Mom's don't look like that!!!

TripleJ3

Im one of those Lucky ones that did not get stretch marks. Cocoa butter ladies.

It has a ton to do with genetics, the position and size of the baby. I slathered all sorts of lotions and creams and nothing prevented them. Over 9lb baby.

Definitely more factors than just cocoa butter. My first pregnancy I gained 60 lbs all over with no stretch marks. The second pregnancy I gained 50lbs but gained more in my stomach then ended up with a few stretch marks and a little bit of loose skin.

RiannonC

I do think mothers need to give themselves a little more slack. Don't stress too much about gaining a lot during pregnancy. Give yourself a full year, maybe more, to get back in shape. You don't have to work out 6 days a week to be successful and healthy. 2-3 days of heavy lifting is fine. You don't have to eat 1200 calories a day. TDEE - 20% is great (for me that's 2000 calories). If you miss a gym day because of a sick kid, don't beat yourself up. Being a fit, healthy, hot mom is definitely possible but don't make yourself miserable doing it. Being a happy mom is more important. The other stuff can come when it comes.

I think we should cut others slack and not have expectations of them or judge them, but if you want to have high expectations of yourself there's nothing wrong with that. I think we often underestimate ourselves because we are told we can't do this or that.

With my first child I took most of the recommended 6 weeks off from working out because my doctor said to. With my second child, my doctor told me I could exercise when I felt comfortable doing so. I was back at the gym four days later (while baby slept so don't judge!) and was back outside running (slowly) a week after giving birth. This made me happy. It might not be what some want for themselves. But there is no reason not to expect a lot from yourself if that is what you choose. I don't like taking it easy, it's not what makes me happy.

rml_16

Im one of those Lucky ones that did not get stretch marks. Cocoa butter ladies.

It has a ton to do with genetics, the position and size of the baby. I slathered all sorts of lotions and creams and nothing prevented them. Over 9lb baby.

Definitely more factors than just cocoa butter. My first pregnancy I gained 60 lbs all over with no stretch marks. The second pregnancy I gained 50lbs but gained more in my stomach then ended up with a few stretch marks and a little bit of loose skin.

My mother didn't have stretch marks, either, and she didn't use any cocoa butter or anything else. A lot of women just don't get them.

I got them all over my tummy and I guarantee no amount of cocoa butter would have helped.

determined136

I am a mother of 4 amazing teenagers. Because of them I know what true love is! My stomach is flat and I have stretch marks and I wouldn't trade them for anything!

I wish all mothers could see how amazing their bodies are and you can be anything that you are willing to work for!

CorvusCorax77

It doesn't bother me when people say how great I look after having kids. I love to say how I have had three 60lb pregnancies, 10lb babies and 3 c-sections. I like showing people that having kids isn't the end all be all to your figure. But I have always liked being the contradiction, doing things despite what others told me I "can" and "can't" do :bigsmile:

I am also the category of women who aren't scared to turn 40 just to prove that 40 is very much indeed sexy. I am still not where I want to be yet, but I look way better at 35 than at 21. I do have a few stretch marks and a little loose skin but you would have to be a real *kitten* to point it out and I am also one of the women who are proud of my "stripes" and have never been embarrassed by it.

I get what you are saying, though. Its the same as telling a heavy girl she has such a pretty face.

Rock on! Thank you for posting this. I agree with you. I am not embarrassed of my age, either, and enjoy being the contradiction to society's unwritten rules.

(As for your last line, EXACTLY. That's all I was saying in my post, but somehow that got lost in translation, evidently.)

it did. it sounded to me like you came to a post about moms and said we should eliminate the "mom" part of the discussion and just talk about women. Sorry if I misunderstood, but the point of this entire thread was that people tell moms they can't be thin and I was giving kudos to MFP for surrounding me with people who dont' think like that. It's like my point got lost in translation to you as well.

{and by "you" i mean both you and the person you agreed with.}

PomegranatePriestess

it did. it sounded to me like you came to a post about moms and said we should eliminate the "mom" part of the discussion and just talk about women. Sorry if I misunderstood, but the point of this entire thread was that people tell moms they can't be thin and I was giving kudos to MFP for surrounding me with people who dont' think like that. It's like my point got lost in translation to you as well.

