is it my fault she died?

BorderlineAngel

Geez..
I was simply asking a legitimate question...

Why didn't you speak to someone who lived in the same area or to your family about this? Just curious.

I don't get along with my family?...
Which would be why I moved out when I was so young?
And because I don't want to burden my friends..

UsedToBeHusky

I was legitametely asking a question.

By the way, look up Borderline Personality Disorder before judging. I can't help the way that I am...

Thats the thing, you CAN help the way you are. You CAN get the proper help. You are an adult, so getting the proper help you need and making sure you do the things you need to do is all up to you. As with taking advice from others.

Using your illness as an excuse is just wrong. It is only a crutch if you make it so.

And yes I know this because I am mentally ill and have been for the last 14 years. It is up to you to change things when it comes to your illness.

This.

Also, ^^this^^.

The problem is that this type of personality thrives on attention and drama. By posting on an anonymous online forum, she gets the attention. It isn't helping her. All of you who are saying, "Oh, poor her, we will support her." ...are making her worse. She doesn't need online sympathy. She doesn't need you to enable her disordered thinking. She needs to deal with her issues head-on. Only SHE can cure herself. Stop feeding into the disorder by sympathizing over and over on her multiple threads. She can get better. She needs to be in intensive therapy. This type of drama only stirs up users.

I'm sorry. I didn't catch your psych credentials. I'm pretty sure alienating her won't be anymore helpful. You have no right to tell her that she can't post on a public forum or that we can't lend her support.

On the contrary. If she can stir it up, I can serve it up. Fair's fair. No one said she couldn't post. And, I'm assuming you aren't saying I can't post, right?

Certainly not, but you are also not in a position to tell her or us what is enabling to her mental illness.

brandtsw

Don't know what her condition was but you are not to blame...I know it is hard but when it is our time it is our time...don't blame yourself because it could have happened any time...stay strong

FlaxMilk

Look, if I decide to put up a post about my personal problems, etc...I do so expecting remarks from the supportive, the blunt slap in the face peeps, the jokers, the snarkiest of the snarky and so on.....I don't expect just remarks from one or the other. That's what you get when you post on a public forum.

Which is why I agree that OP would likely be better off not posting here. As someone said on my feed once, about a question I posted on my feed that I didn't want to ask here in the forums, "Best not to swim in shark infested waters."

Since she's swimming though, people are going to yell "shark" when they see the snarkiest and the jokers. Her expecting it or not doesn't mean she takes responsibility for other people and doesn't mean she isn't deserving of kindness.

lwagnitz

Look, if I decide to put up a post about my personal problems, etc...I do so expecting remarks from the supportive, the blunt slap in the face peeps, the jokers, the snarkiest of the snarky and so on.....I don't expect just remarks from one or the other. That's what you get when you post on a public forum.

Although I agree that she probably is better of not posting something like this on the threads, it doesn't mean that the crude behavior is justifiable in any sense.

Improvised

While she may not have caused a heart condition the argument could have triggered the event. The stress, the adrenaline. Be for real. I'm a troll because I have a real opinion grow up. This is MFP you are not going to like all the responses. And to answer the original question YES...it is a possibility.

As I stated, if the woman's condition was that fragile then anything would have caused it. Correlation does not equal causation. An argument did not cause the heart attack. You are a troll because you posted a completely insensitive comment with no concern about the impact on the OP.

Let me ask you this question. If your undesired opinion sent this poor woman into a mental tailspin that resulted in suicide, would we be able to blame you for the OP's death? By your logic, the answer is yes. Why don't you grow up and realize that people on the Internet aren't shielded from the impact of your callousness simply because you don't have to look them in the eye!

Agree with this.

Starla_

Look, if I decide to put up a post about my personal problems, etc...I do so expecting remarks from the supportive, the blunt slap in the face peeps, the jokers, the snarkiest of the snarky and so on.....I don't expect just remarks from one or the other. That's what you get when you post on a public forum.

Which is why I agree that OP would likely be better off not posting here. As someone said on my feed once, about a question I posted on my feed that I didn't want to ask here in the forums, "Best not to swim in shark infested waters."

Since she's swimming though, people are going to yell "shark" when they see the snarkiest and the jokers. Her expecting it or not doesn't mean she takes responsibility for other people and doesn't mean she isn't deserving of kindness.

