Being called a "fat *kitten*" by my husband....
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I agree, but it's different for ladies,Ok. So I'm going to look at this from a different perspective. I've only read the title and some of the posts.
If he called you beautiful he is enabling you to get big. All of the big pople I know, their significant other doesn't say anything to let them know that what they are doing is unacceptable. Calling someone fat, when they are fat, isn't degrading as much as it is a painful reminder of the truth.
***Abuse is him hitting you, or telling you something else is hurtful AND untrue***
It should neve hurt to hear the truth. If it does, change the truth so it doesn't hurt, or accept the truth.
The truth is I'm a fat *kitten*.
Those things really hurt them to the core. Husbands know what they're doing when they direct abusive comments about weight.
My wife was honest with me one day about how unattractive I was to her fat.
She was honest. I value that.
Suppose instead she just called me "ugly" or "fat boy" followed by how good looking her male co-worker is or something like that.
There is a thick line between honesty and emotional abuse.
The OP must decide if that line has been crossed and whether to tolerate this or take action.0 -
That is really disgraceful! If it's a rare thing , I could possibly overlook it. I know I've said a few hateful things that I didn't mean in the past, but I always apologized and tried to make things better. If your husband won't do that, the marriage is already broken.
Remember, no one can abuse you without your consent.0 -
I don't believe in divorce. I do believe in the occasional nut punch.
Probably the best advice of the whole thread.
I don't think that violence should be (or even would be) the solution to this problem. I'm a little concerned about how many women on this thread seem to think this is a good idea....or that it would even work.
...as well as you possibly being awarded a few nights in the county condos.
Ciao, Marc0 -
^^^^It's a terrible way to talk to a spouse. A terrible attitude.
Make sure you don't do it to him!
And tell him that is not an appropriate environment for your home or your children.
And This0 -
If this were me I would get super sexy and fit and then leave his *kitten*0
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I think sometimes Men think saying that stuff will motivate you. I would flat out tell him that you want to be "thin" or healthy as much as he wants you to be but insults will only slow your progress. Tell him you need his support and encouragement.
^ THIS
My husband does that kind of thing to me too.. "Well if you act like that you will never do anything" When i am being a pessimist. etc I find it hurtful and insulting, the problem is he thinks it will motivate me. It actually does the opposite which I have tried to explain.
Mine hasn't taken to calling me names though, and I can tell you I wouldn't put up with it, he'd get a piece of my mind and if it went on, I'd leave... Not all abuse is physical and no spoken words should take precedent over your well being. I'm not saying to leave him, but I'm saying that no one should believe that vows mean more than themselves.0 -
Ok. So I'm going to look at this from a different perspective. I've only read the title and some of the posts.
If he called you beautiful he is enabling you to get big. All of the big pople I know, their significant other doesn't say anything to let them know that what they are doing is unacceptable. Calling someone fat, when they are fat, isn't degrading as much as it is a painful reminder of the truth.
***Abuse is him hitting you, or telling you something else is hurtful AND untrue***
It should neve hurt to hear the truth. If it does, change the truth so it doesn't hurt, or accept the truth.
The truth is I'm a fat *kitten*.
No, abuse is the degrading of someone's character or mental/physical health.
So basically, you're saying she should accept verbal abuse?
There's a difference between telling someone the truth, and trying to be hurtful. He is not helping her by calling her a "fatass".
He could help her by showing concern for her well being, such as: "hey, come with me to the gym!" or "hey, I really care about you and your health. I'm worried about you." or "I'm sorry for making you feel a certain way."
Help is NOT insulting someone. Some people take insults as motivation. That doesn't make it so for everyone.
"If he called you beautiful he is enabling you to get big. "
So I guess by contrast, you should just degrade your partner into change? that kind of seems absurd.
