, she only cares about what she cares about and nothing else, mom take me here, mom pick me up, mom bring me dinner. its a tough line to walk between tough love let her be responsible and not set her up for failure...either way i go she hates me for it:) Luckily i can remember being a teenager as it wasnt that long ago and i can pick my battles and know it will get better, my poor husband though, he may not live through the teen years:)

Marmitegeoff

Hang in there. I think there should be some sort of major award or prize for getting through those years! :drinker:

There is it is called grandparenthood.

madworld1

At 17 she really should have grown out of that phase by now. Could be she's just a jerk. All the adult jerks in the world were children once too, you know.

Not necessarily true and way too negative. I was that b**chy girl. I left my parents house when I was 17 bc I thought I had it all figured out. I put them through hell. That's no joke. But, I'm not the same person that I was back then. At 17, hormones are still raging and she is fighting for her independence and trying to figure out who she is. You don't have to take *kitten* from her though. Stick to your rules and be firm, but give her a little bit of space. Let her know you love her (I'm sure you already do), and don't be too smothering. When she acts b**chy, just let her know that you aren't going to subject yourself to that attitude.

I have an 11-year-old boy and I swear he acts like a 16-year-old. I walk away when he starts bucking up. I'm not going to listen to it. He knows that when he is ready to talk nicer to me, then I will listen.

reasnableblonde

My parents tell me I was a really good teenager, but I definitely had my moments of conflict with my mom. She referred to me as "overdramatic little *****" to other people numerous times, which only made my relationship with her worse. Disrespect was not tolerated in my parents' home and I can honestly say I did a good job of keeping my nose clean, but my mom's attitude towards me definitely did damage... damage we're still trying to repair.

I don't have children yet, so I can't give practical advice except to say, please don't call her a ***** or let her hear you calling her that. Talk to her, tell her that her behavior is extreme and isn't acceptable, and be there for her if she needs you. The stupidest things can be the end of the world for a teenage girl... she'll understand that eventually. I'm sure it will pass.

FierceFox81

My sisters a *****y teenage girl, well all 3 are/were and I have smacked my fair share of faces and put them many times in their place.I respect them and they respect me, its different when it comes to family, but thanks to them I have skill in this area. Girlfriends don't back talk me and they've taught me to take no **** from any woman. Women can say boohoo men are jerky but I think women can definitely be 100% as evil, if not evil-er.

You seem like quite the catch....

I was thinking the same thing. hahahaha I'd like to see him try and smack any female around me. Someone would be getting a beat down....and it wouldn't be this women

JenniBaby85

Okay, if this sounds mean, it is not my intention at all. I am truthfully just trying to help. So I'm sorry in advance if it does sound mean. ~~~
She sounds pretty normal to me . With the exception of it seems like maybe something ELSE is bothering her, and she doesn't want to/feel like she can talk to you about it, whatever it is. If that's the case there are a few ways of approaching it.
But foremost, do not *act* angry. When people ACT angry it makes them seem unapproachable. Also, as a teenager I hated it when my Mom tried to get an apology out of me. To this day, NO ONE can force an apology out of me by acting angry, or sulking. I have to actually feel sorry, and if the person in question is feeling sorry for themselves, I do NOT feel sorry. I figure they are doing a well enough job on their own .

Now if something else is bothering her you can try to have an unrelated conversation with her and slowly work into more serious "Is something bothering you? You can talk to me about anything" etc. Or, when tempers cool off you can just flat out ask her what's up. There are numerous ways, only you know your relationship with your daughter best, so take what you know and apply it.
Or she could just be PMSing. In which case, we can all get that way.

Init_to_winit

I feel a lot of people have already said this but I'm sure things will get better. I went through a phase my last few years of high school and my first year of college when I was living at home. I remember it well, I feel bad for saying it, but I couldn't stand being around my mom. I hated being at home, I hated being told what to do, I hated being asked about my life. Being a teenage girl is one thing I am fine with never experiencing again. I had no control of my emotions, the only good thing is I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain weight.

When I moved away to a different college I realized how much I love my mom and how much she did for me. I missed her so much! We would talk on the phone for hours, our whole relationship changed and we became so much closer. Now I am 25 and married and I still can't stand to go to long without talking to my mommy! All I want is to show her how much she means to me and how much I appreciate her.

jenniferinfl

It gets better!

I don't have a teenage girl, but one of my younger sisters was really tough. She's still highstrung as an adult and you still have to be careful what you say to her, some people are just like that. The other two of us even'd out a lot with age.

Experiment with how you communicate with her to minimize the negative reactions as much as possible. Basically all you can do right now is try to avoid a bunch of negative memories and hope she grows out of it. Is she better behaved when others are around? Maybe have a girls day out once a week or so with her and your mother if that helps keep her in line. Otherwise, yeah, next few years are still going to be tough.

themeaningofthemorning

Listen to her. Her point of view. Don't think you're always right.

As a teenager that's all I can say.

Yes because teenagers have such a wealth of life experience... :noway:

This is the problem. You have to look at them as adults. Treat them with respect.

Okay, you absolutely do not have to look at teenagers as adults, because they are not adults. Yes, you must treat ALL PEOPLE with respect, but let's not get out of hand. Teenagers are not adults. Their brains are wired to believe they are adults, yet they still very much need REAL ADULT guidance.

Vianco

I have (3) teens... 16, 15, & 14. My girls are 14 & 15. The verb you used they haven't been. However, they do attempt to become mouthy at times. They are somewhat terrified with mom's potential wrath so they go head on with dad......

Anyhow, there's not much you can do. It, for the most part, IS a phase. However, I with none of us knowing her or you or y'all relationship she IS 17 (now take this with a grain of salt because I do fairly candid parenting) if she wants to start speaking to you like a grown up she needs to start contributing like a grown up. I don't know if she's getting ready to go off to college or where she is in that spectrum but you may have to do some tough parenting here. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. As hard as it is.

Good luck.

amyrebtx

Listen to her. Her point of view. Don't think you're always right.

As a teenager that's all I can say.

Yes because teenagers have such a wealth of life experience... :noway:

This is the problem. You have to look at them as adults. Treat them with respect.

While I don't disagree with treating teens with respect, they are NOT adults. They are adolescents who do not yet have the maturity to reason as adults. They lack perspective, world experience, and 99% of the time think only of themselves.
As to the OP - I feel you and don't have the magic answer. My oldest daughter is 16 and can definitely be a B. One thing I know for certain is that her moods are very tied to her cycle - therefore we take that into consideration when dealing with her. I can only hope that it gets better - I know I was a mean, terrible daughter to my mom, but somehow I outgrew it and still had a great relationship with her once I was older. I'm hoping for the same with my daughter because we honestly don't have a great relationship now and it makes me sad.