is it my fault she died?

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  • treagal
    treagal Posts: 264 Member
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    Not your fault at all...
    How could you know her arteries were clogged and she was on the verge of a heart attack? What happened to her is a lifetime of not taking care of herself.
  • Bentley2718
    Bentley2718 Posts: 1,690 Member
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    It is not your fault, she had a heart attack because of something going on inside her body, not because of a fight.

    A few years ago I lost someone close to me. Perhaps similar to the way you are feeling, I felt like it was at least partially my fault, that I should have done something differently. A friend who is clinical psychologist told me that this was a fairly normal response to having someone you are close to die, especially if you care about the person. I found that over time I was able to work through my grief, and accept the medical reality, that nothing I did, or could have done, would have changed the outcome. I hope that you too are able to accept this in time, if not, as others have suggested, you may want to seek professional help so that you do not carry this with you for the rest of your life.
  • twinketta
    twinketta Posts: 2,130 Member
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    The only thing that is guaranteed in life is death... was any one or `you` to blame for anyone`s passing then probably no unless it was deliberate.

    Things happen and you can not always blame yourself or others.

    I am so sorry to hear about this lady passing but is it your fault? I really doubt it :noway:
  • plynn54
    plynn54 Posts: 912 Member
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    awe this is sad, It cant be your fault, she must have been unhealthy to start with and would have likley gone even if you didnt have an argument :(
  • MB_Positif
    MB_Positif Posts: 8,897 Member
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    No, not your fault. Definitely get yourself to a counselor or a grief group before you let these thoughts take over your mind!
  • 33Freya
    33Freya Posts: 468 Member
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    Nope. What would you tell a close friend in the same situation? Give yourself the same advice.
  • Boshnivay
    Boshnivay Posts: 74 Member
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    i feel like heart attacks take a bit to come on- look at it this way, a healthy person doesn't just suddenly get a heart attack for no reason one day. the sick person already has a bad heart. it's probably not your fault that she died, it's just the circle of life.
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    It is not your fault, she had a heart attack because of something going on inside her body, not because of a fight.

    A few years ago I lost someone close to me. Perhaps similar to the way you are feeling, I felt like it was at least partially my fault, that I should have done something differently. A friend who is clinical psychologist told me that this was a fairly normal response to having someone you are close to die, especially if you care about the person. I found that over time I was able to work through my grief, and accept the medical reality, that nothing I did, or could have done, would have changed the outcome. I hope that you too are able to accept this in time, if not, as others have suggested, you may want to seek professional help so that you do not carry this with you for the rest of your life.

    You took the words right out of my mouth.
  • Bobby__Clerici
    Bobby__Clerici Posts: 741 Member
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    Long story short, the lady I was living with had a heart attack and died the day after we had a pretty big argument..
    I feel like the added stress is what did it. I don't know how to accept that this is my fault </3 /:
    You can't blame yourself.
    Sorry for your loss...
  • BorderlineAngel
    BorderlineAngel Posts: 214
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    Long story short, the lady I was living with had a heart attack and died the day after we had a pretty big argument..
    I feel like the added stress is what did it. I don't know how to accept that this is my fault </3 /:
    It's not your fault.
    It does not sound like you folks were close, so just find another roommate and forget this person.
    Life goes on....


    We actually were close. The thing that makes it the hardest is that was the only argument we ever had..
    After living together for 2 years..
  • DoingitWell
    DoingitWell Posts: 560 Member
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    While she may not have caused a heart condition the argument could have triggered the event. The stress, the adrenaline. Be for real. I'm a troll because I have a real opinion grow up. This is MFP you are not going to like all the responses. And to answer the original question YES...it is a possibility.
  • dakitten2
    dakitten2 Posts: 888 Member
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    Very strange, this is the second time I've seen this same topic with the same set of circumstances.
  • zacksnana
    zacksnana Posts: 3,230 Member
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    Not your fault at all...
    How could you know her arteries were clogged and she was on the verge of a heart attack? What happened to her is a lifetime of not taking care of herself.

