Dads- if you're son wants a baby doll....?
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There are a lot of people I hope don't have children based on these obviously ignorant and homophobic responses.......
^
That aside, if a boy turns out to be gay, it doesn't matter if his parents try their hardest to quash it with their upbringing and suppress his true nature with all their might, beat it out of him, preach it out of him, whatever--it doesn't change anything except their relationship with their son and it will harm the boy psychologically in the long run.
Giving a boy a Barbie doll or a girl a Tonka Truck has no greater affect on a child's sexuality than it would affect a heterosexual adult to stumble across gay porn. Forcing "the gay" out of your child will result in nothing other than years of confusion, self-loathing and fear when they finally discover it for themselves and are too terrified to tell you.
tl;dr Give your son the doll, who cares? Chances are it's just a phase, kids go through phases all the time. But if he does grow up to be gay, why should it even matter? He is your son and you should love him unconditionally. Period.0 -
i fought tooth and nail when my daughter was tiny to raise her as unbiased as possible. I chose medium colors, rather than pink, cool toys, hard core stuff, skulls and crossbones, pirates, ninjas, Jackie Chan movies/cartoons. All of it. I wanted a tomboy, or at least not a princess...
Guess what.
I got a Princess. NOTHING I could have done would have stopped her from choosing pink, from wanting dolls, from princess dresses and makeup and nail polish. She's seven now and loves guns and Jackie Chan and karate class and Girl Scouts, and she's the coolest, most sarcastic and funny little girl ever, but she still LOVES her pink. She is going to be a gorgeous, high class, dressed to the nines kind of woman. And who am I to judge, deflect, or redirect that when it is WHO SHE IS!
This relates to parents who try to "Force" a son to be 'manly.' Real men take care of their children, hold and cuddle and love just as openly and lovingly as women, at least the good fathers I've known. That makes them better men, not less. As a baby boy, being told it is 'unmasculine,' 'unmanly,' or feminine to have a baby, or worse, that feminine is somehow a bad thing, is unebelievably blind.
You are a wonderful human being and an even more inspiring parent. Kudos to you, my good woman!0 -
Pretty sure I've read a few studies linking little boys and dolls to homosexuality. Can't remember if it either was an indicator of them already having gay tendencies or if it actually played a part in their sexual development.
Either way, hell no. (Not a dad yet...but my son won't be playing with any dolls that I bought)
Wrong. There is no such study and if there is, it is not a peer reviewed scientific study.
"We conclude that strongly gender-typed toys appear to be less supportive of optimal development than neutral or moderately gender-typed toys."
http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11199-005-7729-0?LI=true
BAM
Wow, did you even read the study that you posted as your 'proof'???? I seriously doubt it. All this 'study' did was ask a bunch of undergraduate psychology students to rate a bunch of toys as to whether they thought the toys were masculine, feminine, or gender-neutral. There is absolutely NOTHING in this study linking types of toys with childhood development or sexuality. There weren't even children involved in the study. The fact that the authors make a hand-waving statement about what is really a hypothesis that wasn't even tested by their study doesn't support your point at all.
As a scientist, I'm absolutely appalled by the inability of many people to read and interpret scientific information...
^^this0 -
i fought tooth and nail when my daughter was tiny to raise her as unbiased as possible. I chose medium colors, rather than pink, cool toys, hard core stuff, skulls and crossbones, pirates, ninjas, Jackie Chan movies/cartoons. All of it. I wanted a tomboy, or at least not a princess...
Guess what.
I got a Princess. NOTHING I could have done would have stopped her from choosing pink, from wanting dolls, from princess dresses and makeup and nail polish. She's seven now and loves guns and Jackie Chan and karate class and Girl Scouts, and she's the coolest, most sarcastic and funny little girl ever, but she still LOVES her pink. She is going to be a gorgeous, high class, dressed to the nines kind of woman. And who am I to judge, deflect, or redirect that when it is WHO SHE IS!
This relates to parents who try to "Force" a son to be 'manly.' Real men take care of their children, hold and cuddle and love just as openly and lovingly as women, at least the good fathers I've known. That makes them better men, not less. As a baby boy, being told it is 'unmasculine,' 'unmanly,' or feminine to have a baby, or worse, that feminine is somehow a bad thing, is unebelievably blind.