The roommate was elderly if I'm remembering correctly and things just happen and even if you feel real bad about them you can't spend the rest of your life beating yourself up about them either. At some stage you need to move on.

BorderlineAngel part of you knows the death wasn't your fault. You are allowed to feel guilty over it though and one day those feelings of guilt will pass. Grieve for her but know that one day you will stop believing it was your fault.

This too shall pass

:flowerforyou:

SanteMulberry

Long story short, the lady I was living with had a heart attack and died the day after we had a pretty big argument..
I feel like the added stress is what did it. I don't know how to accept that this is my fault </3 /:

Heart disease takes a long time to develop. Stress could have been a precipitating factor for her heart attack, but then, again, it could have been just the moment when all the factors came together and produced the attack--for physical reasons alone. Otherwise no one would have fatal heart attacks just relaxing, listening to a symphony while sitting in a recliner at home (as my father-in-law did). You shouldn't blame yourself for arguing and producing stress in her life---if she had gotten a traffic ticket, it could have been just as stressful or more so.

cmriverside

I was legitametely asking a question.

By the way, look up Borderline Personality Disorder before judging. I can't help the way that I am...

Thats the thing, you CAN help the way you are. You CAN get the proper help. You are an adult, so getting the proper help you need and making sure you do the things you need to do is all up to you. As with taking advice from others.

Using your illness as an excuse is just wrong. It is only a crutch if you make it so.

And yes I know this because I am mentally ill and have been for the last 14 years. It is up to you to change things when it comes to your illness.

This.

Also, ^^this^^.

The problem is that this type of personality thrives on attention and drama. By posting on an anonymous online forum, she gets the attention. It isn't helping her. All of you who are saying, "Oh, poor her, we will support her." ...are making her worse. She doesn't need online sympathy. She doesn't need you to enable her disordered thinking. She needs to deal with her issues head-on. Only SHE can cure herself. Stop feeding into the disorder by sympathizing over and over on her multiple threads. She can get better. She needs to be in intensive therapy. This type of drama only stirs up users.

I'm sorry. I didn't catch your psych credentials. I'm pretty sure alienating her won't be anymore helpful. You have no right to tell her that she can't post on a public forum or that we can't lend her support.

On the contrary. If she can stir it up, I can serve it up. Fair's fair. No one said she couldn't post. And, I'm assuming you aren't saying I can't post, right?

Certainly not, but you are also not in a position to tell her or us what is enabling to her mental illness.

I'm in as good a position as you are for throwing around opinions.

JenniBaby85

I understand the guilt. Especially considering the circumstance, but it was not your fault she died. Hoping you can find a way to work through the grief and guilt of the past and push through the future with peace of mind.

BorderlineAngel

Look, if I decide to put up a post about my personal problems, etc...I do so expecting remarks from the supportive, the blunt slap in the face peeps, the jokers, the snarkiest of the snarky and so on.....I don't expect just remarks from one or the other. That's what you get when you post on a public forum.

Which is why I agree that OP would likely be better off not posting here. As someone said on my feed once, about a question I posted on my feed that I didn't want to ask here in the forums, "Best not to swim in shark infested waters."

Since she's swimming though, people are going to yell "shark" when they see the snarkiest and the jokers. Her expecting it or not doesn't mean she takes responsibility for other people and doesn't mean she isn't deserving of kindness.

The roommate was elderly if I'm remembering correctly and things just happen and even if you feel real bad about them you can't spend the rest of your life beating yourself up about them either. At some stage you need to move on.

BorderlineAngel part of you knows the death wasn't your fault. You are allowed to feel guilty over it though and one day those feelings of guilt will pass. Grieve for her but know that one day you will stop believing it was your fault.