    I am sorry i missed in the original post where it was disclosed the woman had clogged arteries due to a lifetime of not taking care of herself.

    While i do agree this is not the OP's fault i think it is also in error to blame the deceased without confirmation. My uncle died of a heart attack in his 40's. He took care of himself. He ate healthy. Did not smoke. Was a very healthy weight. Worked out. This does happen suddenly sometimes regardless of lifestyle.
  • 777Gemma888
    777Gemma888 Posts: 9,578 Member
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    Long story short, the lady I was living with had a heart attack and died the day after we had a pretty big argument..
    I feel like the added stress is what did it. I don't know how to accept that this is my fault </3 /:

    It is not your fault. If she had a heart condition, then she should have had prescriptive nitroglycerine or some kind of beta blocker.
  • UsedToBeHusky
    UsedToBeHusky Posts: 15,229 Member
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    While she may not have caused a heart condition the argument could have triggered the event. The stress, the adrenaline. Be for real. I'm a troll because I have a real opinion grow up. This is MFP you are not going to like all the responses. And to answer the original question YES...it is a possibility.

    As I stated, if the woman's condition was that fragile then anything would have caused it. Correlation does not equal causation. An argument did not cause the heart attack. You are a troll because you posted a completely insensitive comment with no concern about the impact on the OP.

    Let me ask you this question. If your undesired opinion sent this poor woman into a mental tailspin that resulted in suicide, would we be able to blame you for the OP's death? By your logic, the answer is yes. Why don't you grow up and realize that people on the Internet aren't shielded from the impact of your callousness simply because you don't have to look them in the eye!
  • alisiaendris
    alisiaendris Posts: 213 Member
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    I am oing to get bit 'churchy' here, but your friend passed away because it was her time to pass. God takes each one of us when God feels we need to come home. It does not always make sense, and it hurts, but it is all part of a master plan. I have come to adopt this conclusion to help myself get over the loss of some close loved ones. I hope that your heart will soon heal and you will be able to realize that it was your friends time. Sending love your way. :heart:
  • vice350z
    vice350z Posts: 1,066 Member
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    While she may not have caused a heart condition the argument could have triggered the event. The stress, the adrenaline. Be for real. I'm a troll because I have a real opinion grow up. This is MFP you are not going to like all the responses. And to answer the original question YES...it is a possibility.

    someone needs to look up the definition of tact.
  • Contrarian
    Contrarian Posts: 8,138 Member
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    No. It isn't your fault.
  • vice350z
    vice350z Posts: 1,066 Member
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    While she may not have caused a heart condition the argument could have triggered the event. The stress, the adrenaline. Be for real. I'm a troll because I have a real opinion grow up. This is MFP you are not going to like all the responses. And to answer the original question YES...it is a possibility.

    As I stated, if the woman's condition was that fragile then anything would have caused it. Causation does not equal correlation. An argument did not cause the heart attack. You are a troll because you posted a completely insensitive comment with no concern about the impact on the OP.

    Let me ask you this question. If your undesired opinion sent this poor woman into a mental tailspin that resulted in suicide, would we be able to blame you for the OP's death? By your logic, the answer is yes. Why don't you grow up and realize that people on the Internet aren't shielded from the impact of your callousness simply because you don't have to look them in the eye!

    There's times to be "honest" with people...but sometimes you know there's sometimes you just shouldn't...like when you know the honest answer could be harmful to somebody. Some people just don't think though.
  • _VoV
    _VoV Posts: 1,494 Member
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    While she may not have caused a heart condition the argument could have triggered the event. The stress, the adrenaline. Be for real. I'm a troll because I have a real opinion grow up. This is MFP you are not going to like all the responses. And to answer the original question YES...it is a possibility.

    You don't need to be cruel to be honest. Maybe some additional life experience (aka growing up) will bring you to this truth.
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