Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....

sizzle92

My guess is he has a small penis.

♡MyCurves

He's mentally abusive....I've been there, done that, but not necessarily about my weight. One of the huge reasons I fell out of love with him and now are going through a divorce. You guys need some couples counseling and he needs some just for him. He has no right to degrade you like that and that's the bigger problem. You should not allow to treat you like that. if counseling does not work...you need to find the courage to leave! Good luck

SannyBea

I don't know what your marriage vows were but calling your spouse a "fat-*kitten*" does not fall under "love and cherish"

That isn't a marriage, it is an abusive relationship. Is that the example you want to set for your children? That it's OK to let someone treat you that way? He clearly has some issues and needs to work on them. Talk to him about it, explain to him how that makes you feel. If he cares about you he shouldn't be treating you that way and should do everything in his power to support you and encourage you and show his love. It may not be a reason to leave your husband but it certainly isn't a good thing. If upon talking to him he does nothing to change his attitude toward you I don't know how you can continue to call it a marriage.

I know many people will say "lost weight to prove him wrong!" Lose weight because YOU want to for YOURSELF. You are worth being healthy and happy. Never let anyone tell you differently.

HeatherHoskins

You need to believe in yourself. There is never a situation in which that is acceptable. Do not just let him say that and walk away. You need to make it clear that it is NOT ok to talk to you like that. He needs to change on his own, go to therapy or he can live by himself. The idea of taking a vow and living up to those vows is a wonderful thing that we should all aspire to do. But there is also a line about loving and honoring each other as well. Do not teach your children that it is ok for men to talk to women like this. Stand up for yourself and your children.

sm1zzle

My guess is he has a small penis.

really

MinMin97

I don't condone his harsh words but please also try to see it from his perspective. He is obviously very committed to losing weight and getting fit. Obviously you committed yourself to working out with him at a specific time and it probably seemed as if you were blowing him off. Im finding it hard to accept that a father wouldn't understand that the kids need to nap...please don't make promises you aren't prepared to keep. People like us trying to get fit and healthy get a little bit "obsessed" with our workout schedules. That said i think you both need to work on effective ways of communicating. Name calling and sulking aren't the way to build a strong marriage. Good luck!

Actually, you're wrong. I did NOT commit to working out at a particular time at all to him. We finished lunch and HE decided that was the best time to go for a walk. I wanted the kids to nap first and said that when they woke up we would go. It was not something we had planned out prior to the argument at all. He just decided that because he ate like a horse at lunch that we all needed to go for a walk right then and there. I wanted to wait and had every right to do that. I also didn't feel like walking 4 miles which is what he wanted to do. I've been having some pain in my legs due to sciatica, so I wanted to just do one mile, which I did do after the kids and I napped.

Sometimes the issue is not the issue.
In other words, what is really driving the two of you to be at odd with each other?
You need to declutter this dynamic between the two of you .
Start with you.
Only be respectful and loving, no matter what he says or does.
Words hurt! Be a blessing with your mouth instead, and also with your actions and attitudes, just to bring home the point to him.

intrepidity

Nobody deserves that. Add me. Checkout my profile and let me know how I can help.

bev2Bfit2011

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I am hoping this isn't a normal daily routine of verbal abuse? Especially when the children are around. Its hard to understand why spouses sometimes act the way they do, but there is never any excuse/justification for such behavior. I know you love your husband and you want your marriage to work and so do I but this require work from two parties. And it doesn't sound as if he is carrying out his part. I would like to suggest a reader for both you and your spouse a book The Secret of Family Happiness. It a great book and it breaks down the responsiblity of each mate and there is a section in it about abuse and not just physical but verbal abuse as well. Unfortunately, some mates don't realize that they are actually hurting you to the core. Sometimes they only meant for it to be just surface. Your MFP are always here for you to support you and encourage you and your children. My husband and I ended up reading that book together and it really helped us with our problems. Try it!!!! I'm new to this site but I hope I can recommend a book in here. Besides Its Not a Secret Any More!!!! The Book. You can have a happy marriage from a bad one. We just have to find out what's hurting him to the core that is making him lash out at you this way. But, I'm sure you are angry....well take this anger and work it off by lbs GIRL ....WE ARE 100% BEHIND YOU!!!!!!! If this is a lot for a message ..... I just had to.

alevett

I find this very sad. Motivation does not come from harsh statements. I agree that divorce is not a nice thing and I understand that you want to keep the marriage but I once heard a quote that I think is amazing in every way - "You teach people how to treat you". If you allow it, it will continue.

WilmaChris

That is verbal abuse! He has already broken wedding vows to honor and respect you. Call him out on this terrible behavior!

THIS ^^

And you deserve so much better than that. Show him who's boss.

Oishii

I am glad, OP, that, from what you have posted later in this thread, your dh did apologise and you did stand up to him.

I used to lose weight to please my dh. One time he grabbed handfuls of me and insulted me for being so fat (bit of context: I was still at a healthy BMI!) so I lost in the hope he'd be nicer to me if I did. When it became clear that having lost the weight didn't make him nicer to me, I comfort ate and regained it all. This time round, reading Fat is a Feminist Issue (out of date, but full of wisdom) helped my mindset before I even started, and I lost for me and haven't regained as before.

Your husband sounds like my dad: if he succeeds in losing weight, he thinks he's some kind of fitness guru! It sounds like you're on top of it though.

I hope, next time, the kids can come out too. Family walks are great!

celestialbadger

Ugh, I agree with everyone else who said this is abuse. I've been in relationships with men like that and it only stopped when I left them. Take that for what you will.

TubbsMcGee

.

growingsmaller3

I completely respect marriage vows as well, but like has been said numerous times before, abuse is not acceptable. I don't care who you or your husband may be. It's not acceptable, and you don't deserve a single second of it.

You said '....'till death do us part', correct? Would staying in such a destructive and negative relationship not be considered death for the both of you? I personally consider unhealthy relationships to be dead, long before any member(s) of the relationship may pass away. I believe that the definitions of living and dying include a lot more than physical states, and I believe that a person can die, with their heart still beating.

I just encourage you to do what you feel is right for you, and for you to always be thinking of your safety (both physically/sexually, and mentally). It is ultimately your life and therefore your choice but I do hope that you are able to find a more positive and encouraging life, wherever that may be.

pamelak5

ive never been married, but here my input. i have been in an abusive relationship before.

when you have kids they are always watching and listening. if your kids see you husband treating you like that, they will think that it is an ok way to treat someone else or for someone else to treat them. do you want that for your kids ?

if you dont leave him for you, please leave him for your children.

Exactly. It is impossible to honor marriage vows with someone who is abusive. Your children are more important than your vows if you are in an abusive situation. I don't know whether you are in an abusive relationship or he just had a bad day, but it sounds like some counseling could help,

christine24t

I believe in marriage vows too. But, I also know that you do NOT deserve to be verbally abused by anyone. You don't.

Have you tried therapy (both for yourself and as a couple)?

This exactly.

Sandee2k

I would find his faults and point them out in the same mean manner in which he treats you....give him a taste of his own medicine. Works for me.

jeanneisfat

This whole thread made me rather sad. Especially the people defending emotional abuse.

tlafrance

I believe in marriage vows too. But, I also know that you do NOT deserve to be verbally abused by anyone. You don't.

Have you tried therapy (both for yourself and as a couple)?

Seriously lady..what you want next pphysical abuse???

cjon159

Speak up! Tell him you do not feel loved when he treats you with verbal abuse and such disrespect. Tell him what you feel!!!!!!! Do not suffer in silence!!!! Marriage vows are good when there is love on both sides...this husband is not demonstrating love.