NO one said anything about forcing anything. I just said i wasn't buying him a doll. lol again.. way too much reading into stuff going on ! lol
Nothing is ever cut and dry..You deal with each situation as it comes. If i had a son and he asked for a doll.. id take him to the boys toys section and tell him to pick out a cool racer or pogo stick or whatever. That's all.
I get the impression you think I was talking to you. Who's reading into stuff, exactly? :P
You don't have a son. And if you actually realize that 'nothing is cut and dry' then you would also know it to be hypocritical to declare that followed by the statement that under NO circumstances would you allow your imaginary son to express his forming cognitive capacities in whatever manner felt right to him. Hypocrisy is gnarly man. Gnarly! Neener neener. :P0 -
umm really? This might be the dumbest thing I've read on this forum.
[/quote]
Really? This might be dumbest thing I'VE read on this forum:
"Pretty sure I've read a few studies linking little boys and dolls to homosexuality. Can't remember if it either was an indicator of them already having gay tendencies or if it actually played a part in their sexual development.
Either way, hell no. (Not a dad yet...but my son won't be playing with any dolls that I bought)"0 -
i fought tooth and nail when my daughter was tiny to raise her as unbiased as possible. I chose medium colors, rather than pink, cool toys, hard core stuff, skulls and crossbones, pirates, ninjas, Jackie Chan movies/cartoons. All of it. I wanted a tomboy, or at least not a princess...
Guess what.
I got a Princess. NOTHING I could have done would have stopped her from choosing pink, from wanting dolls, from princess dresses and makeup and nail polish. She's seven now and loves guns and Jackie Chan and karate class and Girl Scouts, and she's the coolest, most sarcastic and funny little girl ever, but she still LOVES her pink. She is going to be a gorgeous, high class, dressed to the nines kind of woman. And who am I to judge, deflect, or redirect that when it is WHO SHE IS!
This relates to parents who try to "Force" a son to be 'manly.' Real men take care of their children, hold and cuddle and love just as openly and lovingly as women, at least the good fathers I've known. That makes them better men, not less. As a baby boy, being told it is 'unmasculine,' 'unmanly,' or feminine to have a baby, or worse, that feminine is somehow a bad thing, is unebelievably blind.
As others said, I agree with you on all of this as well. I completely relate on what you are saying about raising daughters. I have 2 as well. I agree with you about the need for men that love and nurture children (considering my own childhood was exceedingly violent and abusive). And I agree that it is very sad that what it boils down to is that it seems people think that "being like a girl" is what is actually the bad thing.0 -
My son has an older sister so he wanted a doll i got him one. I dont see why it matters. In my opinion if my daughter can play with cars trucks and super hero costumes then why cant he play with a doll.0
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We've always been very adamant with our boys that there is no such thing as "boy toys" and "girl toys". They can play with whatever toys they like, they can like any colors that they prefer....there's no need to give young children complexes for no good reason. Both of our boys have asked me to paint their nails....our oldest is a Steelers fan, so he always wants his either black and yellow, or his own school colors: red and white. Our youngest is an Eagles fan, so he always wants them green or he wants them each a different color. Who cares? They're kids, let them be kids and do what makes them happy. It hurts no one.0
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And, those of you saying things about raising your sons to be "men", or that homosexuality is related to DOLLS.....you make me sick and I feel bad for your children....it's a shame that people like you are allowed to reproduce.0
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I say ehhh - whatever. I doubt you're destroying the kid's masculinity by buying him the doll. By the same token I doubt you're making him forever afraid to show his softer side by offering an alternative.
Yea, dad's going to take some ribbing from his pals when they see the boy playing with the doll. And likely the kid will hear one comment at some point and decide the doll isn't worth it. Whatever, that's life. The trick though as a parent is its okay to guide but not to be a jack*** about it. And that goes equally for the ones who argue that things like girls' legos are the just "the worst".
And before you judge, I have 2 wonderful little girls. They both love princess dresses, and pink and sparkly anything. Of course I've also seen that dinosaurs and alligators are sooo awesome and remote control apache helicopters are just the best toy ever, well maybe next to the easy bake oven. Kids are kids, guide a little and give a little and let them become who they are.
