Women and Body Shaming

harlanJEN · December 2012

LOVE this thread! I've been thin and am currently fat, but, as another poster said, "It's MY body and I rock it!" I've had many men and women tell me that the sexiest thing about me is my confidence, I dare say that confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear, no matter her size or shape.

I walk around the locker room in my skivvies and squeeze my body into a swimming suit 4 times a week to then march to my swimming lane in front of the university swimming team and masters swimmers. Life is too short to be miserable in the only skin you get in this lifetime. We need to stop teaching our young girls and encouraging women to increase their self worth by decreasing the worth of others. We need to uplift and empower ALL women so we stop looking so ridiculous and petty!

The only thing you have control over is your own actions, and if you don't have something nice to say, keep your trap shut!

TOTALLY this ! ^^^^^ Confidence is indeed extremely SEXY. I've always Rocked it out - no matter what size pants I've worn. Women need to get over that "my life starts at size X" .

I even blogged about it once - Sex (iness) of Fitness

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/harlanJEN/view/sex-iness-of-fitness-275703

Jen

hello_c_cup · December 2012

You're body is going to be with you the rest of your life, so you better like it, or it's going to be a long miserable road.

Absolutely, but you don't have a whole culture working 24/7 telling you what you should look like. It's not all verbal. Females are exposed to millions of images of desirable beauty by the time they are adults.

Men don't experience but a tiny fraction of this, but even they have some body image insecurities.

Men experience more than a tiny fraction, they are bombarded just like women and they have a whole lot of stereotypes and standards which they are exposed to from birth to adulthood.

Shaming isn't restricted to just the one gender, one gender just tends to be more outspoken about it.

Pshaw! Go stand in the checkout line at your grocery store of choice and have a look at the magazine covers, ... then come back and try to argue that men deal with the same amount of media/cultural body shaming as women.

Even in these progressive times the target audience for advertising at the checkout is women.

And when the target audience is men? What do you get on magazine covers? Often, conventionally attractive (that is, ridiculously thin) women.

what kind of male gets that kind of women? what kind of male bodies do you see on advertising? what stereotypes do tv shows, movies and books give out? what traditional stereotypes about men does society still hold standard? My point was that men experience more than a tiny fraction. It's just not made as public.

It's ... a tiny fraction as public, yeah.

quirkytizzy · December 2012

i understand where the OP is coming form.

on the other, no one can make you feel shame unless you're feeling it yourself. generally speaking people with healthy self esteem could hear another person saying something negative without any f*cks being given.

unfortunately too many women's self esteem is based on what other people think of them. in that sense, i think threads like "women need to stop body shaming each other" completely misses the mark on what the true problem is

And shockingly enough not everyone on a diet site has awesome teflon self-esteem. This place ought to be one that gently guides folks towards that.

Your point is right it just doesn't touch the validity of the OPs

This. Just because other people "should be able to handle it" doesn't mean you get to be an *kitten*. People have feelings. They get hurt when other people step on them. Saying otherwise is just giving yourself license to be a cruel *kitten* - and that's not anything a human being should feel entitled to.

TwistedFun · December 2012

the women who make fun of thin women who have done nothing to them are perpetuating the same attitude that puts fat women into "undesirable" category. at the end of the day, if they had a choice, im sure they would prefer to be thin. anyone who says that theyd rather be overweight than skinny (or underweight) is deluding themselves.

I have to disagree with this; this is swinging it the other way. There is no such thing as an undesirable category; perhaps your pool of suitors diminishes at different sizes, but your self worth and value to others is not measured by the waist band on your trousers.

Some (a lot actually) people actually would prefer to be overweight than underweight. If this is something you would deny, you have no place commenting on body shaming either, as you are perpetuating the hate as much as a larger woman insulting a thinner woman.

you have missed my point. i was saying that women who body shame on thin women are doing the same thing that society has done to them: placing them in the undesirable category.

i am also aware that these do not represent the population as a whole. so take them with a grain of salt.

http://pinkpadapp.com/community/groups/167-nutrition/polls/54383-would-you-rather-be-overweight-or-underweight-overweight-underweight/results

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=136316071&page=1

http://www.cafemom.com/group/416/forums/read/13456113/Would_you_rather_be_underweight_or_overweight

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f36/for-guys-would-you-rather-be-overweight-or-underweight-69462/

this is not to say that there are not people who would rather be overweight. i was just pointing out an observation from online and personal experience (friends, family). I am not trying to rail on overweight people, In that case I do take back that statement that said that ANYONE who says they would rather be overweight is deluded. Some people clearly would prefer that, as shown in the anonymous polls.