Be right back, going to call my husband a worthless, horrible ugly black hole of human being, it might improve his self-confidence0 -
I assume he made vows too that did not include calling you names0
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He isn't a 'man', he is an *kitten*. I believe in marriage too and that is not how you treat someone you love!!! I'm so sorry sweetie!! You deserve much better than that. Abuse is not part of marriage. Wish I could make things better for you.:flowerforyou:0
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Then prove him wrong, get up and get motivated!0
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Wow! Those are powerful words and unfortunate. Your husband should try taking care of the kids, making dinner, doing dishes, shopping, changing laundry, folding laundry, cleaning up after everyone else and then working too!
Screw him...what an a-hole. I would not allow my husband to talk to me that way. It is not love making but love breaking language.
Sorry to hear that you are hurting.
Marriage vows are important but you are important too
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...I actually believe in my marriage vows and don't believe in divorce.
Luckily, MY marriage vows mentioned a few things about respect, love, and dignity, too. It's not just about sticking around. It's about treating each other well, too. Good thing we paid attention during the ceremony. Is this the way you regularly treat each other, or is this just something he does to you? If this is normal for your marriage, I feel for you. I hope this was just a one-time slip of the tongue. I know some couples who are just nasty to one another and seem to thrive on it. How sad is that? I could not spend my life with someone who didn't absolutely cherish me. :brokenheart:0 -
I am the first to say that words do hurt. I have been called that my entire life and it cuts worse than a knife. I am now with a wonderful man who motivates and helps me to maintain my goals. If he doesn't want to be there to support you instead of putting you down, find people like all of us who will motivate you and keep you strong. Don't get down in the dumps, just turn the negative into a positive and reach your goals with or without his encouragement. When he sees you changing he won't be so quick to put you down. If he continues to put you down just remember one thing, you are doing this for YOU. You have to do this first for yourself and when you start feeling good about yourself, the best is yet to come! Keep your head up!0
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just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.
YES, use your hurt and anger to do what you need to do----don't walk away, FIGHT by doing exactly what he said you won't do!!!! Alone with young kids usually means poor, who needs poverty...walk, run, stay on goal, keep his words sharp in your mind, you can do better, you are BETTER!!!!0 -
Start taking some kickboxing classes so you can roundhouse kick him in the head the next time he talks to you that way.0
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So sorry to hear about how your being treated. That will certainly not motivate you. Being a mom is tough. Just do things when you can and take it one choice and one day at a time. I believe in you you can do it!!!!!!!!!0
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Seriously...do people post these things just to get attention???0
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just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.
Um, no. Leave him. I can't believe some of the women on here think this is okay...
No one thinks it's ok. But unlike the rest of society, she understands that not everything is worthy of breaking up a family. So many people think divorce is the answer to a bad marriage, and end up with a bad divorce - ie. worse attitude from ex, traumatized kids, crappy finances, dealing with the ex's new love interest - all for the opportunity to find someone else that will also come with their own set of problems. Plus, you don't know what else is going on. He might be fantastic in other ways besides being a mouthy "fill-in-the-blank." Or, maybe he's been great but morphed during stressful life changes.
One woman told me that she thought her godfather to be the best guy she'd ever met - she was surprised to learn from her godmother that he wasn't always so wonderful, and it took time for him to develop.0 -
just take those hurtful words and turn them in to motivation. PROVE HIM WRONG! XD then he will just be the stupid one.
Um, no. Leave him. I can't believe some of the women on here think this is okay...
No one thinks it's ok. But unlike the rest of society, she understands that not everything is worthy of breaking up a family. So many people think divorce is the answer to a bad marriage, and end up with a bad divorce - ie. worse attitude from ex, traumatized kids, crappy finances, dealing with the ex's new love interest - all for the opportunity to find someone else that will also come with their own set of problems. Plus, you don't know what else is going on. He might be fantastic in other ways besides being a mouthy "fill-in-the-blank." Or, maybe he's been great but morphed during stressful life changes.
One woman told me that she thought her godfather to be the best guy she'd ever met - she was surprised to learn from her godmother that he wasn't always so wonderful, and it took time for him to develop.
The going gets tough so leave, no wonder why we have so many divorces.
No longer a fix it society. On to the next iPhone and on to the next husband 0 -
You tell him we all feel very sorry for him and his tiny ego (or tiny anything else) that makes him call names like an ignorant 11 yr old.0
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