Edited to add: I just want to add to my earlier post that you should probably cut your husband some slack. Your son is 21 months old and your husband is probably very eager to get his boy moving along the road to manhood. At 21 months the kid is probably going to be just as happy with a stuffed tiger. There seems to be a heck of lot of judgmental ladies in this thread who all know better than men about raising boys. I'm pretty open minded when it comes to toys but I also think a man has a say in how his son is going to be raised. I tend to defer to my wife on a lot of issues with our girls for a similar reason. If the kid is 10 and he starts liking boys then you can step in a protect him if dad insists on being a jack*** about that but its just a doll and the kid is only 21 months.0 -
All the little boys I have encountered play with stuffed animals and dolls of various kinds and no other kids make fun of them. It's only adults that I have seen get weird about it (usually the adults that are low in education, sorry but it's true).0
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my son plays with dolls, babies, etc. He has 2 sisters so it comes with it. i dont think he'll be gay. Actually i dont care if he is.0
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William wants a doll:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lshobg1Wt2M
I've seen this video over a hundred times and it still makes me cry.0 -
I'm not a Dad but I'm sure my husband wouldn't mind if his son had a doll. He had his own doll when he was little, so did most of my guy friends.
It was trendy in the 70's around here to give your son a doll, every little boy was supposed to have at least one doll to show that you wanted your son to be sensitive and not a macho a-hole.
Anyhow, I think it is better to buy him a doll than to not. Not buying him a doll reinforces gender stereotypes, most of which are negative.0 -
true and very sad story. When my sisters little grandson was about 3, she took him to Toys R us and told him to pick out a toy he really wanted and she would buy it for him. Well, he wanted a doll really badly, even though she told he could have anything, even a bike if he wanted. So she bought him the doll and he was thrilled! When they got back to her house though, he asked if she could keep it for him because he didn't want his mom or dad to know he had a doll! That story broke my heart. And all I could think was what a sad world we live in where little boys can't be little daddies without feeling ashamed and embarrassed. PLEASE get him the doll and educate your husband. Little boys can play with dolls and little girls can play with trucks!!0
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true and very sad story. When my sisters little grandson was about 3, she took him to Toys R us and told him to pick out a toy he really wanted and she would buy it for him. Well, he wanted a doll really badly, even though she told he could have anything, even a bike if he wanted. So she bought him the doll and he was thrilled! When they got back to her house though, he asked if she could keep it for him because he didn't want his mom or dad to know he had a doll! That story broke my heart. And all I could think was what a sad world we live in where little boys can't be little daddies without feeling ashamed and embarrassed. PLEASE get him the doll and educate your husband. Little boys can play with dolls and little girls can play with trucks!!
Thanks for sharing that!
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I work with young kids and in the classroom the boys sometimes play with the dolls, but I notice these are normally the same boys that favor stuffed animals as well. If dad really has an issue with it you could always try having a "baby bear" caring for the animal would provide the same care taking and nurturing experiences that he would benefit from having a doll while leaving dad comfortable. I'm sure he would not want your son walking around public with a doll though I highly doubt he would mind him carrying a stuffed bear.0
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My brother had a boy baby doll when he was a toddler and he is a hunting, fishing, beer guzzling, car fixing, sports playing Man's Man. He's also great with kids! I say let him have a doll.0
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and I'm sure playing with all those manly, half naked, muscle clad action figures is doing wonders for his heterosexuality.
Awesome! LOL.0 -
true and very sad story. When my sisters little grandson was about 3, she took him to Toys R us and told him to pick out a toy he really wanted and she would buy it for him. Well, he wanted a doll really badly, even though she told he could have anything, even a bike if he wanted. So she bought him the doll and he was thrilled! When they got back to her house though, he asked if she could keep it for him because he didn't want his mom or dad to know he had a doll! That story broke my heart. And all I could think was what a sad world we live in where little boys can't be little daddies without feeling ashamed and embarrassed. PLEASE get him the doll and educate your husband. Little boys can play with dolls and little girls can play with trucks!!
That's so sad. Children should never have to feel embarrassed because of that kind of stuff. What always p!ssed me off, was when one of my cousins who had a boy would get mad at their son for crying and tell him to "be a man." Because, men are void of all emotion, or something ignorant like that.0 -
Every little kid wants an "invisible" friend, or whatever. That's how I see it. I never played with baby dolls myself, I thought they were "stupid." LOL Even at that age. But, my best friend was my Guinea Pig. She and I would spend hours together, I told her all my secrets and she "helped" me build stuff and "played" dolls with me.