TwistedFun · December 2012

i understand where the OP is coming form.

on the other, no one can make you feel shame unless you're feeling it yourself. generally speaking people with healthy self esteem could hear another person saying something negative without any f*cks being given.

unfortunately too many women's self esteem is based on what other people think of them. in that sense, i think threads like "women need to stop body shaming each other" completely misses the mark on what the true problem is

And shockingly enough not everyone on a diet site has awesome teflon self-esteem. This place ought to be one that gently guides folks towards that.

Your point is right it just doesn't touch the validity of the OPs

This. Just because other people "should be able to handle it" doesn't mean you get to be an *kitten*. People have feelings. They get hurt when other people step on them. Saying otherwise is just giving yourself license to be a cruel *kitten* - and that's not anything a human being should feel entitled to.

there is a blurry line between people being overtly disrespectful and people taking ambiguous statements as overtly disrespectful. who gets to qualify a statement? is there an objective yardstick by which we measure the "meanness" of a comment? not trying to be a ****, just playing devil's advocate.

SoViLicious · December 2012

I just do what makes me happy...

ironanimal · December 2012

the women who make fun of thin women who have done nothing to them are perpetuating the same attitude that puts fat women into "undesirable" category. at the end of the day, if they had a choice, im sure they would prefer to be thin. anyone who says that theyd rather be overweight than skinny (or underweight) is deluding themselves.

I have to disagree with this; this is swinging it the other way. There is no such thing as an undesirable category; perhaps your pool of suitors diminishes at different sizes, but your self worth and value to others is not measured by the waist band on your trousers.

Some (a lot actually) people actually would prefer to be overweight than underweight. If this is something you would deny, you have no place commenting on body shaming either, as you are perpetuating the hate as much as a larger woman insulting a thinner woman.

you have missed my point. i was saying that women who body shame on thin women are doing the same thing that society has done to them: placing them in the undesirable category.

i am also aware that these do not represent the population as a whole. so take them with a grain of salt.

http://pinkpadapp.com/community/groups/167-nutrition/polls/54383-would-you-rather-be-overweight-or-underweight-overweight-underweight/results

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=136316071&page=1

http://www.cafemom.com/group/416/forums/read/13456113/Would_you_rather_be_underweight_or_overweight

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f36/for-guys-would-you-rather-be-overweight-or-underweight-69462/

this is not to say that there are not people who would rather be overweight. i was just pointing out an observation from online and personal experience (friends, family). I am not trying to rail on overweight people, In that case I do take back that statement that said that ANYONE who says they would rather be overweight is deluded. Some people clearly would prefer that, as shown in the anonymous polls.

Thank you for the clarification

I'm glad this discussion has stayed civil thus far. I would like to think it has caused a few people to stop and think about how they percieve themselves and others.

carryingon · December 2012

I will never understand why you do it to eachother. It is an awful behaviour perpetuated largely by the media and happily engaged in by a huge number of people. If you have ever said any variation of:

- “Men like meat. Bones are for dogs.”
- “Real women have curves.”
- “That girl looks manly.”

Or anything of the sort, please GTFO and never come back. What makes a woman a woman is her own determination of her gender and nothing more.

ironanimal- You know I love ya

:smooched: , but this post seems biased. What about all of the girls who shame girls who are curvy, have large breasts, aren't muscular, aren't under bmi? Please be fair. It's all wrong. Every one has to decide which body type is right for them, set goals, and achieve it!

jenilla1 · December 2012

It't done for exactly the reasons Pu stated. Those women are not happy with their bodies. When you are OK in your own skin then you develop a 'more power to them' attitude.
The brutal truth is - women that say those things will never look like the source of their ridicule. Not without hard work and dedication. Whether its gaining weight, losing weight, becoming more fit. And I think they know that. It is a way to justify themselves and de-value something they are not. That way there is no need to put in that hard work.

You got it! :drinker:

AllTehBeers · December 2012

the women who make fun of thin women who have done nothing to them are perpetuating the same attitude that puts fat women into "undesirable" category. at the end of the day, if they had a choice, im sure they would prefer to be thin. anyone who says that theyd rather be overweight than skinny (or underweight) is deluding themselves.

I have to disagree with this; this is swinging it the other way. There is no such thing as an undesirable category; perhaps your pool of suitors diminishes at different sizes, but your self worth and value to others is not measured by the waist band on your trousers.

