Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....
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"I don't have sex with men who insult or belittle me" aughta clear some things up.
. THIS is great!
Women shouldn't always have to be the gate keepers. Using sex as a means to an end IMHO is degrading.0 -
If you let harsh words get to you that person wins to be honest you have to take it bottle it up and it to the tank and make it your fuel to help you get through your workouts or anything you do in life. Good luck and just keep pushing.0
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abuse0
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I think I understand what you are saying about the marriage vows. It may be what you were taught. I was taught according to God's Word (Bible) that God does not condone divorce if there has been unfaithfulness in the marriage. If this is the case with you...I'd go check his cell phone records, even ask him if he thinks of other women...then that there my friend, would be your ticket out of his life!!!! If a man thinks...he has already committed the sin...not sure the exact words...but yes, have a chat with him...and find out all that you can so you can get yourself out!
I also agree with the other person...if you want to stay married...you don't have to live with him. I can only imagine how difficult your situation may be with children involved.
You do not deserve to be treated as you have been by him. He is supposed to be your best friend...to lift you up..NOT to kick you down. You are a beautiful woman in our eyes and most importantly, God's eyes!
I am so sorry that you are being treated this way. I will keep you in my prayers.0 -
If my husband called me a fat *kitten* it would motivate the hell out of me to prove him wrong. Actually before I started hubby & son called me "fat cow" all the time.
I made that work FOR me. I would write fat cow sayings on my water bottles..... like "let the cow be with you" kinda things. I even have a photo of myself just after a hard workout, from when I just started.... "try harder cow" is written under it...... I wrote it there.
Don't see it as hurtful & wanting to give up.... use it. Make it work for you. And forget waiting for it to digest..... go for that walk BEFORE you eat then. I go for a 10km run after I eat, I run better if I do it before though. I also eat less if I do my workout before I eat... cause it kills the appetite a bit.
I thought I'd never be thin again, it's been 21 years since I was. Hubby has never had me thin at all. Till now! Fat cow got skinny milk.0 -
He's most def breaking his marriage vow by emotionally abusing you. You don't deserve that.0
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HI, I have been where you are. This is verbal abuse. I am happily divorced for 19 years. You deserve better. YOU are worth much more than this. Life is short. Some where in this world is someone who deserves you!. Within your heart and soul you know that this is wrong. He needs help. He needs to seek help on his own by himself. Time and life are passing you by. Is this how you want to live?
:flowerforyou:
You have done all you know how. It's time to leave.
Take care of yourself. Do not listen to him. just leave!0 -
I'm kinda upset at how many people instantly just say "leave him". Wow such little disregard for vows. Yeah, just leave him.... he's no good for you. Yeah I'm sure many people just see that as an easy way out.... and it is.
So glad I take my vows to the grave, no matter what happens. Words are only hurtful if you LET THEM BE.0 -
That's your opinion of YOUR vows and making blanket statements that those of us concerned for her emotional well being don't take vows seriously is disrespectful. It's pathetic that we live in a world where VOWS trump emotional and physical well being and that women are forced to believe that they are the ones breaking said vows to leave a marriage where the man has already broken the vows.0
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Calling someone a "fat *kitten*" is just wrong. I never insulted my wife like that not evrn when she was 198 lbs0
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Calling someone a "fat *kitten*" is just wrong. I never insulted my wife like that not evrn when she was 198 lbs
And for that, you are a gentleman and a fine example of how a man should act towards his wife.0 -
Point me to the part in the vows where he has broken them & I'll point to the vows that states where leaving him would be breaking them.
I've had this discussion before with people who could not find where it states something like this is breaking a vow at all. I am still waiting for them to find the part.
Why take vows in the 1st place if people decide if it gets hard, to just leave?0 -
" Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid"
when someone abuses you with hateful, descriptive and emotive words........hold the mirror up. Dont you see he is clearly reflecting himself on you.Its not your problem he is decribing. Its him.... he thinks thats him..deep down it is and he knows it!
and I quote the Color purple... I highly reccomend it to find the strength you need.
Celie to her abusive husband :::::: "Until you do right by me, everything you even think about gonna fail! "0 -
Well, I guess the bible conveniently left out emotional and physical abuse when all those old men wrote it and decided that it wasn't a valid reason to break the sanctity of marriage. But heaven forbid a woman leave because times got "tough". If you are actually suggesting in any way that a woman who leaves an abusive marriage is the one breaking the vows, please don't respond to me because my mind would be blown and I want to live at least one more day.