This too shall pass

:flowerforyou:

How do I make it pass though? :S

PikaKnight

How do I make it pass though? :S

Talk to your psychiatrist when she gets back. If not, start researching other psychiatrists or other resources that you can contact before the 2nd.

lwagnitz

How do I make it pass though? :S

I had a friend who was diabetic. He was sick in all weekend. He lied to his parents and told them that he was going up north with my family, but instead he came to me and my sisters soccer tournament. He was getting really sick, we told him to go to the hospital offered to take him, but he decided not to so instead he went home with one of my other friends, ate, showered, took his blood sugar again, and everything was perfect. We went down to a town about 30 minutes away where our friends had a cabin. He started feeling really sick again. We said we were going to bring him to the hospital, but he said "no I just feel flu sick." He's type 1, and usually they can tell the difference if it's their illness or they're getting ill. We decided to leave anyway and kept asking if he wanted to go to the hospital. We were going over to my Uncle's house to go hang out, and asked him he wanted to go home. He said no he just wanted to go home and rest. We tried convincing him again to go the hospital, he wouldn't. We were on our way home and stopped at a gas station to get food for him to make him feel better where he starting throwing up. He still wanted to go home and rest. We brought him home, laid him on the couch, got a blanket, gave him some food, turned on the TV and left. We had his insulin in the trunk of our car and forgot to get it out. We went to our uncles and drank and had a good time. The next morning we get a phone call from his parents telling us that they found him dead in the living room. It was an extremely traumatic and guilt tripping experience. He was my sisters best friend. Myself, my sister, and my friend who was with us still struggle with it, but as time passed it got a little easier. He did what we could, but at the end of the day, it was his choice to not go to the doctor, he was an adult. He knew his illness better than we did. I won't lie and say I don't feel guilt about it, but things in life happen, and it sucks. You have to learn to deal with it and move on, no matter how difficult. I'm only 19, but in my lifetime I've had to bury 7 friends. It's a difficult thing to deal with and probably always will. Time heals all. Scar tissue is left. Things happen that are out of your control and the sooner you come to realize that the better of you'll be. Keep going to counselors that will help you cope with this. They will be most beneficial to you, and make sure you surround yourself with people who care and support you and understand what you're going through.

I wish you the best.

BorderlineAngel

How do I make it pass though? :S

Talk to your psychiatrist when she gets back. If not, start researching other psychiatrists or other resources that you can contact before the 2nd.

Okay, thanks.

Starla_

Look, if I decide to put up a post about my personal problems, etc...I do so expecting remarks from the supportive, the blunt slap in the face peeps, the jokers, the snarkiest of the snarky and so on.....I don't expect just remarks from one or the other. That's what you get when you post on a public forum.

Which is why I agree that OP would likely be better off not posting here. As someone said on my feed once, about a question I posted on my feed that I didn't want to ask here in the forums, "Best not to swim in shark infested waters."

Since she's swimming though, people are going to yell "shark" when they see the snarkiest and the jokers. Her expecting it or not doesn't mean she takes responsibility for other people and doesn't mean she isn't deserving of kindness.

The roommate was elderly if I'm remembering correctly and things just happen and even if you feel real bad about them you can't spend the rest of your life beating yourself up about them either. At some stage you need to move on.

BorderlineAngel part of you knows the death wasn't your fault. You are allowed to feel guilty over it though and one day those feelings of guilt will pass. Grieve for her but know that one day you will stop believing it was your fault.

This too shall pass

:flowerforyou:

How do I make it pass though? :S

Time. Changing your thought processes. You have to be able to forgive yourself for starters and work on your mental health as diligently as you work on your physical health.

I have found a therapy called mindfulness very good with dealing my feelings of guilt and shame and stress associated with my PTSD, many psychologists offer this now as therapy for PTSD sufferers or there are books and phone apps available. It is a form of meditation basically and I have found it to be fantastic for me, much better than CBT.

clarkeje1

A lot of people ask this question after someone passes away. Guilt is often part of the normal grieving process. I would suggest grief counseling or joining a grief support group to cope with your loss.

adavis59

No one on earth is so powerful so as to cause anyone's death. Your friend already had health problems, YOU did not cause her death, sweetie!

briannadunn

yes

Very inappropriate response, I did report you.

thoseblueeyes

Hun this is not your fault... Maybe you need to get some counseling if you feel that way. please don't feel that way... Sending hugs your way!!!!

Tommy

Dear Posters,

I wanted to offer a brief explanation for the locking of this thread.

In this instance the majority of respondents have weighed in with empathy and support. However when the community does not allow for objective responses the topic will become as a whole, divisive. When polarization of this kind happens topics will almost always be locked. The original poster has received a significant amount of feedback and the conversations can continue via personal messaging or within a group.

With respect,
Tom
MyFitnessPal Staff