Some (a lot actually) people actually would prefer to be overweight than underweight. If this is something you would deny, you have no place commenting on body shaming either, as you are perpetuating the hate as much as a larger woman insulting a thinner woman.

you have missed my point. i was saying that women who body shame on thin women are doing the same thing that society has done to them: placing them in the undesirable category.

i am also aware that these do not represent the population as a whole. so take them with a grain of salt.

http://pinkpadapp.com/community/groups/167-nutrition/polls/54383-would-you-rather-be-overweight-or-underweight-overweight-underweight/results

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=136316071&page=1

http://www.cafemom.com/group/416/forums/read/13456113/Would_you_rather_be_underweight_or_overweight

http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f36/for-guys-would-you-rather-be-overweight-or-underweight-69462/

this is not to say that there are not people who would rather be overweight. i was just pointing out an observation from online and personal experience (friends, family). I am not trying to rail on overweight people, In that case I do take back that statement that said that ANYONE who says they would rather be overweight is deluded. Some people clearly would prefer that, as shown in the anonymous polls.

Thank you for the clarification

I'm glad this discussion has stayed civil thus far. I would like to think it has caused a few people to stop and think about how they percieve themselves and others.

I think for the most part, if you start a thread with a civil topic and the OP keeps a level head when people take jabs, the general direction of the thread stays civil.

ironanimal · December 2012

I will never understand why you do it to eachother. It is an awful behaviour perpetuated largely by the media and happily engaged in by a huge number of people. If you have ever said any variation of:

- “Men like meat. Bones are for dogs.”
- “Real women have curves.”
- “That girl looks manly.”

Or anything of the sort, please GTFO and never come back. What makes a woman a woman is her own determination of her gender and nothing more.

ironanimal- You know I love ya:smooched: , but this post seems biased. What about all of the girls who shame girls who are curvy, have large breasts, aren't muscular, aren't under bmi? Please be fair. It's all wrong. Every one has to decide which body type is right for them, set goals, and achieve it!

Not biased - I just couldn't think of any of the slogans for that direction at the time

And just for the record; big boobs are awesome. Small boobs are awesome. Soft figured women are awesome. Cut/ripped women are awesome. All bodies are awesome.

AllTehBeers · December 2012

I will never understand why you do it to eachother. It is an awful behaviour perpetuated largely by the media and happily engaged in by a huge number of people. If you have ever said any variation of:

- “Men like meat. Bones are for dogs.”
- “Real women have curves.”
- “That girl looks manly.”

Or anything of the sort, please GTFO and never come back. What makes a woman a woman is her own determination of her gender and nothing more.

ironanimal- You know I love ya:smooched: , but this post seems biased. What about all of the girls who shame girls who are curvy, have large breasts, aren't muscular, aren't under bmi? Please be fair. It's all wrong. Every one has to decide which body type is right for them, set goals, and achieve it!

Re: the bolded part of Ironanimals quote. I'm pretty sure his OP was all inclusive.

justgowithit17 · December 2012

I will never understand why you do it to eachother. It is an awful behaviour perpetuated largely by the media and happily engaged in by a huge number of people. If you have ever said any variation of:

- “Men like meat. Bones are for dogs.”
- “Real women have curves.”
- “That girl looks manly.”

Or anything of the sort, please GTFO and never come back. What makes a woman a woman is her own determination of her gender and nothing more.

women do it to make themselves feel better about their own body without thinking about how comments like that can affect other women. but in reality, it's just bashing the other women and making them feel bad about their bodies. i really hate those "men like meat; real women have curves" because i am far from being skinny, but i always question my wl goals. i always think after seeing those "am i losing too much from my bust/hips/butt"? "am i curvy enough?" "is my butt big enough"? "will guys still find me attractive if i lose weight from my bust/hips/butt?" it's really sad actually. not gonna lie, the other thread really got me kind of depressed.

ironanimal · December 2012

I will never understand why you do it to eachother. It is an awful behaviour perpetuated largely by the media and happily engaged in by a huge number of people. If you have ever said any variation of:

- “Men like meat. Bones are for dogs.”
- “Real women have curves.”
- “That girl looks manly.”

Or anything of the sort, please GTFO and never come back. What makes a woman a woman is her own determination of her gender and nothing more.

women do it to make themselves feel better about their own body without thinking about how comments like that can affect other women. but in reality, it's just bashing the other women and making them feel bad about their bodies. i really hate those "men like meat; real women have curves" because i am far from being skinny, but i always question my wl goals. i always think after seeing those "am i losing too much from my bust/hips/butt"? "am i curvy enough?" "is my butt big enough"? "will guys still find me attractive if i lose weight from my bust/hips/butt?" it's really sad actually. not gonna lie, the other thread really got me kind of depressed.