I have no idea if this woman is being emotionally abused, but calling your partner a fat *kitten* is UNACCEPTABLE and there is no excuse at all. I was speaking in GENERAL terms. I apologize if that wasn't comprehended.0 -
Calling someone a "fat *kitten*" is just wrong. I never insulted my wife like that not evrn when she was 198 lbs
And for that, you are a gentleman and a fine example of how a man should act towards his wife.
Well thanks. I can be an a-hole sometimes and she's told me. We've had some rough times but there's lines that shouldn't be crossed. She never insulted me over having acne as a teen and having acne feels just as bad or even worse than being overweight. Besides the OP doesn't even look overweight. That's why many people suffer from anorexia and turn bulimic because of comments like that.0 -
Calling someone a "fat *kitten*" is just wrong. I never insulted my wife like that not evrn when she was 198 lbs
And for that, you are a gentleman and a fine example of how a man should act towards his wife.
Well thanks. I can be an a-hole sometimes and she's told me. We've had some rough times but there's lines that shouldn't be crossed. She never insulted me over having acne as a teen and having acne feels just as bad or even worse than being overweight. Besides the OP doesn't even look overweight. That's why many people suffer from anorexia and turn bulimic because of comments like that.
You are absolutely right. There are lines and when they are crossed, the hurt that it can cause can sometimes be too deep. Words are so painful and so powerful, but people are so quick to use them for hurtful purposes when they really should only be used for good.0 -
I think you need to both take a step back from whatever the situation was which lead up to the insult and discuss what happened.
You need to tell him how it made you feel and why it made you feel that way. Don't focus on his behaviour and how he should change - he can work that out for himself. Focusing on what he's doing wrong will just lead to more confrontation because everyone's natural position is to defend themselves when they feel they are being attacked.
Likewise, let him talk about how your behaviour makes him feel. I'm guessing your goals and your independence makes him feel threatened in some way.
End by talking about the things the other person does that make you feel good - I hope that you both want to make each other happy so its always a good idea to boost each others egos occasionally.
Regarding marriage vows - I don't think they are a reason to stay together if you can't find a way to make your lives together work - but I also believe that every couple will have its ups and downs and you are right not to give up the second you hit a rough patch. What you should never do is be miserable and just put up with it: Take positive action and work with your partner to make your lives better.0 -
Point me to the part in the vows where he has broken them & I'll point to the vows that states where leaving him would be breaking them.
I've had this discussion before with people who could not find where it states something like this is breaking a vow at all. I am still waiting for them to find the part.
Why take vows in the 1st place if people decide if it gets hard, to just leave?
Wait a second. Are you saying he's not breaking any part of his vows by saying those words to her? I must hear every single vow incorrectly if that's the case. From what I've heard in weddings they say things like "to love unconditionally, to support, to respect, to comfort and encourage", etc. BTW, I am not saying she should up and leave him. I think this is something that shouldn't be tolerated and they need to discuss it....which it sounds like they did.0 -
I got to page 4, and then gave up.
I cannot believe so many people are just telling her to walk out on her marriage, just like that and saying he is meotionally abusing her.
There is a big difference between someone being in an abusive relationship and someone who has, just recently, said a few hurtful words to their other half.
From the OPs posts it seems like this only started when she decided to change her life and get fit, she never once mentioned that it had been long standing or happened before her lifestyle change. Surely that should be an indicator that the man isn't a '*kitten*' or something, but has emotional issues of his own (in regards to this), that need addressing.
He clearly had no issues with you or thought/said any of that when you were just as you were before - unmotivated. However, now this motivation has either reawakened or started some insecurity deep within him and is being displayed as this verbal shower of sh*te. For some reason, he doesn't want to motivate you, leading me to believe he doesn't want you to change.
Have you sat and spoke to him about these issues?
Have you asked him WHY he says what he does?
I think the answers, comfort and change both of you need lie within a counselors office (both one-on-one and as a married couple), and not with a divorce lawyer.0 -
I believe in marriage vows too...love cherish, honor, etc., etc. Think about it though...did his marriage vows say anything about having the right to verbally or mentally abuse you??? I doubt you would have said "I do" if that were the case. I guarantee the problem is he feels inferior with something in his life so it makes him feel better to belittle someone else. It is a form of control. Some people have to degrade others to break them down so as to have the upper hand or control of them.