Rather than eliminate, I was looking to include... we may not all be mothers right now. We may never be mothers. But we all have mothers, and we all know mothers. I admit, my response was broadening your topic to include all women (partly because women can embody the "mother" aspect without actually giving birth or raising children) and you may have been bothered by that. I certainly wasn't looking to step on your toes, but rather, to walk in step with you in my own way. (I was also in part responding to someone who said you have to be a mom to be hot, which is as much BS as saying you can't be a mom and be hot.)

It's all good now, and I'm glad you didn't bail on the thread. It's obviously a worthwhile thread as it has generated a lot of discussion and some kick-*kitten* pics too.

CorvusCorax77

it did. it sounded to me like you came to a post about moms and said we should eliminate the "mom" part of the discussion and just talk about women. Sorry if I misunderstood, but the point of this entire thread was that people tell moms they can't be thin and I was giving kudos to MFP for surrounding me with people who dont' think like that. It's like my point got lost in translation to you as well.

Rather than eliminate, I was looking to include... we may not all be mothers right now. We may never be mothers. But we all have mothers, and we all know mothers. I admit, my response was broadening your topic to include all women (partly because women can embody the "mother" aspect without actually giving birth or raising children) and you may have been bothered by that. I certainly wasn't looking to step on your toes, but rather, to walk in step with you in my own way. (I was also in part responding to someone who said you have to be a mom to be hot, which is as much BS as saying you can't be a mom and be hot.)

It's all good now, and I'm glad you didn't bail on the thread. It's obviously a worthwhile thread as it has generated a lot of discussion and some kick-*kitten* pics too.

Yes! I agree the "you have to be a mom to be hot" or a "real woman" is total bs.

to explain myself a bit more, I was hanging out with a pregnant woman the other day. She told me how she went to a gathering of moms and expectant moms and when she came home she cried. She cried because they were all obese and they all said things about how she *will* be obese too and she'll learn to live with it. My heart went out to this woman who had always been fit and was clearly wishing she could be working out too. I told her that she should see the moms I hang out with- we are all active and fit (and most of my mama friends are not fitness obsessed as I am, they are just healthy). So she was in my thoughts when I posted this...and other expectant mothers who may be being told the same thing. I was also told the same thing. And the comments on this pic on Takeis page were a lot of moms saying the same thing. I just want to blow that myth wide open and make it known that this is just not the case. You don't have to be a movie star or have surgery to be in shape again. Normal every day women can have babies and work themselves back into shape. yes it's hard work, but it can be done.

glad we cleared that up. I hate feeling like i'm making enemies on the threads! haha.

VelociMama

I was hanging out with a pregnant woman the other day. She told me how she went to a gathering of moms and expectant moms and when she came home she cried. She cried because they were all obese and they all said things about how she *will* be obese too and she'll learn to live with it. My heart went out to this woman who had always been fit and was clearly wishing she could be working out too. I told her that she should see the moms I hang out with- we are all active and fit (and most of my mama friends are not fitness obsessed as I am, they are just healthy). So she was in my thoughts when I posted this...and other expectant mothers who may be being told the same thing. I was also told the same thing. And the comments on this pic on Takeis page were a lot of moms saying the same thing. I just want to blow that myth wide open and make it known that this is just not the case. You don't have to be a movie star or have surgery to be in shape again. Normal every day women can have babies and work themselves back into shape. yes it's hard work, but it can be done.

glad we cleared that up. I hate feeling like i'm making enemies on the threads! haha.

You also don't have to be a couch potato and gain an enormous amount of weight while pregnant unless medically advised to do so. A lot of women give up on fitness and eat whatever they can stuff their face with and just assume they are "eating for two" because that's what people tell them to do. People try to shove food in me all the time, especially my family when they come to visit. Certain family members give me "the look" when I go out for my morning walk or jog every day or hop on the treadmill.

I lost 42 lbs before I got pregnant, and I had people telling me to expect to gain more than that back and tell me how I'd have to "do it all over again" and to just "take it easy" all the time. A few told me this baby was going to ruin all the hard work I put into my body. It's irritating beyond belief. I'm really glad I didn't listen to these people and instead chose to listen to my doctors and midwife who said that I should be working out and active as much as I am able to do so. I've been able to maintain a good healthy diet and make time to do at least 30 mins of exercise every day, even if it's just a walk. I can't workout as hard as I used to, but that doesn't mean I have to sit on *kitten* and gain 100 lbs.