Kids just do the toy or animal friend thing at that age. A baby doll could still be a boy, if it matters, they just want someone to nurture and play with who will always be there next to them. It's no big deal. To the two guys and the mom and whoever are against it, I just hope you find a constructive, not super judgmental way of denying your boys the dolls they request (if they request them). We just want kids to be comfortable in their own skin and not be all messed up about themselves when they get older. Don't yell at them about wanting dolls or whatever, just find a way to channel that interest into something you view as acceptable. Like those throw able squishy WWE "figures" (I'm pretty sure anything that looks like a human and is of a certain size is technically a doll...I mean the difference between "Ken" and an "action figure" is what exactly?? Pretty sure its just the aisle they're sold on and the "name" we've given them...").
Also, you have to ask yourself on the studies you've found to substantiate your thoughts on gender confusion (aka desire to cross dress, sex change or desire to "be" the other sex), if the studies reflect a propensity amongst kids with early indications of gender identity issues (which could make some sense) toward toys of the other gender--and having been conducted in a way that would indicate a non-bias sample and a large enough sample over a period of years or if it was conducted in such a way that the participants just more or less fed the desired result. That's the difficulty of psychological survey sciences amongst populations of complexed higher level animals (like humans).
One also has to ask ones self if a gender confusion issue is based in genetics or society...if it's genetic, there's really nothing you can do to prevent it, except instill such a level of self loathing about that part of themselves that they never embrace it, but they end up hating themselves. Or if it's nurture, and that happens you've only yourself to blame??
Also, how does this fall as far as girls playing with "boys" toys? How would you figure it out that your girl has a gender confusion issue? We encourage our girls to learn tom boy type stuff now and be independent and use tools and such. How are you going to "prevent" your girls from wanting a sex change or whatever? Or are we only worried about the "fragile" psyches of men? I mean girls seem pretty flexible with the toy "issue." By making our girls "independent" do we create a society with no room for "manly" men? This may be a different question all together, though interesting.
Anyhow...0 -
probably not because baby dolls are pretty boring for boys. the only fun i got out of my sister's dolls were hanging them or hiding them from her.0
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Aside from the fact that I'd love my son if he were gay or straight.
As a child and adolescent therapist, this thread depresses me. I need to go count calories or something.
Echo your sentiments as a licensed therapist as does my early childhood educator wife. My gay cousin (I am 54, he is 55) grew up playing with toy trucks, little green army men, and all the seemingly gender based toys.
There is no real evidence to support such nonsense. They are toys and they are kids. I wouldn't worry...now if he was 23, I might have concerns....
Some just dont get it.
No, we totally get that you're too hung up on outdated gender roles and stereotypes to pay attention to actual social science research and listen to people who have graduate degrees in and work in the child development field.
That's cool, you probably expect your woman to stay in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant too.0 -
I wouldn't deny my child anything that I could give them (if they were being a good child and without spoiling them).... anyways, wouldn't a child want it more if they can't have it? ...I don't have a child so I am not sure....0
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Hell yeah give him the doll
I think it's cute he wants to be a little daddy, if I was a dad I'd have no problem with it,
I remember playing families with one of my cousins when I was little and I turned out ok, a little odd but in a vague sense I turned out ok.0 -
According to a Sexual Education For Preschoolers that I went to, we should try encourage gender specific toys. Eg if your boy likes dolls, rather buy him an action figure.
My husband would definitely have issues with it, so I wouldn't do it. I may not agree with him, but they are OUR children and he has a right to express his beliefs too.0 -
My son went through a phase where he wanted a doll. So I bought him a doll for Christmas, complete with a bottle and a blanket and a baby bed. He played with it for exactly 2 weeks, and then threw it in the corner. I went through a truck phase when I was a little girl. I didn't turn out to be a lesbian. I don't see what the big friggin deal is.0
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I think it's a great idea. Baby dolls need a daddy sometimes.
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Don't worry - it's normal and he will lose interest over time. My son is 19 months younger than my daughter, and he used to play with her dolls all the time. He also used to put on her tutus and dance around the house with her. By the time he was school age, those interests had disappeared in favor of sports, action figures and beating the crap out of his sister ....0
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Get him one! My little brother had an easy bake oven!0
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