My prescription for worrying about losing your butt;
Squat.

Check out chickentuna.tumblr.com - she does 50 bodyweight squats a day, and I'm sure you'll get the idea

And yes, guys will still find you attractive (! not that I think it matters!) - just perhaps different guys to before. At the end of the day, you are doing this for yourself and trying to conform to preconcieved notions of beauty that are not what you really want, means you just end up living unsure of yourself.

carryingon · December 2012

I will never understand why you do it to eachother. It is an awful behaviour perpetuated largely by the media and happily engaged in by a huge number of people. If you have ever said any variation of:

- “Men like meat. Bones are for dogs.”
- “Real women have curves.”
- “That girl looks manly.”

Or anything of the sort, please GTFO and never come back. What makes a woman a woman is her own determination of her gender and nothing more.

ironanimal- You know I love ya:smooched: , but this post seems biased. What about all of the girls who shame girls who are curvy, have large breasts, aren't muscular, aren't under bmi? Please be fair. It's all wrong. Every one has to decide which body type is right for them, set goals, and achieve it!

Not biased - I just couldn't think of any of the slogans for that direction at the time And just for the record; big boobs are awesome. Small boobs are awesome. Soft figured women are awesome. Cut/ripped women are awesome. All bodies are awesome.

:flowerforyou: :smooched:

my friend!

carryingon · December 2012

I will never understand why you do it to eachother. It is an awful behaviour perpetuated largely by the media and happily engaged in by a huge number of people. If you have ever said any variation of:

- “Men like meat. Bones are for dogs.”
- “Real women have curves.”
- “That girl looks manly.”

Or anything of the sort, please GTFO and never come back. What makes a woman a woman is her own determination of her gender and nothing more.

ironanimal- You know I love ya:smooched: , but this post seems biased. What about all of the girls who shame girls who are curvy, have large breasts, aren't muscular, aren't under bmi? Please be fair. It's all wrong. Every one has to decide which body type is right for them, set goals, and achieve it!

Re: the bolded part of Ironanimals quote. I'm pretty sure his OP was all inclusive.

Um It said IRONANIMAL but thanks:flowerforyou:

quirkytizzy · December 2012

there is a blurry line between people being overtly disrespectful and people taking ambiguous statements as overtly disrespectful. who gets to qualify a statement? is there an objective yardstick by which we measure the "meanness" of a comment? not trying to be a ****, just playing devil's advocate.

This is a good point. I'm losing eloquence at this point tonight (Christmas dinner, food coma), but I think it has something to do with saying certain things are unacceptable. Within reason, I guess. We can all agree that pedophiles are unacceptable or freaky. But saying a woman who has an unusual body type, or different kind of sex life, or whatever is unacceptable is damaging. I also can't stand it when someone says something that equals to "Your experience is invalid." Call me an *kitten*, a *****, any number of names, fine. But don't dismiss my personal experience, at least not when discussing the emotions my life has caused me.

(I don't know if any of that made sense. Likely not. I'm sorry, I'm rambly right now.)

oregonzoo · December 2012

Fantastic post.

bettacheckyoself · December 2012

I will never understand why you do it to eachother. It is an awful behaviour perpetuated largely by the media and happily engaged in by a huge number of people. If you have ever said any variation of:

- “Men like meat. Bones are for dogs.”
- “Real women have curves.”
- “That girl looks manly.”

Or anything of the sort, please GTFO and never come back. What makes a woman a woman is her own determination of her gender and nothing more.

ironanimal- You know I love ya:smooched: , but this post seems biased. What about all of the girls who shame girls who are curvy, have large breasts, aren't muscular, aren't under bmi? Please be fair. It's all wrong. Every one has to decide which body type is right for them, set goals, and achieve it!

I think this means you need to unfriend her now.......

(I got your humor, I hope you get mine)

TwistedFun · December 2012

This is a good point. I'm losing eloquence at this point tonight (Christmas dinner, food coma), but I think it has something to do with saying certain things are unacceptable. Within reason, I guess. We can all agree that pedophiles are unacceptable or freaky. But saying a woman who has an unusual body type, or different kind of sex life, or whatever is unacceptable is damaging. I also can't stand it when someone says something that equals to "Your experience is invalid." Call me an *kitten*, a *****, any number of names, fine. But don't dismiss my personal experience, at least not when discussing the emotions my life has caused me.