I've only gained about 21 lbs, and I'm 31 weeks pregnant now still wearing the same size maternity pants as first trimester.

Pregnancy is not a time to give up either, and it pisses me off seeing people say otherwise.

P.S. Sorry for OT rant.

yoovie

Maybe if they'd stop photo shopping every celebrity and magazine cover, people wouldn't have some twisted view of how "real" people look.

I don't blame photoshop for this. I blame the celebrity-worship culture. Too many people idolize these "beautiful" people on magazine covers rather than the beautiful people in their own lives.

Plus people assume that EVERYTHING is completely unrecognizeably altered, Im a fashion photog and editor. You know what we edit out? shadows and zits and stray hairs and threads. We fix the lighting and the cropping.

It's not like we pretend she doesnt have freckles, or scrape 15-20 pounds off the girl or hide cellulite. We don't... we just put her in flattering lighting and she does all the work hiding the parts we dont want anyone to see. It is a real person, and there's no retouching that Olan Mills doesn't do for your family's free yearly 8x10.

CorvusCorax77

Pregnancy is not a time to give up either, and it pisses me off seeing people say otherwise.

For the record, she is still exercising and is in fantastic shape. I kept editing my post because i felt like i wasn't being respectful of her privacy... so context got weird. What she coudln't do was lift heavy weights with us. She was talking a lot about how she had been doing that. But she wasn't being a couch potato. Nor was I when I was pregnant. I was running 4 miles a day thru my 5ht month. Then I walked. I did yoga the entire time. I wasn't into lifting then, but I have met moms on MFP who have managed to lift during their pregnancies. And yes yes yes! you are absoltuley right! This is another 'myth" about pregnancy- that you have to gain tons of weight. During my entire pregnancy, I gained only 20 lbs. That was sorta an extremely rare case- i have all sorts of weird issues and i actually lost 10 lbs my first trimester, gained that ten back the second trimester, and then gained 20 in my last tirmester.

VelociMama

Pregnancy is not a time to give up either, and it pisses me off seeing people say otherwise.

For the record, she is still exercising and is in fantastic shape. I kept editing my post because i felt like i wasn't being respectful of her privacy... so context got weird. What she coudln't do was lift heavy weights with us. She was talking a lot about how she had been doing that. But she wasn't being a couch potato. Nor was I when I was pregnant. I was running 4 miles a day thru my 5ht month. Then I walked. I did yoga the entire time. I wasn't into lifting then, but I have met moms on MFP who have managed to lift during their pregnancies. And yes yes yes! you are absoltuley right! This is another 'myth" about pregnancy- that you have to gain tons of weight. During my entire pregnancy, I gained only 20 lbs. That was sorta an extremely rare case- i have all sorts of weird issues and i actually lost 10 lbs my first trimester, gained that ten back the second trimester, and then gained 20 in my last tirmester.

I wasn't referring to your friend at all, just making a general point that I get how she feels.

Sorry if I wasn't clear!

Sounds like your friend is doing AWESOME and should just tell the women who say she's going to be obese to shove it...

CorvusCorax77

I wasn't referring to your friend at all, just making a general point that I get how she feels.

Sorry if I wasn't clear!

Sounds like your friend is doing AWESOME and should just tell the women who say she's going to be obese to shove it...

haha. No worries. I'm just misinterpreting everythign today ! LOL.

But yeah that's another myth about pregnancy that we should definitely work to also undo.

rml_16

Pregnancy is not a time to give up either, and it pisses me off seeing people say otherwise.

I threw up nearly every day of my pregnancy. I had "morning" sickness right up into the delivery room. There were very few things I could keep down. Anything with even a tiny bit of acidity (pretty much every fruit) and even water caused me to get sick. I constantly felt like I had a stomach bug. Simply walking caused me terrible stomach cramps.

So, yeah, diet and exercise kind of went out the window for me.

But I was lucky and the morning sickness caused me to weigh 102 pounds into my third trimester and I delivered at 155 and lost almost all of it within six months.

VelociMama

Pregnancy is not a time to give up either, and it pisses me off seeing people say otherwise.