Secondly. my brother and I were young, he was 8 and I was 6, when our parents divorced. We turned out very well. I attribute that to the love that our family gave us even though it was from different households in different states. My point is that staying in a marriage that is disrespectful and abusive (yes, ABUSIVE) WILL AFFECT YOUR CHILDREN. They WILL grow up thinking this is the way it is supposed to be. Many families have children that grow up speaking to their Mother the way their father degrades her, if not worse...no respect. Daughters grow up thinking that it is o.k. to be abused by men and they go on to live in abusive situations. Sons grow up to be just like their Dads. ...and the same goes if the mother is the aggressive figure. The cycle will continue through the generations until someone has the courage to break it...to find the strength within, to finally stand up and say, "I do not have to live the entire rest of my life being depressed and anxious. I do not have to take this anymore. I can move on into a more positive chapter of my life."
I can assure you that this bad behavior will only get worse, it never gets better! I'm not telling you to run out to the divorce lawyer immediately unless lives are in danger of course. Only you can determine when to take that step. I am saying to: (A) Tune out the negative remarks. Verbal abuse can only affect you if YOU give it your permission. Don't waste your precious energy playing his negative remarks over in your head. That is self destructive. You know in your heart and mind when, why and how you accomplish your tasks is right for you and your kids. (B) Get yourself together: Put on a little lipstick (I know, it sounds crazy but it helps to feel pretty), eat healthy, exercise (at YOUR pace), take care of your kids and get out of the house at least once a week just for fun without the husband. It could be an activity with your kids or something with a ladies group or join a gym or take a class...just something positive to improve your state of mind. Challenge yourself to see just how strong you can be by getting your mind right first. Everything else will fall into place and you will eventually realize how much happier YOUR life can be on YOUR terms. He either adjusts or he doesn't, but YOU WILL BE HAPPIER. Only you can determine whether his piece of the puzzle fits when the time comes. Don't wait...the sooner you get it together, one step at a time, the sooner you are on your road to happiness. Make this New Year a New You!
I highly recommend to you the book 'Unlimited: A Three-Step Plan for Achieving Your Dreams by Jillian Michaels' This book is not about weight loss, it is more about improving ones life for the best. You can apply it to anything you want.
The book, audible audio, audible CD and Kindle versions can all be found at Amazon.com
By the way, I know this works because not only have I seen this countless times, but I've been there. I left him and I have a loving husband now.
Best Wishes to You0 -
just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.
THIS^^ && WHEN U reach your goal u may just feel a whole lot different about the jerk!0 -
Step 1. Deny him sex until you are in the shape you want to be in because getting pregnant sucks for weight gain and I'm glad I'm a guy.
Step 2. Get in the shape you want to be in.
Step 3. Deny him sex after you are in the shape you want to be in because he couldn't love you for who you were before.
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I wouldn't recommend OP gets divorced over the comment. It can be worked out. "Through thick and thin" was the promise to God and relationships do get thin sometimes.0
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.Honey, that's emotional abuse. If a man ever spoke to me like that I'd hit him upside the head with a frying pan and then dump his *kitten*
Am I the only one who sees the incredible irony of this statement?0 -
Tell him that it is not acceptable for him to speak to you like that and if he does not like a lazy fat *kitten* for a wife he knows where the door is.0
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If this were me I would get super sexy and fit and then leave his *kitten*
In my situation I left first. It was much easier to accomplish my goals when I was away from the negative behavior. Eventually, one starts to feel super sexy again, especially when men start turning their heads in your direction.
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usually some husbands have an attitude to take out frustration of his office work inside home........n it may vent out in one way or other............he mi8 not mean what he said else he wld hv said it much earlier..........just my assumption.......0
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Such a touchy topic with many commenting on "leave him, or work it out"
I just want to say I understand feeling discouraged because of someone not being an encourager, but discourager. But you made the start, and can cross the finish line. Weight loss and health changes take time, and in time if you stick with it, you will shine with your improved self.
Words are hurtful, and can do a lot of damage. If you cant use them for fuel, use them to learn. Learn that you can prove them wrong and in the right way.
:flowerforyou:0 -
doesn't really help. I've been dieting and doing light exercise. Just because I wanted to put our kids down for a nap after lunch and let my food digest before going for a 4 mile long walk doesn't make me lazy. I never said we weren't going to go, just that I wanted to wait a few hours. However, being called a lazy fat *kitten* by him doesn't really make me feel all that motivated to work out. Being told that I will never be thin again, that I will never be good for anything, and that I'm stupid isn't going to fix anything and just makes me feel worse about what little progress I've made. It also doesn't really help my depression. I know everyone's going to say to just leave him, but I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.
How could a tiny spat (you not wanting to leave for a walk when he did) lead to these things being said?
Lazy Fat *kitten*
Never Be Thin Again
Never Be Good For Anything
Stupid
Please explain. Do you constantly fight? There is more to the story? These are separate things he has said at separate times?0
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