(I don't know if any of that made sense. Likely not. I'm sorry, I'm rambly right now.)

i see what you mean, but the problem with this is that even pedophilia, a social perversion, is culturally biased. society decided that this was wrong. i don't want to go on a tangent into moral relativism, but what I am in a roundabout way trying to say is that when you cross out all the individual preferences, you get a statement and a reaction. and neither of those are inherently right or wrong, so in the end, we cannot apply personal preferences to everyone else, and that, realistically speaking, we have to leave emotionally vulnerable people to wade through their "feelings" and get past THAT point into objective reality. (but then reality isn't really objective, is it?)
see what i mean? idk, i think differently than most people, so i get into arguments alot and it never goes anywhere lol. however i agree with you but only in the context of what is largely socially acceptable. and even then, there are wide variances and emotional reactions cannot be the only variable used in order to determining the validity of a statement. emotional reactions are just a part of the equation.

TLDR; why do you determine someone is being an *kitten* based on the other person's emotional reaction?

celestialbadger · December 2012

/sigh

Why do I read the comments. Never read the comments.

barbaramitchell101 · December 2012

reading all of this brings one issue to mind (and NO I don't bash anyone)...maybe 6 years ago, when I was leaving my DR's office and just as I opened the door to leave, a man said to whoever it was hewas with, "NOW THAT WOMAN IS PREGNANT!!!!" I took it as meaning me....It still bothers me now...oh by they way, all my equipment was removed in 1990!!!!!

MireyGal76 · December 2012

meshashesha2012 · December 2012

i understand where the OP is coming form.

on the other, no one can make you feel shame unless you're feeling it yourself. generally speaking people with healthy self esteem could hear another person saying something negative without any f*cks being given.

unfortunately too many women's self esteem is based on what other people think of them. in that sense, i think threads like "women need to stop body shaming each other" completely misses the mark on what the true problem is

And shockingly enough not everyone on a diet site has awesome teflon self-esteem. This place ought to be one that gently guides folks towards that.

Your point is right it just doesn't touch the validity of the OPs

This. Just because other people "should be able to handle it" doesn't mean you get to be an *kitten*. People have feelings. They get hurt when other people step on them. Saying otherwise is just giving yourself license to be a cruel *kitten* - and that's not anything a human being should feel entitled to.

true but i'd be willing to bet that many of these women who get their panties in a bunch about being shamed have absolutely no issues with shaming others. they are fine with people being considered unattractive, as long as it isn't them.

with that said i do agree with others who annoyed by phrases expressing what real women have or look like, but some of this also appears to be some women needing to be constantly validated and told they are pretty, even if it's by default.

i remember once on a thread here i mentioned that as i lost weight there is something that i would never want to lose *on my body* and a few posters took that to be a slight against them. that to me is more a factor of them being overly sensitive, and not me being a cruel *kitten*. some people need to learn to be in charge of THEIR own emotions. we're all adults up in this piece, and i refuse to be held accountable for another grown *kitten* person's feelings.

Dub_D · December 2012

Agreed, any woman who does this should be shunned out of the women's club. Yeah, we got a club.

AllTehBeers · December 2012

/sigh

Why do I read the comments. Never read the comments.

Most people don't. Then add their 2 cents that's the same 2 cents as 50 other posters and before you know it you have a topic that's 8 pages long saying the same thing over and over.

ironanimal · December 2012

/sigh

Why do I read the comments. Never read the comments.

Most people don't. Then add their 2 cents that's the same 2 cents as 50 other posters and before you know it you have a topic that's 8 pages long saying the same thing over and over.

I don't really see what has been wrong with the comments. Nobody has been slamming eachother, which makes a very pleasant change on this forum; people have given their thoughts as to why it happens, discussion has been civil and respectful and nobody has walked away from this thread upset at the content (AFAIK).

If we always discussed things in such a way; polite, well intentioned and with just enough humour to keep it interesting, we'd all get a lot more out of the forum.

pudadough · December 2012

I feel far more body shame from mens' comments and actions than I ever have from women. Because I'm not stupid and can read between the lines. You can say "Oh you're beautiful just the way you are" all day but I still see the women that make the covers of men's magazines and the ones that turn heads the most and I know I'll never ever look even remotely close to that while still eating solid food. Men's reactions to me have shaped my body image, not women. And that's the damn truth.