I threw up nearly every day of my pregnancy. I had "morning" sickness right up into the delivery room. There were very few things I could keep down. Anything with even a tiny bit of acidity (pretty much every fruit) and even water caused me to get sick. I constantly felt like I had a stomach bug. Simply walking caused me terrible stomach cramps.

So, yeah, diet and exercise kind of went out the window for me.

But I was lucky and the morning sickness caused me to weigh 102 pounds into my third trimester and I delivered at 155 and lost almost all of it within six months.

You do what you can within your limits, of course. Sorry you had such a rough time of it.

I had almost no morning sickness at all, but most of my first trimester I was exhausted 24/7.

My post was mostly a reply to the OP about women being told that pregnancy ruins your body and dooms you to obesity. That thinking goes hand-in-hand with a lot of people's attitudes that women shouldn't be active or worry about what they eat during pregnancy.

mfdl1

I am a mum of five and I am sick and tired of hearing about the celebrities who have got kids but a fit body,they did not look like that through hard work,as soon as the baby is out its a tummy tuck,fat sucked out of them and personal trainers,oh how the rich live,at least we do it through hard work.

CorvusCorax77

I am a mum of five and I am sick and tired of hearing about the celebrities who have got kids but a fit body,they did not look like that through hard work,as soon as the baby is out its a tummy tuck,fat sucked out of them and personal trainers,oh how the rich live,at least we do it through hard work.

word!

Welcome to MFP where the mama's do it through hard work! (and not *just* the mamas, but the mamas too

I know some here have had surgeries too, but a lot havent'.

PomegranatePriestess

to explain myself a bit more, I was hanging out with a pregnant woman the other day. She told me how she went to a gathering of moms and expectant moms and when she came home she cried. She cried because they were all obese and they all said things about how she *will* be obese too and she'll learn to live with it.

Oooh, serious pet peeve of mine. "I have done something you are about to do so I'm going to tell you how it's going to be/Your experience cannot possibly be anything but an echo of mine as mine came first." GRRR. That irks me to no end... but instead of being one to cry, I am one to say "F-- that noise, I'm going to do this MY way." I hope your friend can see those comments for what they really are... almost like a pre-emptive jealousy. They envy her because she is already taking good care of herself and they worry that she will look great throughout her pregnancy as well as bouncing back into her pre-pregnancy clothing pretty quickly, which of course will make them "look bad." In reality, if she sees herself being fit throughout and keeps doing what she's doing I'm sure she will remain fit --- and more than that, those women could get fit, too, if they believed in themselves and prioritized it. They've given up and they want her to give up, too. Screw that.

She will raise the bar for them. The strong will see that and be inspired. The weak will see that and try to tear her down for it, instead of believing that they could achieve it, too.

glad we cleared that up. I hate feeling like i'm making enemies on the threads! haha.

Agreed! We crow/raven loving, tattooed women need to work with, not against, each other!

rml_16

.

rml_16

Pregnancy is not a time to give up either, and it pisses me off seeing people say otherwise.

I threw up nearly every day of my pregnancy. I had "morning" sickness right up into the delivery room. There were very few things I could keep down. Anything with even a tiny bit of acidity (pretty much every fruit) and even water caused me to get sick. I constantly felt like I had a stomach bug. Simply walking caused me terrible stomach cramps.

So, yeah, diet and exercise kind of went out the window for me.

But I was lucky and the morning sickness caused me to weigh 102 pounds into my third trimester and I delivered at 155 and lost almost all of it within six months.

You do what you can within your limits, of course. Sorry you had such a rough time of it.

I had almost no morning sickness at all, but most of my first trimester I was exhausted 24/7.

My post was mostly a reply to the OP about women being told that pregnancy ruins your body and dooms you to obesity. That thinking goes hand-in-hand with a lot of people's attitudes that women shouldn't be active or worry about what they eat during pregnancy.

I lived on pasta with olive oil and cheese and soda. My doctor was advising me to eat candy bars! lol

Thankfully, I never landed in the hospital.

And about the celebs? You cannot have a tummy tuck that soon after delivery, especially with a C-section. That idea has been debunked many times. Celebs have money and personal trainers, etc., it's true. But they still have to work hard for their bodies.

CorvusCorax77

i'm just realizing now my misplaced apostrophe in the title and cringing at myself. I want to say:

OP! Learn how to PUNCTUATE before you come on MFP and complain!!!!

LOL!